Reflections on Gentleman Doms

[GiggLeGasm]

Don't want to hijack or step on toes as I'm reading this thread and learning.
Does a woman really want to surrender herself in this way long term? Is it a role play thing that you want to switch on and off or permanent?
For me men and women are equals in every aspect of being. Wouldn't the women want to be the dom at times? I guess I'm not getting the whole part about him always in control.

if you change the context, call it a "traditional" relationship, take the presumptions of "control" out of it - do you find it as confusing?
There is this image that the relationship is not playful or fun; but that's Hollywood's definition.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

*LIKES* my own thread.

good discussion, peeps. keep it comin'.

 

[All_4_Love]

They certainly exist, though many, here and elsewhere, do indeed deny their existence or even mock the very idea. The 'twue Dom' insult tends to be trotted out, as if classical Dominant traits are some hopeless pipe dream or, worse, to be actively avoided because they are sexist or similar.

I'm enjoying this conversation and reading your thoughts. I don't have time to stick around and post.

You know where I stand, Des. You speak the truth. My respect for you, immense. *hug*

 

[All_4_Love]

*LIKES* my own thread.

good discussion, peeps. keep it comin'.

Thank you for starting this thread. It is already my favorite. Excellent idea, Honey. *hugs*

I gotta run, but I'll be reading from the sidelines. I love these threads.

 

[Arianthe]

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say you're more of a feminist than most self-proclaimed feminists, because it seems you do cling strongly to your femininity, without holding such a narrow viewpoint.

I think it's a mistake to conflate feminism and femininity and even more of a mistake to presume to judge the degree of a person's femininity on the basis of a handful of posts on Lit.

What I cling strongly to is my right to make decisions about my life without being constrained by what is considered, whether by feminists, chauvinists or misogynists, "appropriate" for my gender.

 

[may_I_please]

. I think knowing that this man would not tolerate certain negative attributes I've had with weaker men is refreshing. Thinking on that even more I don't think it would even come to that.

Though I don't find myself scary or intimidating I've been told I can be... and the men in my life up til this point simply cave .... It's so refreshing to be able to walk along beside someone or even follow and not be expected to lead.

.

I wonder how many experience this. I certainly have a strong personality in RL, most of those I encounter seem to seek and be relatively easily convinced by my opinion ...I find it relaxing to not have to be that person all the time, the one others turn to to decide.

I don't think its a weakness in others when they cave though ...or do I ? *ponders*

 

[funluvinaj]

Don't want to hijack or step on toes as I'm reading this thread and learning.
Does a woman really want to surrender herself in this way long term? Is it a role play thing that you want to switch on and off or permanent?
For me men and women are equals in every aspect of being. Wouldn't the women want to be the dom at times? I guess I'm not getting the whole part about him always in control.

For me it's not about sexuality. We are in a long distance relationship so there's very little physical relationship. Maybe because I'm such a strong woman and so new to this it's hard to define it. I've never fully submitted to a man before and yet it feels completely natural to me.

I don't know that I need to be labeled or fit into a neat little box ... I just know it works and I feel content and satisfied for the first time in my life.

 

[decargsiD]

I think it's a mistake to conflate feminism and femininity and even more of a mistake to presume to judge the degree of a person's femininity on the basis of a handful of posts on Lit.

What I cling strongly to is my right to make decisions about my life without being constrained by what is considered, whether by feminists, chauvinists or misogynists, "appropriate" for my gender.

Feminism and femininity are two different things, yes, so poor choice of words on my part. Doffing hat. I suppose there's a "middle-ground" word somewhere in there that I can't find, but I'm sure it exists.

What I properly meant is that you seem to be more true to the core ideals of feminism than, how do I say it, "public feminists," if that makes any sense. Just based off of the way you present yourself in your posts.

Laughing. I meant no offense. My posts are all in knots this morning, so I'm going to just stop posting for now.

 

[DesEsseintes]

I think it's a mistake to conflate feminism and femininity and even more of a mistake to presume to judge the degree of a person's femininity on the basis of a handful of posts on Lit.

What I cling strongly to is my right to make decisions about my life without being constrained by what is considered, whether by feminists, chauvinists or misogynists, "appropriate" for my gender.

<Applauds.> One can be feminine and not feminist as well as vice versa, of course. One is a socio-political ideology, with which I happen to agree; the other is almost entirely defined by the times in which one lives. One hundred years ago, blue was for girls and pink for boys. In Soviet Russia, women were valued primarily for their ability to work - in Saudi Arabia they are not allowed to leave the house unchaperoned. So which is more 'feminine' - the boiler-suit or the burqa? Both, of course. Or neither.

But all that blather is merely an idle commentary on the precision of your words.

 

[decargsiD]

<Applauds.> One can be feminine and not feminist as well as vice versa, of course. One is a socio-political ideology, with which I happen to agree; the other is almost entirely defined by the times in which one lives. One hundred years ago, blue was for girls and pink for boys. In Soviet Russia, women were valued primarily for their ability to work - in Saudi Arabia they are not allowed to leave the house unchaperoned. So which is more 'feminine' - the boiler-suit or the burqa? Both, of course. Or neither.

