Reflections on Gentleman Doms

[SmileyGirl]

So, the stereotype is that a submissive is not allowed to say what she feels? I'm confused by this.

A woman in an abusive relationship is not allowed to say how she feels. She is not allowed to even have feelings.

A woman in a healthy D/s relationship, led by a gentleman Dom, since that is what we are discussing here, will always be allowed to say how she feels.

So, you're saying you want a Dom that allows you to be bratty, or disrespectful, maybe?

No that isn't what I said atall. It's sooo important to be able to say how you feel. And no I certainly don't want a Dom to let me be bratty and disrespectful. I'm not that type of person. You read my post wrong.

Alot of stereotyping about being submissive is that she should always do as she is told but if you don't feel comfortable you should be always be able to voice that.

 

[All_4_Love]

Alot of stereotyping about being submissive is that she should always do as she is told but if you don't feel comfortable you should be always be able to voice that.

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Thank you for clarifying.

You're right. A submissive should always do what she is told, and oftentimes, even when she is not told. She should know her dominant.

Voicing things you don't feel comfortable with is paramount, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you are comfortable with.

If he is in control, then he is in control.

 

[All_4_Love]

You still want me? Sowwy about the whole standing-you-up-at-the-altar thingy.


I have a short attention span.

*reaches for a tissue*

Are you kidding? Of course I still want you!

 

[LusterMunky]

Of course I still want you!

That's totally understandable.

 

[All_4_Love]

That's totally understandable.

*chuckle*

Thank you for understanding...

how much I could want you.

 

[LusterMunky]

how much I could want you.

Don't toy with my heart like this. I dream of you day and night. Well, not such much during the day, since I'm awake. And mostly at night when I do dream, it's about Penelope Cruz. But you get the drift, you're in the mix somewhere.

 

[may_I_please]

Errr can the Chatty Cathy homage stop now please

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I wholeheartedly agree with this being a very strong character trait, and that it is very likely to be hardwired to a certain extent, also nurtured by upbringing. I do think it requires a tremendous amount of empathy.

I do view this a bit differently in a sense that I don't see it as turning attention toward the other person as much as I see it as turning inward with attention toward the self. It is the self examination that creates the trait, in my opinion.[/QUOTE]

I meant, his appropriate response to conflict should be to stop and focus on her, find out what's gone wrong, etc., etc. knowing that he will do that without my having to ask goes a long way toward my feeling taken care of. he is purposely looking out for me and actively seeking to meet my needs. make sense? I don't have to be a squeaky wheel, when I'd much rather be giggling and gasping and moaning.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

As you should be.

Munky, you are welcome to lurk and offer thoughtful opinions.

you MAY NOT derail this thread.

are we clear?



*pets you*

good boy

 

[LusterMunky]

you MAY NOT derail this thread.

Hokay.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Hokay.

thank you.

 

[All_4_Love]

Don't toy with my heart like this. I dream of you day and night. Well, not such much during the day, since I'm awake. And mostly at night when I do dream, it's about Penelope Cruz. But you get the drift, you're in the mix somewhere.

Awe...

Umm..

Yes? I guess understand.

That's why there are daydreams. Maybe I'm in your daydreams? Yes, that's what it is.

Thank you, Munky. You always make me feel better.

Errr can the Chatty Cathy homage stop now please

So, skipping over a few posts that are not directly related to the OP in a place most correctly titled "The Playground" is more difficult than calling someone out in the very thread that you don't want derailed?

Yes, I'm done now.

 

[funluvinaj]

yes, this.

an immediate turning of their attention from the situation to the person (me) when there is a problem, a genuine and focused concern with where the train went off the track, a lack of defensiveness on their part--knowing that a bump in the road isn't the end of the world, and that the bigger picture is about how to get back on the same page, and not about who was "right" and who was "wrong".....a simple concern for my feelings, needs and desires, and a deep respect for me as a person....

these are the things that ideally, they will already know to do. important to have in any partner, but especially so in a Leader. not that there isn't a learning curve in every new relationship, but a sub doesn't want to have to teach a Dom to do his job--that kind of defeats the purpose lol.

I think a lot of this is very likely to be hard-wired into a person, and is either present, or it's not. at least, a natural inclination is there, even if the details need to be sorted and refined.

This!! X10. Thank you honey!!

 

[All_4_Love]

Munky, you are welcome to lurk and offer thoughtful opinions.

you MAY NOT derail this thread.

are we clear?



*pets you*

good boy

Sorry, Honey. It was me. I started it. I won't do it anymore.

 

[All_4_Love]

I don't have to be a squeaky wheel, when I'd much rather be giggling and gasping and moaning.

Uhh, well, since you put it that way. Yes, I completely understand.

 

[SmileyGirl]

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Thank you for clarifying.

You're right. A submissive should always do what she is told, and oftentimes, even when she is not told. She should know her dominant.

Voicing things you don't feel comfortable with is paramount, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you are comfortable with.

If he is in control, then he is in control.

Well we differ on opinion and that's ok It would be a boring place if everyone had the same opinions. For me, if I was not comfortable I would voice that. I won't be pushed into doing something that I don't want to do.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

NOTICE TO EVERYONE (not pointing fingers.):

Play nice, please.

Everyone is welcome here, even Munk.

He knows this is serious stuff that doesn't get enough legitimate airtime.

Of all people, if anyone (besides Munky) is going to derail a thread, it's going to be me.

but not this one.

I think there are too many people starving for a venue in which to discuss this, that I don't want to sabotage the one place that seems to be blooming as a safehaven.

there are plenty of other threads to wreak havoc on, and derail. I offer up to anyone, any of my threads (excepting this one) as a sacrifice.

go and play and get your wiggles out, and then come back when you're ready to settle down.

Thank you!

 

[Pervy_Sage]

No derailing here. Just observing.

 

[LusterMunky]

You may recall I started a thread about this very subject.

I'll post elsewhere.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

No derailing here. Just observing.

you're cool, dude. lurk to your heart's content.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

You may recall I started a thread about this very subject.

I'll post elsewhere.

no you don't

*grabs you by the scruff*

*hauls you back*

staaaayyyyyyyy

YOUR thread paved the way for this one.

I want you to stay.

here, sit by me.

*scoots over*

*pats sofa*

banana?

 

[elli1]

no you don't

*grabs you by the scruff*

*hauls you back*

staaaayyyyyyyy

YOUR thread paved the way for this one.

I want you to stay.

here, sit by me.

*scoots over*

*pats sofa*

banana?

*jumps on the sofa next to honey, snatches banana out of her hand*

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Sorry, Honey. It was me. I started it. I won't do it anymore.

All4, you're fine.

you're a wonderful fellow-de-railer and i'm proud to be your sister-in-shenanigans.

make yourself comfy and hang, 'kay?

*looks around*

*peers into elli's thread*

where's Jabber? we could really use some drinks about now.

 

[funluvinaj]

I love this thread. So much resonates with me. I feel have fought this for years... Not realizing that I just hadn't found the right man to be the right combination of gentle and strong for it to click for me.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

*jumps on the sofa next to honey, snatches banana out of her hand*

elliiiiiii!!!!!!

how's you? (see what I did there? )

my day has been non-freaking-stop.

*sigh*

come and chill with us, lots of good stuff goin' on!!