Sex and Love, Love and Sex?

[amicus]

I know, because I have read, but not always commented on, authors, here, who write more than 'feel good' stories. In other words, writers who deal with basic issues and concepts about sex and love.

I have a story in the conceptual stage, in which a character, without my urging, asked some questions that I find I cannot answer.

In the aftermath of a night of 'great sex' between an experienced male and a 'first time' female, she asked, "Does it get any better than this?" The male character answered: "Not really, that's as good as it gets..."

The female character had never loved before, nor, been 'in love', and did not understand how a sexual experience could be so intense without 'love' being present as they had just met and did not know anything about each other.

So, what is, or is there any, relationship between, 'love', however you define it and sex, however you define that?

The 800 pound gorilla in the room is that perhaps we writers and poets and musicians from time immemorial, are the only ones who visualize Romeo and Juliet and that sex, marriage and love are only a part of buying and selling in the market place of commerce...


Amicus...

 

[S-Des]

Most of my stories involve far more complexities than simply sex. It's not that stroke stories are bad, just that they don't interest me to write. In real life, love is far more important than raw sexuality when I'm intimate with someone. I know it's not that way for everyone, but it's essential to me. I've never had sex with anyone I didn't like or respect, and only had a few encounters outside of relationships. I'm guessing that makes me unusual. *shrug*

 

[amicus]

S-Des...seems like several times I have thanked you for a reply... my muse, for whatever reason, has directed me, of late, to consider stories in a certain genre, and I can only hope to please her.

Her direction seems to be what is the relationship between sex and love. I thought it to be a question some might consider interesting...perhaps not...I will, of course, plot my own story development, but input is always welcomed and considered.

amicus...

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

So, what is, or is there any, relationship between, 'love', however you define it and sex, however you define that?

Amicus...

Though they are often used interchangeably, in my experience, there is a qualitative difference between sex that is purely physical and "making love."

Sex that lacks the component of love, can become something of a contest in which the participants worry about their performance and who was best. Other times, of course, it can be no more that a physical act designed to satisfy sexual desire. Neither one is bad and are often exhilirating. Before meeting my wife, that was the only type of sex I knew.

For me, sex with the person I love is a sharing thing, being more concerned with her pleasure than I am with my own, knowing she feels the same way about me, entrusting our emotions with each other, and being able to accept, even if we don't always understand, each other's feelings and needs.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[mikey2much]

Mho

I think that sex with love is a giving of pleasure while sex without love is more of a taking of pleasure. I know there is more involved than that but overall, if you love someone you want to please them and if it is just sex you are after your own pleasure.
Just a thought,
mikey

 

[SesameStreet]

I think that sex with love is a giving of pleasure while sex without love is more of a taking of pleasure. I know there is more involved than that but overall, if you love someone you want to please them and if it is just sex you are after your own pleasure.
Just a thought,
mikey

I would agree with this statement. I once read a good scene in a book written by Linda Howard. The man was startled at how much different sex had been with a woman that he actually loved as opposed to his normal sexual encounters with women just to 'scratch the itch". He is pondering it after he left the woman that he was in love with. He thought to himself that "before sex had always been just another craving that could be satisfied easily like eating food or drinking beer. But this sex with this woman went way beyond that. This time his heart was involved as well as his cock." I think describes the difference as well as could be.

 

[DerelictionOfSanity]

I think that it's possible to have good love without sex and good sex without love, but that it's best to have both together.

 

[Pure]

however, derelict, it seems men do NOT have a great need to keep them together, and woman really want them together.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

however, derelict, it seems men do NOT have a great need to keep them together, and woman really want them together.

yep... for the masculine, it's not necessary (although it can be fulfilling) to have a heart connection... for the feminine, it's hard to separate ...

 

[angelicminx]

So, what is, or is there any, relationship between, 'love', however you define it and sex, however you define that?


Amicus...

Interesting question, Ami. I'll think about it and get back to you on it.

