serious question.

[killallhippies]

someone suggested that i come here a long time ago, but i'm just getting around to it so if they read it i'd just like thrm to know i wasn't just playing around, anyway...


i've been curious about bdsm for awhile and have often fantasized about being dominated by a woman, but have no idea how to make those fantasies become real. i know people who are into bdsm, but they are of absolutely no help to me in this for reasons that aren't exactly clear.

anyway how does one go about finding a domme? what is expected from a neophyte submissive? what is expected from a submissive in general? is it really as complicated as some make it seem?

for any who know my reputation these are actually serious questions so please take them that way.

and i'm sure this reads funny, but i just woke up from a a half an hour nap that ended up lasting two hours so i'm feeling a little spacey.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

someone suggested that i come here a long time ago, but i'm just getting around to it so if they read it i'd just like thrm to know i wasn't just playing around, anyway...


i've been curious about bdsm for awhile and have often fantasized about being dominated by a woman, but have no idea how to make those fantasies become real. i know people who are into bdsm, but they are of absolutely no help to me in this for reasons that aren't exactly clear.

anyway how does one go about finding a domme? what is expected from a neophyte submissive? what is expected from a submissive in general? is it really as complicated as some make it seem?

for any who know my reputation these are actually serious questions so please take them that way.

and i'm sure this reads funny, but i just woke up from a a half an hour nap that ended up lasting two hours so i'm feeling a little spacey.

Welocme to the BDSM forums...

I would like to direct you the library...there are lots of really good threads about submission located there. As for the rest, each step of submission/Dominance is really about the two people involved. No two people will have the same ideas concerning what constitures *real* submission/Dominance. But if you would ever like to talk about it one on one..hit my pm box...

Luna

 

[killallhippies]

Welocme to the BDSM forums...

I would like to direct you the library...there are lots of really good threads about submission located there. As for the rest, each step of submission/Dominance is really about the two people involved. No two people will have the same ideas concerning what constitures *real* submission/Dominance.But if you would ever like to talk about it one on one..hit my pm box...

Luna

as i gathered from talking with my friend who has a very strict idea about a dom/sub relationship that just doesn't appeal to me.

 

[Netzach]

I don't think attracting a Domme is that different from attracting any other kind of woman. Be attentive, be complimentary, listen, be yourself, do whatever you normally do.

I like guys who have a spine, but aren't especially pushy or combative just for the sake of winning.

If you get in an argument with me or a game of pool and you can do that really cool trick of letting me win without being totally obvious about it so I feel like you're assuming I'm an idiot, that's kind of neat. It's not dishonest as much as it is like a big dog rolling over onto its back for me.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I don't think attracting a Domme is that different from attracting any other kind of woman. Be attentive, be complimentary, listen, be yourself, do whatever you normally do.

I like guys who have a spine, but aren't especially pushy or combative just for the sake of winning.

If you get in an argument with me or a game of pool and you can do that really cool trick of letting me win without being totally obvious about it so I feel like you're assuming I'm an idiot, that's kind of neat.

*writes this down for future use*

sorry [/ends hijack]

 

[killallhippies]

hmmm...

 

[Netzach]

What luna said *hijack away, gorgeous* is totally true. Expectations are going to differ a lot among people. I personally am very very LOW protocol outside of specific scenes, other people expect a lot of protocol and ritual and specific rules and behaviors. I tend to suss out a sub/bottom I am into, see where we overlap in desires and interests and focus on that, try to collaborate with them to create a really good experience or point of interaction.

 

[killallhippies]

What luna said *hijack away, gorgeous* is totally true. Expectations are going to differ a lot among people. I personally am very very LOW protocol outside of specific scenes, other people expect a lot of protocol and ritual and specific rules and behaviors. I tend to suss out a sub/bottom I am into, see where we overlap in desires and interests and focus on that, try to collaborate with them to create a really good experience or point of interaction.

sounds good. the only person i know who is into bdsm is into a very strict style that involves almost total control over her life by her domme. at least that is how she paints it. they way she talked about it almost scared me away intitially, but i had a feeling hers might not be the only way.

at least i hope not.

 

[Tele2047]

That's a 24/7 lifestyle, but you're right it's not the only way to go.

 

[snowy ciara]

The 24/7 lifestyle varies, too. It's not as if when you live 24/7 the PYL micromanages from here to eternity.

