Safe Sex Does Not Exist

[PacificBlue]

"Safer" Sex does. I really wish they (whoever is in charge of this type of thing) would change the wording to be more accurate. Condoms don't cover everything and they aren't 100% foolproof. Herpes, Genital Warts, and Molluscum Contagiosum can all be passed even if a condom is worn. Did you know that it can take up to 6 months for antibodies to some STDs to show up in someone's system?

I know I'm clean and I want to stay that way. I'm choosing not to have sex because I can't get myself past that possiblity of something going wrong. My choice. I have yet to meet a guy that's willing to wait six months to have sex and then go in and be tested for a long list of STDs. Why is that?

Do you worry? Am I taking it to far?

Discuss please.

 

[Angel]

When I was still in High School, all of the promos and posters and "Heath Class" pamphlets promoted "SaferSex".


And there -is- safe sex. Print out a Lit story or pop in a porn and use that vibrator!

 

[PacificBlue]

When I was still in High School, all of the promos and posters and "Heath Class" pamphlets promoted "SaferSex".


And there -is- safe sex. Print out a Lit story or pop in a porn and use that vibrator!

Hmm..interesting. When I was finishing highschool in the late 80's it was still called "safe sex".


Yah...Lit. stories are good.

 

[Angel]

Hmm..interesting. When I was finishing highschool in the late 80's it was still called "safe sex".


Yah...Lit. stories are good.

Well, keep in mind I was class of '96. Maybe they changed it by the time I got to high school?

Shit, all we learned about in Middle School was what smoking did to your lungs. All the pretty pictures of genitals of people infected with Syphillis didn't get shown til about 11th grade.




Anyone in between who would know?

 

[Todd-'o'-Vision]

mght as well say what is expected from me

Safe sex is Save sex

Sorry just had to say it before someone said it and attributed to me

 

[lobito]

what's the old line? The only safe sex, is NO sex?

You're right PB, "SAFER SEX" really is about all there is, don't worry about waiting, it's got to be what's right for YOU. ONLY when it's the right time for YOU, and never before. If YOU don't have any say in how sex goes, then it's not right, and you shouldn't be there doing it.

 

[fb_agent]

I don't think you're taking it too far!

These type of diseases are serous business. There are some things that a woman can get from sex that doctors can't just give you a shot for. I have a good freind that is a doctor and he has told me that he will see a girl every week that has some type of sexually transmitted infection. Some he can treat, some he can not. Some infections may will cause permanant damage, or cause a woman to become barren. Serious stuff!!

Not just the AIDS thing that you need to be concerned with, I think your right!

 

[Rubyfruit]

Unless you have a tail on the guy 24/7 for 6 months, how can you be completely sure that he doesn't fuck anybody else during the waiting period?

Life is risky. You can only protect yourself so much before you find yourself living in a closet with a bubble wrap blanket.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Molluscum Contagiosum

THAT just sounds scary!

There is no safe sex, that's true. It's also true what Ruby said. You take precautions and you weigh the risks. There are no guarantees that waiting makes anything safer. It's a personal choice no one else can make for you.

I've had unprotected sex. I've been pretty damn promiscuous, and I'm clean. I know people who contracted a disease from the guy they lost their viginity to.

I used to get tested every 6 months when i went in to get pills. Planned Parenthood required it. I was also tested with both pregnancies, as state law requires. I'm clean.

If I were having non-monogamous sex, I'd use protection. But I wouldn't be paranoid about what 'might' happen.

 

[PacificBlue]

Unless you have a tail on the guy 24/7 for 6 months, how can you be completely sure that he doesn't fuck anybody else during the waiting period?

Life is risky. You can only protect yourself so much before you find yourself living in a closet with a bubble wrap blanket.

True. Very true. I've been told..."Just because it could happen, doesn't mean it will"

I asked because sometimes I feel alone in my worry over these issues. It isn't exactly a topic most people feel comfy discussing and I need some help with the topic. I've ruined several beginning relationships by saying "no" to sex for a long period of time. It isn't that I'm not interested...I am. I'm here for goodness sake.

I would hope though that I wouldn't have to put a tail on a guy 24/7 for six months...I hope my ability to judge someone's character is better than that.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I've ruined several beginning relationships by saying "no" to sex for a long period of time.

If you've been honest about your reasons for waiting, and they've walked away anyway, then they weren't the right ones for you to be active with, right?

 

[Frimost]

you forgot

What about sex with a virgin, would that not be the ultimite safe sex (after masturbation of course)?

 

[Rubyfruit]

I would hope though that I wouldn't have to put a tail on a guy 24/7 for six months...I hope my ability to judge someone's character is better than that.

I'm sure you're a very good judge of character. I believe I am too, however, I took my point to the extreme to illustrate a point.

You can never be completely sure.

You can never be completely sure that you won't get into a terrible car crash every time you get in your car and drive somewhere. Does that prevent you from driving? Probably not. If you're like most people, you wear your seatbelt and drive defensively. That's about all you can do.

 

[PacificBlue]

If you've been honest about your reasons for waiting, and they've walked away anyway, then they weren't the right ones for you to be active with, right?

True.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Did you know that it can take up to 6 months for antibodies to some STDs to show up in someone's system?

Yes I know, probably better than most people as I used to worked for a company that created the tests and I learned a lot of the chemistry and biology behind blood born pathogen immunoassays.

