Sex after a hysterectomy (or Do you miss your cervix?)

[pplwatching]

Ladies, if you've had a hysterectomy how did your life change sexually and otherwise? Men, if your wife / partner went through this how did it affect you?

Last week my wife had a hysterectomy. We have so far been blessed with no major complications and what appears to be a smooth recovery. After almost two years of 'female trouble' wreaking havoc in our lives, in another 6 weeks or so we will hopefully get back to a normal, routine, life. I am looking forward to having my wife back in many ascpects of our life.

I am surprised to find that I am a little nervous about how this change in our life is going to play out, both in and out of the bedroom. Not having periods from hell with the cramping, endless bleeding, and mood swings should help outside of the bedroom. My wife's well-being is important to me, and at the same time I am not ashamed to say that I want her to enjoy a normal sex life. I know that her ovaries are responsible for her sex hormones, and they are both healthy.

Thanks

 

[DrHappy]

Some women that I have known to have undergone this procedure have had an adjustment period with hormones that went well beyond six weeks. I didn't talk about intimate details with them, but I know that they had problems with fatigue for a while which could interfere with sex for a little longer.

 

[NippleMuncher]

A had a girlfriend a few years back that had undergone a hysterectomy long before I knew her. As far as sex was concerned, there were no issues. As far as her personality is concerned, it's hard to say if her mood swings were hormonal based or the fact that she was a bit of a nut case. She had financial, life, and minor health issues that all contributed greatly to her demeanor, so IMHO hormones alone cannot explain why she was the way she was.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I had some other issues along with my hysterectomy and I did end up with some complications. The most serious was the inability to orgasm. At first I thought it was because of the absence of my uterus and cervix (I had always had those deep inner orgasms)

But after a year of dr visits trying to come up with a solution or a cause I was sent to a university based pelvic physical therapist. I was not willing to go through the rest of my life never having an orgasm again. Physical therapy including both vaginal and anal biofeedback diagnosed the problem. Because of the reason for the surgery (prolapse) and the surgery itself my body had responded by tightening all the pelvic muscle and staying that way. The tightness had cut off blood supply to the nerves thus making orgasm impossible. After 6 visits I was able to orgasm again ANd haven't stopped since.

This may have been TMI, but I hate to think what my mental health not to mention my marriage would be like now (5 yrs post-op) if I hadn't gone for pelvic physical therapy.

I don't have the same kind of orgasms as I did before but somehow my body has adjusted to allow me to have ones of the same intensity and pleasure, just different.

 

[kimbernee]

I haven't had one myself but I have a friend who did and I can tell you her recovery period was a LOT longer than the 6 weeks doctors claim. They just mean that after 6 weeks you can sit up long enough to go to work again. Don't expect her to be swinging from the chandeliers for another 6 weeks after that. On the positive side, once she was recovered from the surgery she also felt a lot better overall and started exercising and getting back into hobbies and looked healthier and happier. I didn't ask about orgasms.

 

[Eilan]

pplwatching, did your wife have a traditional hysterectomy or did she have it done laparoscopically?

 

[echologue]

Uterus relocation

I hate the term hys... as if removing the organ that was supposed to be responsible for a woman's "hysterical" behavior yada...

But I had a partner who had a very similar experience as Ecstaticsub. My ex- underwent pelvic physical therapy for 12 - 14 months. We split actually mid way through this recovery procedure. The split had nothing to do with the surgical procedure, but with other issues between us.

I remember she was extremely concerned about what her sexual response would be. I remember talking all about this brought us very close.

It's a major thing to go through, but also a growth opportunity.

Hope that helps. Best wishes to you both for a speedy recovery.

 

[pplwatching]

Thanks for the replies.

This may have been TMI, but I hate to think what my mental health not to mention my marriage would be like now (5 yrs post-op) if I hadn't gone for pelvic physical therapy.

Thanks for the candid reply. It's not TMI. This has been a very long road, and it has affected our marriage and sex life for a long time already. It will be a while before we know how this will change her sexual response, but the Dr told us that some women who are used to their cervix playing a part in their sexual enjoyment have to adjust. That's part of the reason that I was asking in the first place. My wife says she never noticed it, but I know when I was stimulating it she always responded very enthusiastically.

pplwatching, did your wife have a traditional hysterectomy or did she have it done laparoscopically?

