Sexless Marriages

[silky52]

Here pension is not divided. Nor is an ill spouse covered by anything.

Actually, if I was to stay at home in this country while the spouse worked, I'd want an special arrangement to cover my future somehow. Like, investments or pension in my name. I could go back to working in the case of a divorce, but the ordinary pension accumulation would have been tapered with already. (Well, in my case it's anyway... I've had non-working years bc of health irregardless of my exes.)

Yes, I've had ill health too, and times of unemployment due to the situation in the country, plus when my babies were born I was off work for four years. I've been married to the same man for 46 years so I don't have experience with exes, and I think that no one wants to think of breaking up let alone divorce when one is young and in love! Therefore so many find themselves in an undisireable situation. I'm sure that these wives/partners who are ill and in an unhappy marriage/partnership are just as sad to be in such a situation as their partners are........IMHO.

 

[Strixaluco]

think that no one wants to think of breaking up let alone divorce when one is young and in love! Therefore so many find themselves in an undisireable situation.

I was raised by a judge, and taught that antenuptial agreement is just like a insurance. You take it when it seems you won't need it, and hope you never will! The day when you realise you'll need it, it's too late.

(Actually pretty much applies to making all agreements in writing, too. Oral agreements are good just as long as things go well.)

 

[Britva415]

Did she stop functioning at home? Such as housework, meals, laundry, shopping etc., etc? Or don't you consider that work? S

Your point is well taken, but it isn't relevant to the discussion which was taking place. They were specifically talking about income.

 

[silky52]

Your point is well taken, but it isn't relevant to the discussion which was taking place. They were specifically talking about income.

It's a shame that those activities are not counted as 'income' because I think you will find if you have to pay someone to do those things it most certainly would be costly......

 

[Hammer_barbell]

I am in a sexless marriage, but I don't blame my wife. I had a stroke a year and a half ago. She told me that seeing me like that, changed how she felt about me sexually, and I guess I can understand that. I have made a full recovery, but she took such amazing care of me, while I was sick, I feel like I owe her the world. Just leaves me feeling really lonely...

 

[Britva415]

I am in a sexless marriage, but I don't blame my wife. I had a stroke a year and a half ago. She told me that seeing me like that, changed how she felt about me sexually, and I guess I can understand that. I have made a full recovery, but she took such amazing care of me, while I was sick, I feel like I owe her the world. Just leaves me feeling really lonely...

Full recovery and she still can't see you for how you are?

Ick. Sorry. I don't know how I'd feel about feeling obligated to someone who can't un-see my former injury.

I know how I feel about my own sexless marriage. It's different from this.

 

[Hammer_barbell]

Full recovery and she still can't see you for how you are?

Ick. Sorry. I don't know how I'd feel about feeling obligated to someone who can't un-see my former injury.

I know how I feel about my own sexless marriage. It's different from this.

Yea, It's really tough. We've tried therapy as a couple, but she says that she can't open up about the experience in front of me. I know that it's probably evolved to an unhealthy relationship, but I still struggle with that decision.

 

[Britva415]

Yea, It's really tough. We've tried therapy as a couple, but she says that she can't open up about the experience in front of me. I know that it's probably evolved to an unhealthy relationship, but I still struggle with that decision.

Ouch.

None of my business, but have you talked to her about this feeling you have of owing her everything? Does she want this obligation from you? Maybe she'd just as soon leave, herself, if she could only bring herself to admit it?

No idea if this is the case. I just think that if you're staying with her just out of a sense of obligation due to her past sacrifices and generosity (not saying this is the case either, just reacting to what you wrote before) is it worthwhile to consider whether you're doing her any favors. She's in a sexless marriage, too, and not because she's asexual, from the sound of it.

 

[Strixaluco]

Yea, It's really tough. We've tried therapy as a couple, but she says that she can't open up about the experience in front of me. I know that it's probably evolved to an unhealthy relationship, but I still struggle with that decision.

It does sound unhealthy, unfortunately. Obligation and owing aren't a good basis for a relationship, nor for anything sexual.

So... She's stuck with some image of you, and not letting go. I hope it isn't some kind of trauma, though. Isn't too uncommon when your family member falls ill.

 

[Hammer_barbell]

Ouch.

None of my business, but have you talked to her about this feeling you have of owing her everything? Does she want this obligation from you? Maybe she'd just as soon leave, herself, if she could only bring herself to admit it?

No idea if this is the case. I just think that if you're staying with her just out of a sense of obligation due to her past sacrifices and generosity (not saying this is the case either, just reacting to what you wrote before) is it worthwhile to consider whether you're doing her any favors. She's in a sexless marriage, too, and not because she's asexual, from the sound of it.

