serious question.

[M's girl]

as i gathered from talking with my friend who has a very strict idea about a dom/sub relationship that just doesn't appeal to me.

Without reading any further and without even pretending to be an expert on BDSM (heck.... I just posted my first question here on ball spanking - yeah... confusing title, I know ) I would say: "well, there you go!" It's different for everyone. Still you may want stories and opinions, like M and I do in our thread... to make up our minds, get new ideas and so on. From what I 'hear' you fist have to find a partner to share your fantasies with. I'm not sure you can identify at this moment who or what he or she would have to be like (in degrees of domination) since you're still in the process of establishing this for yourself?

And still then.... I am in a relationship and thought I knew exactly what I liked and disliked concerning sex. I'm now in the process of finding out my likes and dislikes are changing, shifting. I'm sure this has a lot to do with my partner. Confidence, trust and closeness are key issues here, at least for me.

 

[Private_Label]

thank you. it's nice up here.


i have another question for anyone: as a a general rule is it okay for someone to attend a play party , but not participate? i was supposed to email someone this question, but i can't read the fucking address i was given. my friend was writing a bit too fast i guess. it's a mess.

It is my understanding that you can go - if someone asks you to participate you may decline politely if you are a bit hesitant to participate. The recent connections I have made locally I have had a few offer to help me experiment privately first, if I wanted to find out how something felt and my reaction to it in a safe environment.

I'm still getting comfortable with these new friends so I haven't taken them up on the offer yet - but I think I may on some of the things I am interested in exploring a bit first.

 

[Etoile]

Re: play party, I would say it depends entirely on who's hosting, who's attending, who invited you, and what kind of space it's in...no two play parties are the same.

 

[Marquis]

I met someone today that made me think about this thread. He was telling me about how he wanted to get into the film production industry but he didnt think he had the creative vision to be a director. He said he felt like his calling was to assist another director, and, when asked the right questions, went on to say how he didn't really like being in charge but he felt like his position in life was to be an assist man.

Those statements in combination with his general demeanor (you know what I'm talking about, that ultra attentive, ultra polite, "you first" attitude) made me absolutely positive he was a sub. Could be he is gay, but I don't think so. I'm going to try and find out more.

 

[Netzach]

All the parties I've been to have been fine with people attending for the chance to be social and watch some public scenes. If people did not want to be watched, they would close the door or play at home.

If you're new no one would ever have criticized you for hanging in the kitchen, eating snacks and never venturing further than that, your comfort levels are totally yours to work with.

I've gone to a lot of parties with NO intention of playng and often found myself drawn into some of the hottest scenes just by being in the right place at the right time. But I'm weird that way, I'd play in public with someone, no problem, before I've decided I'd entrust them with the keys to my house or car.

 

[killallhippies]

groovy, i hope most of you are right that a person can go and witness first. i have a good chance of going to a munch in october that will be followed by a play party, but i didn't get a chance to ask the person who told me about it if you could attend and not participate.

talking about this kind of thing at work can be quite complicated.

 

[Private_Label]

groovy, i hope most of you are right that a person can go and witness first. i have a good chance of going to a munch in october that will be followed by a play party, but i didn't get a chance to ask the person who told me about it if you could attend and not participate.

talking about this kind of thing at work can be quite complicated.

Get a non-work related freebie e-mail (hotmail, yahoo or g-mail is good for this) - and that way you can talk to your co-worker after hours about it and use it to join mailing lists for the local munches etc. That keeps it out of the family account so the wrong people don't accidently open the messages to play parties, etc. (Maybe not a problem at your house).

I explained going to the local munches and stuff to my family as it being a local "singles" social group (not entirely the truth but the main reason I'm going ).

 

[killallhippies]

Get a non-work related freebie e-mail (hotmail, yahoo or g-mail is good for this) - and that way you can talk to your co-worker after hours about it and use it to join mailing lists for the local munches etc. That keeps it out of the family account so the wrong people don't accidently open the messages to play parties, etc. (Maybe not a problem at your house).

I explained going to the local munches and stuff to my family as it being a local "singles" social group (not entirely the truth but the main reason I'm going ).

i actually have my friend email address but she's slow at answering emails so it is quite frustrating to communicate that way.