(warning: this might be TMI for some people) The terminology was laprascopically assisted vaginal delivery (as opposed to removing the uterus in strips through the holes in the abdomen). The Dr estimated 1.5 - 2 hrs, but it took almost 3.5. After the surgery the Dr said that the uterus was very large due to fibroids and endometriosis. That, combined with the "length of her vagina (the Dr's words)", made the surgery more complicated.

I am very happy that she's recovering so smoothly. I want the best for her, but at the same time I am anxious about how this will change our sexual relationship.

Thanks again

 

[WaltzingMatilda]

5 years post-hyster now, and it was the best thing for me personally. The only difference with my sex life (when in existence ) is dryness, so I keep the lube handy. It took some time to feel "right" again, but everything works fine now.

Wishing your wife all the best for a smooth & rapid recovery.

 

[Qpet05]

i had a hysterectomy back in january... i can say that when i was fully recovered in mid march Master and i felt no difference in either the "depth " He could go to, the intensity of my orgasms, or any other differences.. except for the fact that W/we can have sex whenever He desires.

 

[simplegirl]

I had a hysterectomy in 2001. Interesting bit....during my recovery, I had a series of wet dreams. The first time I happened, I woke up in the middle of the night, flipped the light on because I was so wet, I thought I was bleeding. What a relief to realize it wasn't the case. ;o)

My sex life has actually greatly improved with the hysterectomy. I get wetter and more turned on than ever before. I think it's because I no longer have a lingering fear of pain. Who knows?

If she kept her ovaries, vaginal dryness and hormonal mood swings shouldn't be an issue, or at least any more of one than they were before.

 

[gloriann]

I had a laparoscopic supra-cervial partial hysterectomy in February. In other words, I had my uterus removed through three small incisions. I still have my ovaries and cervix. I no longer have my period, which is a blessing, but I can tell when I WOULD have had my period, due to some minor mood swings, bloating, etc., but it's so minimal now I'm the only one who knows.

As far as sex, there have been no issues, but I also took it very slowly. I think that's key. The recovery time of 6 weeks was ample for returning to work, but I still took it easy otherwise for awhile. Once fully recovered, though, it's been the best thing I've ever done.

 

[pplwatching]

Thanks for the responses. It's been almost 5 weeks. So far the only complications have been a minor infection in one of the incision sites.

I had a hysterectomy in 2001. Interesting bit....during my recovery, I had a series of wet dreams. The first time I happened, I woke up in the middle of the night, flipped the light on because I was so wet, I thought I was bleeding. What a relief to realize it wasn't the case. ;o)

A little over a week ago I woke up to the feeling of my wife giving me a foot-job, of all things (a first for her, not that I am complaining). I figured maybe she was just giving me a treat for being such a wonderful nurse these past few weeks , but she then used my erection to masturbate herself to orgasm! When she did it again a few days later, I asked her if she was paying a price later in the day and she said no. We joked that maybe she just needed to get the blood flowing to speed up the healing. Maybe there's more to that than we realized ;-)

Anyway, no penetration yet but I can dare to dream now.

 

[pplwatching]

I still have my ovaries and cervix. .

Would you mind sharing why you chose to keep your cervix? It's water under the bridge for us now, but I am curious.

We talked to three doctors and none of them saw a reason for keeping the cervix beyond the role it might play in my wife's sexual satisfaction (not that they minimized that). The all said that the reduced risk of cervical cancer was reason enough to go ahead and take it unless she really noticed the contractions during orgasm (she said she didn't).

Thanks

 

[gloriann]

Would you mind sharing why you chose to keep your cervix? It's water under the bridge for us now, but I am curious.

We talked to three doctors and none of them saw a reason for keeping the cervix beyond the role it might play in my wife's sexual satisfaction (not that they minimized that). The all said that the reduced risk of cervical cancer was reason enough to go ahead and take it unless she really noticed the contractions during orgasm (she said she didn't).

Thanks

I kept it for several reasons. One, it is fine, healthy; the problem was the uterus. Two, the surgery would have been more extensive. And three, my doc explained that the cervix serves as a support for the organs above, the bladder especially. I could have opted for the whole shebang, but I wanted to go for the least surgery possible. I guess there's always a chance that I'll have to go back in sometime in the future to get the rest of the stuff removed, but I'm hoping that doesn't happen.

 

[pplwatching]

Update ...

My wife's Dr told her "You can have sex as long as you have lot's of foreplay", so last night we did ;-) I think my wife was understandably nervous at first but eventually she relaxed. I think her apprehension gradually eased once I was inside of her. She relaxed and was able to enjoy herself, which was a huge relief for me too.

Thanks for all of the posts.

