Secret Manly Rituals

[3113]

Bump to overtake Secret Womanly Rituals thread

The ladies are only two pages in by compare, but I think they're beating you by discussing massages, blow jobs and coco butter. Rubbed slowly and seductively allll over their skin. Their very very soft skin....

 

[elsol]

I've long suspected you guys have 'em. Come on. Give us the details. We won't tell. and it's for research purposes.

Quid pro quo, we'll tell you ours. Check out the other thread....

I think men define their rituals as 'rules'.

For instance --

The "I am not a homosexual' theatre seat rule.
The "I am not a homosexual' bathroom rule.

(Yes, men have a lot of rules in the vein of "I am not a homosexual!" *sigh*).

We also have the The "Take One For The Team" set of rules...

You know, I'm out with a friend and a hottie is to the friend but her not-so hottie friend is cock-blocking... I got take one for the team.

The "Thou Shalt Never Talk About It" Rules

If I am presently dating a male friend's ex -- he can not bring up the issue of sex & her... unless I'm only trying to nail her and he's giving me pointers... but I have to ask for the pointers, he cannot just bring it up in a conversation.

-- Of course, none of these are true, I'm only making them up to add to the thread.

 

[3113]

-- Of course, none of these are true, I'm only making them up to add to the thread.

What? But...but I wanted to learn all about the theater seat rule and the bathroom rule and most especially the cock-block and how you can take one for the team and not be a homosexual in that situation.....

 

[Belegon]

We also have the The "Take One For The Team" set of rules...

You know, I'm out with a friend and a hottie is to the friend but her not-so hottie friend is cock-blocking... I got take one for the team.

I know you are talking about flying Wingman...

but it still makes me think about the origination of the term.

Every time I see some guy scrambling to get out of the way of a pitch with bases loaded it pisses me off. You're being paid a hell of a lot of money to take that pain asshole!

 

[TxRad]

What? But...but I wanted to learn all about the theater seat rule and the bathroom rule and most especially the cock-block and how you can take one for the team and not be a homosexual in that situation.....

*We are sorry but this information is classified and for male eyes only*

*Any attempt at further communication on this subject and your computer will self destruct in "5" "4" "3" "2" "1"*

*That is all*

 

[Guest]

*We are sorry but this information is classified and for male eyes only*

*Any attempt at further communication on this subject and your computer will self destruct in "5" "4" "3" "2" "1"*

*That is all*

* Pouts *

Can I sit on your lap so we can - discuss it?

 

[TxRad]

* Pouts *

Can I sit on your lap so we can - discuss it?

Self destruction or the first thing that pops up?

 

[glynndah]

Okay, but if you don't tell us, we won't tell you what really happens during those slumber parties.

 

[Guest]

Self destruction or the first thing that pops up?

Oh, either.

The popping up might be a delicious distraction, though.

 

[snap1415]

Here's a manly ritual that may be fading out.
When driving out in the country, if you recognize that an on-coming car is being driven by a friend of the male persuasion, you wave by lifting only the index finger of whichever hand is atop the steering wheel. Almost imperceptible head-nods are performed at the same time.

 

[Trombonus]

Every morning I watch at least one, usually 2 or 3 episodes of Transformers before I go to school, and I usually masturbate at least once as well.This is usually followed up with more Transformers and masturbation when I get home at night. This is my routine.

Awesome. -_-

 

[Trombonus]

I think men define their rituals as 'rules'.

For instance --

The "I am not a homosexual' theatre seat rule.
The "I am not a homosexual' bathroom rule.

(Yes, men have a lot of rules in the vein of "I am not a homosexual!" *sigh*).

We also have the The "Take One For The Team" set of rules...

You know, I'm out with a friend and a hottie is to the friend but her not-so hottie friend is cock-blocking... I got take one for the team.

The "Thou Shalt Never Talk About It" Rules

If I am presently dating a male friend's ex -- he can not bring up the issue of sex & her... unless I'm only trying to nail her and he's giving me pointers... but I have to ask for the pointers, he cannot just bring it up in a conversation.

-- Of course, none of these are true, I'm only making them up to add to the thread.

They're not? What the hell have I been doing then?

 

[jomar]

What? But...but I wanted to learn all about the theater seat rule and the bathroom rule and most especially the cock-block and how you can take one for the team and not be a homosexual in that situation.....

As you know, rules are different than rituals. Having said that, you can take one for the team by entertaining female number two while your friend tries to hook up with female number one. Because it's his turn. In a non-homosexual way.

