Regular First-timer Question #2663-04

[V_Faulkon]

Just kinda curious (and hoping I'll find a few answers myself)...

I've got a general idea of what to expect my first time out: I definitely know to wear a condom, I shouldn't expect to be World's Greatest Lover or anything like that my first time out, etc. etc. I get all that.

I was just wondering if there are any definite Dos and Don'ts I should be aware of. I mean, I know not to expect to help the girl reach Nirvana or anything, but I don't want it to be a bad experience for her either.

Any help, especially with the 'technical' (nudge nudge, wink wink) side of things would be appreciated.

Also, sorry for what's probably a common 'Oh noes, I'm a virgin!' question (hence the above title), but I really don't know where else to ask.

 

[kromen]

For the love of God, if you ever watched any porno in your life, DON'T REPEAT IT. The death blow is to have sex for the first time with a girl and say "Suck that cock, Bitch"
Believe it or not, nature will run it's course.
Tips.
1. Lots of foreplay doesn't hurt. Kiss her everywhere, not just her lips. Don't paw, caress.
2. BATHE, trust me on this one.
3. Make sure that she is ready to receive you, don't just hammer it in there.
4. If she is lubricated enough and you fear you might not find it, use your finger as a guide (worked for me) Pleasure her with one or two fingers and while still inside her, you can guide it on home without jabbing her like a blind man trying to find the curb.
5. Just becuz you nut, it doesn't mean that the night is over. Use your hands or mouth until you are ready for round two, but PLEASE CHANGE RUBBERS FIRST.
6. HAVE FUN. It's not a job, it's an adventure.

 

[borisk]

Everything Kromen said.


If you blow your wadd right away its important not to be embarrised.
If you cant find the hole dont be afrade to ask for help too
check to make sure you dont loose the condom inside her
Best of all is explore each other bodies in the light and not so quick, forplay is good!

Good luck and as always you must report back.

Be safe,

Boris

 

[emap]

Oh I swear men, forget the most important things.

Biggest thing, and I do mean BIGGEST, listen to her, ask questions, and don't think about your pleasure, pleasure her, do what she asks when she asks, or a little after if your wanting to tease a little.

I am so not kidding, it gets very tiresome to have your boyfriend get you all hot and bothered with some foreplay, sexy talk and then shove it in pump and roll over and go to sleep. There is a reason why I don't see them anymore, if your wanting to not have your girlfriend just up and leave you, listen to her, do what she asks when or a little after she asks, and think about her and not you.

That is after all what we do mostly, and how many of you have slept with a woman who got you all excited, got on top and rode you until she came then rolls over and goes to sleep? And if she did, would you like it?

 

[TBKahuna123]

Oh I swear men, forget the most important things.

Biggest thing, and I do mean BIGGEST, listen to her, ask questions, and don't think about your pleasure, pleasure her, do what she asks when she asks, or a little after if your wanting to tease a little.

This actually tops my list of Do's(or maybe it's a Don't): Don't be too scared to ask her what she likes. If you want to be the World's Greatest Lover, make it all about her and her pleasure. It doesn't matter if you've never seen a woman naked before, just having that attitude, that her pleasure is what is all important, will take you 75% of the way. That's about 70% more than the average guy to twist a nipple then jams it home. The simple fact is that we can get off anytime, anywhere, without a whole lot of work. Women need more attention, stimulation, effort. If you make it about her, you're going to get off in the end anyway, but if you bring her along for the ride, there may be a second chance.

Some guys don't give a shit, some guys are too shy. For me, I was pretty shy, but I listened well. I was observant in my years of heavy petting and not quite going all the way, so I have a good grasp of foreplay before I actually lost my virginity. Still, if I'd not been too shy to ask those questions I would have been better off. Be warned though, most young women won't be used to that, so they may be too shy to answer. That's when the fun of exploration and watching her reactions comes into play.

So that out of the way, here's my list:

Do's:
1.) Ask questions, listen to responses. This isn't just verbal responses, listen, see, feel how she responds both physically and emotionall.
2.) Know where the clitoris is. If you don't know, ask here, research it on the web, but damnit find it! You'd be surprised how many guys think they've got it and are off by about 4 feet!
3.) Go slooooowwwwwww. It'll kill ya, it'll be agonizing, but go sloowwww. One of the biggest complaints we hear from young women is that guys rush it. If she wants you to go faster, she'll tell ya.
4.) Oral sex! Maybe it's just me, but I think they should teach guys how to eat pussy in health class! Do not underestimate the power of this glorious skill. If you've never done it, it's easy. Just lick the alphabet. I'm serious about that.
5.) Rub her clit during intercourse. Most women do not orgasm from penetration alone, that's just how they are built. So don't be afraid ot help it alone.
6.) Be prepared to laugh off any miscues. Chances are you're gonna fall out, you may blow early, your coordination may suck. Just relax, and dont' get embarassed. Going slow will help with all these things, and it's all perfectly normal. This is the reason I would let any girl you are with know you are a virgin ahead of time.
7.) Someone said "don't paw, caress" and this is dead on. Don't grab her nipples like you are tuning a radio, do everything slowly and gently. If she wants it harder, she'll tell you.
8.) Trim your fingernails. I can't stress how important this is.
9.) Someone said something about using your hand to guide you in. You don't ahve to disguise this, just do it. Hell I still do that frequently, and there's nothing wrong with it. Trying to find the right hole is dumb, just use your hand and put it where it belongs. Saves embarassment and frustration.
10.) I've said it before but it bears repeating, make it about pleasuring her. There is nothing more impowering than a woman writhing, grabbing your hair and screaming your name as her whole body explodes in orgasm. If you don't take this approach, it's simply masturbation with someone to talk to.

Dont's:
1.) Don't lose your composure and start ramming away. This is the toughest thing you'll have to do.
2.) Don't be embarassed. Just roll with it, whatever happens.
3.) Don't try anything you saw in a porn movie. Porn's not real. The only time you shoudl try something you saw in porn is if you and your partner are purposely trying to repeat something you saw in a porn movie. Even then...
4.) Don't try and fuck her in the ass. Even if she asks you too, save that for another night. Or at least for a second go around. Inexperience can be a VERY bad thing with anal sex. Though, if you have a chance to work with a good teacher...

I'm tellin ya, it's all about attitude. Approach it gently, suavely, making it about her and not you, and you'll be fine. Better than fine, actually.

 

[V_Faulkon]

A couple of quick questions, if I may interject...

1) I've heard that, if it's your first time, her giving you oral sex before you insert can help you last longer. It probably won't matter, since I'm not sure my future partner would be willing to do it, and I believe in being prepared for worst-case scenarios. Still, any truth to that?

2)

If you've never done it, it's easy. Just lick the alphabet. I'm serious about that.

I'm glad this came up, because I am completely clueless to giving oral sex, and I know I shouldn't be. But, uh...'lick the alphabet'? I don't follow...

 

[LadyJeanne]

A couple of quick questions, if I may interject...

1) I've heard that, if it's your first time, her giving you oral sex before you insert can help you last longer. It probably won't matter, since I'm not sure my future partner would be willing to do it, and I believe in being prepared for worst-case scenarios. Still, any truth to that?

If she gives you oral and you come, then it will take longer for you to come during PIV sex with your second erection. Your first orgasm takes the edge off, so you're likely not to come right away when you penetrate.

2) I'm glad this came up, because I am completely clueless to giving oral sex, and I know I shouldn't be. But, uh...'lick the alphabet'? I don't follow...

Use your tongue to 'write'/lick the letters of the alphabet on her clit.

Google is your friend:

http://www.mypleasure.com/education/sexed/cunnilingus.asp

http://sexuality.about.com/od/oralsex/ht/cunnilingus.htm

http://www.sexinfo101.com/pw_cunnilingus.shtml

http://www.babeland.com/cunnilingus.html

http://www.sexual-health-resource.org/oral_sex.htm

 

[SweetErika]

I don't have much to add to the fantastic advice you've already gotten. I would suggest checking out The Blank Manual sticky in addition to LadyJeanne's links because there's a ton of info on first-time sex, cunnilingus, giving pleasure, and a bunch of other topics you'd likely be interested in.

Edit: She Comes First by Ian Kerner is also a must read, IMO. Hubby and I read the e-book version from our local library and were amazed at how much we learned (and re-learned: we had a lot of misconceptions and wrong info) about female anatomy and oral sex. It's a great book for everyone, but I think it'd be especially beneficial to the less experienced because it has everything to give a solid foundation and head start on knowledge and technique.

Good luck, have fun, and be safe!

 

[TBKahuna123]

I'm glad this came up, because I am completely clueless to giving oral sex, and I know I shouldn't be. But, uh...'lick the alphabet'? I don't follow...

OK I hate to admit this but the first time I ever went down on a woman, this is the technique I used. Of all places I learned it from a Sam Kinison comedy routine. He said, "you're all laughing now, but later tonight your gonna be down there and you'll hear A B C D E F G and go, shit I was licking a W and I didn't even know it! While I'm down here why don't I just write a letter to Santa..."

The sad thing is, as funny as it sounds, it works! The reason is simple, the whole concept is that by doing this you lavish every part of the vagina with a variety of motions. Far, far better than the old up and down painting the fence approach.

I have not read the book of which Erika speaks, but I've heard a lot of praise for it here. I think maybe I should go pick it up. After all, you can't rest on your laurels or things get might boring after 10 years of marriage.