 

[youngleo]

I had a girlfriend that had her cervix taken out and there were no problems. I couldnt feel the difference. And she couldnt feel the difference.

 

[KarennaC]

This is why the "Search forum" function is so useful; it saved me from starting another thread on this topic.

After years of abnormal periods, over a year of really abnormal periods, fatigue, and discomfort, and a couple months of barely being able to function due to pain and exhaustion, I've finally gotten an accurate diagnosis. A large fibroid, and abnormally thick endometrium. They did an endometrial biopsy a couple days ago, still waiting for the results on that, but meanwhile based on the fibroid and the fact that I've been bleeding or spotting almost constantly for the past two months, they've decided to do a hysterectomy. Actually, they gave me the choice between that and a less invasive procedure to deal with the fibroid; after research told me that sometimes the other procedure resulted in other problems or a recurrence of fibroids, I decided hysterectomy would be the better choice. I've got two kids and had my tubes tied 11 years ago; I'm pretty much done with my uterus anyway.

I'm kind of scared about the surgery, because it's major surgery. I haven't discussed it fully with the doc yet; my pre-op "here's what we're going to do" appointment is a week from today, and the surgery itself will probably be a week or so after that. I'm pretty sure I'll end up keeping my ovaries, and I think I'll end up keeping my cervix since the problems I've been having are confined to my uterus.

I'm concerned about sex afterward. Reading here that people have had their typical- or better- sex lives after hysterectomy is very reassuring. I moved in with my boyfriend two months ago, and for most of those two months we've barely been able to have intercourse because of the health problems I've had, which got really bad about two weeks after I moved. I'm going to have a lot of questions for my doctor about how long after the surgery I have to wait to have intercourse, can we do clitoral stimulation sooner than intercourse... and the one question my boyfriend is curious about, that I don't know if I'll dare to ask, can we have anal intercourse sooner than vaginal?

 

[simplegirl]

Karenna, if you can keep your ovaries, do so. That is what makes a world of difference. Otherwise, you'll be thrust into premature menopause and you'll have hot flashes and dry vagina and all the other fun stuff. Including increased risk of osteoporosis, etc...

Truly, the lack of uterus does not affect sex, except, for those of us who have to have it removed, it often improves afterwards, since there's no longer any pain.

Just make sure to listen to your post-op instructions. Ladies usually do too much too soon, because they start to feel better and wind up causing damage. No laundry, no vaccuming, no lifting, stretching, sex, etc...for 6 weeks. Take frequent short walks to help build up your strength again. (I walked back and forth in front of the house a few times, or up and down the hallway).

Good luck and take care of yourself!

 

[KarennaC]

Thanks, Simplegirl.

Um... no laundry? I don't have much choice on that one; I have kids...

 

[pplwatching]

My wife did the "less invasive" option over a year ago, and the fibroids returned. Between that and the thickening endometrium, the hysterectomy was pretty much the only option. So far she has not regretted it.

I have done a lot of reading since gloriann posted about keeping her cervix. The current state of the art in surgery makes keeping the cervix both more of an option but at the same time less necessary. It seems to be mostly personal choice today.

With respect to your sexual concerns, my wife and I have had some very satisfying sex since I last posted. Both of us shared your reservations about sex, and are happy to say that it does get better. For us, it also meant no more condoms, which has been an adjustment too. I think that part of my wife's desire to masturbate, after she had gotten past the abdominal pain, was a desire to feel sexual again and to reassure herself. I was the one who was stand-offish about sex (since at that point the Dr hadn't ok'd it), but I think having an orgasm herself and getting me off were both reassuring to her. I think the important part is that if it's something you want to do, take your time and stop if you're uncomfortable at all. Don't be in a rush to prove anything to either yourself or your boyfriend. It will happen with patience and when you're ready.

Housework, laundry, and life in general ... our Dr told her not to lift anything over 20 lbs for weeks. My wife discovered right away that even 10 lbs used more abdominal muscles than she had ever imagined. She was sore for hours if she even tried. If it is at all possible, try to get someone to do that laundry for you. Ask your boyfriend to lift the loads in and out of the machines if you really need to.

I want to wish you the best of luck with your procedure and your recovery. Feel free to write if you need moral support.

 

[cryptictravler]

I hate the term hys... as if removing the organ that was supposed to be responsible for a woman's "hysterical" behavior yada...

Other way around, hysteria was a group of behaviors believed to be caused by uterus problems and psychologists appropriated the word. 'Hyster-' referred to physical anatomy first, hysteria second.

