Seriously

[Netzach]

As someone who could be accused of taking herself way too seriously, I have to comment on this analysis.

I am sure there are things you have done in your work as a stunt performer that you have taken very, very seriously because of the element of danger involved. And you're right, it is because there is some fear involved. But not fear of losing validity, fear of something going wrong.

If your BDSM doesn't include danger, it may seem strange to take it so seriously. But if you can accept that for some it does feel dangerous, both physically and emotionally, you might understand where this attitude is coming from.

And I hope you understand that even the serious ones laugh and play.

This doesn't jive with my experience, personally. The more heavy shit comes down in my life the more all of it seems game-like. Which doesn't mean it's not serious, it just means nothing is to be taken too seriously.

 

[KoPilot]

Eh, it's just more of that cloistering and "minority within a minority" bullshit that people thrive on because they love shutting people out and they love the drama of telling someone they're not "genuine".

I've gotten my fair share of that in the macro community as well. Sheesh.

As far as me... it's becoming more and more apparent that S's PYL streak prefers to manifest itself as a mischievous prankster that loves to incapacitate me with laughter. i.e. tickling. And fuckloads of it.

I would much prefer if people took issues more seriously than themselves.

 

[eastern sun]

This doesn't jive with my experience, personally. The more heavy shit comes down in my life the more all of it seems game-like. Which doesn't mean it's not serious, it just means nothing is to be taken too seriously.

I agree with you about the moments in real life. Those moments are downright surreal.

I'm talking more about the conversations on the forum, in which I take myself and my circumstances very seriously because I am trying to talk about something I perceive as rocky and unsettling on a good day.

And I will admit, even I think I need to lighten up. It's just a comment on where I think some of the "seriousness" comes from.

I've seen the same in you when certain topics are raised around dominance issues. Sometimes it just feels dangerous not to get serious.

 

[CutieMouse]

Meh... I tend to take life too seriously, so it makes sense that I tend to take all this kinky woo-woo stuff "seriously". If I wasn't too serious, I wouldn't be me. (And yet somehow, in spite of the librarian-from-hell-brain, I still manage to be a dorky, quick to laugh, fun loving, sarcastic little snob... LOL)

I honestly don't care if people view themselves as "weekend warriors", or online only, or see it all as a game. However, the ones who go "Oooh oooh I'm such a bad bad girl/boy! Gosh golly now Master/Mistress has to spank me! *tee hee*" do annoy the sh*t out of me - but I recognize that that's my literal brain twitching, and different strokes for different folks and all that.

The silly thing about all that is that my views of my own submission are so freaking low key it's stupid. I don't need to 'scene', or include toys, or use honorifics, or do anything other than be myself... but that dead serious streak is there regardless. LOL

 

[00Syd]

Am I the only person here that translates "Play" as "engaging in BDSM-related activities?"

Nope, I do. And I like that it's called "play." Seems right on the money.

ETA: Sometimes when other people talk about playing, it sounds much more like working, and that's usually where my not-too-serious/too-serious line lies.

 

[NomadLady]

Am I the only person here that translates "Play" as "engaging in BDSM-related activities?"

I ONLY play. I do not lifestyle. I am quite intent on my play, and it's extremely important to me-- keeps me sane and engaged. It's a requirement.

Sometimes play is frightening. Often it is dead serious. What it isn't, in my world at least, is permanent. And although I sometimes crush heavy on a play partner, I'm wierdly okay with that impermanence.

And that's what I have to say about that.

Through some rather bad decisions on my part in the past....I have changed the way that I "play" and I agree with Stella 100% on this topic now.

 

[eastern sun]

Well, here's an analogy, related to the stunt world.

There were a small group of A-list performers who liked to refer to themselves as "truebloods" (long before the TV show). They were consummate professionals who also had fun but where to most the job was the job was the job...they LIVED it. No problem with that, at all. It helped make them who they were. The problem was that they often made it clear that anyone who didn't share their attitude and belief were somehow "less".

I worked and trained my ass off and took my job very seriously while I was doing it. But I never kidded myself that it was anything more than a job.

Then I am taking this conversation way, way too seriously.

 

[00Syd]

I've seen the same in you when certain topics are raised around dominance issues. Sometimes it just feels dangerous not to get serious.

For me, I start to get an "uh-oh" feeling whenever I start to get too serious about any one thing regarding my sex life, and my relationship.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Nope, I do. And I like that it's called "play." Seems right on the money.

ETA: Sometimes when other people talk about playing, it sounds much more like working, and that's usually where my not-too-serious/too-serious line lies.

