Sex after giving birth

[Voosla]

Ok, I'm sure there are several of you out there who have had kids, so I thought this would be a good place to ask. I just had my son 4 weeks ago this wednesday, my hubby is really pushing me to have sex. He's to the point where he doesn't even want blow jobs anymore, just sex. I'm also getting rather anxious. I want some outside opinions. I tore pretty bad w/ the birth and had 13 stitches. In the hospital my doc kept telling me to make sure I wait 6 weeks or I could tear again. But I was also told that the stiches would heal in 6-10 days. And have heard about many women having sex at 3-5weeks. I know that if you dont get any stitches you can resume when you feel comfortable, but dr's perfer you to wait until you stop bleeding to lower risk of infection. Well I've also stopped bleeding already.

So...what are your opinions/experiences? I'm just afraid that I'll mess something up down there, otherwise I'd go for it.

 

[Guest]

 

[Bandit58]

I had stitches after both kids, the first I had had an episiotomy and it all healed within 6 weeks no problems, but I got a very heavy period 5 weeks after the birth so I waited another couple of weeks.

The second time I tore and had more stitches.....this time it took longer to heal and sex was painful....I went back to the doctor and I had a low grade infection which required antibiotics. All told it was 8 weeks that time.....


If he cared about you he'd wait......sorry I had some bad experiences with a guy who was impatient.....

 

[Noneyabizness]

The stitches may heal after 6-10 days, but the area is still healing, and there is a chance the incision can open again. Why take the chance of having something happen, only to have to wait even longer? I agree, if your husband cares about you, then he can wait just a little longer. I'm sure if he had something such as you do on his penis, he wouldn't be as eager. He didn't just have something the size of a watermelon come out of something the size of a cherry (pardon the pun)!

If you aren't ready, then tell him so. Get him a subscription to Playboy!

 

[SexyChele]

I've never had children, so this is probably a most uneducated opinion. Sorry, I'm like that!

I can imagine that your husband (as well a you!) are impatient to resume a healthy sex life. However, your total health must account for something, right? Okay, the stitches may have healed, and the bleeding stopped. But your body goes through some great trauma during childbirth, and it is recovering. It sounds as though you are doing nicely right now. That's great! Is your husband saying that, for the possible sake of your health, he absolutely, positively cannot wait another two weeks?

I would say call your doctor and see if he/she thinks it might be safe. Just keep in mind what some are saying here - if something goes wrong, it might mean hubby needs to go even longer without. Two weeks more doesn't seem like all that much of a sacrifice to make to me.

And btw - congratulations on the birth of your son!!

 

[Weird Harold]

So...what are your opinions/experiences? I'm just afraid that I'll mess something up down there, otherwise I'd go for it.

If thes tiches have healed to the point where they aren't tender and you've stopped bleeding, you'll probably be OK. I wouldn't engage in any rough sex or continue if there is pain.

If you feel up to it, go for it but proceed with caution. If Hubby can't agree to that, make him a bed on the couch until you're sure you're healed.

 

[Guest]

You're not in Kansas anymore...

Been there, done that four times... A couple of things to consider:

Are you nursing? If so, make sure you have LOTS of lubricant on hand Not all women, but many, are very dry while nursing. You don't want your first "run" to be uncomfortable for you.

Your whole vaginal area just suffered a great trauma-- 13 stitches!! did you give birth to a truck?!-- having intercourse too soon could cause your whole pelvic floor to "let go". Encourage your man that waiting may get you "tighter" in the long run.

Do your Kegel excercise 6-8 times a day to promote blood flow and healing.

How does all this make you feel emotionally? Pressure and sex don't make for good relationship karma... If you are "taking care of him" with oral sex, he can just get over himself! He's a parent now, it's time to grow up...

If he cared about you he'd wait......sorry I had some bad experiences with a guy who was impatient...

Bandit has it exactly right!

Congratulations on the new little one!

 

[lovetoread]

I waited 6 weeks after my first two (bad births) and I think it was 4 for my last one.

What you need is to be relaxed and have fun.

Oh and get some lube.

Without lube there would be no 2nd or 3rd child.

 

[capricious_chic]

Congrats on the new baby.

When you say you are anxious, is it because you are ready to have sex.. or scared to? After my first child I was scared to have sex again, for many of the same reason you have mentioned. Remind your husband that he needs to be patient, and understanding during this time... it is not like it was unexpected. The rule of thumb is six weeks, or until you are comfortable. I can't imagine being pressured into sex is comfortable.

One thing that hasn't been mentioned yet, is during this time, esp. if you are breastfeeding.. you are VERY fertile. I work in the medical field.. and it is very, very common for women to come in for their six week check up pregnant! When you decide to engage in sexual relations again.. be sure that you are using some form of contraceptive, unless you want another child right away. It is better to let your body recover before trying to have another child. It is also better not only for your body, but your peace of mind to wait to have sex until you are physically and emotionally ready. I would suggest telling your husband that when you are ready, you will let him know... to let off of the pressure and be the wonderful and caring person he should be during this time. Then.. when you are ready.. get a babysitter for the night(as a baby crying tends to distract from trying to feel sexy, and can make what should be a wonderful time feel like a disaster).. plan a seductive evening.. and spend some quality time with your husband... Perhaps he is putting so much pressure on you.. because he is feeling jealous of the time you are spending with the baby.. this is a very common thing.. Make sure that he is as involved as you with the baby.. and the aforementioned night alone will help to alleviate any jealousy.

