Sexless Marriages

[TTawhere]

...or off Lit.

Different folks will have different solutions. Some depends on who you are, some depends on your spouse.

No matter how you slice it, it isn't easy.

For me, the best solution this weekend was to go out into the woods, get lost, and get away from people. It was easier than being at home.

 

[bbwAlexa]

If you fall into my subgroup of sexless marriage, there has to be a way out. My group is the young kids too tired no time to have sex.

Even though I think my husband is a snore in bed. I still have sex with him twice a week. Sometimes more. I feel otherwise we'd drop into the group that had absolutely no sex. And I do keep holding hope that our boring sex will one day get better.

But for the guys in this situation. I've said it before. Post baby women feel awful. Of course you tell us we look great. You want to get laid! But it's hard to get in the mood for sexy time when we are in yoga pants covered in baby puke. Or ran around after a toddler all day. I think we get in our own heads a lot. I am so guilty of making a grocery list or thinking about the laundry that needs folding while having sex. But if he pitched in and folded that laundry for me the 'mental load' would be lighter and I'd be more into it.

My advice, pitch in more. Though Im sure you do. One Saturday dump those kids at your Mom's. Dump her at a day spa for a massage or mani pedi. Go home and tidy that freaking house up. Take her out for a nice lunch followed by an afternoon of child free sex.

The Cliffs notes for that scenario is to ask her to make a list of things that need doing. Help her conquer that list. Dump the kids off, and your golden. If she is like me, my husband folding towels (correctly) is enough to make me want to get on my knees and reward that.

 

[ccs29745]

To all the newbies discovering this thread, welcome to the club none of us want to belong to on Lit!

We are a friendly support system for each other, most of us have tried all the usual routes to improve our situations and we know first hand how hard it is.

So feel free to share your story and expect no judgment, a friendly ear or 10, advice and a lot of understanding and support.

Some here still hold out hope of a change at home, others of us have already made the decision at some point we will be making a change, because we can’t live like this for the rest of our days. I’m firmly in the latter group, but like others I’m working on a game plan to make it feasible.

So jump right in and we will help or support as much or as little as you need

DD
(aka : Thread Security if assholes wander in to tell us what they think we should be doing!)

Wb DD, thought you got locked in again. I made a change, I stayed in here and didn't run off this time

 

[TTawhere]

If you fall into my subgroup of sexless marriage, there has to be a way out. My group is the young kids too tired no time to have sex.

Even though I think my husband is a snore in bed. I still have sex with him twice a week. Sometimes more. I feel otherwise we'd drop into the group that had absolutely no sex. And I do keep holding hope that our boring sex will one day get better.

But for the guys in this situation. I've said it before. Post baby women feel awful. Of course you tell us we look great. You want to get laid! But it's hard to get in the mood for sexy time when we are in yoga pants covered in baby puke. Or ran around after a toddler all day. I think we get in our own heads a lot. I am so guilty of making a grocery list or thinking about the laundry that needs folding while having sex. But if he pitched in and folded that laundry for me the 'mental load' would be lighter and I'd be more into it.

My advice, pitch in more. Though Im sure you do. One Saturday dump those kids at your Mom's. Dump her at a day spa for a massage or mani pedi. Go home and tidy that freaking house up. Take her out for a nice lunch followed by an afternoon of child free sex.

The Cliffs notes for that scenario is to ask her to make a list of things that need doing. Help her conquer that list. Dump the kids off, and your golden. If she is like me, my husband folding towels (correctly) is enough to make me want to get on my knees and reward that.

Consider yourself fortunate. Have you suggested to your man the "keys to the kingdom"?

 

[ccs29745]

Dreams

Wife likes to read books every night before bed. It gets interesting in the middle of the night when she says one of the characters name from the books. Lol .

Waiting for the night she calls my name out for that dream and not to tell me im snoring too loud again.

 

[Lissy_Lou]

I just want to have a quick rant....

To everyone following along, who isn’t in a sexless relationship, can I just say:

1) this thread is NOT the place to come thinking you will find a willing participant for whatever online affair you were thinking about having

2) Quit coming to my inbox to whinge about how you ONLY get sex a few times a month and tell me you know how I feel because it isn’t enough for you

3) Not getting sex because you are single is NOT the same as not getting it in a sexless relationship.

4) This thread is for those of us who are in long term relationships that for one reason or another are trying to come to terms with the sexless aspect of that relationship. It is a SUPPORT thread. Not a hook up thread. If you are fortunate enough to not be in our position, you don’t need to be here.