Where do they find the time!


I admit that I crave long weekends that I can actually take off on-- not very often, lemme tell you-- and set up something elaborate. But most of the time, I get one night at the local dungeon-- I REALLY want to be home before three AM.

 

[eastern sun]

For me, I start to get an "uh-oh" feeling whenever I start to get too serious about any one thing regarding my sex life, and my relationship.

Maybe I'm trying to defend something that feels precarious . . . like walking through a crowded club with an egg on a tiny spoon.

(Honestly, I think it's primarily a status move - effective or not only if people agree with you. It's just one of many such moves used in our social hierarchies. What's interesting to me, on a forum like this, is to see the prevailing attitudes and status markers shift and change as new voices rise and fall.)

 

[00Syd]

Where do they find the time!


I admit that I crave long weekends that I can actually take off on-- not very often, lemme tell you-- and set up something elaborate. But most of the time, I get one night at the local dungeon-- I REALLY want to be home before three AM.

Oh, nothing against elaborate scenes. big elaborate scenes can be great. A great amount of work can be put into setting up a situation, and the resulting scene can still feel incredibly joyous and fun.

I guess it just comes down to different style's of play. I need the room to laugh and to have fun. That's really important to me.

Maybe I'm trying to defend something that feels precarious . . . like walking through a crowded club with an egg on a tiny spoon.

(Honestly, I think it's primarily a status move - effective or not only if people agree with you. It's just one of many such moves used in our social hierarchies. What's interesting to me, on a forum like this, is to see the prevailing attitudes and status markers shift and change as new voices rise and fall.)

Sure. I don't think I disagree.

 

[eastern sun]

And then, of course, there is downright silliness and game-playing that goes on in this cyberworld that needs a little seriousness to balance it.

 

[intothewoods]

Here's something that interests me. Some folks seem to take their BDSM/kink/lifestyle/_______ (insert most apt descriptor of choice) very seriously and I get the impression that they look down on anything they see as "play".

Or, it's a "that's OK for others but I live this I don't play at this" attitude.

Sometimes it strikes me that there is out and out derision expressed for anything that is less than 100% intense and real, where BDSM is concerned.

This makes me curious.

What is wrong with play? Why does something have to be 'serious' to be worthwhile and/or enjoyable?

It's very prevalent here. I think it's just that 24/7 types, like anyone else, want to find their tribe, find a place where they can be honest and talk about their relationship, etc.

It does annoy me if someone comes in here who just wants to add in some bdsm to spice up their relationship and people jump on them because their vocab is wrong and they're not 24/7.

I think you'll find it goes both ways. I have been here for many years now, and have often been looked down on, ridiculed, or more often questioned suspiciously about why we choose to live this instead of do it on the weekends or when bored...to the point of being told it isn't possible to live it as we chose to do. I am all for people doing what feels right for them, but I am not for believing the more seriously minded and living it on a daily basis have an attitude problem the sometime or less than serious players don't. Just not what happens IME. As for living it not including fun and less than serious moments, that is just a misconception some of those who don't and don't understand it, have.

Catalina

You've been here a lot longer than me. I'm trying to think if it's been the other way while I've been here. I don't think so.

Well, I also get the sense that there's a certain degree of fear behind it. As if, by not treating it as something dead serious, you'll lessen the validity or take away from the experience somehow.

I don't know if it's fear. Maybe. Because there is a lot of satisfaction in figuring out your sexual identity, maybe there's some fear of losing that.

Am I the only person here that translates "Play" as "engaging in BDSM-related activities?"

I ONLY play. I do not lifestyle. I am quite intent on my play, and it's extremely important to me-- keeps me sane and engaged. It's a requirement.

Sometimes play is frightening. Often it is dead serious. What it isn't, in my world at least, is permanent. And although I sometimes crush heavy on a play partner, I'm wierdly okay with that impermanence.

And that's what I have to say about that.

No, I basically think of it the same way, but then I don't think about fucking my husband/PYL (and whatever else he chooses to do in the course of that) as "play" because, well, it's my husband. I tend to think of play as scenes at an event or with someone outside of my relationship. Something you gotta schedule.

Also, we are in a power exchange relationship, so I don't think of those moments as play, since I guess they're not.

 

[rosco rathbone]

The word "play" always annoyed me in a little niggling way, not because it implies playfulness or fun but for the opposite reason. It's always used all seriously and po-facedly, it seems to me. I know it's just my subjective impression but whenever I hear or see the word I think of some tight-lipped killjoy delivering a lecture on Safety.

