Rules: Lists of.........

[Teenage Venus]

I used to think I was unlucky, but after reading this, and seeing what fathers are like regarding their daughter's business, just maybe being a fatherless bastard has some redeeming virtues

 

[oggbashan]

I used to think I was unlucky, but after reading this, and seeing what fathers are like regarding their daughter's business, just maybe being a fatherless bastard has some redeeming virtues

I object. You might have said 'some fathers'.

I trusted my daughters. Anything else is a waste of time because it is the daughter who ultimately decides what is or is not acceptable. Parents have no influence at the point when it is really important.

Og

 

[Teenage Venus]

I object. You might have said 'some fathers'.

OBJECTION SUSTAINED.

It was very remiss of me to include ALL fathers. I would amend that to "Fathers that have no faith or trust in either their daughters, or the friends they choose."

On the other hand - were I a father.....

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

I figure a nice smile and a friendly voice will do wonders. Especially when you say "Son I know where you live and believe you me, I can stay up a lot longer than you can."

Either that or "I have two cousins named Vinnie who have very nice suits and access to construction sites."

 

[Guest]

RULES FOR BOYS WHO DATE GIRLS - BY THE BOYS FATHERS!

RULE ONE:
Don't get her pregnant.

RULE TWO:
Don't get caught doing anything. I do not want to have that kind of conversation with her Dad, or your Mom, even if there isn't any sports on at the time.

 

[Guest]

West Wing Quote

[Charlie seeks and obtains the President's permission to date his daughter]
President Josiah Bartlet: Just remember these two things: she's nineteen years old, and the 82nd Airborne works for me.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0200276/quotes

Is it coincidence the last two Presidents had teenage daughters? It would almost be worth the anguish of running for and serving as Presdent to have armed men with your daughter when she is on dates.

 

[SeaCat]

The funniest one of these I have ever heard was by a neghbor of mine. A nice little Italian guy with several daughters. I was visiting one night when his oldest daughters date came by to pick her up. As the three us were waiting for her to make her appearance her father commented to the date. (Who happened to be a history major at the local college.)
"You know son, it's just too bad about Jimmie."
When the boy looked at him with raised eyebrows her father continued as though he hadn't noticed.
"Yeah it's too bad about Jimmie. My sister was all broken up when he vanished."
"Um sir, who was Jimmie, should I know him?"
"Jimmie? Oh I don't think you would know him. He had a strange last name, something like Hoffa. Yeah, it's too bad he just up and disapeared like that. My sister was upset, although she had been talking that he didn't really treat her right."

Sal's daughter was home fifteen minutes before he expected her.

Cat

 

[doormouse]

Subject: A healthier work place...

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may easily be offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) Try Saying: I think you could use more training
Instead Of: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
2) Try Saying: She's an aggressive go-getter
Instead Of: She's a ball-busting bitch.
3) Try Saying: Perhaps I can work late
Instead Of: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
4) Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible
Instead Of: No Fucking way.
5) Try Saying: Really?
Instead Of: You've got to be shitting me!
6) Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with...
Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a shit.
7) Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the project
Instead Of: It's not my fucking problem.
8) Try Saying: That's interesting
Instead Of: What the fuck?
9) Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented
Instead Of: This shit won't work.
10) Try Saying: I'll try to schedule that
Instead Of: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
11) Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues
Instead Of: He's got his head up his ass.
12) Try Saying: Excuse me, sir?
Instead Of: Eat shit and die.
13) Try Saying: So you weren't happy with it?
Instead Of: Kiss my ass.
14) Try Saying: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment
Instead Of: Fuck it, I'm on salary.
15) Try Saying: I don't think you understand
Instead Of: Shove it up your ass.
16) Try Saying: I love a challenge
Instead Of: This job sucks.
17) Try Saying: You want me to take care of that?
Instead Of: Who the hell died and made you boss?
18) Try Saying: I See
Instead Of: BlowMe
19) Try Saying: He's somewhat insensitive
Instead Of: He's a prick.

We feel this will lead to a happier, healthier work environment for everyone!
Thank You,
Human Resources

 

[minsue]

I object. You might have said 'some fathers'.

I trusted my daughters. Anything else is a waste of time because it is the daughter who ultimately decides what is or is not acceptable. Parents have no influence at the point when it is really important.

Og

Agreed. While my family never liked anyone I brought home (until hubby, thank god ) and it was quite obvious to me that they didn't, they did keep their noses out of it and their mouths shut for the most part. I would later learn of conversations between my brother and my father of all the violent and evil things they wished to do to certain boyfriends. Presumably, they knew me well enough to know how stubborn I am and that any objections would be met with my bringing home even worse boyfriends*.

*Looking back, I'm not quite sure that's possible.

 

[cloudy]

Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab:

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.

6.Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

7. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

8.Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.

9.Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

10. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

11. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.

12. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.

13. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

14. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

15. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

16. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

17. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab:

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

6.Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

9.Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

15. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

Those were earnest!...I mean I don't know who was doing those. Honest. Yup no clue at all

 

[Belegon]

I don't own guns, so this won't work for me. Maybe if I'm sharpening a sword? I do have one of those around.

The idea I've had for awhile. I have three swords on the walls, including a Scottish claymore ( basically a hand and a half sword, designed to be used either one or two handed but on the verge of being a true two-handed sword ) . The line that was suggested to me was...

"Son, have you seen Braveheart? I'm related. Understand?"

 

[oggbashan]

Agreed. While my family never liked anyone I brought home (until hubby, thank god ) and it was quite obvious to me that they didn't, they did keep their noses out of it and their mouths shut for the most part. I would later learn of conversations between my brother and my father of all the violent and evil things they wished to do to certain boyfriends. Presumably, they knew me well enough to know how stubborn I am and that any objections would be met with my bringing home even worse boyfriends*.

*Looking back, I'm not quite sure that's possible.

They sound like my family. And my wife's parents.

When I started dating my wife, her parents had given up commenting on some of the useless dorks she had brought home. By their standards I wasn't a fantastic match but I had a brain that worked and I behaved almost like a human being. That was enough for me to get her parents approval. I was finally accepted when I had mended a fuse, fixed the gears on little sister's bicycle and changed a tap washer. My father in law couldn't do any of those things. During the war he was supposed to be mending fighter aircraft. After the first two weeks he was given a paintbrush and not allowed access to any other more dangerous tools. He was an Economics graduate but the RAF decided, wrongly, he'd be a better mechanic.

My parents despaired of my g/fs. The ones they approved of didn't last. The ones they disapproved of lasted for months. When I announced that I was engaged and this one WASN'T pregnant they were shocked then delighted. It helped that my now wife was a teacher. That career they could understand. Trying to explain what some of the g/fs did for a living was difficult. Nurse - yes. Varityper operator - ??? Record producer - ??? (They might have barely understood if she had been producing the classics but I doubt it. Associating with long haired layabouts who played Pop - never.) The Varityper and the Record Producer earned far more than I did but they weren't salaried.

My eldest aunt, herself a very independent woman, got on very well with the 'unsuitable' g/fs. Once I had to break up a discussion with the Record Producer and my aunt in order to get to London on time. I don't know, and neither ever told me, what they were discussing but there were a lot of dirty laughs from their corner of the living room. (Aunt was about 85 at the time.) When I and that g/f broke up, she kept in touch with my aunt. It was slightly disconcerting to find an ex-g/f in the house when I brought home the current one. The women seemed to take it in their stride. I never could.

Og