Sexless Marriages

[Hosebloke]

Have a few drinks and visit a sex shop . Get some fun things and grab a hotel room.

 

[AnnieLit]

So what about marriages that aren't sexless, but are not enjoyable? I have struggled with the fact that my husband and I are two very different people sexually. He is perfectly satisfied with a 5-10 min., in and out thing while I lay there like a dead fish. It is not fun for me. I don't come anywhere close to an orgasm and yet he acts like everything is great. I suppose from his perspective it is, but from my perspective I want more. We've talked about what I want (a little rough sex, a little dirty talk, some kinkiness to spice things up), but he is physically incapable of doing any of that. He has tried, but it just comes across as fake and that kills the mood for me. I love him very much and am committed to staying with him, but geez....what do you do when you're just not compatible in one of the most important areas in a relationship?

Welcome to my world

In our case he was the one that wanted to bring some kink into the bedroom. At first it was fun, then he asked to turn the table around and that was it -- it stayed like that for almost 10 years now. Domination takes some time and effort to learn, I did it, he didn't. So now we are in that exact situation when I *can* ask him for something, but he is just not able to do it. And I even know why -- he is afraid to really heart me. The only way to get over that fear is to try different things, go every time little bit further and see what happens, find where your partner's limits really are. For me it took couple years to get totally comfortable with physical domination. For him... I don't think he will ever get there because the only time it happens in any shape or form is when I ask for it and I don't particularly like asking.

Solution... There are really not that many options, are there? Either you give up on any submission, leave your husband, or stay but cheat. I chose the last option and so far pretty happy with the result. Can't say it was easy to find what I was looking for, but eventually I did. Laurie, PM me if you want details on how and where to look, by now I have few ideas on what a woman can do. But the hardest part is the decision itself -- is this part of life important for you enough to risk everything else? Nobody can help you answer that.

 

[AnnieLit]

Have a few drinks and visit a sex shop . Get some fun things and grab a hotel room.

And how is that working for you, darling?

 

[IASFPWTF]

I am available and willing to heip as needed lol

 

[Hosebloke]

And how is that working for you, darling?

You want me to be your Darling ? . I suggest another thread.

 

[AnnieLit]

You want me to be your Darling ? . I suggest another thread.

No, thank you, I much prefer smart partners.

 

[philos]

Just a little PSA, I’ve been listening to a podcast called Foreplay radio and have found it helpful. The discussion on how one partner becomes a pursuers and the other a withholder was enlightening.

 

[LaurieB]

Just want to say thanks to everybody who has posted or sent me a private message. This is not an easy problem to figure out, but I can't tell you how grateful I am for the warm responses I've gotten. It does help (at least a little bit ) to know that others are going through the same thing. With the holidays coming up it'll be difficult to find time to post, but when things calm down I fully intend to talk more.

 

[pandajedi]

Hey just want to thank everyone that has posted on here. I have been lurking mostly(just one post to introduce myself) but it has been encouraging to know that I am not the only one dealing with this. You all have been a tremendous help with your sharing. I have been struggling with it the last few days but coming here is like therapy.

Bless each of you.

 

[Hosebloke]

Just want to say thanks to everybody who has posted or sent me a private message. This is not an easy problem to figure out, but I can't tell you how grateful I am for the warm responses I've gotten. It does help (at least a little bit ) to know that others are going through the same thing. With the holidays coming up it'll be difficult to find time to post, but when things calm down I fully intend to talk more.

Hope our suggestions lead to a positive outcome.
Best of luck

 

[ccs29745]

Almost again

Wife let me play with her butt, breasts, and rub close to her clit... then said no when I tried to massage it and lick circles around her nipples. Damn I was so close.

Told her least scrooge had a change of heart. She went back to reading her book.

 

[Stilllearning2b]

Wife let me play with her butt, breasts, and rub close to her clit... then said no when I tried to massage it and lick circles around her nipples. Damn I was so close.

Told her least scrooge had a change of heart. She went back to reading her book.

Nothing says sexy time like a sarcastic remark as foreplay.

 

[Hodes101]

Whist I'm blate to the story (not read any earlier posts so might be out of context/background) and I don't agree with your wife's behaviour, I honestly think a comment like that is not going to help you in the long run

 

[ccs29745]

Whist I'm blate to the story (not read any earlier posts so might be out of context/background) and I don't agree with your wife's behaviour, I honestly think a comment like that is not going to help you in the long run

Comment won't help me, nor the frustration, but at least don't me start rounding bases before calling foul ball. Lol

 

[Stilllearning2b]

Comment won't help me, nor the frustration, but at least don't me start rounding bases before calling foul ball. Lol

Her body to do with as she pleases. Her body to say yes or no. Go or stop.

Perhaps that’s the issue? Lack of respect and being grateful?