 

[neci]

i think play should be taken seriously. it provides relief, fun, laughter, release. i think as human beings, we need that.

 

[sb2009]

Am I the only person here that translates "Play" as "engaging in BDSM-related activities?"

I ONLY play. I do not lifestyle. I am quite intent on my play, and it's extremely important to me-- keeps me sane and engaged. It's a requirement.

Sometimes play is frightening. Often it is dead serious. What it isn't, in my world at least, is permanent. And although I sometimes crush heavy on a play partner, I'm wierdly okay with that impermanence.

And that's what I have to say about that.

that's kind of how i feel. Though it just naturally happend that I defer to my husband in most things, it's not something that we decided to do. And frankly, it annoys him more often than not. He's lazy ;-)

 

[Stella_Omega]

i think play should be taken seriously. it provides relief, fun, laughter, release. i think as human beings, we need that.

When I play, I'm looking for relief, fun, screaming and release. That's what I need from play.



(alright, we laugh some as well, I admit it)

 

[YourCaptor]

When have prudes ever been interested in play?

 

[CutieMouse]

When have prudes ever been interested in play?

Yeah... see I don't "play"; I f*ck.*




























*The proceeding was brought to you by the letter 'C' and an avowed prude.

 

[teknight]

Here's something that interests me. Some folks seem to take their BDSM/kink/lifestyle/_______ (insert most apt descriptor of choice) very seriously and I get the impression that they look down on anything they see as "play".

Or, it's a "that's OK for others but I live this I don't play at this" attitude.

Sometimes it strikes me that there is out and out derision expressed for anything that is less than 100% intense and real, where BDSM is concerned.

This makes me curious.

What is wrong with play? Why does something have to be 'serious' to be worthwhile and/or enjoyable?

This sort of goes off on a tangent, but, at least where the 24/7ers are concerned, I wonder if a parallel to any other ..uhh... extremely devoted group would prove enlightening?

And your last question... I view it as rhetorical. Play is used in a disparaging fashion, but, as far as I'm concerned, all life's a game, and we're constantly playing....we just take some stuff super seriously.

 

[lovebound]

You can be serious about the way you play.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Mmm, I rather hope I haven't ever given the impression that I look down on anyone.

(Well, except for assholes)

But then, I wonder if I fall somewhere in the middle. I don't really identify with 'lifestyle' cos I yam what I yam, and while I do mostly refer to said bedroom activities (and lounge, bathroom, kitchen, backyard activities) as play, I also view them a little more seriously that that at times.

 

[Ravenwind]

It's not just in BDSM, it's everywhere, and in everything.

Last place you would think to find it would be in video games (ironically, a thing *designed* with *playing* in mind), but I think it's most prevalent there: you got the average "I play Farmville and that's about it" types, and you have people like me who get sponsored or paid to play games... because the 'top end' requires 110% dedication to what you love to do, anything less than that seems half-hearted... like a "how can you say you're good at what you do, when you don't achieve what I achieve" sort of attitude.

I would extend that mentality toward BDSM... "How can you say you're a sub, when you don't use proper capitalization toward your Dom like I do?" sort of thing.

The "dedicated few" define what "dedicated" is. Thus, if it is "play", is isn't "dedicated"... and if you aren't dedicated to it, you are like a 'pro' Farmville player as compared to a globally-recognized and sponsored Call Of Duty team: a joke.

Took me quite a while to realize this... but regardless of whether it's Farmville or Call Of Duty... whether it's "24/7" or "play"... it is all just a game in the end, and when all is said and done, you are still the exact same person today as you were yesterday, and will be tomorrow... regardless as to how many headsets have your gamer handle on it, or how often your boots are licked clean.

 

[JMohegan]

I take control very seriously, in the same way I take fidelity very seriously. It's a commitment to the terms of the relationship thing. Not maybe, not sometimes, not just if you're in the mood for it, and I'm not kidding.

None of that has anything to do with my fondness for goofin' around.

Some people take their topping skills very seriously, but I've never been one of them. That is, it's not like I've been flailing away aimlessly, or devoid of interest in new techniques or ideas or whatever. I've just never been competitive about it. My competitive nature comes out in sports.

 

[Keroin]

It's very prevalent here. I think it's just that 24/7 types, like anyone else, want to find their tribe, find a place where they can be honest and talk about their relationship, etc.

This makes sense.

It does annoy me if someone comes in here who just wants to add in some bdsm to spice up their relationship and people jump on them because their vocab is wrong and they're not 24/7.

Yes, this is when it annoys me most. I see it too often for my liking. Because, who cares? They're having fun, let them have fun.