Rules for How Men Think--Please Add Your Own
- Thread starter RomanHans
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Just swiped this from Hun's Yellow Pages -
Men Politically
How to speak about men and be politically correct:
1. He does not have a Beer Gut - He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
2. He is not a Bad Dancer - He is Overly Caucasian.
3. He does not Get Lost All of the Time - He Investigates Alternative Destinations.
4. He is not Balding - He is in Follicular Regression.
5. He is not a Cradle Robber - He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.
6. He does not get Falling-Down Drunk - He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.
7. He does not act like a Total Ass - He develops a case of Rectal-Cranial Inversion.
8. He is not a Male Chauvinist Pig - He has Swine Empathy.
9. He is not afraid of Commitment - He is Monogamously Challenged.
(can you tell my hubby isn't home yet - giggle)
Men Politically
How to speak about men and be politically correct:
1. He does not have a Beer Gut - He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
2. He is not a Bad Dancer - He is Overly Caucasian.
3. He does not Get Lost All of the Time - He Investigates Alternative Destinations.
4. He is not Balding - He is in Follicular Regression.
5. He is not a Cradle Robber - He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.
6. He does not get Falling-Down Drunk - He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.
7. He does not act like a Total Ass - He develops a case of Rectal-Cranial Inversion.
8. He is not a Male Chauvinist Pig - He has Swine Empathy.
9. He is not afraid of Commitment - He is Monogamously Challenged.
(can you tell my hubby isn't home yet - giggle)
SuperShyGuy
Shy does not mean weak
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2003
- Posts
- 3,963
I thought the breakfast of champions was beer and corn flakes? 
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SuperShyGuy said:I thought the breakfast of champions was beer and corn flakes?
I thought it was beer and Rice Krispies.
You know, Snap, Crackle, Belch!
I love it! Thanks, Roman... it's all true about men & blowjobs.
I just gave my ex a sympathy bj last night. He's a good friend, and it'd been about 6 months since the poor guy has had any, so, hey, why not? I'm sure he thinks he's Mr. Cool now, but I knew he needed it, and now I don't have to listen to him being cranky about his lack of booty. Men are so sweet sometimes, I swear, you're like kids. "I want a cookie," and you give them their cookie, and they wander off all happy and make a mess with it somewhere. Awwww. So easy to please, it just makes my day sometimes.
Anyway, not to hijack the thread:
Here's my contribution to the funnies:
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
· I do physical labor
· I work at great depths in a damp environment in high temperatures
· I plunge head first into everything I do
· I do not get weekends or holidays off
· I don't get paid overtime,
· I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
· My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
**************
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, we reject your request for the following reasons:
· You can not work 8 hours straight.
· You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
· You do not always follow the orders.
· You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen
visiting other locations.
· You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working.
· You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
· You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
· You will retire well before you are 65.
· You are unable to work double shifts.
· You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task.
· And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
The Management
I just gave my ex a sympathy bj last night. He's a good friend, and it'd been about 6 months since the poor guy has had any, so, hey, why not? I'm sure he thinks he's Mr. Cool now, but I knew he needed it, and now I don't have to listen to him being cranky about his lack of booty. Men are so sweet sometimes, I swear, you're like kids. "I want a cookie," and you give them their cookie, and they wander off all happy and make a mess with it somewhere. Awwww. So easy to please, it just makes my day sometimes.
Anyway, not to hijack the thread:
Here's my contribution to the funnies:
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
· I do physical labor
· I work at great depths in a damp environment in high temperatures
· I plunge head first into everything I do
· I do not get weekends or holidays off
· I don't get paid overtime,
· I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
· My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
**************
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, we reject your request for the following reasons:
· You can not work 8 hours straight.
· You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
· You do not always follow the orders.
· You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen
visiting other locations.
· You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working.
· You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
· You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
· You will retire well before you are 65.
· You are unable to work double shifts.
· You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task.
· And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
The Management
SuperShyGuy
Shy does not mean weak
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2003
- Posts
- 3,963
My penis would like to state he is fully willing to attempt to prove this point false with any willing "observer". However, the rest is all true.
SuperShyGuy
Shy does not mean weak
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2003
- Posts
- 3,963
1. Double dipping a chip is perfectly acceptable if you don't get caught.
1. Coveting thy neighbour's wife is a god given right.
1. Any man caught wearing bycicle shorts will be given a severe beating without warning.
1. Of COURSE my penis is bigger than average, what a silly question.
1. Any woman wearing a bikini within 100 yards of you is clearly and obviously attracted to you.
1. All college girls are lesbians, everyone knows that.
If I think of any more, I'll let you know!
