Reflections on Gentleman Doms

[Wild_Honey_66]

And I was teasing him. For some reason, I was suddenly in the mood to poke a Dom.

Naughty good fun, poking a Dom.

Especially when one receives a poke in return.

*giggles*

 

[Callmetim]

Sorry for playing catch up ...

Confident in dominance and acknowledge that need in others

Hey there Scent! Long time.

then you did a horrible job

This was referring to teaching Christian Grey and elli, as always, is correct. That book is about abuse not a meaningful D/s relationship.

This guy embraces that he has his own opinion and knows he's right. Lol. When he's wrong he freely admits it. It's so refreshing to be able to walk along beside someone or even follow and not be expected to lead.

While AJ was not saying this, I felt her appreciation in seeing him admit a mistake as a compliment merited mention. Admitting that I am wrong is not a sign of my weak dominance but an understanding that values the other person. If I did not care to admit I was wrong, I don't care about my impact on them, which can hurt a submissive in a very negative way. Being dominant is a privilege, not a right.

I see the feminist ideal as having the right to choose how I live my life, without being judged or discriminated against for my choices on the basis of my gender. It just so happens that a 24/7 D/s relationship makes me happier than any other kind. My life, my choice.

You have found the D/s space that works for you. That is all that matters. D/s is not a cookie cutter and each relationship the same. The key is finding who you are and living to that end. Congrats.

I like what Des said "submission is devalued if it could have been given to anyone" (IMHO so is dominance.)

I often thought of how amazing it is to hand over submission, but it is equally impressive to put forth the effort and care required to be a dominant. There are boys who want to play power and wield the crop, but don't really care or nurture the submissive, those I refer to as domin-aint's. A submissive who gives it away to anybody without knowing them first is, in my opinion, very unattractive. Maybe those two start one of these typo laden, grammatical nightmare inducing threads and have fun on Skype/Hangout for a bit. It devalues the core I believe a D/s to be, not to mention themselves. Exploration is positive, but not at the expense of dignity.

I wonder how many experience this. I certainly have a strong personality in RL, most of those I encounter seem to seek and be relatively easily convinced by my opinion ...I find it relaxing to not have to be that person all the time, the one others turn to to decide.

I don't think its a weakness in others when they cave though ...or do I ? *ponders*

Over the years, I have seen a blueprint for a submissive in someone who is strong willed, a decision maker, influential yet at their core they wish not to lead. Submission allows that release, that freedom from choice, a mental rest from the exhausting, draining tasks placed on them by work or other environments. Not all submissives are like this, but I have certainly witnessed it enough.

It is not their weakness but your common sense, intelligence, use of rhetoric communication (knowingly or unknowingly) ... the fact that you're hawt does not hurt either.

No role playing for me. It is who I am. It is who I always have been. As difficult as it may be to believe, some of us are "born" this way. For some of us, having no control is freedom. It's how we function at our best. We are nurturers, pleasers, and love being in service to others. It is how we thrive. And, it does, indeed, come from a place of strength and personal power.

A submissive yearns for freedom through bondage.

A dominant craves freedom through control.

It is where two needs that have no other outlet can meet in harmony, the blank canvas waiting to be painted by a master, the clay willing to be molded by a craftsman, one no good without the other ...

Their strengths focused

Their weaknesses embraced

A blissful masterpiece treasured by two

 

[funluvinaj]

While AJ was not saying this, I felt her appreciation in seeing him admit a mistake as a compliment merited mention. Admitting that I am wrong is not a sign of my weak dominance but an understanding that values the other person. If I did not care to admit I was wrong, I don't care about my impact on them, which can hurt a submissive in a very negative way. Being dominant is a privilege, not a right.


It is where two needs that have no other outlet can meet in harmony, the blank canvas waiting to be painted by a master, the clay willing to be molded by a craftsman, one no good without the other ...

Their strengths focused

Their weaknesses embraced

A blissful masterpiece treasured by two

You stated this so much more eloquently than I did as I stumbled through my thoughts... I feel like a toddler taking those first wobbly steps... Freedom.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Just for fun.....and because this is My thread.

http://i.imgur.com/EUiVUA1.gif

Any takers?

 

[All_4_Love]

A submissive yearns for freedom through bondage.

A dominant craves freedom through control.

It is where two needs that have no other outlet can meet in harmony, the blank canvas waiting to be painted by a master, the clay willing to be molded by a craftsman, one no good without the other ...

Their strengths focused

Their weaknesses embraced

A blissful masterpiece treasured by two

It is this, these thoughts and feelings put into words, that leave me utterly speechless; other than to say, I am speechless.

Thank you for this. It is so beautifully poetic.

 

[Arianthe]

While AJ was not saying this, I felt her appreciation in seeing him admit a mistake as a compliment merited mention. Admitting that I am wrong is not a sign of my weak dominance but an understanding that values the other person. If I did not care to admit I was wrong, I don't care about my impact on them, which can hurt a submissive in a very negative way. Being dominant is a privilege, not a right.