I have yet to meet a guy that's willing to wait six months to have sex and then go in and be tested for a long list of STDs. Why is that?

Do you worry? Am I taking it to far? [/B]

You are maybe taking it too far. There are men out there who have not had sex for a long time and it would be relatively safe to test them right now and have sex as soon as the results came back.

You do have to take their word for it that they have not had sex for a safe period of time, but then you have to take their word that they aren't having sex with someone else while you wait that six months anyway - unless you are having them followed 24 hours a day.

So, just find someone who hasn't had sex for some time, ask them to get tested, then have sex.

I know I am clean because I was tested to get that job and I haven't had sex since before that test; as a baseline in case of exposure on the job - we had enough HIV and hepatitis in our labs to infect a LOT of people, but I would probably get tested anyway just to make sure.

 

[PacificBlue]

Interesting responses. Thank you everyone.

 

[PacificBlue]

Any other thoughts on the subject?

 

[phrodeau]

Re: you forgot

What about sex with a virgin, would that not be the ultimite safe sex (after masturbation of course)?

No.

STD's can be picked up in lots of other ways, including being born with them.

 

[daughter]

Part of enjoying sex is trust

Pacific Blue--

I don't know your history well, but I think I read that chronic worry is something you deal with in other areas of your life. I don't know how you address this successfully, but in terms of sex I'm with those who advocate practicing precautions and being true to your convictions.

Allowing fear to overwhelm you will ruin not only your sex life, but your prospects of a healthy relationship period. If you meet a man and the first thing out of your mouth is that you won't have sex until a pre-determined time, you might be unintentionally insulting a man. I'm not there, but is it possible that you're coming off sounding as if you think he's there just to get laid?

There are men who have equally high standards and they feel strongly about their health as well. I know because I'm involved with one. My s/o and I talked quite candidly about what we feel is acceptable behavior. Having sex for the sake of having it is something he never practiced. When we got together, we both we're tested. We're monogomous. We're also LDR. We trust each other. Life is a risk. Make a decision and be willing to live with the consequences of it.

I'm with pagancowgirl. I was promisicous when I was younger. Today, I'm mature, safe and clean.

Focus on establishing a relationship and building trust, and the decisison to have sex will make sense. Why sleep with someone if you don't trust him? And that has to come from you.

Peace,

daughter

 

[LadyDarkFire]

Re: you forgot

What about sex with a virgin, would that not be the ultimite safe sex (after masturbation of course)?

Sex with a virgin can still have risk of infection. People can be born with STDs, pick them up by sharing needles, or could be untruthfull about their past. There's also the fact that, just because a person is a virgin, the act can still result in a pregnancy.

The programs were called "Safer and Healthier" Sexual education in 1998 when I took the course, and generally, they now promote abstinance, but they also dive heavily into how to prevent infection. The best is still no sex, but there are ways to drastically reduce your chances of contracting an STD.

 

[PacificBlue]

I don't think babies can contract STDs that they carry with them for life. I do know it's possible for them to catch the full range while going through the birth canal. However, if they were to catch herpes or HIV both would most likely kill them shortly after birth because their immune systems are not strong enough to battle off that type of infection as it would become invasive. That's my understanding. All others can be taken care of with antibiotics. I also know that there is a new drug for HIV that if given to a baby after birth with a mother that's positive, the baby might not develop the disease at all.

If we are talking cold sores of the mouth (herpes...most likely simplex 1, although could be simplex 2), most babies/children contract these from an adult who kisses them who has an active infection through either visible symtoms or asymtomatic shedding of the virus. I believe this only happens after birth though.

Yes? No? Am I missing some information?

 

[PacificBlue]

Re: Part of enjoying sex is trust

Life is a risk. Make a decision and be willing to live with the consequences of it.

Focus on establishing a relationship and building trust, and the decisison to have sex will make sense. Why sleep with someone if you don't trust him? And that has to come from you.

Thank you for the advice...this makes a lot of sense to me.

 

[Frimost]

LadyDarkFire

I think you missed the bus on this point, if someone lies about being a virgin and you have sex with him or her then its not really sex with a virgin at all, is it? That would be sex with a "alleged virgin" my hypothetical situation was sex with an actual virgin. So, anyway, how about sex with a virgin that was never used any drugs before or had any blood transfusions during the time our blood supply was infected with HIV (and who has HIV-negative parents). That would seem pretty damn safe to me and I am pretty sure the risks she was referring to were of disease not pregnancy (that is another subject all together).

 

[zantac666]

Pacificblue i have waited i have ben checked because of my healt i wa checked for std's because some mimic arthriis and i'm clean. Unable to turn y head because of the arthritis but i won't let it stop me.

 

[sigh]

Re: LadyDarkFire

I think you missed the bus on this point, if someone lies about being a virgin and you have sex with him or her then its not really sex with a virgin at all, is it? That would be sex with a "alleged virgin" my hypothetical situation was sex with an actual virgin. So, anyway, how about sex with a virgin that was never used any drugs before or had any blood transfusions during the time our blood supply was infected with HIV (and who has HIV-negative parents). That would seem pretty damn safe to me and I am pretty sure the risks she was referring to were of disease not pregnancy (that is another subject all together).

but in a practical sense, from the other person's point of view, ALL virgins are "alleged virgins"...how could you be sure otherwise?

or do you check for an intact hymen before sex?