And if you're under 40, you must have an empty seat between you and your friend if you go to the movies together. And you can't share popcorn.

And in the bathroom, the urinal rule is you must stare pointedly at the wall in front of you, chin parallel to the ground or slightly elevated. If you're lucky there's a sports page in a frame there.

Most rituals are typically reserved for wanking.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I'm going back to the blow-jobs and massages thead. It's more fun.

 

[Oblimo]

And in the bathroom, the urinal rule is you must stare pointedly at the wall in front of you, chin parallel to the ground or slightly elevated.

>_>

<_<

Okay, a real rule (hope it hasn't already been discussed in this thread):

The middle urinal doesn't exist.

For some reason, many public restrooms have three urinals lined up close together instead of two with enough personal space separating them. But if urinal #1 and urinal #3 are occupied, the middle urinal is protected by an awkwardness-powered force field and cannot be approached or detected. Instead, shuffling in wait or using the toilet is preferred.

 

[elsol]

>_>

<_<

Okay, a real rule (hope it hasn't already been discussed in this thread):

The middle urinal doesn't exist.

For some reason, many public restrooms have three urinals lined up close together instead of two with enough personal space separating them. But if urinal #1 and urinal #3 are occupied, the middle urinal is protected by an awkwardness-powered force field and cannot be approached or detected. Instead, shuffling in wait or using the toilet is preferred.

This is more properly expressed with a minor quiz:

Let us say that there are five urinals.

1 2 3 4 5

If Urinal #1 is occupied (and only urinal #1)... which urinals can a man use?

Which urinal is the optimal choice?

 

[Oblimo]

Let us say that there are five urinals.

1 2 3 4 5

If Urinal #1 is occupied (and only urinal #1)... which urinals can a man use?

Which urinal is the optimal choice?

A request for clarification:

Is the man making the choice an asshole? I am of the New Jersey School of interpretation of the Urinal Relativity Principle, so I believe the assholery of the subject is critical to answering the question.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

This is more properly expressed with a minor quiz:

Let us say that there are five urinals.

1 2 3 4 5

If Urinal #1 is occupied (and only urinal #1)... which urinals can a man use?

Which urinal is the optimal choice?

I use urinal 5 if only 1 is being used. If 1 and 4 are being used, ah there is a conundrum...

 

[Guest]

I use urinal 5 if only 1 is being used. If 1 and 4 are being used, ah there is a conundrum...

So do you pee on the floor?

 

[TheeGoatPig]

So do you pee on the floor?

I find an empoty stall

 

[Guest]

I find an empoty stall

 

[Oblimo]

I use urinal 5 if only 1 is being used...

Yes, but the optimal choice is 3, because taking the last stall when only the first is occupied says, "I'm scared of your penis!"

 

[Oblimo]

Argh, I can't resist. I gotta break it down.

Okay, so Amicus walks into a bathroom with 5 urinals on one wall. Someone is using Urinal # 1.

If he picks Urinal #5, he's saying, "I'm afraid of your penis!"

If he picks Urinal #4, he's being an asshole by forcing the issue of the presence of his penis on the next guy who shows up to pee.

If he picks Urinal #3, he's saying, "My penis is okay, your penis is okay."

If he picks Urinal #2, the Tiger jumps out of toilet stall #2 and eats him, much to the surprise of the Lady sitting hopefully by the glory hole in toilet stall #1.

 

[elsol]

Argh, I can't resist. I gotta break it down.

Okay, so Amicus walks into a bathroom with 5 urinals on one wall. Someone is using Urinal # 1.

If he picks Urinal #5, he's saying, "I'm afraid of your penis!"

If he picks Urinal #4, he's being an asshole by forcing the issue of the presence of his penis on the next guy who shows up to pee.

If he picks Urinal #3, he's saying, "My penis is okay, your penis is okay."

If he picks Urinal #2, the Tiger jumps out of toilet stall #2 and eats him, much to the surprise of the Lady sitting hopefully by the glory hole in toilet stall #1.

And there ladies is why men don't go to the bathroom with other men.

It's hard enough to pick a urinal with one guy... now imagine if it's two and you're not willing to talk about it beforehand (too much like asking for directions).

 

[starrkers]

Here's a manly ritual that may be fading out.
When driving out in the country, if you recognize that an on-coming car is being driven by a friend of the male persuasion, you wave by lifting only the index finger of whichever hand is atop the steering wheel. Almost imperceptible head-nods are performed at the same time.

This ritual is alive and well and not gender specific in the Aussie bush. It is not necessary to actually know the driver of the oncoming vehicle.