So in conclusion, kindly fuck right off with your shit.

 

[sinfulpleasure67]

I just want to have a quick rant....

To everyone following along, who isn’t in a sexless relationship, can I just say:

1) this thread is NOT the place to come thinking you will find a willing participant for whatever online affair you were thinking about having

2) Quit coming to my inbox to whinge about how you ONLY get sex a few times a month and tell me you know how I feel because it isn’t enough for you

3) Not getting sex because you are single is NOT the same as not getting it in a sexless relationship.

4) This thread is for those of us who are in long term relationships that for one reason or another are trying to come to terms with the sexless aspect of that relationship. It is a SUPPORT thread. Not a hook up thread. If you are fortunate enough to not be in our position, you don’t need to be here.

So in conclusion, kindly fuck right off with your shit.

Yea! What she said!

 

[ccs29745]

I just want to have a quick rant....

To everyone following along, who isn’t in a sexless relationship, can I just say:

1) this thread is NOT the place to come thinking you will find a willing participant for whatever online affair you were thinking about having

2) Quit coming to my inbox to whinge about how you ONLY get sex a few times a month and tell me you know how I feel because it isn’t enough for you

3) Not getting sex because you are single is NOT the same as not getting it in a sexless relationship.

4) This thread is for those of us who are in long term relationships that for one reason or another are trying to come to terms with the sexless aspect of that relationship. It is a SUPPORT thread. Not a hook up thread. If you are fortunate enough to not be in our position, you don’t need to be here.

So in conclusion, kindly fuck right off with your shit.

Look cute when you're mad Lissy. I also agree, this not the room to find hook up. That's over in the playground. This room for married but sexless people who need support and need to vent some and have conversation without prejudice.

 

[TTawhere]

I just want to have a quick rant....

To everyone following along, who isn’t in a sexless relationship, can I just say:

1) this thread is NOT the place to come thinking you will find a willing participant for whatever online affair you were thinking about having

2) Quit coming to my inbox to whinge about how you ONLY get sex a few times a month and tell me you know how I feel because it isn’t enough for you

3) Not getting sex because you are single is NOT the same as not getting it in a sexless relationship.

4) This thread is for those of us who are in long term relationships that for one reason or another are trying to come to terms with the sexless aspect of that relationship. It is a SUPPORT thread. Not a hook up thread. If you are fortunate enough to not be in our position, you don’t need to be here.

So in conclusion, kindly fuck right off with your shit.

Rant on, lady.

While my situation has lasted for more than 5 years, there are others here who have been without sex and that intimacy for far longer.

For those who are still getting some sex, with all due respect - your situation isn't sexless. Maybe you're not getting as much sex as you'd like, but you're getting it. Start figuring out why you're not getting as much sex as you'd like and DO something to help improve your situation.

Up in the PG there is a thread entitled, "Reveal an Uncomfortable Truth About Yourself". For those of us who are truly in a sexless relationship, that truth is the wonder if we'll ever have another sexual partner again, and if so, what we will choose to do if we wish to have a sexual partner again. Realize this, as well, it isn't because we don't necessarily love our partners and are living with our vows and choices, because for most of us, I think we do and always will.

 

[Wife of Bath]

Technically if none of you are here to hook up or interested in personals this thread shouldn’t be in the Personals forum. My inclination is to move this thread to How To unless someone tells me a reason otherwise based on the forum rules.

Thanks!

 

[HughManitee]

I’d like to hook up, been sexless for way too long, any married ladies in the same boat want to Chat?

 

[TTawhere]

Technically if none of you are here to hook up or interested in personals this thread shouldn’t be in the Personals forum. My inclination is to move this thread to How To unless someone tells me a reason otherwise based on the forum rules.

Thanks!

Realistically, some of us are open to the idea of a hook-up, so being in the personals still applies. If you think we're not interested in the idea, well...

Certainly promoting the idea of a sexless marriage as a "How To" here, doesn't really seem to apply either.

 

[Lissy_Lou]

Technically if none of you are here to hook up or interested in personals this thread shouldn’t be in the Personals forum. My inclination is to move this thread to How To unless someone tells me a reason otherwise based on the forum rules.

Thanks!

There is nothing stating personals MUST and for the purpose of hooking up only. This thread is a personals thread. We are seeking people to chat with in a similar situation. That’s no different to people from
NYC wanting to meet other people near them, or people into small dick humiliation meeting people who like what they do.