But all that blather is merely an idle commentary on the precision of your words.

Just as one can be masculine without being a male chauvinist. 'twas only a poor turn of phrase on my part.

 

[Missingout]

My wife (Leigh81) is to strong to give herself in this way. Her work in a power position probably has a lot to do with it. But she enjoys playing the role but also switches it so she is in control.
That's what makes life so amazing, people being so diverse.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

For me it's not about sexuality. We are in a long distance relationship so there's very little physical relationship. Maybe because I'm such a strong woman and so new to this it's hard to define it. I've never fully submitted to a man before and yet it feels completely natural to me.

I don't know that I need to be labeled or fit into a neat little box ... I just know it works and I feel content and satisfied for the first time in my life.

this x100

 

[Arianthe]

Your confidence in simply immeasurable.

And his arrogance staggering.

Does a woman really want to surrender herself in this way long term? Is it a role play thing that you want to switch on and off or permanent?
For me men and women are equals in every aspect of being. Wouldn't the women want to be the dom at times? I guess I'm not getting the whole part about him always in control.

Speaking for myself only, I find long term relationships most rewarding when there is a degree of power exchange all the time. I can't switch it on and off, my brain just doesn't seem to work that way, so I'm very, very picky about who I submit to. I can't do it on a "casual" basis.

I've found the best explanation of the D/s dynamic to be that the parties have equal value/worth/importance, but have different and distinct roles that carry unequal amounts of decision-making power. I fell into my first D/s relationship, but I've since discovered that many couples find it a useful way of consciously and explicitly managing the power imbalances and personality differences that I suspect exist in the vast majority of relationships.

I know couples who are both "switches" and explicitly negotiate a dynamic where they take turns at being the Dom/me. I'm not positive, but I suspect that is function of the sexual relationship rather than controlling the minutae of day to day life.

 

[funluvinaj]

My wife (Leigh81) is to strong to give herself in this way. Her work in a power position probably has a lot to do with it. But she enjoys playing the role but also switches it so she is in control.
That's what makes life so amazing, people being so diverse.

Interestingly enough, I feel stronger now then ever.

 

[All_4_Love]

Does a woman really want to surrender herself in this way long term?

Yes, this woman does, and I know there are many others, as well. I respectfully understand that I don't speak for all women, though.

Is it a role play thing that you want to switch on and off or permanent?

No role playing for me. It is who I am. It is who I always have been.

For me men and women are equals in every aspect of being. Wouldn't the women want to be the dom at times?

No, that is the premise for total power exchange. It means just that. As difficult as it may be to believe, some of us are "born" this way. For some of us, having no control is freedom. It's how we function at our best. We are nurturers, pleasers, and love being in service to others. It is how we thrive. And, it does, indeed, come from a place of strength and personal power.

 

[All_4_Love]

And his arrogance staggering.

Haha, yes! Again, one of the many reasons I love him.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

This is a long-winded way of finding out, Honey. You could have simply read my bio.

Indeed, this is one of the many, many reasons why I love you, Des. Your confidence in simply immeasurable.

And his arrogance staggering.

He was teasing me.

I was already very much aware, and he knew it.

 

[Arianthe]

Feminism and femininity are two different things, yes, so poor choice of words on my part. Doffing hat. I suppose there's a "middle-ground" word somewhere in there that I can't find, but I'm sure it exists.

What I properly meant is that you seem to be more true to the core ideals of feminism than, how do I say it, "public feminists," if that makes any sense. Just based off of the way you present yourself in your posts.

Laughing. I meant no offense. My posts are all in knots this morning, so I'm going to just stop posting for now.

No offence taken at all.
I tend to use language very precisely; it reflects both my personality and my professional training. Both of those contribute to me frequently mistaken for a Domme.

But all that blather is merely an idle commentary on the precision of your words.

Thank you.

 

[Arianthe]

My wife (Leigh81) is to strong to give herself in this way. Her work in a power position probably has a lot to do with it. But she enjoys playing the role but also switches it so she is in control.
That's what makes life so amazing, people being so diverse.

Leigh is your wife? She's awesome and you're a lucky man!

Interestingly, that strength of mind is what I've found makes a good submissive. It takes a great deal of commitment and self-discipline to submit in the longer term.

 

[Arianthe]

He was teasing me.

And I was teasing him. For some reason, I was suddenly in the mood to poke a Dom.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

I'm enjoying this discourse. Great contributions.

 

[All_4_Love]

[URL=http://s1273.photobucket.com/user/all_4_love/media/Ibelongtohim_zps547783b3.jpg.html]http://i1273.photobucket.com/albums/y417/all_4_love/Ibelongtohim_zps547783b3.jpg[/URL]

 

[Lily13]

He is as much necessary to complete her as she Him. Both equal halves to the equation, neither worth more than the other, each profoundly meaningful, a beautiful harmony between lives, bodies, minds and souls.

I absolutely love your meaning here

 

[john7771]

I absolutely love your meaning here

Waving hello

 

[All_4_Love]

I absolutely love your meaning here

I agree. It is quite soulful when expressed that deeply. It is the ultimate bond between two lovers.