Sexless Marriages

[adamISOeve]

There’s one paradox I find myself unable to resolve – after reading again the last 100 posts or so here. There seem to exist countless men, but also a considerable number of women, who lack and miss badly the sexual intimacy they used to enjoy earlier in life.

Now why is it so hard for one such half-desperate man – and one such woman in need as well – to discover one another and hook up at least virtually? Lack of intimacy can be cured, after all, by restoring intimacy with another person. Providing that other person is not totally inept at listening and responding and sharing. And at opening oneself up to a person, who is (still) a stranger today.

 

[silky52]

I'm 57 ,wife lost all interest since menopause ,
There are a lot of horny older widowed gals out there needing a bit of attention ,they are discreet and a lot of fun yes they might be older etc but it's sex and many a great tune can be played on an old fiddle , take a. Chance you will be surprised at what doors it can open .

Charming description!!!

 

[silky52]

There’s one paradox I find myself unable to resolve – after reading again the last 100 posts or so here. There seem to exist countless men, but also a considerable number of women, who lack and miss badly the sexual intimacy they used to enjoy earlier in life.

Now why is it so hard for one such half-desperate man – and one such woman in need as well – to discover one another and hook up at least virtually? Lack of intimacy can be cured, after all, by restoring intimacy with another person. Providing that other person is not totally inept at listening and responding and sharing. And at opening oneself up to a person, who is (still) a stranger today.

Perhaps expectations are too high!

 

[Strixaluco]

There’s one paradox I find myself unable to resolve – after reading again the last 100 posts or so here. There seem to exist countless men, but also a considerable number of women, who lack and miss badly the sexual intimacy they used to enjoy earlier in life.

Now why is it so hard for one such half-desperate man – and one such woman in need as well – to discover one another and hook up at least virtually? Lack of intimacy can be cured, after all, by restoring intimacy with another person. Providing that other person is not totally inept at listening and responding and sharing. And at opening oneself up to a person, who is (still) a stranger today.

Not everyone is ready to for "extra-marital fun".

Also not everyone likes the idea of online, and finding someone who fascinates you enough isn't necessarily easy.

I bet many of the ones ready to swing are already doing so. They might not advertise it in this thread.

 

[Mtnmike]

Happy to try. Where do I find them, because bugger me, I have looked everywhere.

Same here, no one local or within a couple hour's.

 

[expertlinguist]

Charming description!!!

Wel . . . there is a saying where I come from that an old hen makes a tasty broth . . . then you can roast her!

 

[hulmule]

Yes im in one... Trust me, these horny women just arent out in my neighborhood either... Bummer, wheres the FWB at lol

 

[nothingatall27]

Sex has always been scarce in my marriage, but nothing at all in the past 10 years or so. My wife says she is asexual now. She has given up trying and I have lost hope. Sex is not just a physical need but an emotional one as well and it hurts a little more each day. Every morning I wake up a little more convinced that I can’t live the rest of my life this way. We have talked about it many times and she is quite happy to be done with it. There is little intimacy of any kind left. I notice every attractive woman everywhere I go at this point and honestly sometimes just seeing a pretty woman makes me hurt. Knowing I may never experience being sexually desired, or touched, or having someone respond to my touch ever again is causing me a lot of pain. I honestly don’t want a divorce but I’m not seeing a way forward.

Has anyone here in a similar situation as mine been able to find a solution without ending the marriage?

 

[curl4ever]

Sex has always been scarce in my marriage, but nothing at all in the past 10 years or so. My wife says she is asexual now. She has given up trying and I have lost hope. Sex is not just a physical need but an emotional one as well and it hurts a little more each day. Every morning I wake up a little more convinced that I can’t live the rest of my life this way. We have talked about it many times and she is quite happy to be done with it. There is little intimacy of any kind left. I notice every attractive woman everywhere I go at this point and honestly sometimes just seeing a pretty woman makes me hurt. Knowing I may never experience being sexually desired, or touched, or having someone respond to my touch ever again is causing me a lot of pain. I honestly don’t want a divorce but I’m not seeing a way forward.

Has anyone here in a similar situation as mine been able to find a solution without ending the marriage?

My wife made it clear twenty years ago that no more sex for her. I manage by getting emotional satisfaction via online relationships on Lit and other sites, burning pent-up energy by working out, and physical self-satisfaction.

 

[PapaRomantic]

Sex has always been scarce in my marriage, but nothing at all in the past 10 years or so. My wife says she is asexual now. She has given up trying and I have lost hope. Sex is not just a physical need but an emotional one as well and it hurts a little more each day. Every morning I wake up a little more convinced that I can’t live the rest of my life this way. We have talked about it many times and she is quite happy to be done with it. There is little intimacy of any kind left. I notice every attractive woman everywhere I go at this point and honestly sometimes just seeing a pretty woman makes me hurt. Knowing I may never experience being sexually desired, or touched, or having someone respond to my touch ever again is causing me a lot of pain. I honestly don’t want a divorce but I’m not seeing a way forward.

Has anyone here in a similar situation as mine been able to find a solution without ending the marriage?

Unfortunately, one in your marriage has made a decision that unfairly affects both of you. So you have to make a decision now, because there doesn't seem to be any solution to satisfy both of you without causing stress. How badly do you need sex and affection? Bad enough to risk your marriage to find it elsewhere? It would seem only fair, since you had no part in the decision making process to stop having sex.

I wish you well, but it seems the only solution is to find it elsewhere, and stacking that up against your marriage, may not come out in your favor in the long run.