 

[AAkasha]

someone suggested that i come here a long time ago, but i'm just getting around to it so if they read it i'd just like thrm to know i wasn't just playing around, anyway...


i've been curious about bdsm for awhile and have often fantasized about being dominated by a woman, but have no idea how to make those fantasies become real. i know people who are into bdsm, but they are of absolutely no help to me in this for reasons that aren't exactly clear.

anyway how does one go about finding a domme? what is expected from a neophyte submissive? what is expected from a submissive in general? is it really as complicated as some make it seem?

for any who know my reputation these are actually serious questions so please take them that way.

and i'm sure this reads funny, but i just woke up from a a half an hour nap that ended up lasting two hours so i'm feeling a little spacey.

Date open minded women who are aggressive in bed and sexually confident. Experiment with bondage and power exchange. If you are not looking for a 24/7 relationship (many femdoms aren't either) don't worry so much about what protocols people seem to think you must follow. Instead, do what feels appropriate and both people enjoy.

Go to some local BDSM events and meet a few people -- that's what some will suggest. I used to do my "trolling for prey" among non kinky groups and try to sniff out the open minded men or sub-curious guys. I just wanted a guy who wouldn't mind it if I tied him up and made him completely helpless for my pleasure and arousal -- and eventually would engage in various acts of surrender and light humiliation. But outside of "playtime" I wanted an equal first and foremost and someone who could also make me laugh and be presentable around my friends, work peers and family.

Akasha

 

[killallhippies]

The 24/7 lifestyle varies, too. It's not as if when you live 24/7 the PYL micromanages from here to eternity.

the what now?

Date open minded women who are aggressive in bed and sexually confident. Experiment with bondage and power exchange. If you are not looking for a 24/7 relationship (many femdoms aren't either) don't worry so much about what protocols people seem to think you must follow. Instead, do what feels appropriate and both people enjoy.

Go to some local BDSM events and meet a few people -- that's what some will suggest. I used to do my "trolling for prey" among non kinky groups and try to sniff out the open minded men or sub-curious guys. I just wanted a guy who wouldn't mind it if I tied him up and made him completely helpless for my pleasure and arousal -- and eventually would engage in various acts of surrender and light humiliation. But outside of "playtime" I wanted an equal first and foremost and someone who could also make me laugh and be presentable around my friends, work peers and family.

Akasha

sadly i currently seem to attract weak women with very little confidence.

 

[catalina_francisco]

There are many options depending on you and your situation, but 2 I would suggest are maybe getting involved with your local BDSM club/group and/or going to munches, and/or perhaps advertising honestly about your desire to begin your journey and need for someone who is prepared to consider a novice. There are many out there who will, and do it responsibly as opposed to using you and your inexperience to answer their own needs or amusement only. Good luck in our journey, it is very rewarding once you take that first leap.

Catalina

BTW, welcome to the board, is nice to see you here.

 

[Private_Label]

The 24/7 lifestyle varies, too. It's not as if when you live 24/7 the PYL micromanages from here to eternity.

the what now?

It took me a while to learn the shorthand too.

24/7 lifestyle: Each relationship has its own rhythm. For some couples the occasional hour or so here and there is enough for them, for others a bit longer/more frequently and for some, they live in the power exchange the whole time.

PYL/pyl: P(ick) Y(our) L(abel). PYL=Top, Dom/me (dominant), Master/Mistress, pyl=bottom, sub(missive), slave.

It's all about the power exchange. For some it is total - but even in total power exchange the tops don't necessarily want passive doormats, they may want people who are capable of acting on their own initiative.

 

[killallhippies]

There are many options depending on you and your situation, but 2 I would suggest are maybe getting involved with your local BDSM club/group and/or going to munches, and/or perhaps advertising honestly about your desire to begin your journey and need for someone who is prepared to consider a novice. There are many out there who will, and do it responsibly as opposed to using you and your inexperience to answer their own needs or amusement only. Good luck in our journey, it is very rewarding once you take that first leap.

Catalina

BTW, welcome to the board, is nice to see you here.

i was invited to a munch once but i wasn't ready at the time. i may have to see if i can get myself reinvited. as far as i know there are no clubs in my area. i live in the middle of nowhere at the moment.

and thank you.

also, thanks for the translation, private label.

 

[Rrrosyn]

sadly i currently seem to attract weak women with very little confidence.

That will make it more difficult but not impossible. I am the shy, unconfident, really hates asking the receptionist for the time, type. I am a bit more aggressive in the bedroom. Okay, a lot more. But I didn't start that way. Heck, I was 25 before I even enjoyed sex.

I'd advise love-first in any relationship. But really court her. Make her feel regal and royal. Put her up high enough and she can't help but look down at you and wonder... hmm... maybe if I step a little to the right... ah-ha!