 

[kiwichyck]

Good advice from all.

I will add however, don't go barrelling directly for the clit. Work your way up to it. There is nothing more irritating (for me anyway) than my guy going straight down to business so to speak.

When the others have advised lots of foreplay, that means be a "tease". Spend lots of time on non-sexual parts of her body first. For example, massage her feet, kiss her neck, stroke her belly and thighs - that kind of stuff. It is always VERY nice to have soft kisses/licks on the inner thighs slowly working your way upward. It prolongs the sensations and builds arousal. Make sure you are very gentle with oral (at least to start off with), once again, tease around the clit and work your way up to direct contact. A lot of women (myself included) need to be very aroused before we can handle or enjoy much direct clit stimulation. I don't think she will leave you with any doubts if she wants more! And I'm sure that others will probably disagree with me, but don't use your teeth ever.

If you feel confident at this stage, try for a combo. Reach up and play with her breasts while you're licking her.

As for licking the alphabet......well, its a good idea and worth trying so I won't knock it. Just thought I'd share though, my DH told me about this a few months ago. He'd been doing it for years - I had NO idea! So don't be disappointed if you don't get amazing results from that technique. It's all a learning curve.

have fun!

 

[WindWarrior]

Great advice from everyone here. I just want to add that even if you do cum too soon ... and, if it's your first time, it's unlikely that you will last long, make sure she gets an orgasm too. It's alright to cum too soon due to lack of experience, it's NOT ok to ignore the satisfaction of your partner. So, if she doesn't reach it during intercourse or before ... get working on after. Don't just roll over.

 

[SweetErika]

I have not read the book of which Erika speaks, but I've heard a lot of praise for it here. I think maybe I should go pick it up. After all, you can't rest on your laurels or things get might boring after 10 years of marriage.

I think the book has something for everyone, and you and Mrs. Kahuna would find it interesting. It's a little like FAM/NFP in that I was shocked at how much I DIDN'T know about my own body and technique. Worst case, read it and pass it on to someone who might benefit from good information and advice.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I think the book has something for everyone, and you and Mrs. Kahuna would find it interesting. It's a little like FAM/NFP in that I was shocked at how much I DIDN'T know about my own body and technique. Worst case, read it and pass it on to someone who might benefit from good information and advice.

Oh I'm not arrogant enough to think I know it all, that's why it intrigues me when I hear it recommended by people I would consider well versed in the pleasures of the flesh.

I will add however, don't go barrelling directly for the clit. Work your way up to it. There is nothing more irritating (for me anyway) than my guy going straight down to business so to speak.

Yeah another good tip. Part of that go slow and don't rush it philosophy.

 

[V_Faulkon]

One other thing: what about kissing? To be honest (much to my personal embarrassment), I've only kissed a girl once, and it was when I was 11, so I dunno if that counts. Is that something you just kinda have to learn from experience? 'cause I'm clueless on that too...

Oh, the shame...*blush*

 

[rcuhljr]

Since this is a how-to thread it bears repeating the golden mantra.

Communication, Communication, Communication.

Be up front, make sure she know's it's your first time, and follow the excellent advice everyone has given you in this thread.

The death blow is to have sex for the first time with a girl and say "Suck that cock, Bitch"

It goes back to the communication thing, but I know some girls who would love to hear that

/wanders off to read the oral sex links, because the more you know...

 

[TBKahuna123]

One other thing: what about kissing? To be honest (much to my personal embarrassment), I've only kissed a girl once, and it was when I was 11, so I dunno if that counts. Is that something you just kinda have to learn from experience? 'cause I'm clueless on that too...

Oh, the shame...*blush*

Ohhh man, this is a toughee. I'm not sure how to really describe it, but I can give you a few don'ts.

Don't Rush, go slow.
Don't ram your tongue down her throat.
Don't drool too much.
Make sure you brush your teeth. Nothing worse than bad breath.
Don't just kiss her lips. Kiss her throat, her neck, her cheeks. It doesn't have to be all about the lips.

OK I did come up wiht a couple dos afterall:

Place a hand behind her head or on the side of her face. This isn't to hold her in the kiss, this is a caress. It can add to the sensuality of the kiss becasue it's an increased physical connection.
Think of a kiss as a caress of lips.
Long passionate kisses are great, but so is a series of small passionate kisses.

I don't know, I never really thought about how to on this one. maybe one of the ladies can give you better techniques.

 

[V_Faulkon]

I'm certainly open to suggestions...

 

[Chicklet]

Don't feel bad that you don't know about kissing.

I've been sexually active for the last ten years, and only learned about kissing in the last ten months.