 

[Strixaluco]

Sex has always been scarce in my marriage, but nothing at all in the past 10 years or so. My wife says she is asexual now. She has given up trying and I have lost hope. Sex is not just a physical need but an emotional one as well and it hurts a little more each day. Every morning I wake up a little more convinced that I can’t live the rest of my life this way. We have talked about it many times and she is quite happy to be done with it. There is little intimacy of any kind left. I notice every attractive woman everywhere I go at this point and honestly sometimes just seeing a pretty woman makes me hurt. Knowing I may never experience being sexually desired, or touched, or having someone respond to my touch ever again is causing me a lot of pain. I honestly don’t want a divorce but I’m not seeing a way forward.

Has anyone here in a similar situation as mine been able to find a solution without ending the marriage?

Sadly, if she's truly asexual, it's not even a choice for her - it's what she is and has always been.

The ones who have managed to solve that have had an open discussion about how to deal with the sexual needs of the other partner then. Sometimes the solution is polyamoria.

 

[nothingatall27]

Sadly, if she's truly asexual, it's not even a choice for her - it's what she is and has always been.

The ones who have managed to solve that have had an open discussion about how to deal with the sexual needs of the other partner then. Sometimes the solution is polyamoria.

But that’s the rub, she wasn’t always asexual. She used to be very sexual when we were first together and with others before we met She used to beg for it. She was also great at it. We used to try to fix it, then she gave up on the idea of fixing it. I think out of frustration and there not being many treatment options. It seams there are many options for those that want to have sex but are unable but few options for those that don’t want it anymore.

 

[DeepAchingNeed]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

I am not one to question or challenge anyone's effective support system... though I am genuinely inspired to encourage you to expand your friend circle. Women our age are only now truly awakening and becoming genuinely FREE. I have never been more connected to my sensually integrated mind, body and soul... you're missing out!!

 

[Strixaluco]

But that’s the rub, she wasn’t always asexual. She used to be very sexual when we were first together and with others before we met She used to beg for it. She was also great at it. We used to try to fix it, then she gave up on the idea of fixing it. I think out of frustration and there not being many treatment options. It seams there are many options for those that want to have sex but are unable but few options for those that don’t want it anymore.

Well, then asexuality is definitely wrong term for it. Asexuality is innate, like homo/hetero/bi/pan/whatever. Doesn't make it any less real issue, though.

If it's medical (broadly used, including e.g. menopause) and the treatments don't work - well dammit. But I can understand her giving up when running out of options - especially as she's lost the desire and doesn't long for it anymore, and treatments tend to have side effects too. Just... Well you need that open discussion anyway. And I assume you understand it will go better if you do your best to understand her as well.

 

[sweet_bobbi_80]

I am surprised to see 2 women respond to this thread. I don't know any guys in their 40's or 50's who don't want sex. I quite wrongly thought this was a guy only problem. I guess you learn something new every day. Thanks for sharing.

It’s definitely not just two ladies. Some of us have such high sex drives, I think we make our husbands feel inadequate and then eventually they stop fucking us all together

 

[KeenVoyeur]

I'm 57 ,wife lost all interest since menopause ,
There are a lot of horny older widowed gals out there needing a bit of attention ,they are discreet and a lot of fun yes they might be older etc but it's sex and many a great tune can be played on an old fiddle , take a. Chance you will be surprised at what doors it can open .

I need your address book!

 

[AnnieLit]

There’s one paradox I find myself unable to resolve – after reading again the last 100 posts or so here. There seem to exist countless men, but also a considerable number of women, who lack and miss badly the sexual intimacy they used to enjoy earlier in life.

Now why is it so hard for one such half-desperate man – and one such woman in need as well – to discover one another and hook up at least virtually? Lack of intimacy can be cured, after all, by restoring intimacy with another person. Providing that other person is not totally inept at listening and responding and sharing. And at opening oneself up to a person, who is (still) a stranger today.

Good luck with that!

As you will discover very soon, half people can't listen and another half can't write. The very few that can do both ... It takes time to find them, to get to know them, often only to realize that you want either much more or much less than them, so you have to start anew.

 

[adamISOeve]

How true, dear Annie! you hit the nail right on its head.

 

[Strixaluco]

It’s definitely not just two ladies. Some of us have such high sex drives, I think we make our husbands feel inadequate and then eventually they stop fucking us all together

I don't think that explained my late husband. For some reason he rather fucked someone else.

Until he became unable to fuck anyone at all at the age of 55.

BTW - guys, if you loose your libido, go get checked. Or rather, go already if you notice it's fading, don't wait until you loose it all. Might even save your life, but even if it's nothing serious it cab of course save your life quality. My husband didn't have much other symptoms before it was too late today cure the cancer.

 

[silky52]

I am not one to question or challenge anyone's effective support system... though I am genuinely inspired to encourage you to expand your friend circle. Women our age are only now truly awakening and becoming genuinely FREE. I have never been more connected to my sensually integrated mind, body and soul... you're missing out!!

Well said!

 

[Drinkmein]

I’m not legally married, but my long-term partner doesn’t have any sex drive in though it’s medically related it doesn’t diminish my needs.

 

[silky52]

I’m not legally married, but my long-term partner doesn’t have any sex drive in though it’s medically related it doesn’t diminish my needs.

Is there no common law marriage in your state? My husband also has a prostate medical condition, the medication he has to take for it prevents testosterone, and gives ED. So I know how you feel.

 

[Drinkmein]

No, our state doesn’t recognize common law

 

[silky52]

No, our state doesn’t recognize common law

Do you still have rights though? My sister also lives with her partner, for about 20 years now, but they have an agreement at a lawyers. Although that is not in the States, and I do know that laws vary from state to state. In any event my hubby takes some form of viagra, and it helps a bit, better than nothing lol.

 

[Drinkmein]

I’m afraid not at this point. Viagra did literally nothing for him but he is medicine resistant for all things. It’s actually a terrible condition. That’s why I count on my friends here to help me come lol.