 

[AnnieLit]

Her body to do with as she pleases. Her body to say yes or no. Go or stop.

Perhaps that’s the issue? Lack of respect and being grateful?

Her body to tease him with and then say no at the last moment for YEARS? Really? In some kind of relationships it can be a thing in itself, but then he would know about it and agree as well, be happy with it, not complain here.

It sure is her body to say no. Period. Never again. But not like that when there are little crumbs here and there. It is just wrong

 

[AnnieLit]

Wife let me play with her butt, breasts, and rub close to her clit... then said no when I tried to massage it and lick circles around her nipples. Damn I was so close.

Told her least scrooge had a change of heart. She went back to reading her book.

It sucks To think that you are getting somewhere only to realize that no, it is all the same as before... To me this is worse than not having it at all.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Her body to do with as she pleases. Her body to say yes or no. Go or stop.

Perhaps that’s the issue? Lack of respect and being grateful?

Curious how people are so quick to judge without reading the long history of posts to understand the context...

Hoping everyone who frequents this thread has a joyful season and a new year with new prospects of desires fulfilled (but with realistic expectations! ).

Peace,
LY

 

[Stilllearning2b]

Her body to tease him with and then say no at the last moment for YEARS? Really? In some kind of relationships it can be a thing in itself, but then he would know about it and agree as well, be happy with it, not complain here.

It sure is her body to say no. Period. Never again. But not like that when there are little crumbs here and there. It is just wrong

Perhaps. I didn’t imply right or wrong, just is.

As one who teaches his boys to respect consent - it can be given and taken away. And not always understood why it’s taken away, just that it can be. And it goes both ways. But for them to understand they are never owed sex.

 

[ccs29745]

It sucks To think that you are getting somewhere only to realize that no, it is all the same as before... To me this is worse than not having it at all.

It does suck, but I still love my wife. I hate it when she does this, but at least I got to hold her body and make her wet.

I hope everyone had a safe and merry Christmas, and what ever else different religions you may celebrate.

 

[AnnieLit]

Perhaps. I didn’t imply right or wrong, just is.

As one who teaches his boys to respect consent - it can be given and taken away. And not always understood why it’s taken away, just that it can be. And it goes both ways. But for them to understand they are never owed sex.

This has absutely nothing to do with the sort of content you teach your boys (and should be teaching girls as well, but I don't remember if you have any of the right age. Because metoo or not, it is still not so obvious to most girls that they CAN say no and if that no is not heard, they need to run without looking back). With kids you are talking about here and now - a date, one specific night. This is very-very different.

 

[TTawhere]

Perhaps. I didn’t imply right or wrong, just is.

As one who teaches his boys to respect consent - it can be given and taken away. And not always understood why it’s taken away, just that it can be. And it goes both ways. But for them to understand they are never owed sex.

Consent is one thing, but CSS and Annie are very clear that this is different.

This is a situation for CSS where his wife has interest, but shuts him down repeatedly. She’s willing to let him pleasure her on occasion, but is unwilling to return his attention. It’s not a question of “owed” sex, it is a question of whether or not the other partner actually cares enough to return the love they are being given here.

Sure, once in a while a partner may say “no”. When that is the consistent response is that person really your partner anymore?

 

[Stilllearning2b]

This has absutely nothing to do with the sort of content you teach your boys (and should be teaching girls as well, but I don't remember if you have any of the right age. Because metoo or not, it is still not so obvious to most girls that they CAN say no and if that no is not heard, they need to run without looking back). With kids you are talking about here and now - a date, one specific night. This is very-very different.

That’s just it. I do teach my girls they have every right to say no/stop at any point.

Consent isn’t just for a one time date or here/now, but in relationships as well. Short term, long term, married, etc.

Now, does it suck sure if a partner gets you revved up and then decides it’s time for a pit stop. No question. I love in the same boat. However, I don’t think the comment that was said was an appropriate response.

 

[ccs29745]

That’s just it. I do teach my girls they have every right to say no/stop at any point.

Consent isn’t just for a one time date or here/now, but in relationships as well. Short term, long term, married, etc.

Now, does it suck sure if a partner gets you revved up and then decides it’s time for a pit stop. No question. I love in the same boat. However, I don’t think the comment that was said was an appropriate response.

No my comment wasn't appropriate and wasd made in frustration, but it's been going on for years now.

 

[IASFPWTF]

That’s just it. I do teach my girls they have every right to say no/stop at any point.

Consent isn’t just for a one time date or here/now, but in relationships as well. Short term, long term, married, etc.

Now, does it suck sure if a partner gets you revved up and then decides it’s time for a pit stop. No question. I love in the same boat. However, I don’t think the comment that was said was an appropriate response.

I don't even get the rev up...lol