 

[Wife of Bath]

Ok, I appreciate those answers. I’ll call your attention to this:

Welcome to the personals forum. This forum is for personal ads only. If you wish to post an ad please do so. There are separate personals sections for BDSM and for GBLT. If you remember to post in the right section it will enhance your chances of receiving appropriate replies (not to mention making the moderator's life easier!). Please do not post the same ad on the main personals forum and the sub forum .

Threads in the personals that are chat threads will be removed and posted to the Playground or other suitable forum.

By rights this thread should probably be in the PG but since it’s a bit of a head-scratcher as far as the right fit my mind went to HT because they’re very nice over there.

 

[TTawhere]

Well...

The KIK closing thread is a personal?

If it makes you feel better about this thread having intentions, see my next post.

 

[TTawhere]

Driver Wanted:

Classic, not yet vintage or antique model seeks experienced driver for outings. Often mistaken for a younger model year. Upholstery is in decent shape, but there may be a little hidden rust and as with all classic models, there are a few dings and dents from previous drivers. While not the biggest displacement (V6 versus V8) engine is in good shape, and suspension isn’t bad, still providing a comfortable, curve-hugging ride.

Extensively test driven before sale, this model which was once a daily driver but has been garaged by current owner for several years. While not seeking a change of ownership, a skilled regular driver is needed to keep this model in road-worthy shape.

Some maintenance will be desirable before a first outing. For best performance, new rubber and a fluids change may be required. Brakes may be found to be a bit squeaky at first, but a gentle foot on the pedal should get them to release without much difficulty.

Experienced drivers with a regular ride are preferred, particularly those whose current ride may not be as exciting as it once was for that special trip. Younger drivers without stick-shift experience need not apply. A regular driver who gets to know the quirks of this unusual, but rewarding-to-drive model would be ideal. Long drives with the top down on roads with some interesting scenery, and fun curves are ideal.

 

[sinfulpleasure67]

Classic, not yet vintage or antique model seeks experienced driver for outings. Often mistaken for a younger model year. Upholstery is in decent shape, but there may be a little hidden rust and as with all classic models, there are a few dings and dents from previous drivers. While not the biggest displacement (V6 versus V8) engine is in good shape, and suspension isn’t bad, still providing a comfortable, curve-hugging ride.

Extensively test driven before sale, this model which was once a daily driver but has been garaged by current owner for several years. While not seeking a change of ownership, a skilled regular driver is needed to keep this model in road-worthy shape.

Some maintenance will be desirable before a first outing. For best performance, new rubber and a fluids change may be required. Brakes may be found to be a bit squeaky at first, but a gentle foot on the pedal should get them to release without much difficulty.

Experienced drivers with a regular ride are preferred, particularly those whose current ride may not be as exciting as it once was for that special trip. Younger drivers without stick-shift experience need not apply. A regular driver who gets to know the quirks of this unusual, but rewarding-to-drive model would be ideal. Long drives with the top down on roads with some interesting scenery, and fun curves are ideal.

This is epic! Well done!

 

[rycat25]

Classic, not yet vintage or antique model seeks experienced driver for outings. Often mistaken for a younger model year. Upholstery is in decent shape, but there may be a little hidden rust and as with all classic models, there are a few dings and dents from previous drivers. While not the biggest displacement (V6 versus V8) engine is in good shape, and suspension isn’t bad, still providing a comfortable, curve-hugging ride.

Extensively test driven before sale, this model which was once a daily driver but has been garaged by current owner for several years. While not seeking a change of ownership, a skilled regular driver is needed to keep this model in road-worthy shape.

Some maintenance will be desirable before a first outing. For best performance, new rubber and a fluids change may be required. Brakes may be found to be a bit squeaky at first, but a gentle foot on the pedal should get them to release without much difficulty.

Experienced drivers with a regular ride are preferred, particularly those whose current ride may not be as exciting as it once was for that special trip. Younger drivers without stick-shift experience need not apply. A regular driver who gets to know the quirks of this unusual, but rewarding-to-drive model would be ideal. Long drives with the top down on roads with some interesting scenery, and fun curves are ideal.

Uh...this pretty good!

ry

 

[rycat25]

Technically if none of you are here to hook up or interested in personals this thread shouldn’t be in the Personals forum. My inclination is to move this thread to How To unless someone tells me a reason otherwise based on the forum rules.

Thanks!

Well...uh...would you like to pm me W of B? Because I like your AV and I've crushed on you for a lot of years.