 

[KarennaC]

pplwatching, thank you for your post. I'd read that fibroids can recur, so I didn't even want to go there with the less invasive procedure. I want this over with permanently.

Condoms haven't been an issue for us; no form of birth control has, because I had my tubes tied 11 years ago. Hence my figuring having my uterus removed isn't really much of a loss, because I was done with it anyway. lol. Once my boyfriend and I committed to being monogamous, we gave up on condoms because he hadn't had a partner in about 3 years, so he knew he was clean, and I'd been tested about a month before I met him and hadn't been with anyone since.

He's definitely the one who'll be less willing to try anything sexual without the doctor's okay; he's very worried about me and keeps telling me to take it easier than I feel like I need to. (Though I have to admit, he's been right once or twice.) I have my pre-op appointment today, and I'm going to ask the doctor about all different types of sexual activity, as well as the more mundane daily life stuff. I know I won't be able to drive for a while; fortunately, my boyfriend's dad owns a business- which my boyfriend will take over at some point in the future- and so he's been giving me work to do, and since it's mostly data entry my boyfriend's going to rig up a remote access thing for me so I can do the work from home once I'm able to sit up for a little while. I had to quit my job when things started getting really bad, because there were days when, after an hour or two, I was in so much pain I couldn't think straight.

I know I'm not supposed to lift; I had two C-sections, and while it's surgery for a different purpose, it's in the same part of the body and the recovery time and instructions are similar. But if no one else will do it- which often seems to be the case around here, my kids don't bother and my boyfriend forgets- I won't have much choice. Adding to the complications around housework, our landlord won't let us have a washer and dryer here, so everything has to be taken to the laundromat five blocks away. Or across the street to my boyfriend's parents' house, which we haven't ever done because we don't want to impose, but my boyfriend's mom likes me, so maybe she'd do some of our laundry over there for me...

 

[KarennaC]

So... a month and a half after they told me I needed the surgery, I finally had it. They did have to remove one of my ovaries, but were able to leave the other one, so at least I didn't have to deal with instant menopause. They also took my cervix.

I had the surgery on Thursday, and came home Saturday. Every day, I'm feeling a little better. My fiance (who proposed to me a few weeks ago) took time off from work to stay home and take care of me and the household, though he keeps forgetting that he's supposed to be doing laundry. It's been across the street in his mother's washer and dryer for the past 24 hours. lol. I go in for my 1-week post-op check up tomorrow.

The doctor said to wait at least 4 weeks before attempting intercourse, which means I still won't know for a little while how, if at all, my sex life will be affected. My fiance stood there yesterday helping me shower and change my bandage, and told me how sexy I am, so I figure if he still finds me appealing after all that, maybe things won't be so bad. It surprised me how resistant I was to the idea of him finding me attractive under the circumstances, though... Hopefully that will even out as I recover.

 

[Shadowann2]

I have read this thread with interest, and I'm thankful it got bumped today. I've been having pain in my ovaries for the last year or so. After 5 ultrasounds and eventually having exploratory surgery, they still don't know what's causing it. I deal with this pain on a daily basis and I'm just ready for it to end. I had an appointment for my surgery follow up today (I put it off for 3 months because I'm afraid of what the doc will say) to talk about what to do next, but it got canceled because the doctor is sick.

After talking to friends and a few people I know in the medical community, it really seems like the only option left is to remove my ovaries. Since my tubes are tied, and I don't need my uterus anymore, as I understand it, if they take my ovaries, they'll take my uterus too. My dad, who is a doctor (a cardiologist, NOT an GYN!), pointed out that taking my ovaries without knowing exactly what is causing the pain doesn't sound like a smart solution, but I don't know what else can be done! If they didn't find anything during the surgery, what's left to do?!

Anyway, I've doing some research on hysterectomies and it's effects. I'm hitting my sexual peak and I have a great partner and I'm having the best sex of my life. I'm terrified of what a complete hysterectomy will do to my sex life, not to mention the rest of my life. I'm moody enough...going through menopause at 30 would be hell for me!

Does anyone have any experiences they can share about dealing with a complete hysterectomy? How it affected your sex life? Your mood? How about the recovery time? I have 3 kids and my fiance can't take time off work for 2 more months or he looses his job. Even then, he'll only have a little bit of time that he can take. I know I don't have the official call from the doc yet saying this has to be done, but I can't keep living with this pain, and if they couldn't find anything wrong during the exploratory surgery...what else is left?