Sexual Attraction: How Long Do You Wait Before Making a Move?

[juicylips]

When you are attracted to someone, whether it be online or in real life, how long do you wait before approaching that person.

I realize different situations call for different tactics. If you are in a bar or at a party or whether it is someone you work with.

Cassidy

 

[April]

I tend to wait. All the while getting to know them. And then it happens gradually. I enjoy the buildup, sexual tension, desire. Heady stuff.

I've lost several flirting partners that way to those "fast" girls. LOL

 

[kotori]

Years

and years. Decades have gone by. Gone Bye.

The one time I really screwed up my nerve and got hinky on the second date, we got married. And that was 17 years ago (and we're still at it). Guess it works, but haven't had a second chance to test the theory!

 

[nasty]

I waited about 2 months to ask the girl at work out. She still hasn't given me a specific answer. The next time I see her, I'm gonna ask her if she'll be my date for New Year's Eve. I NEED to kiss someone this year. I'm tired of having to celebrate along.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

Me i'm real shy so I have to know the person before I can talk with them casualy in most cases (3 or 4 rare cases where i clicked right off) but my trouble is once i get to know them I"m friends with them, and I do not want to ruin a friendship by makeing a move at them... Yes if they were a true friend and they didn't want that they would say so and the friendship would go on. but still I don't make a move on a friend unless I"m perfectly sure they feel the same way.....

Probly the reason I've never been in a relationship...

 

[nasty]

I had the same problem. I'm REALLY good friends with this girl,(I flirt will her, ALOT,)and, I wasn't sure if I should ask her out. I just decided, GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes you just gotta take the fall.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

When you are attracted to someone, whether it be online or in real life, how long do you wait before approaching that person.

I am assuming by "move" you mean expressing an interest. It depends on the situation of course. If I feel I have the time then I will take my time and get to know her, otherwise... well I take my time anyway.

I guess I am fairly slow to make a move - I don't like to be rushed, and I prefer to get to know someone first. I want to make sure also that there is some mutual interest.

 

[PowerOfOne]

How long before making a move...

I have to be more than "sexually" attracted to someone before making a move. Or letting them know I want a more physical relationship. There is no time frame. When it feels "right", when I have trust in the person then I will leave no doubt as to my intentions.

 

[Mellon Collie]

I don't think I've ever made the first move, though I imagine if I was to it would take a very, very long time.

 

[JazzManJim]

Kinda Like Stalking My Prey

..well..maybe a little.

How I approach someone truly does depend on the setting. Generally, though, I like to get a good read on someone to get some kind of idea whether I'll get along with them or not. I prefer to be involved in a conversation with them - one of those group convos where there are five or six folks. That way, if I do want to get to know more about them, I'll have something to talk about as an ice-breaker!

On the other hand, I have approached someone stone cold and just told them how beautiful I thought they looked. Can't say as it's something I usually do, but once in a while it's a good thing.

At work..well..I've never asked anyone out at work (come to thik of it, I did once, after many months of working together. It was a long time ago, she made the first move, and that worked out quite well!). Then again, for quite a while, I've worked in a very male-intensive place, and the number of women I *could* ask out have been pretty small.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I generally wait until I'm available for such goings on.

 

[miles]

Welllll

Two, maybe three PM's - tops.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

I generally wait until I'm available for such goings on.

Right here right now?

 

[KillerMuffin]

Sure, Cheffie, if you don't mind the StudMuffin breaking all the small bones in your hand while he smashes your septum hard enough to send shards of cartlidge lethally into your brain. He's not into sharing.

Flirting is okay. Anything more than that, well, no. Muffie makes no moves nor allows anyone else to make moves.

 

[Emeraldtryst]

All I know is that I wait too long.

By the time I'm comfortable enough around someone to actually talk to them without stuttering, they've gone and found a nice stable ex-convict to brighten their lives.

"Oh, he beats me because he loves me..." Sounds like a bad country song to me.

 

[nasty]

I don't think I've ever made the first move, though I imagine if I was to it would take a very, very long time.

Do I have to do EVBERYTHING, Mellonhead?