Good luck!!

 

[capricious_chic]

Oh yeah.. and LUBE.. lots and lots of LUBE!!!

 

[Jabo 69]

Back to fuckin

Hi Voosla---Your hubby is just being selfish and immature..If he is a caring man and really loves you he should be willing to wait two months or however long it takes..Your health and well being is what's at stake....MAKE HIM WAIT..... JABO

 

[Belilica]

I waited 6 weeks after giving birth, it was still tender and sore. Take it really slow, be very careful, you might even consider getting a really little dildo (and lots of lube) to try on your own to see how comfortable it is for you. I think he's just being too impatient, tell him that serious permanent damage can be done if things go too quickly, the last thing you want is to tear again and have to wait another couple weeks. I agree with the other ladies tho... if he has a problem, tell him to go fuck himself

Bel

 

[Lust Engine]

Any caring guys would allow the woman to decide exactly when she's capable to have sex again. Doctor's orders or no doctor's orders- she's got to feel right about her own body to have sex again.

Again, I'm speaking of a caring guy who would do this! Considerate caring guys wouldn't be so selfish to rush his woman's timetable. Anybody who wants to rush things beyond anyone's comfort zone is an inconsiderate dolt.

Fret not guys, you were masturbating long before you met the Mrs. and I'm sure you still can if you had to.

 

[Voosla]

Ok, first of all, when I said my hubby was pressuring me, it's not in a bad way, he's not like lets have sex, you should be healed enough etc. It's more like when we're laying in bed w/ our legs wrap together he tells me how much he misses it and how much he wants to make love again. Then we usually start joking around about how much longer we have. I guess simply put, he's not being an ass about it. And I want to as much as he does. When it gets down to it, we'll most likely wait the 6 weeks to be on the safe side, I just wanted to know about other women's expieriences. Besides, last night we found an enjoyable alternative for both of us. We used lots of lube and went between my legs. There was just enough clitoral stimulation to get me off too. Except afterwards he got really paranoid about where the head of his penis was when he got off, he's afraid if it was too close to my vaginal opening, one of the little guys might find his way in. I doubt it, but he said if we try it again, he's definantly wearing a condom.

 

[pinklipstick]

Ok, first of all, when I said my hubby was pressuring me, it's not in a bad way, he's not like lets have sex, you should be healed enough etc. It's more like when we're laying in bed w/ our legs wrap together he tells me how much he misses it and how much he wants to make love again. Then we usually start joking around about how much longer we have. I guess simply put, he's not being an ass about it. And I want to as much as he does. When it gets down to it, we'll most likely wait the 6 weeks to be on the safe side, I just wanted to know about other women's expieriences. Besides, last night we found an enjoyable alternative for both of us. We used lots of lube and went between my legs. There was just enough clitoral stimulation to get me off too. Except afterwards he got really paranoid about where the head of his penis was when he got off, he's afraid if it was too close to my vaginal opening, one of the little guys might find his way in. I doubt it, but he said if we try it again, he's definantly wearing a condom.

Oh I am SO glad you clariefied that. Your post bothered me for 2 days after I read it. I deliberately didn't answer because I was so upset.

When I was little (around 12?), my mother knew a woman who's husband was a bit abusive. She had just delivered a baby and HER husband couldn't wait. In a matter of a couple weeks, she was back in the hospital to get resewn. I was horrified when my mother explained this to me.

I'm really glad this is not the case with you. It sounds like you have a warm relationship with him!

 

[cheftell]

just a guys point of view

I guess to throw my two cents in here as a guy, my ex and I had three kids after each one the lenght of time was different. We did wait at least the 6 wks that the doctor said but it still depended on if she felt comfortable...and I was afraid after the first that I could of hurt her too. The most important thing is that it is a pleasureable experience for both of you.......not everything revolves around intercourse there a many alternative for pleasure. I do remember that with the baby(s) getting up every couple of hours many times we were both to exhausted to do anything but hold each other a caress each other....

 

[Belilica]

Ok, first of all, when I said my hubby was pressuring me, it's not in a bad way, he's not like lets have sex, you should be healed enough etc. It's more like when we're laying in bed w/ our legs wrap together he tells me how much he misses it and how much he wants to make love again. Then we usually start joking around about how much longer we have. I guess simply put, he's not being an ass about it. And I want to as much as he does. When it gets down to it, we'll most likely wait the 6 weeks to be on the safe side, I just wanted to know about other women's expieriences. Besides, last night we found an enjoyable alternative for both of us. We used lots of lube and went between my legs. There was just enough clitoral stimulation to get me off too. Except afterwards he got really paranoid about where the head of his penis was when he got off, he's afraid if it was too close to my vaginal opening, one of the little guys might find his way in. I doubt it, but he said if we try it again, he's definantly wearing a condom.

