Rules are not meant to be broken!

[DVS]

There are always basic rules in most things and when that is so, it's only the rare times when something seems to go wrong. When someone tries to stretch that little bit extra of a good feeling, or lasting longer than they normally do with breath play, or whatever it is...they just don't follow the basic rules.

The more people do something the more "normal" it gets and repetitious. So, they assume they can venture out into the unknown and maybe get something extra from it, or something in that unknown is even better than what they already have. In most cases that isn't an issue. But, when you are doing something that is already dangerous, not following the basic rules can get you seriously hurt or even killed.

People into breath play get the orgasm from being controlled by someone else and not allowed to breathe at just the right moment. For some, it seems that instant is negotiable and so more of a good thing is even better. The problem with that is they go just a little too far more and more, then that even becomes normal. Eventually, that new normal is even tested. What can go wrong? I've done it before and it was great.

But, what they don't understand is they are inching closer and closer to the point where their body can't recover. Once they reach that point, they either end up with brain damage because they starved it from blood for too long, or they end up dying.

There are dangers out there all around us. Those who enjoy living on the edge are even closer to it. The thrills they strive for are very close to causing death, but that is what gives them the thrill in the first place. But, they have rules they follow and they don't go beyond those rules. The people who tend to venture out beyond the rules are the ones we hear about on the news. They pushed the envelope and lost.

So, breath play, electoplay, knife play, play rape where a real gun is involved...things like that have set rules for safety. Even with those rules, there is always a chance something will go wrong but if your toys or equipment is in good working order that chance is very minimal.

It's the people who try for that little extra bit of orgasm or maybe more realism, or maybe they are bored with what has become normal and they want something more. They take a chance and don't stick to the rules. When that urge comes, the sensible thing to do is to take a break. You're masturbating too much, or having too much sex and it's getting almost boring, mundane.

A person with normal erotic urges can sometimes take a risk, because they are much less likely to be breaking some rule that can kill them. But, in edge play, breaking a rule can be dangerous. So, when they feel like their orgasms aren't what they once were, it's more likely they need to take that break from it, so their body can recover from the tolerance it has built up. That's what happens to everybody from time to time. Especially the hard core perverts who frequent this board. Yes, I'm a member.

You do something consistently for a long time, your body will develop a tolerance to it...a kind of resistance. Just like taking Ibuprofen or Acetaminophen regularly for any length of time, after a while it doesn't do what it once did for you. So, some people will just take more to get the relief they once knew. Your liver will end up suffering, over a long period.

Drug addicts will do that, and sometimes it will go past what their physical body can handle and they die of an overdose. Their tolerance level had gotten so high and they kept taking more and more to get off. And even though they may understand what's going on, they can't take a break, because they are so highly addicted.

Some rules might seem kind of stupid, like the rules on a ladder that say not to step on that highest rung, even though it's there. Those safety rules are on ladders because enough people didn't follow the basic rules and got hurt. They also probably sued the ladder maker.

There are basic rules in all relationships and BDSM relationships are no different. But, there are also additional rules in a BDSM relationship because of the different kinds of sexual activity involved. Bondage, sex toys, unique sexual devices...they all have basic rules associated with them.

That's why it's sometimes considered undesirable to play with a newbie dom and even dangerous, if he says he's experienced and is lying because he doesn't like the stigma that's attached to being a newbie.

OK, people, we're only human and humans make mistakes. But, that's why we have rules!!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well said, DVS.

 

[satindesire]

I completely agree. When enjoying higher-risk kinky activities, safer is better than hurt or dead!

 

[Felonious1]

Solid OP....

There's a number of people who aren't mindful enough to drive a vehicle in a safe manner.........much less wade in the treacherous waters of BDSM and its associated scene activities that can very well be emotionally and/or physically damaging in nature.

Skill levels, subjective judgement calls and limitations in the area of self control are just a few of the inherit traits, or lack thereof, that must be considered when one edges the line within scene. Even including those with mutually desired edge desires, this thing we do isn't for everyone to experience when the edge of true harm is being brushed up against within scene.

 

[Loverskitten]

I attended an event where the speaker was a lawyer and an expert witness in cases involving BDSM. That guy has stories.

 

[satindesire]

I attended an event where the speaker was a lawyer and an expert witness in cases involving BDSM. That guy has stories.

Oo. I would actually love to hear some of those. *sagenod*

 

[DVS]

Oo. I would actually love to hear some of those. *sagenod*

Pervert.