1. Coveting thy neighbour's wife is a god given right.
1. Any man caught wearing bycicle shorts will be given a severe beating without warning.
1. Of COURSE my penis is bigger than average, what a silly question.
1. Any woman wearing a bikini within 100 yards of you is clearly and obviously attracted to you.
1. All college girls are lesbians, everyone knows that.
If I think of any more, I'll let you know!
tendril
Do not exceed stated dose
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2003
- Posts
- 4,420
Ok Roman...this is a rule my SO has lived his life by, it goes something like this:
Real men don't need instructions. No matter what new purchase I might make, HE can make it go the moment it comes out the box. The instructions are for sissies and losers. Even better if it's electrical or very sharp, real men just KNOW how things work !
Real men don't need instructions. No matter what new purchase I might make, HE can make it go the moment it comes out the box. The instructions are for sissies and losers. Even better if it's electrical or very sharp, real men just KNOW how things work !
tendril said:
And of course the corollary--anything in the house that doesn't work can be made functional through (a) physical abuse and/or (b) the application of more physical force.
Apologies to Tim Allen (MORE POWER, ar ar ar!)
Roman
OMG, Spenser, BKnight2602 or something like that posts with that very same av, quite often! How funny - I've never seen the same av on different people before. I'm not gonna start a who's got dibs party, but dude, your version is much sharper & clearer.
It's like, how often do you see people wearing the same outfit???
Wacky!
It's like, how often do you see people wearing the same outfit???
Wacky!
Spenser41
Nice Guy
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2002
- Posts
- 14,241
Oh there is no pissing contest here hon. This pic was given to me by a friend of mine last year. I started using this as an AV about 3 months ago. I don't care if he uses it. It is no biggie to me. I know where it came from! lol.
Now, about that after marriage blow job you do... lol Man is your ex a lucky dude.
Not many ex's would have done them, they would have done more of a CUT IT OFF JOB instead of a BlowJOB
Now, about that after marriage blow job you do... lol Man is your ex a lucky dude.
Not many ex's would have done them, they would have done more of a CUT IT OFF JOB instead of a BlowJOB
Feistyred16
Ginger Nut
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2003
- Posts
- 8,454
Spenser41 said:
Feistyred16
Ginger Nut
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2003
- Posts
- 8,454
starkpic said:I thought that's what you were doing on your AV
(Oh! I see now; you're just sulking.)
um Starkie..That sucks that you think I'm sulking...I don't sulk..I pout...and when I pout, my bottom lip quivers...
Hey, Spenser -
well, my ex & I weren't married, just dated for almost 5 years... It was a good reminder of why I don't miss him. Not into returning the favor in any sort of way - good thing for him I like to give more than receive.
And sometimes, breaking someone's dry spell is a good way to get them motivated to get out there & ask somebody out, or act on that crush. It's worked before, and I would like to see him get into seeing someone.
Feisty, better watch that bottom lip before I decide it needs to be kissed.
well, my ex & I weren't married, just dated for almost 5 years... It was a good reminder of why I don't miss him. Not into returning the favor in any sort of way - good thing for him I like to give more than receive.
And sometimes, breaking someone's dry spell is a good way to get them motivated to get out there & ask somebody out, or act on that crush. It's worked before, and I would like to see him get into seeing someone.
Feisty, better watch that bottom lip before I decide it needs to be kissed.
English Lady
Erotic English Rose
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2002
- Posts
- 48,011
*taking notes*
hey this thread is great..I am finally beginning to understand you men type things.....
hey this thread is great..I am finally beginning to understand you men type things.....
kikmosa
Master of My Own Life
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2002
- Posts
- 7,460
1. I am the man in this house and if I want to go out with the guys I will and there's nothing.... Now don't you start that pouting bit. It doesn't work. I am man and I'm stron....... No, no, no, don't start crying. You know that won't work. I'm to cleve..... Oh God, not the lip quiver. How dumb do you think I am to fall for that one aga...... Awwww not that shattered, hurt puppy dog look. You know that's not fair to use that one. Come on now, it's not that bad. It's just one night. Only a couple of hours and I'll be bac.... Oh please hun, don't cry like that. Come on now. Look, I'm calling the guys now. Please don't do that. I'll tell them maybe tomorrow night. Come here hun. Let me hold you. It'll be ok. I promise. Shhhh...