*sigh of relief*

 

[Puppi]

I did not tear when I had my son. He was 5 lbs 13 oz. My midwife told me to wait 6 to 8 weeks before having sex again. I waited (barely) 6 weeks. At that point it hurt like hell and I was unable to "finish". I had to wait the full 8 weeks, and, as I stated once before, I never tore during delivery.

 

[*Catbabe*]

Sex is such a mental thing...if your head isnt into for whatever reason I would wait. If you are at all worried about it hurting or not feeling good ....you probably wont have fun. I waited at least 6 weeks after all three of my kids and I didnt have nearly as many stitches as you!! I would give yourself lots of time so that you create a great memory when you do have sex again not bad one...

Cat

Congrats on your new baby too!!!!

 

[entitled]

After reading through the thread and deciding i got here a little late (as usual) i'm going to toss in a couple of pennies. First of all, congratulations! Get ready for a lifetime of sleepless nights and diaper changes.

Secondly, it's a good thing Your Husband is such a good sport about it. That makes a lot of difference.

Third: If You two have already partaken in almost-sex, You're probably ready for the 'real thing'. Just be careful. You will be sore, Your insides are still stretched and healing, and there might even be a little bit of bleeding due to the re-stretching of tissues. my Husband's a little guy and that still happened to me. If it gets to hurting too much, just stop. Do something else. Go for the blow job, or the 69, or whatever. Wait another week or two. It's not that bad.

Fourth: Remember that We all heal at different rates. It just depends on Your body. Puppi said that She had a nearly 6 lb. baby and had to wait 8 weeks. i had a 10 lb. 6 oz. boy and a 9 lb. 3-1/2 oz. girl. Both times it was less than a month before the Other Half and i were going at it again. Just pay attention to what Your body tells You and You'll be fine.

 

[wannaknow]

congratulations!!! i think it totally depends on how you feel. I agree totally with the above posts concerning being "mentally" ready...hubby and I have 3 all almost 9 lbs. I had stiches with the first 2 and none with the last. We waited barely 3 weeks with all three. I however did not tear.... Lots of Lube is a must and wear your bra and nursing pads if your breast are still leaking a bit or you are breast feeding....if you don't it adds a whole new meaning to "wet spot"...LOL... hubby did not push me with any, I was totally ready at 3 weeks. It will be a little painful..(I hate to use that word) but hubby and I laughed afterwards because I compared it to the first time I had sex. It hurt at first, but then felt really good. You will be using one ear to listen to your partner and the other for the baby monitor, so don't be dissapointed.....I looked at it from the stand point that for 9mos I carried this child, gave birth and totally focused on that precious new life, counting fingers,toes and watching them sleep, being in awe at what my hubby and I had created....that I needed and craved that one on one time with my hubby to focus on us and "celebrate" what we had done....sappy I know, but that is honestly how we felt......Good Luck and Congratulations again!!!!!
Wanna

 

[LustrusStorm]

I have a 7 Week old daughter. I only waited 3 weeks to have sex again, but I had a c-section.

 

[lovechild27]

I have never had kids....but I did have a surgery where I had some...err...I guess you could say 'birth like' trauma to my cervix and uterus....I tried sex to early and holy crap it was awful. My condition probably wasnt half as bad as yours. I would be cautious and wait. A raging infection or bleeding isnt worth sex...to me at least. Just keep thinking how good it will be when you finally do get to have sex in a few weeks!!! And congrats on the baby

 

[ffswife]

My moms ex husband raped her after a couple of weeks after having my brother. She got pregnant too.

With my first, I had to wait something like 8 or 9 weeks. We tried at 4, 5, 6 and 7 weeks but it hurt too much and I was not going to risk ripping and having to wait longer. DH was like yours it sounds like. He wasn't an ass about it, he just MISSED ME! I felt bad but he understood and we just did other things.

With my second I waited 6 weeks. It hurt at first and it took a good 10 times for me to actually start enjoying it again.

I really suggest to wait. Even if it is more the 6 weeks. Its better to wait. You had a lot of stitches, it may very well take longer to heal!! I UNDERSTAND! Post partum SUCKS. Except holding the new little baby...

 

[mike_mike02128]

Here's a mans point of view if you want it.....After we had our baby 5 months ago (her 2nd) the doctor also told us to wait the 6 weeks. I think they give that # to be on the safe side. Where as she had no interest or rather not up to it for the first 3 weeks, she was ready to go at about 4 weeks. We shy'd away from full penetration until the full 6 weeks, and relied on other pleasures, mainly due to paranoia from what the doctor said about injury and tearing. Although I think things would have been fine after 4 weeks.

I think all woman (like anything else) are different as far as healing goes and it would depend solely on the individual to judge her own body and decide for herself when and how much she can handle. Good luck, don't hurt yourself, and have fun.

Congrats on the Baby.