Well, actually, I'd like to hear some of the stories, too.

 

[Loverskitten]

Oo. I would actually love to hear some of those. *sagenod*

Here's a couple that stuck with me, he said BDSM isn't a solution to a bad relationship. The husband of a couple in a failing marriage suggested rope bondage to his wife, she agreed and he tied her to a chair in the garage, then set it on fire. Make sure your relationship is healthy and you trust this person completely.

He also said never tie balls to anything not attached to those balls. One Mistress, while leading her sub, who's balls were tied to her wrist, around a crowded club took a fall off the raised dance floor. Another Mistress had tethered her sub's balls to a treadmill (I lolled at that one and got some looks)

He spoke of a few near deaths during suspensions where the EMT scissors where reached in seconds and no toy bag should be without them.

 

[satindesire]

Pervert.


Well, actually, I'd like to hear some of the stories, too.

Pot/kettle!

Here's a couple that stuck with me, he said BDSM isn't a solution to a bad relationship. The husband of a couple in a failing marriage suggested rope bondage to his wife, she agreed and he tied her to a chair in the garage, then set it on fire. Make sure your relationship is healthy and you trust this person completely.

He also said never tie balls to anything not attached to those balls. One Mistress, while leading her sub, who's balls were tied to her wrist, around a crowded club took a fall off the raised dance floor. Another Mistress had tethered her sub's balls to a treadmill (I lolled at that one and got some looks)

He spoke of a few near deaths during suspensions where the EMT scissors where reached in seconds and no toy bag should be without them.

Holy SHIT!

Who's got the popcorn?!

 

[Ahlam]

I have nothing to add or mention. I just liked this post.

 

[DVS]

Here's a couple that stuck with me, he said BDSM isn't a solution to a bad relationship. The husband of a couple in a failing marriage suggested rope bondage to his wife, she agreed and he tied her to a chair in the garage, then set it on fire. Make sure your relationship is healthy and you trust this person completely.

He also said never tie balls to anything not attached to those balls. One Mistress, while leading her sub, who's balls were tied to her wrist, around a crowded club took a fall off the raised dance floor. Another Mistress had tethered her sub's balls to a treadmill (I lolled at that one and got some looks)

He spoke of a few near deaths during suspensions where the EMT scissors where reached in seconds and no toy bag should be without them.

Those stories made my boys ache. Some male submissives can be intimidated into just about anything for Mistress' pleasure. And for that, they end up singing soprano?

 

[DVS]

I have nothing to add or mention. I just liked this post.

Thanks.

 

[notalwaysweak]

Really well said, DVS.

 

[DVS]

Really well said, DVS.

Thanks. Rules are mostly based on common sense and Murphy's Law. When we humans do something and there's a possibility it can go wrong, we need a rule to keep us from doing that. In the U.S. we drive on the right side of the road. It's a simple rule, but it works. Before somebody decided on that rule, driving was surely a more dangerous adventure.

Water and electricity don't mix. Once that was decided, rules were put in place for our safety. Building codes now require safety outlets to be installed when near water, such as kitchen and bathroom sinks. These help lessen the idiot factor we humans are born with.

If you happen to like drying your hair while in the tub, you're an idiot. Before these safety outlets, many idiots would die of electrocution. Now, they are just startled into reality when there's a large spark when the hair dryer and the water meet. The little breaker in the outlet trips and we are still alive, but hopefully a little wiser about following rules.

Some might say we were culling the herd of idiots and ultimately strengthening human kind, before all of these rules were necessary. But, we're only idiots for a split second in time. Why damage an otherwise tax paying member of society? For every idiot we kill off, the rest of us end up paying more.

Take a little time to notice the rules all around us. Most of them are so engrained in our minds that we don't even notice them, but they're there. And I already pay enough taxes!!

 

[spoiledchrissy7]

Thank you for this post... while these seem like very common sense things. How when you are newer do you develop the ability to be able to tell the difference between rules and move able boundaries? For newer subs its sometimes difficult to tell when a Dom is new or not in it for the right reasons....

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you for this post... while these seem like very common sense things. How when you are newer do you develop the ability to be able to tell the difference between rules and move able boundaries? For newer subs its sometimes difficult to tell when a Dom is new or not in it for the right reasons....

Ask questions, figure out what it is that you want and figure out how you want to try it.

You might turn out to be the dominant one-- read the essay in my signature for elucidation.