No joke.

ry

 

[Mrifonly]

Rant on, lady.

While my situation has lasted for more than 5 years, there are others here who have been without sex and that intimacy for far longer.

For those who are still getting some sex, with all due respect - your situation isn't sexless. Maybe you're not getting as much sex as you'd like, but you're getting it. Start figuring out why you're not getting as much sex as you'd like and DO something to help improve your situation.

Up in the PG there is a thread entitled, "Reveal an Uncomfortable Truth About Yourself". For those of us who are truly in a sexless relationship, that truth is the wonder if we'll ever have another sexual partner again, and if so, what we will choose to do if we wish to have a sexual partner again. Realize this, as well, it isn't because we don't necessarily love our partners and are living with our vows and choices, because for most of us, I think we do and always will.

I'm new here, so I apologize in advance if I offend due to not knowing the proper etiquette ....

But, I think this is too binary a view. I definitely understand that a marriage with zero sex over years and years is absolute torture. And I cannot imagine living in one. That said, I think that many of the qualities of a sexless marriage, in particular how it makes the non-refusing spouse feel, can be present even if there is some sex in the relationship.

For example, my marriage has gone through periods of no sex, sex once every few months, even sex every few weeks in the best of times. (I should have gotten out early when on our two-week honeymoon we had sex precisely 1 time. Our when, on our first year anniversary, my attempt to initiate sex was met with a somewhat quizzical look and, "Can't you get a [porn] magazine or something?")

During almost our entire marriage, no matter the frequency, it's felt "sexless" to me. I've never felt any sense of control over when we have sex. What I want doesn't matter. I've also never felt my wife is actually committed to having a physical relationship. I don't think she cares about sex at all. She could probably go for the rest of her life and never have sex again and not even care. My sex drive is considered a nuisance. It always seems like sex is simply something doled out, when convenient, to placate me. And, when it happens, it's also always exactly the same. Any attempt to change it up, such as suggesting something "kinky" like sex in the living room, is met with, "What do you think this is, porn?"

Practically any excuse is good enough to put sex to the side. (Does the garage need cleaning? How about the shed? Oh, re-runs of whatever are on...) Where real issues have come up, such as medical issues that have impacted our so-called sex life, she's had no interest in trying to really work on them. It's almost as if the medical impact on our sex life was a welcome relief. (And, yes, I've tried all of the typically suggested talking, readings, pleadings, approaches, communication styles, etc. Nothing really works long term.)

I cannot claim that my situation is as bad as a marriage completely devoid of sex. It's not. But I still see it as a species of sexless in the sense that it's not filled with normal sex and not with sex that leaves me feeling good.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Classic, not yet vintage or antique model seeks experienced driver for outings. Often mistaken for a younger model year. Upholstery is in decent shape, but there may be a little hidden rust and as with all classic models, there are a few dings and dents from previous drivers. While not the biggest displacement (V6 versus V8) engine is in good shape, and suspension isn’t bad, still providing a comfortable, curve-hugging ride.

Extensively test driven before sale, this model which was once a daily driver but has been garaged by current owner for several years. While not seeking a change of ownership, a skilled regular driver is needed to keep this model in road-worthy shape.

Some maintenance will be desirable before a first outing. For best performance, new rubber and a fluids change may be required. Brakes may be found to be a bit squeaky at first, but a gentle foot on the pedal should get them to release without much difficulty.

Experienced drivers with a regular ride are preferred, particularly those whose current ride may not be as exciting as it once was for that special trip. Younger drivers without stick-shift experience need not apply. A regular driver who gets to know the quirks of this unusual, but rewarding-to-drive model would be ideal. Long drives with the top down on roads with some interesting scenery, and fun curves are ideal.

nicely done

 

[TTawhere]

nicely done

You’re welcome to try out the safety restraints and steam up the windows...

 

[DDBustyBrit]

You’re welcome to try out the safety restraints and steam up the windows...

You’re incorrigible

I’m not going to place a Personals type ad in here, but I think my presence and my posts here tells I’m potentially available. But this thread was never meant to be just that, also I have been here since day one and at times it was suggested we could lend ‘support’ to each other, as we all understand.

 

[TTawhere]

You’re incorrigible

You know it!

Plus you can attest to the fact that the chassis is in good shape!

 

[Specula]

51 female who can join this same boat.
My sex drive is stronger than it’s ever been.
My Hub not so much. It’s going on 6 months.
Self love has kept me going, however, it’s not
the same. Midwest here.

I'd love to hear from you!