I think, no matter how much you read or hear described about kissing, it really just takes a good teacher to help you master the locking of lips. That's my personal opinion.

But if you still want my advice...

I love having my lower lip sucked, nibbled, licked, devoured... i love feeling the edge of my partner's teeth with my tongue, and having him feel mine. I love to lick his lips, and suck on his lower lip, and feel him breathing right against my face.

 

[chris9]

Practice helps. With all your questions. The first time you perform oral you won't know really what to do. You'll get there eventually.
If you are still young, and have young (and inexperienced) partners, she won't know what she likes either. Get there together. Talk. If you can't talk with her about sex, maybe she is not the right one to have sex with, or not yet. If you're embarrassed talking with her about it, that's pretty normal. My bf and I used to talk about sex mainly in the car on the way back from some party, so it was dark. Phone worked well, too. I found it easier when we couldn't see each other and touch each other.

If you both want you to penetrate, let her guide you. Using your finger might work, too, but it might be easier if she takes your penis and puts it where it's supposed to go. That way she can control the speed and the place and everything. And while it's easier to find the entrance with your hand than with your penis, she can feel the way with both her hand AND her vagina.

If you get a chance to go there for the second time, don't expect it to be much easier/better/mind-blowing/whatever than the first time. It's a gradual thing.

Kissing: Here, too, practice helps. For me a lot is about how we feel. With each other, with the world. It's maybe not so much about technique (at least for me it never was), but about feeling. Try different ways. Try different things on different days. Don't always do the same. (That's for all things sexually. You don't want either of you to get bored.)

I found an excellent book was (and still is) 'The guide to getting it on', Paul Joannides, The Goofy Foot Press. It's fun, it's educational (for both partners) and you find a bit of (almost) everything in there. For us it opened up communication.

 

[emap]

Kissing is one of those learning things, and you will be learning how to kiss for the rest of your life.

Seriously I'm not kidding, every time I kiss my guy it's different, people kiss differently from anyone else, but they also kiss different from how they kissed yesterday or two years ago.

Now that out of the way, there are two things to keep in mind, the most important thing, what she wants in a kiss, the second most important thing, what you want in a kiss.

I know didn't make sense, what I mean is, when you kiss her, pay attention to how she does it, not where her hands are, but how hard she pulls on you and how hard she presses at you, if she barely presses into you, she wants long slow kisses, if she is trying to shove her lips through your head, she wants that passion filled bear hug kiss. Now most of the time she will go in between and you should to.

As for where you should kiss her, well EVERYWHERE.

Not kidding, I love to be kissed all over my face, my neck, my shoulders, my back my butt my legs my breasts, all up and down my legs, my arms, and the places I didn't mention. What that means, kiss any spot on her that is showing, show more when you run out, when you are in a room alone and nobody is going to maybe come in of course. I like to think of that as the pre sex foreplay, nothing compares to being kissed all over as your clothing is removed, this of course is not to get her wet, she should be wet before you go to remove any clothes, that is the pre pre sex foreplay.

 

[Xenolan]

I can't believe that no one's mentioned the importance and damn near vital necessity of having another woman there to help out. Not only can she assist in on-the-spot instruction and demonstration of oral sex techniques, but last time I checked, women all have two nipples, and just who's going to suck the other one for you?


(Dear God, I hope no one thinks I'm being serious about this.)

Anyway, the one thing I would add is to make sure you have time to stay with her for a while afterwards; not just to make her feel good about it, although that's reason enough, but to make you feel good about it. Holding a woman you've just made love to is among the best feelings on Earth, and unlike sex it's very difficult to mess it up.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I can't believe that no one's mentioned the importance and damn near vital necessity of having another woman there to help out. Not only can she assist in on-the-spot instruction and demonstration of oral sex techniques, but last time I checked, women all have two nipples, and just who's going to suck the other one for you?


(Dear God, I hope no one thinks I'm being serious about this.)

YOu had me going for a minute dude. All I could think of for a reply is "Are you fucking nuts?"

 

[V_Faulkon]

He almost had me goin' there for a minute too...

Thanks for all the encouraging advice, everyone! Hopefully, I'll be able to figure it out as I go along like you all said.

Of course, I'm still open to any suggestions anyone has...

 

[FaeryFire]

With the kisses the biggest advice I have is swallow. If you remember to swallow occasionally you'll avoid the whole dribble down the chin bit.

Your tongue is not a washing machine. Useing your tongue in circles like a washing machine is soo wrong *shudder* the windscreen wiper (left right left right) method is also a no no. Slow it down, and gently use your tongue to explore her mouth.

Don't be embarrased for asking, I'm sure there are a lot of women out there who wish their feller had done some research like you are doing!

 

[V_Faulkon]

Bump.

Geez, did every synchronize their posts or something? Yeesh...