 

[Lovetolisten]

To anyone with a brain and/or a shred of common sense, rules/warnings would not be necessary. Unfortunately, idiots, like suckers, are born every day.

Tag on curling iron... "For External Use Only". Who was the idiot that made that necessary?

Boundaries, and some rules can be pushed... but if care is not exercised the results can be deadly. That is common sense for most of us. The rest need little yellow signs so we know who we are dealing with.

 

[unicorn64]

I have heard that if you leave nipples and clits clamped too long or too tight nerve damage can be the end result. First off why would a Dom or Master do that to his sub/slave. Does he not like her nipples or clit to be sensitive and work the correct way? There should be rules about the length of time or how tight these clamps are used.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I have heard that if you leave nipples and clits clamped too long or too tight nerve damage can be the end result. First off why would a Dom or Master do that to his sub/slave. Does he not like her nipples or clit to be sensitive and work the correct way? There should be rules about the length of time or how tight these clamps are used.

You've heard correctly.

An experienced/knowledgeable PYL *wouldn't* do that to his/her pyl.

The problem with a rule "about the length of time or how tight these clamps are used" is that different people will react differently. I've known women who could wear tight nipple clamps for hours with no adverse effects, and others who would be numb or in pain for a full day or more after only 10-15 minutes.

Therefore, IMNSHO, "the length of time or how tight these clamps are used" needs to be established for each wearer, presumably by trying them for a few minutes, more minutes, more minutes, an hour or so, etc., to determine *that* person's sensitivity.

 

[DVS]

I have heard that if you leave nipples and clits clamped too long or too tight nerve damage can be the end result. First off why would a Dom or Master do that to his sub/slave. Does he not like her nipples or clit to be sensitive and work the correct way? There should be rules about the length of time or how tight these clamps are used.

I don't think someone would do this intentionally, but because each body type is different, it would take some testing to find out the best length of time for anyone. A newbie PYL might not know this and neither would a newbie pyl. There are no written rules for it. Things like this come with experience. I'm sure there are some experienced players out there that don't even know this.

There are various types of clamps. There are some that would be worse than others, in a situation like this. The smaller the surface area a clamp attaches with would be more likely to be dangerous than one that grabs significantly more flesh. And of course, tension would also be a factor. I'm not much of a nipple torture lover, so I just use my fingers to pinch when I get the urge. That's not likely to cause much more than a squirm and a possible squeal or two.

Many things are affected by body type. Bruising from spanking and paddling, rope burns and circulation issues that might be experienced with rope bondage, and for sure, electrical play. I guess the best rule of thumb in most things is take it slow until you are familiar with the body type of your sub. Actually, taking my time with things like this sounds pretty sexy to me. Delaying someone's climax usually increases the sexual tension. What can be wrong with that?

 

[DVS]

I thought I'd bump my own thread. There aren't any rules against it.

 

[satindesire]

Thank you for this post... while these seem like very common sense things. How when you are newer do you develop the ability to be able to tell the difference between rules and move able boundaries? For newer subs its sometimes difficult to tell when a Dom is new or not in it for the right reasons....

The "Traffic Light" safe word system is an excellent means of judging level of okay-ness.

Green means everything's great, continue please.
Yellow means please slow down and check in on me.
Red means STOP EVERYTHING NOW! SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG!

If you use them honestly (Both the Top and Bottom in the scene) then you can both tell when everything's okay.

 

[DVS]

It's been nearly a year. Maybe it's time for another dose of common sense about rules. And maybe others have their input, or maybe a horror story to add.

 

[Stella_Omega]

i just re-read thethread, andI picked up this little gem;

But, we're only idiots for a split second in time. Why damage an otherwise tax paying member of society?

I really, really do believe in giving people their chance to have a second chance.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I have found that the attitude towards "idiot proofing" things can vary greatly from country to country... For instance, the signs to keep your arms and legs inside your roller coaster cart are not deemed necessary in some foreign countries. However, this may also be a product of legal culpability under the local justice system... And I don't remember any signs at the Running of the Bulls saying Hey! These bulls are dangerous Common sense of one's own can be the best deterrent.
As DVS mentions, getting complacent with dangerous things is a real tragedy. The dangers are known, but ignored. Complacence was the most common factor in injuries on one of the jobs I worked. You might have done something a hundred times with no ill effects, but it only takes once... I, for one, am never willing to take that chance!