sex drive

[foxymophandlema]

hello - have a problem
im 26 (f) dating a 39 y.o. male
i am beginning to believe that my sex drive is abnormally high
but i dont think a couple times a week is too much
its hurtful for a woman to be told no - we are not designed for that!
repeated refusals make me want to retreat
something wrong w/me or him?

 

[JustSkye]

he's either too tired or getting it somewhere else.

 

[Citra]

he's either too tired or getting it somewhere else.

Agreed!

Oh and guys don't like being told no either.

 

[human_male]

And why do you believe something's wrong with you and not him? Hmmm? Only twice a week would be low for people who'd been married for twenty years, let alone just dating.

If he keeps turning you down and doesn't want to have sex with you, you'll have to talk to him and find out what the problem is.

 

[JustSkye]

Agreed!

Oh and guys don't like being told no either.

yes!

 

[Citra]

yes!

Come here beautiful and let me give you a kiss!!!!

 

[bronzeage]

Lets do the math. Two times week is giving him two days to rest. That doesn't sound unreasonable. But you say you're dating, not living together, so where do you meet.

Does he have to scale a cliff to get to you? That could take a lot out of him.

Time and opportunity have to be taken into consideration.

If you're living together and have a compatable schedule, you shold be in the 8 times a week bracket with credit for mulitples on weekends.

You are definately getting shorted on the deal.

 

[I'm nasty]

A guy who says no to sex. That is wrong in & of itself.

 

[INeedLove]

Not to be too much of a downer but...

my marriage started out that way and then got WORSE over the next 7 years. Now, we're divorced. If there is a change in sexual interest from your guy, it's a safe bet something is wrong. (Now I understand-wish I could have many years ago )

Like the others, I recommend the two of you have a long chat about the issue. To be fair, he could be bothered by work. But his lack of interest is effecting you emotionally so its better to get it in the open.

Good luck-from one lady with an extremly high sex drive to another!

 

[Guest]

something is wrong w/ him

 

[scrymettet]

I can have mine. It have not been used in years.

 

[Cleopatra]

If you're living together and have a compatable schedule, you should be in the 8 times a week bracket with credit for mulitples on weekends.

*jaw drop*

 

[JustSkye]

*jaw drop*

lol Cleo.

I agree with him.

 

[sufisaint]

Not only do you have to find someone who shares your interests, loves you for you, but you have to find someone with the same libido...seems almost impossible...

 

[Lorelei_11]

hello - have a problem
im 26 (f) dating a 39 y.o. male
i am beginning to believe that my sex drive is abnormally high
but i dont think a couple times a week is too much
its hurtful for a woman to be told no - we are not designed for that!
repeated refusals make me want to retreat
something wrong w/me or him?

Its normal for couples that have been married for years to average 2 and 3 times per week.

Your being refused repetitively, something is wrong.

Your sex drive is not abnormally high at all.

 

[TWB]

Nothing is wrong. He has a lower sex drive than you. His age has nothing to do with it, believe me I would not assume he is having an affair, either.

My advice, if sex is a required foundation for you in a relationship, don't marry him.

 

[snasu]

These are some of the top reasons for low libido. After a man has committed to a relationship, there seems to be a tendency (anticdotal evidence gathered through many coffee breaks with friends) for the women to complain about their partner's no longer being as interested in sex.

be careful how you define "low libido".


A study conducted by the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) in February 1999 stated that about 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men suffer sexual inadequacy. Here are some of the possible causes for low libido:

suboptimal amounts of testosterone in the body
stress
not enough sleep
unresolved conflicts in the relationship
a desire to control or punish spouse
a way to have power over spouse
sexual orientation conflict or confusion
anger
past sexual abuse
working long hours
too much alcohol consumption
male andropause
cardiovascular disease
diabetes
Parkinson's disease
endocrine or neurological disorders
hypothroidism
depression
family worries
anemia
arthritis
chronic pain
antidepressants
tranquilizers
antihypertensive medications
illegal substances such as heroin, cocaine and marijuana
infidelity

http://marriage.about.com/cs/lowsexdrive/a/2malelowlibido.htm

 

[snasu]

same site.

Part II: Possible Remedies
Wives:

Accept that you can't change your husband. You can only change your response to the situation.