 

[amicus]

SelenaKittyn]yep... for the masculine, it's not necessary (although it can be fulfilling) to have a heart connection... for the feminine, it's hard to separate ...

[/I]

And here I was trying to avoid a gender differentiality to be politically correct on this site.

From the brevity of the replies, it seems my muse has stumbled on an interesting question for a change.

If it is true that 'love' is more a feminine thing, then if so, why?

amicus...

 

[S-Des]

yep... for the masculine, it's not necessary (although it can be fulfilling) to have a heart connection... for the feminine, it's hard to separate ...

Grrr...this is such a stereotype. I don't mind being in the minority, but at least acknowledge that this is the "norm" not the only way things happen. There are women who are equally as predatory as men and don't need to feel in order to enjoy themselves. Similarly, there are those of us who NEVER have sex just for the sake of having it. In my 7 year hiatus, I had numerous opportunities, but passed on all of them because they weren't what I was looking for. I'd rather masturbate than be intimate with a woman I had no feelings for.

 

[DerelictionOfSanity]

however, derelict, it seems men do NOT have a great need to keep them together, and woman really want them together.

I'm not sure whether that's true as a general thing, but it's not true for me. Personally, I keep hoping to find someone to love and have sex with. I was mostly basing my theory of good sex being possible without love on other's experiences.

 

[SesameStreet]

[/I]



If it is true that 'love' is more a feminine thing, then if so, why?

amicus...

I want some of the guys to explain that for me. I have never understood it.

 

[angelicminx]

This is a hard question to answer clearly, Ami.

I'm deeply in love with my husband, and he is with me. We swing. We've had sex with people we neither had or ever desired to have deep, love-like feelings for.

For me, I just love sex and all of the feelings derived therein, but when I'm fucking someone other than my husband that's all it is- fucking. There's a lack of connection, that feeling of opening myself completely to another person.

My husband can touch me just about anywhere and I melt. A sex partner can touch me in the same places and I feel like I'm just being touched. My husband knows all of my triggers, and where to find them on any given day. A sex partner will never find the ones that make me see stars.

My husband can kiss me and send shockwaves to my toes.

Sex with my husband is just... more. I make love with him and no one else.

Sex with my husband is more of an emotional journey than a physical release.

 

[jomar]

[/I]If it is true that 'love' is more a feminine thing, then if so, why?

amicus...

I don't know that love is a more feminine thing, but the expression of it may be different. For example (generally speaking), if a couple is having a bit of tension or feeling distant, the guy's attitude is "let's have sex and we'll feel closer." The woman's attitude is "I need to feel close to want to have sex."

I think that for both men and women, the presence of love in the relationship changes the quality of sex, raising it to another level, if you will.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Grrr...this is such a stereotype. I don't mind being in the minority, but at least acknowledge that this is the "norm" not the only way things happen. There are women who are equally as predatory as men and don't need to feel in order to enjoy themselves. Similarly, there are those of us who NEVER have sex just for the sake of having it. In my 7 year hiatus, I had numerous opportunities, but passed on all of them because they weren't what I was looking for. I'd rather masturbate than be intimate with a woman I had no feelings for.

I'm not talking about gender... I'm talking about archetypal energy... the feminine needs to open itself in order to be entered... literally and figuratively... the masculine doesn't...

gender is irrelevant... men can have feminine energy and women can have masculine energy... it shifts...

I thought people had heard me say it enough I didn't need to clarify... guess not!

 

[mikey2much]

this is what I think not what I know

Me being a man I can’t say for sure but I think that a woman has a great fear of being thought of as ‘something to fuck’. It is something that cheapens them in their own eyes.
To fight this they try to make the man show them that they are special, this is the seed that romance grows from, a desire to show your partner that she is special.

When you love someone, and they love you, you both are aware of how special you are to the other.

As a man, when a woman will submit to your desires without some sort of bribe, it makes you feel special enough. This rule only applies to women that you respect.

