sex challange failure

[algor]

A rough structured story have appeared in my mind. Development and improvement is what it needs. Is someone able to help me?
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A young couple is challenged to have sex in public. The site chosen for the deed is the upper flat part of the retaining wall built between the mountainside and a shelter. Wide metal canopy with trees around it does not allow people below to see what is up there. The two loves begin what they are supposed to do. Their friends are watching them with binoculars from the opposite hill. Despite the embarrassment, the couple really warm up and finally feel an approaching orgasm. Unfortunately, man`s increased thrusts, combined with women's preorgasmic movements, lead to loss of balance, gliding down on canopy and falling in front of everyone.

 

[VladHarkonnen]

This sounds more like an idea for a joke than a story.

 

[Sean Renaud]

I concur with my associate from the honorable Hellsing Organization.

I do however like the core of this idea very much. It kinda sounds like high stakes Truth or Dare. I'd adapt a story that happened to me in real life but it's not nearly as entertaining without the kidlets and I assume that even though they saw nothing (technically) and were in no real way involved they'd probably trip the censors.

Long story short, girl, long loose skirt, picnic in the park middle of the day sex, frisbee, embarassment, finish. If you turn them from preteen kids who never suspected a thing into eighteen year olds the story ends with a standing ovation not silently slipping out with no audiance approval.

 

[algor]

VladHarkonnen, I perfectly know that my situation really sounds unrealistic. You should know it have appeared as a pure fantasy made of my mind in state of arousal. I am the first person who knows my story is unable to hapen in the real world.


Sean Renaud, your story is quite similar to mine as a visible activity. The difference is in the spiritual shape - my story starts under compulsion, unexpectedly turns into real entertaiment and suddenly is ruined by main participants themselfs just before the natural end. It is possible somehow your story to fit my desire if the caouse of interrution is made by the involuntaty lovers activity itself - involuntry grab of a branch or stem of a plant that starts to shake, creak of a bench something else.

 

[slyc_willie]

This reminds me of a Hustler Video series from a few years back called "Adventure Sex." The idea was for the couple to have sex in or near some of the most famous American monuments. Mount Rushmore, the Hollywood sign, the Alamo, the St. Louis Arch, and so on. More often than not, the actors were interrupted or were otherwise unable to finish the scene the first time. But they usually came back at a different time and saw it through.

There's nothing about your idea that makes it completely implausible. My wife and I have had sex in various semi-public places. What was described in the opening post is not all that difficult to believe. It all comes down to how it's described. For a scene like this, detailing the nervousness and arousal of the pair as they commit to the act would be key to describing it successfully.

 

[algor]

For a scene like this, detailing the nervousness and arousal of the pair as they commit to the act would be key to describing it successfully.

This feature really can change the spirit of the whole story. I have doubts if any author here should do it, however. Diving into character`s mind is a difficult task, especially when it is made not for your own story.

 

[slyc_willie]

This feature really can change the spirit of the whole story. I have doubts if any author here should do it, however. Diving into character`s mind is a difficult task, especially when it is made not for your own story.

Getting into the characters' heads is integral to a majority of stories as far as I'm concerned. Reading about the transition between reluctance to acceptance can be immensely arousing, but more than that, it adds depth to the story. Otherwise, it's just a narrative with no more impact than a recipe for roast duck. It might make your mouth water, but it won't get you excited.