Rules for How Men Think--Please Add Your Own

[RomanHans]

I hate re-circulating Internet jokes, but this one was new to me and seemed pretty funny...feel free to post your own additions to the list, especially to 'enlighten' our female posters about the subtle workings of the male mind

Roman

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 24 hours.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways! , and one of the ways pisses you off, we meant the other one.

1. It is genetic for us to look at women. Just deal with it.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. Get over it.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will take it as truth. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine - Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes...You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know -- we really don't mind that...it's like camping.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

Sir that was most amusing ,more it was true were we ever to tell the truth we would continually argue.Well done sir.
greetings Bachlum Chaam

 

[starkpic]

Sir that was most amusing ,more it was true were we ever to tell the truth we would continually argue.Well done sir.
greetings Bachlum Chaam

I both second and third above messages and, as I cannot think of a way of putting 'spanking' in at present, I will leave allied thoughts unsaid.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

In fact I can think of only one thing to add to this goodly post.

1.ladies every time a man looks at you he wants to take you.

That is an immutable point if they say they don,t they lie,are dead or eunuchs,maybe gay too not sure.
greetings Bachlum Chaam

 

[starkpic]

In fact I can think of only one thing to add to this goodly post.

1.ladies every time a man looks at you he wants to take you.

That is an immutable point if they say they don,t they lie,are dead or eunuchs,maybe gay too not sure.
greetings Bachlum Chaam

Hahaha,har,..har...har! I imagine you are speaking quite truthfully, Bachlum, from your own experience.

 

[RomanHans]

Here's mine, customized for Lit:

1. Stop asking us what part of the female body we find attractive, sexy, hot, etc. We each have our own preferences about what we find sexy, but if you ask us to jump in the sack with you, we'll say yes regardless of those preferences.

Roman

 

[sweetnpetite]

In fact I can think of only one thing to add to this goodly post.

1.ladies every time a man looks at you he wants to take you.

That is an immutable point if they say they don,t they lie,are dead or eunuchs,maybe gay too not sure.
greetings Bachlum Chaam

LOL,

Yesterday in my musings I realized why men don't have close friendships with there male buddies- its because they know without a doubt, if given half the chance they'd do their girlfriend/wife without a second chance.


Another Rule:

1. When I break up and say lets be friends it means: I might want to hit that again, so don't be mad- unless that turns you on.

1. Anytime I make a lewd sexual suggestion: I'm kidding- unless you want to, then I'm serious. Does that offend you? I'm just kidding! Learn to take a joke.

1. Once in a while, I don't sex (like when the game is on) but you can always give me a blowjob if you'd like.

1. If your "not my type" (read- ugly), I'll still let you suck my dick.

1. On my day off, two things will get me off the couch- my hunger or the promise of a blowjob

1. Did I mention how much I like blowjobs? Hell, I'd risk getting impeached too! Fat, skinny, I don't care. Blow me. Just kidding- unless of course you want too!

 

[sweetnpetite]

Here's mine, customized for Lit:

1. Stop asking us what part of the female body we find attractive, sexy, hot, etc. We each have our own preferences about what we find sexy, but if you ask us to jump in the sack with you, we'll say yes regardless of those preferences.

Roman

Q. "Do these pants make my butt look big?"

A. Yes, so take them off so we can get busy!

Q. Do I look fat today?

A. Yes- but I'd still do ya!

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

LOL,

Yesterday in my musings I realized why men don't have close friendships with there male buddies- its because they know without a doubt, if given half the chance they'd do their girlfriend/wife without a second chance.


Another Rule:

1. When I break up and say lets be friends it means: I might want to hit that again, so don't be mad- unless that turns you on.

1. Anytime I make a lewd sexual suggestion: I'm kidding- unless you want to, then I'm serious. Does that offend you? I'm just kidding! Learn to take a joke.

1. Once in a while, I don't sex (like when the game is on) but you can always give me a blowjob if you'd like.

1. If your "not my type" (read- ugly), I'll still let you suck my dick.

1. On my day off, two things will get me off the couch- my hunger or the promise of a blowjob

1. Did I mention how much I like blowjobs? Hell, I'd risk getting impeached too! Fat, skinny, I don't care. Blow me. Just kidding- unless of course you want too!

My lady excuse me if I may enquire if you have dealt with badly by some cad and bounder,Although we would all like to take you,some of us wouldn,t dream of acting in the manner you have written,some of us are Gentlemen my lady.
greetings Bachlum Chaam

 

[RomanHans]

LOL,

Yesterday in my musings I realized why men don't have close friendships with there male buddies- its because they know without a doubt, if given half the chance they'd do their girlfriend/wife without a second chance.


Another Rule:

1. When I break up and say lets be friends it means: I might want to hit that again, so don't be mad- unless that turns you on.

1. Anytime I make a lewd sexual suggestion: I'm kidding- unless you want to, then I'm serious. Does that offend you? I'm just kidding! Learn to take a joke.