Convince him to see a physician.

If you are the chef in the family, cook healthy foods and watch his intake of carbohydrates and fatty foods.

Don't blame yourself for his low libido. It has nothing to do with the way you look, or how much you weigh, or your sexual performance, etc.

Talk with him about your sexual desire and concerns outside of the bedroom in a non-threatening way.

Work with your husband to make your time together exciting and special.

Make time together a priority.

Do something for yourself. Start taking care of YOU and find something that makes you HAPPY.

Remember how wonderful YOU are. It doesn't matter what his issues are. They are HIS issues. Don't own them. Give them back to him and make YOU healthy.

Don't expect immediate results.

 

[fallen star]

I'm 51 and I want sex more then twice a week. Age has nothing to do with it, if I had my way I'd get it twice a day!

 

[cybergirly]

It could be something as simple as a difference in schedules. If he has to be up for work at 4am and you're not going to bed till 11-12 at night, his needing rest could win out against wanting sex. There's a lot of different things it could be.

So like others said, talk to him!

 

[Mrs.P]

It is hurtful to be told "no." What's your relationship like otherwise? How long have you been together?

My knee jerk response would be to tell you "run, don't walk, cuz it isn't going to get any better."

 

[foxymophandlema]

thanks all for your replies
to clarify - we have compatible schedules and live 20 minutes apart, been together 7 months and i love him to death. everything else about 'us' is awesome. thats what makes the poor quantity and quality of sex harder, cause i feel like i would be throwing away A LOT of good stuff if i left him just for that reason.

we had the talk - i told him his lack of interest makes me feel very unattractive - he swears it has nothing to do with me, and i know he is not getting it elsewhere. he claims his body does not respond like it used to, and he is embarrassed about it. BUT, that conversation doesnt change a damn thing. im as horny as an 18 year old boy. now its gotten to the point where i masturbate before he comes over or while he is in the shower - that way i take care of my needs without the risk of feeling rejected. he has no idea i do this. that is not going to make me happy for long. i have not asked him for any sexual attention in 8 days. i refuse to put myself in the postition of being told 'no' one more time, so i am done asking him to make love anymore. if we do, its gotta be initiated by him because im all tapped out. sorta curious when he will acknowledge this. god just writing this makes my heart feel so heavy. i never considered this position to be quite so painful.
its hard when he makes dirty jokes or sexual comments from time to time - it makes me insane because i know his head is in it with me but his dick is not.

 

[Eilan]

he claims his body does not respond like it used to, and he is embarrassed about it.

Has he seen a doctor?

 

[manloveswomen]

Hopefully the guy does not see you as just someone for sex. If that was his initial attraction then maybe he's bored with that aspect of the relationship. I know it sounds harsh but that's how some guys are.

Or he needs to see a doctor.

Good luck.

 

[Succulent-one]

thanks all for your replies
to clarify - we have compatible schedules and live 20 minutes apart, been together 7 months and i love him to death. everything else about 'us' is awesome. thats what makes the poor quantity and quality of sex harder, cause i feel like i would be throwing away A LOT of good stuff if i left him just for that reason.

we had the talk - i told him his lack of interest makes me feel very unattractive - he swears it has nothing to do with me, and i know he is not getting it elsewhere. he claims his body does not respond like it used to, and he is embarrassed about it. BUT, that conversation doesnt change a damn thing. im as horny as an 18 year old boy. now its gotten to the point where i masturbate before he comes over or while he is in the shower - that way i take care of my needs without the risk of feeling rejected. he has no idea i do this. that is not going to make me happy for long. i have not asked him for any sexual attention in 8 days. i refuse to put myself in the postition of being told 'no' one more time, so i am done asking him to make love anymore. if we do, its gotta be initiated by him because im all tapped out. sorta curious when he will acknowledge this. god just writing this makes my heart feel so heavy. i never considered this position to be quite so painful.
its hard when he makes dirty jokes or sexual comments from time to time - it makes me insane because i know his head is in it with me but his dick is not.

I know exactly what you are going through. I finally had to throw in the towel to the relationship because I couldn't stand the rejection anymore. It became more than sex, it was my self confidence and self esteme that suffered the most. Only you can sort out these emotions. I wish you the best