I would say I live in a 24/7. I don't. But if I tell him ask him to go do something, it gets done rather swiftly. He comes home from work and massages my feet even when he is tired. (After a 16 hr day last week he came home to find the massage oil out and I gave him a massage! He earned it!) Mostly, he just gave and gave of himself. Eventually I felt worth it and started feeling not only deserved it, but that it was my right.

On the other hand, I've always been into bondage. Poor Ken dolls. Poor neighbor boys. But confident? Not me!

 

[timberwolf05]

sounds good. the only person i know who is into bdsm is into a very strict style that involves almost total control over her life by her domme. at least that is how she paints it. they way she talked about it almost scared me away intitially, but i had a feeling hers might not be the only way.

at least i hope not.

============
no it is NOT the ONLY way. hell no.
but "I" am managed 24/7...by MY Mistress.
always liked it this way..always will.
wolf

 

[timberwolf05]

duplicate deleted

 

[killallhippies]

That will make it more difficult but not impossible. I am the shy, unconfident, really hates asking the receptionist for the time, type. I am a bit more aggressive in the bedroom. Okay, a lot more. But I didn't start that way. Heck, I was 25 before I even enjoyed sex.

I'd advise love-first in any relationship. But really court her. Make her feel regal and royal. Put her up high enough and she can't help but look down at you and wonder... hmm... maybe if I step a little to the right... ah-ha!

I would say I live in a 24/7. I don't. But if I tell him ask him to go do something, it gets done rather swiftly. He comes home from work and massages my feet even when he is tired. (After a 16 hr day last week he came home to find the massage oil out and I gave him a massage! He earned it!) Mostly, he just gave and gave of himself. Eventually I felt worth it and started feeling not only deserved it, but that it was my right.

On the other hand, I've always been into bondage. Poor Ken dolls. Poor neighbor boys. But confident? Not me!

well, now that i've jusy short of officially gotten rid of a damaged one hopefully this won't be a problem. she really didn't want confidence. she wanted me to make all of the decisions.

that didn't take very long for that to get old.

anyway, enough whining. it's unattractive and boring even for me.


i really appreciate all of the advise and opinions. thanks everyone.

 

[Rrrosyn]

well, now that i've jusy short of officially gotten rid of a damaged one hopefully this won't be a problem. she really didn't want confidence. she wanted me to make all of the decisions.

that didn't take very long for that to get old.

anyway, enough whining. it's unattractive and boring even for me.


i really appreciate all of the advise and opinions. thanks everyone.

One thing you can do with an indecisive dominant (assuming she at least wants to tie you up or something in the bedroom) is give her choices in your daily life. This leaves the final decision up to her, but limits her thought processing making it easier.

Instead of: Where would you like to eat out tonight?
Ask: would you like to eat at the Black Bear Diner, Denny's or Taco Bell? This cuts out at least eight other options in the small town I live in.

Some days I don't want to make all the decisions either. Other days I just don't care where we eat so it is hard to choose.

You can also have her start making smaller decisions like what underwear you will wear each day. It's her choice but it won't over-all effect your appearance. Even when you are shopping together, asking if you can purchase an item will allow her the opportunity to say yes or no.

 

[killallhippies]

she is not a domme. she just doesn't have it in here.

anyway, i've finally found a local "connection." my friend was apparently just waiting for me to ask and now i have some email addresses to some people in my area and such. i am most happy.

 

[Rrrosyn]

she is not a domme. she just doesn't have it in here.

anyway, i've finally found a local "connection." my friend was apparently just waiting for me to ask and now i have some email addresses to some people in my area and such. i am most happy.

I understand. At least something is working out for you.

My situation is odd anyway. You hear about women who say they are only submissive to their husbands, otherwise they are dominant. I am the opposite. I am only dominant to him. I have more confidence in the rest of the world due to that dominant role. But mostly I am timid, shy and a nervous wreck around other people.

I am glad to hear you are happy. I think that should be life's goal. To make at least one other person happy and to find joy for yourself.

 

[Etoile]

Hey, kah, nice to see you in here.

 

[killallhippies]

thank you. it's nice up here.


i have another question for anyone: as a a general rule is it okay for someone to attend a play party , but not participate? i was supposed to email someone this question, but i can't read the fucking address i was given. my friend was writing a bit too fast i guess. it's a mess.

 

[Bandit58]

thank you. it's nice up here.


i have another question for anyone: as a a general rule is it okay for someone to attend a play party , but not participate? i was supposed to email someone this question, but i can't read the fucking address i was given. my friend was writing a bit too fast i guess. it's a mess.

Master and I have been to one play party thus far, the main reason we went was to observe but we did end up taking part. However the party rules say there is absolutely no pressure to play if you don't want to. I'm assuming that most other groups would be the same