1. Once in a while, I don't sex (like when the game is on) but you can always give me a blowjob if you'd like.

1. If your "not my type" (read- ugly), I'll still let you suck my dick.

1. On my day off, two things will get me off the couch- my hunger or the promise of a blowjob

1. Did I mention how much I like blowjobs? Hell, I'd risk getting impeached too! Fat, skinny, I don't care. Blow me. Just kidding- unless of course you want too!

ROTFLMAO...honestly, I'd wager that your rules apply to 99 percent of guys anywhere. Thanks!

Roman

 

[psyche]

Here's mine, customized for Lit:

1. Stop asking us what part of the female body we find attractive, sexy, hot, etc. We each have our own preferences about what we find sexy, but if you ask us to jump in the sack with you, we'll say yes regardless of those preferences.

Roman

ROFLMAO! Hey Roman, how have you been?

Wanna fuck?

 

[RomanHans]

ROFLMAO! Hey Roman, how have you been?

Wanna fuck?

Anytime! Just name the place and I'll be there!

I'm just kidding, of course.

Unless you're not, in which case I'm serious.

Roman

 

[HoHoBomb]

taking notes and beginning to suspect that perhaps i have been dating a woman all of this time.

 

[starkpic]

taking notes and beginning to suspect that perhaps i have been dating a woman all of this time.

Has it cost you a lot? If it has, you have! Now come back to bed.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

taking notes and beginning to suspect that perhaps i have been dating a woman all of this time.

My lady in all fairness if he is much different from that then maybe you should wonder or more likely you haven,t asked him to tell you in truth.
greetings Bachlum Chaam

 

[RomanHans]

Another rule

1. If you're attached, and just want a male perspective on the problems you're having with your SO, I'm perfectly willing to be a platonic, supportive and empathetic listener, as long as I'm the guy you choose when it's time for revenge or rebound sex.

Roman

 

[sweetnpetite]

My lady excuse me if I may enquire if you have dealt with badly by some cad and bounder,Although we would all like to take you,some of us wouldn,t dream of acting in the manner you have written,some of us are Gentlemen my lady.
greetings Bachlum Chaam

Great Line!

1. Its ALWAYS a line. Even if its true. Which of course, it is

 

[psyche]

Anytime! Just name the place and I'll be there!

I'm just kidding, of course.

Unless you're not, in which case I'm serious.

Roman

Baby, I never kid about having sex! LOL!

 

[tendril]

Hey Roman !


This is just so good....I love it.

Give me a moment to gather my wits and control the laughter and I'll add a few 'Rules' my SO lives by.

 

[SuperShyGuy]

Allow me to add a couple of my own.

1. Pizza is a food group. It has bread, cheese, toatoes, veggies and meat. Don't give me shit about it not being healthy.

1. I view breasts the same way I view pro wrestling. I don't give a shit if their fake, as long as they entertain me what does it matter?

 

[RomanHans]

Allow me to add a couple of my own.

1. Pizza is a food group. It has bread, cheese, toatoes, veggies and meat. Don't give me shit about it not being healthy.

1. I view breasts the same way I view pro wrestling. I don't give a shit if their fake, as long as they entertain me what does it matter?

Awesome, dude!

Roman

 

[Feistyred16]

Some one sent this to me today...any of you guys see yourself there???






> >>>Subject: Why Men Are Just Happier People!

>
>
> >>>What do you expect from such simple creatures!?
> >>>Your last name stays put.
> >>>The garage is all yours.
> >>>Wedding plans take care of themselves.
> >>>Chocolate is just another snack.
> >>>You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
> >>>Car mechanics tell you the truth.
> >>>The world is your urinal.
> >>>You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's
just
>too
> >>>icky.
> >>>Same work, more pay.
> >>>Wrinkles add character.
> >>>Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
> >>>People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
> >>>The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
> >>>New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
> >>>One mood, ALL the time.
> >>>Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
> >>>A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
> >>>You can open all your own jars.
> >>>You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
> >>>If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your
friend.
> >>>Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
> >>>Everything on your face stays its original color.
> >>>Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
> >>>You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.
> >>>You almost never have strap problems in public
> >>>You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
> >>>The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
> >>>You don't have to shave below your neck.
> >>>Your belly usually hides your big hips.
> >>>One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
> >>>You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
> >>>You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
> >>>You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in
45
> >>>minutes

 

[starkpic]

Some one sent this to me today...any of you guys see yourself there???

Yeah! Whatever's wrong with that???

 

[psyche]

Allow me to add a couple of my own.

1. Pizza is a food group. It has bread, cheese, toatoes, veggies and meat. Don't give me shit about it not being healthy.

1. I view breasts the same way I view pro wrestling. I don't give a shit if their fake, as long as they entertain me what does it matter?

LMAO! Don't forget the fucking beer! I love this thread!

 

[KnightWing]

LMAO! Don't forget the fucking beer! I love this thread!

Woooo Hooooo!!! Beer and Pizza!!! My kind of lady!

Burp!