 

[Aphrodisiac]

Depending on the situation and the attraction between us.
If I like a man and I want to get to know him I have been know to simply walk up to him and it goes from there

But then there are times where there is such a sexual attraction and I tend to wait and allow him to make the first move - but odds are I said some thing in order for him to make that move.

 

[juicylips]

My own personal preference..

Real life I can't ever remember putting the "moves"on someone. It just seemed it worked out by being at the same party or gathering, etc. If it happened, it happened.

Online, I prefer a direct approach. If you have something to say to me, then pm me and say it. Works a lot better than wishing and wondering what I might say or do

On the other hand, show some manners when you are introducing yourself in a message and don't send me an email/pm describing in graphic detail all the "hot things" you want to do to me (That is for later) Flattery will get you everywhere, bad manners nowhere.

Cassidy

 

[Lost Cause]

Almost always I'll gather as much info as possible. Is she with anyone? Married? What's her history? Does she laugh alot? I'll look for a pause with no one in the immediate vicinity, and then introduce myself. I'll watch for eye movement, pupil dilation, body signals, if none present..I'll excuse myself and move on.

 

[lovetoread]

I've flirted alot,but have never made any first moves. Heck I still have a hard time picking up a phone to call a guy. I can still hear my dad telling me that good girls do not call guys....girls never talk to the guys first.......etc....

 

[PeterBilt]

Okay,

I've flirted alot,but have never made any first moves. Heck I still have a hard time picking up a phone to call a guy. I can still hear my dad telling me that good girls do not call guys....girls never talk to the guys first.......etc....

So, skip the phone, and come on over! We don't have to talk (much), until pillow-talk - and then, only when our mouths aren't otherwise engaged.

 

[Elizabeth]

I have never really made the first move. Usually, it's a mutual thing.

 

[rexfelis]

First moves

As a guy, I find it really appealing to have a woman approach me. Not only because I am very shy until I get to know a person, but because it's an ego boost to have someone find you attractive enough to approach you in the first place.

Unfortunately, most women would rather die. How many times have I heard someone say to me, "You know, I used to have such a crush on you..." Well Jezus, woman, why didn't you say something?! Of course in probably as many cases I am just as guilty.

I have started approaching more women in the past few years, if I find them attractive. Usually it doesn't work out because I don't know what to say or she's involved or something else, but once in a while something will come of it.

In person, I tend to watch and wait a bit, but I have to say that the advice I read to "make the fast move first" is good advice when dealing with competition, or potential competition. Online, things are much easier for me, but even then I sometimes hang back and feel things out.

Usually, if something is going to happen for me, it happens without much effort on my part. I might have to approach her to get the ball rolling, but if it is going to click, then it is going to click.

In the end, it's a numbers game. If at first you don't succeed, try again. It also helps if you go out looking for friends instead of soul mates, because there's a lot less pressure, and then you're not disappointed if nothing else happens. And if it clicks, well, it clicks.

 

[Sabineteas]

I've flirted alot,but have never made any first moves. Heck I still have a hard time picking up a phone to call a guy. I can still hear my dad telling me that good girls do not call guys....girls never talk to the guys first.......etc....

Jesus, your dad too? I thought mine was the only one who said that.

I flirt, but never first, he has to say something to me first and even then I usually go home alone<sigh>.

 

[rexfelis]

You know...

I think you'd be amazed at what you could do just by approaching a guy. Most women tell me I am attractive, but from what experiments I have done, I would never know it if I took my cues from people I have not met. Here, women just do not approach men very often.

For a long time I did take my cues from women I never met, and I came to the conclusion that I am so average that I blend into a crowd like I'm camoflaged. It wasn't until recently that I started hearing anything that suggested otherwise, although it had been said before. I was just too busy disbelieving what was said because I thought I was plain.

Now I don't think I'm Fabio or anything. My point is that men, like women, have self esteem issues - and I don't know any man who wouldn't be thrilled to have a woman compliment him by approaching him first. Except for maybe a male model, but even then, who knows?

The truth of the matter, as far as I can tell, is that women can write their own ticket when it comes to this sort of thing. Why let yourself be held back? Besides, there's a bit of a rush to facing that fear.

Jesus, your dad too? I thought mine was the only one who said that.

I flirt, but never first, he has to say something to me first and even then I usually go home alone<sigh>.