Sex or Friendship

[tn_8tiv]

My wife is my best friend. Kind of like my room mate in college. We share our daily experiences, watch some TV together, have dinner together and then retire to our own bedrooms for the night. Good life - yes for friends but what happens when you need real love and sex? Do you toss out your best friend for a few nights of hot sex?

I tried to remember when we had that sex thing going on in our relationship. Maybe never. Our marriage was one of convenience. She had three children from her prior marriage who needed a father figure and I was looking for the stability of a home life. So we tied the knot and I raised the children as my own. Now that they have left the nest, our lives have settled into the friendship routine. It's comfortable for both of us and I'm not sure I will ever leave. But I am a man with needs.

We've talked about this subject and she admits that her sexual fantasies do not include me. Mine sure don't include her. But the safety, comfort and enjoyment you get from having a best friend not to mention the family thing seems awfully attractive.

So all you people out there, should we continue to be best friends and seek sexual companionship elsewhere?

 

[riff]

Be friends or get a divorce.

Friends with benefits would seem to be the ideal, but then you might become.... married again?

Maybe ya'll should just seperate for a while and see what happens?

 

[Southern37]

We've talked about this subject and she admits that her sexual fantasies do not include me. Mine sure don't include her. But the safety, comfort and enjoyment you get from having a best friend not to mention the family thing seems awfully attractive.

So all you people out there, should we continue to be best friends and seek sexual companionship elsewhere?

You should discuss that with her. If she thinks its a good idea and you both can seperate love from sex..then its ok. However I have a feeling you dont need to. Just because your and her fantasies dont include each other means nothing. Thats why they are fantasies. Find out her fantasy and then tell her you want to act it out during sex...or discuss it during sex making her super hot! I'd try that first. If your really good friends it should work out by talking it through...one way or the other.

 

[Shockdoctor]

I think that if the two of you are best friends and not interested in each other sexually that there shouldn't be any problems with finding sexual gratification elsewhere. I know if I lived with my female best friend I wouldn't have a problem with her having sex with someone else, and I don't think she would have a problem if I were to do so either. Just make sure that the two of you agree with that and everything should be ok.

 

[bored1]

I lived that way for many years never again.Took all my self respect away and I no longer felt like a man.

 

[sizzlingreekgal]

You have admitted you are both not sexually attracted to one another. Why go on wishing? I lived like that for 18 years (10 of it my husband was disabled), and I didn't want to leave him because he had no where to go. I now have a relationship with a man and it is wonderful. I don't feel dead anymore. I probably would have gone on like that had I not met someone. It has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I wasted 18 years of my life for nothing. Please don't do the same thing!

 

[plasticman33]

My God, tn_8tiv! Man do we have a lot in common! Almost scary!

 

[Southern37]

My God, tn_8tiv! Man do we have a lot in common! Almost scary!

I'm right behind you....except the best friend part...

 

[bluemuse]

Why can't you have both?

What I mean to say is......the two of you agree that your relationship is purely friendship......the two of you have seperate bedrooms.......the children are grown and gone. Why don't you get a friendly divorce? You can remain friends......even spend time together........but be free to pursue the passion that the two of you seem to be missing in your lives.

Everyone deserves passion in thier life.

I am in a very similar situation, myself. Listen to your own advice, bluemuse!


bluemuse

 

[plasticman33]

Re: Why can't you have both?

Everyone deserves passion in thier life.

I am in a very similar situation, myself. Listen to your own advice, bluemuse!


bluemuse

Hey, bluemuse, want to kill kill two birds with one stone?

 

[bluemuse]

Re: Re: Why can't you have both?

Hey, bluemuse, want to kill kill two birds with one stone?

Oh honey.......don't tempt me. I'm waiting for love......not nameless, faceless sex.

Then again...........gotta do something while I wait!


bluemuse

 

[plasticman33]

Re: Re: Re: Why can't you have both?

Oh honey.......don't tempt me. I'm waiting for love......not nameless, faceless sex.

Then again...........gotta do something while I wait!


bluemuse

PM me your e-mail, I'll send you my pic, then it won't be faceless!

 

[bluemuse]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Why can't you have both?

PM me your e-mail, I'll send you my pic, then it won't be faceless!

You have an answer for everything, don't you? You're a real "can do" man.

Are you using me? Not that I mind......



bluemuse

 

[plasticman33]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Why can't you have both?

You have an answer for everything, don't you? You're a real "can do" man.

Are you using me? Not that I mind......



bluemuse

Using you?? Honey? How could you say such a thing?

 

[bluemuse]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Why can't you have both?

Using you?? Honey? How could you say such a thing?

Ha! How could I not??


bluemuse

 

[plasticman33]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Why can't you have both?

Ha! How could I not??


bluemuse

*scratching head*

Why am I always attracted to women who treat me so mean?

 

[bluemuse]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Why can't you have both?

*scratching head*

Why am I always attracted to women who treat me so mean?

Mean?? Me? Well......maybe that's what get's you off.....


bluemuse

 

[MidnightAngel]

What a great question.

My $.02 worth....

My situation is similar in some ways. I'm married to my best friend. We still have sex. But, to me, it's just not exciting. Funny part is, I don't really mind. Oh, sometimes I DO wish for hot, wild, screaming, tie-me-up sex. I don't get that. But I try to focus on what I do have.......someone I can talk to about anything, who's very good to me and my son, he's stable, a good husband. I don't have to wonder where he is or what he's doing. I have a very happy, comfortable life. Would I throw that all away for sex? Even really, really GREAT sex? Not on your life. I've had the opportunity to do just that, but I didn't.

I know it's damn frustrating at times. Wish you the best; and hope it all works out.

 

[Aphrodisiac]

It seems you don't care for one another " sexually" and it seems you two would love to seek others for a sexual relationship.

How come you don't divorce and stay friends?
You are married right now but it does not seem that you have a full marriage as in the sense of a sexual relationship...

Ack - do I make any sense ?!?!?
I think I confused myself as well.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

I know of a couple who were in the same postion as you TN, they got a divorce but live together still. Their morals could not let them have sex with others while they were married, but neither wanted to go live by themselves.

So they share a home but find sex else where. They do have a rule that they don't bring thier partners home.

 

[freescorfr]

25 years + and I still enjoy sex with my wife. Sometimes it's our only form of communication.

Friendship with other females is really important for me and there's quite a few who know I desire then - and I do.

Each relationship is one to one and unique and I value most of them a lot.

The family one is important for me and worth working to preserve - but it does not satisfy all my needs.


I'd a friend once who found a condom under the living room setee and said to his son with bitter sarcasm,

"So, son, I expect you'd like to fuck every girl in Fareham?"

"Yes", said the lad.


And I suppose I'm a bit like that - every girl I relate to in any depth I usually want to screw.

What stops me?


They usually do - not marital fidelity.

 

[BasilDD]

I'll bet you are in a similar situation to far more people on here than you could possibly imagine. The only way to keep the sexual side of it going is to keep introducing new sparks to the relationship - that to me is the really hard part. My wife and I just drifted to the point where we were friends and there was no sexual chemistry between us whatsoever. I have regained that, but not with my wife - and now I know not to make the same mistake again. Fortunately my partner has a much more liberated idea of what the sexual part should include, so I am just hanging on for dear life and enjoying the ride.

Maybe you should consider the change - it doesn't mean your wife cannot still be your friend.