Yea, we’ve discussed it. She is very religious, and was raised in a manner, in which her family would view her very negatively for a divorce. Especially after what happened. It’s more than just a sense of obligation. Her honor with her family is involved. It’s a very difficult and complicated situation.

 

[Strixaluco]

Yea, we’ve discussed it. She is very religious, and was raised in a manner, in which her family would view her very negatively for a divorce. Especially after what happened. It’s more than just a sense of obligation. Her honor with her family is involved. It’s a very difficult and complicated situation.

Now this is just a small idea... I could see a scenario like this happening, though no idea if it matches to you:

Husband has been the leader of the family and it has fit both. Until falling ill, when wife needs to step up and become more equal, maybe even leading for a while. Upon recovery the original dynamic in this regard doesn't quite return - and she would need that in order to desire again. To be able to look up to him.

Just food for thought, you know the situation best yourself.

 

[fishnfool]

Your point is well taken, but it isn't relevant to the discussion which was taking place. They were specifically talking about income.

Actually Silky is very much on point with her question.

 

[Oceanblu]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

Same here!!!

 

[fiftyandfifty]

Sadly I think I am almost there. My wife of nineteen years clearly does not like sex anymore, or really any sexual contact. It's very difficult as I am still very attracted to her, but it's painfully obvious the feeling is no longer mutual.
I try to ask her why. Since she's painfully shy she can only muster non-answers like "I just don't want to." Very sad and frustrating for me. I need a sexual outlet, which has been secret masturbation for years now.
Looks like there is all types of reasons for these sexless marriages.

 

[Camos1000]

Sadly I think I am almost there. My wife of nineteen years clearly does not like sex anymore, or really any sexual contact. It's very difficult as I am still very attracted to her, but it's painfully obvious the feeling is no longer mutual.
I try to ask her why. Since she's painfully shy she can only muster non-answers like "I just don't want to." Very sad and frustrating for me. I need a sexual outlet, which has been secret masturbation for years now.
Looks like there is all types of reasons for these sexless marriages.

Have you tried telling her how much you still fancy her and how much you would love to go back to the way things were ? Maybe even be honest about what you do and tell her you think about her when you do. She might help you a little then

 

[Strixaluco]

It's a shame that those activities are not counted as 'income' because I think you will find if you have to pay someone to do those things it most certainly would be costly......

Well, if you want to take it that way, my share of income would have been even bigger than my late husband's... Regarding monetary net income i just brought 3/4 to the table. His share of homework didn't really balance it. (Yes he was medically retired, but even considering that it was pretty useless.) At least debts aren't inherited

 

[Helpme01]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

I have been married for 12 years. This is both of our second marriage. Combined we have 6 kids 5 girls 1 boy. Ages range from 26-16. We are going on our 9 month without sex right now. I think at this point we know it’s done and neither wants to tell the other one

 

[Tasman69]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

Yep still bored with my sex life.

 

[Kimlikes]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

I’m 52 and have the same drive as you

 

[KeenVoyeur]

I’m 52 and have the same drive as you

If only I could find someone like you over here

 

[PersonalFavors]

I’m 52 and have the same drive as you

Right there with you. And remember days when she or past girlfriends wanted as much as I did. There were times in life where I didn't need to jerk off. I did anyway because I like it, but I didn't need to.

 

[RoanMtn]

Been 22 years since I've had sex. A few years ago I started masturbating...I never masturbated before, because growing up Catholic touching yourself was absolutely verboten. After I started, it took a few months to get over the guilt and shame, and my therapist was a big help doing that. So, I now masturbate without feeling guilt or shame. At first I masturbated to pretty vanilla stuff. I've now moved into some kinky areas, which brought those old feeling back, but my therapist talked me through that too.

 

[silky52]

Right there with you. And remember days when she or past girlfriends wanted as much as I did. There were times in life where I didn't need to jerk off. I did anyway because I like it, but I didn't need to.

Made me think of before i got married never needed to masturbate, in fact I didn't start until I was 40. I never had the need there were always plenty of partners all too willing to be with me. Sad getting older........

 

[conoflex]

I'm 57 ,wife lost all interest since menopause ,
There are a lot of horny older widowed gals out there needing a bit of attention ,they are discreet and a lot of fun yes they might be older etc but it's sex and many a great tune can be played on an old fiddle , take a. Chance you will be surprised at what doors it can open .

 

[Tasman69]

I'm 57 ,wife lost all interest since menopause ,
There are a lot of horny older widowed gals out there needing a bit of attention ,they are discreet and a lot of fun yes they might be older etc but it's sex and many a great tune can be played on an old fiddle , take a. Chance you will be surprised at what doors it can open .

Happy to try. Where do I find them, because bugger me, I have looked everywhere.