To me the greater mystery is why women give themselves to men who don’t seem to value them. You see this happening all the time.

 

[elsol]

*yawn*

Sex...

What's love got to do with it?

There's women I've wanted more... felt a lot better to fuck them.

There's women whom I was mentally sexually compatible with... more fun to fuck them.

There's women whom I was more physically compatible with... it works like this ladies, you know that lie you tell men about the size of their dick, not all pussy is the same. Not even fucking close!!!

Love... I'll take physical or mental compatibility over love anytime.

------

Is love a more feminine energy?

IMO...Yes.

There is shit my girl feels for my dog that is incomprehensible for me... sure, it's my dog, but come on! It's pretty much the same for every girl I've dated or whatevered with.

Much more 'love'.

But it could be me, I've thought some of my male best friends went a little too weak in the knees over the love thing too.

 

[S-Des]

I'm not talking about gender... I'm talking about archetypal energy... the feminine needs to open itself in order to be entered... literally and figuratively... the masculine doesn't...

gender is irrelevant... men can have feminine energy and women can have masculine energy... it shifts...

I thought people had heard me say it enough I didn't need to clarify... guess not!

Oops, that makes more sense. I wouldn't be afraid to say that in some ways I'm very in touch with the more feminine side, and in other ways I'm too male for my own good. It's funny, but for the first time in my life, I find that I don't have to repress either of these sides. She seems comfortable with pretty much any whim I have and enjoys encouraging me to be myself. I've even found that the Dom thing (which I have NEVER experimented with before), is a strong part of who I am. I guess being able to be myself without any reservations is what makes me feel so strongly about her (and gives so much more enjoyment to sex than anything I've ever experienced before). She says it does the same for her.

 

[SummerMorning]

[/I]

And here I was trying to avoid a gender differentiality to be politically correct on this site.

From the brevity of the replies, it seems my muse has stumbled on an interesting question for a change.

If it is true that 'love' is more a feminine thing, then if so, why?

amicus...

Well, one take on the whole thing would be grounded in biology. Basically, you have three mechanisms to "love"

a. raw sex, the one based on dopamine. Basically, you get high. Euphoria and all that. Dopamine gets produced even without orgasm. You get it when you look at pretty naked people, when you grope and stoke and touch and moan ...

b. long term affection, based on oxytocin, which builds up over time, cements emotional bonds and is produced during orgasm.

c. and friendship ... which ... hm. Goddamn. Have to ge freshen up on my neurochemistry.

But basically you're interested in a. and b.

 

[SummerMorning]

Oh. And hello everyone.

I'm still alive.

 

[slyc_willie]

So, what is, or is there any, relationship between, 'love', however you define it and sex, however you define that?

There are as many differing views on love and sex as there are stories on this site, obviously.

The scenario of a first-time sexual encounter is always one laden with emotion, whether both lovers feel it or not. The first time for anyone is a very intense experience, especially for a woman. When my wife and I amde love the first time, it was, literally, her first time. We talked about it a lot afterward, and she described the pain, the pleasure, the sensation of being filled, etc., in great detail to me.

While we had been having just about every kind of sex, short of intercourse, up to that point, and had already professed our love for one another, Charlotte told me afterward that she felt 'incredibly close and connected' to me in a way she had never felt before. We were already in love, and could see no future without each other, but the physical closeness of consummation made her feelings that much stronger.

So, of course, love and sex can exist independently of one another, but as has already been said here, making love with someone you love is the most intense pleasure I can imagine. Fucking just feels good, and there's nothing wrong with something that feels good. But being in love, sharing your body and mind and soul all at once . . . there is simply no equal to that kind of pleasure.

 

[Liar]

Oh. And hello everyone.

I'm still alive.

So it seems. Good to see ya.

 

[amicus]

[QUOTE=SummerMorning]Oh. And hello everyone.

I'm still alive. [/QUOTE]

~~~thanks for the comment and welcome back?

amicus