I see the capacity to admit you are wrong as a sign of strength, not weakness. It's definitely a trait I look for in a Dominant.

A submissive yearns for freedom through bondage.

A dominant craves freedom through control.

It is where two needs that have no other outlet can meet in harmony, the blank canvas waiting to be painted by a master, the clay willing to be molded by a craftsman, one no good without the other ...

Their strengths focused

Their weaknesses embraced

A blissful masterpiece treasured by two

Oh wow!!! What a wonderful way to express it!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I see the capacity to admit you are wrong as a sign of strength, not weakness. It's definitely a trait I look for in a Dominant.

yes, this.

an immediate turning of their attention from the situation to the person (me) when there is a problem, a genuine and focused concern with where the train went off the track, a lack of defensiveness on their part--knowing that a bump in the road isn't the end of the world, and that the bigger picture is about how to get back on the same page, and not about who was "right" and who was "wrong".....a simple concern for my feelings, needs and desires, and a deep respect for me as a person....

these are the things that ideally, they will already know to do. important to have in any partner, but especially so in a Leader. not that there isn't a learning curve in every new relationship, but a sub doesn't want to have to teach a Dom to do his job--that kind of defeats the purpose lol.

I think a lot of this is very likely to be hard-wired into a person, and is either present, or it's not. at least, a natural inclination is there, even if the details need to be sorted and refined.

 

[jason28053]

http://i.imgur.com/EUiVUA1.gif

Any takers?

indeed! Love the hand print that shows on her ass!

 

[Arianthe]

indeed! Love the hand print that shows on her ass!

Damn, I missed that! I was too busy imagining the filth he was whispering in her ear.

 

[SmileyGirl]

I've loved reading through this thread. Coming to Lit has helped me understand my thoughts and wants so much. I was so confused about how I felt, what I wanted, needed. I never seen myself as a "true sub" I felt I didn't fit in (yes I read too much crap) I am very strong willed and I can't stand not being in control of my life. But...something draws me to the relationship between a Dominant and submissive. I think with the right person it's a beautiful thing. Knowing you are treasured and loved and you know you can trust that person to give them control. To me that takes trust and I know I could never give myself like that to just anyone.

Two people who each have needs that compliment eachothers.

 

[All_4_Love]

yes, this.

an immediate turning of their attention from the situation to the person (me) when there is a problem, a genuine and focused concern with where the train went off the track, a lack of defensiveness on their part--knowing that a bump in the road isn't the end of the world, and that the bigger picture is about how to get back on the same page, and not about who was "right" and who was "wrong".....a simple concern for my feelings, needs and desires, and a deep respect for me as a person....

these are the things that ideally, they will already know to do. important to have in any partner, but especially so in a Leader. not that there isn't a learning curve in every new relationship, but a sub doesn't want to have to teach a Dom to do his job--that kind of defeats the purpose lol.

I think a lot of this is very likely to be hard-wired into a person, and is either present, or it's not. at least, a natural inclination is there, even if the details need to be sorted and refined.

I wholeheartedly agree with this being a very strong character trait, and that it is very likely to be hardwired to a certain extent, also nurtured by upbringing. I do think it requires a tremendous amount of empathy.

I do view this a bit differently in a sense that I don't see it as turning attention toward the other person as much as I see it as turning inward with attention toward the self. It is the self examination that creates the trait, in my opinion.

 

[All_4_Love]

Damn, I missed that! I was too busy imagining the filth he was whispering in her ear.

I saw it!

ETA: Now, I'm imagining the filth that he is whispering in her ear.

 

[jason28053]

Damn, I missed that! I was too busy imagining the filth he was whispering in her ear.

what do you imagine he is saying?

 

[All_4_Love]

what do you imagine he is saying?

*reaches for popcorn...

and a fan*

 

[All_4_Love]

Okay, forget the popcorn and the fan. I may need a water hose for this one...

 

[may_I_please]

I've loved reading through this thread. Coming to Lit has helped me understand my thoughts and wants so much. I was so confused about how I felt, what I wanted, needed. I never seen myself as a "true sub" I felt I didn't fit in (yes I read too much crap) I am very strong willed and I can't stand not being in control of my life. But...something draws me to the relationship between a Dominant and submissive. I think with the right person it's a beautiful thing. Knowing you are treasured and loved and you know you can trust that person to give them control. To me that takes trust and I know I could never give myself like that to just anyone.

Two people who each have needs that compliment eachothers.

You don't have to choose 24/7

And I agree with the beauty inherent in the trust and love required to develop this type of relationship in the first place

 

[SmileyGirl]

You don't have to choose 24/7

And I agree with the beauty inherent in the trust and love required to develop this type of relationship in the first place

Exactly you don't have to choose 24/7
You can choose exactly what you want from it. To be who you both need to be.
It's important to be able to say how you feel and not go along with the stereotype.
Plus I'm way too mouthy

 

[Arianthe]

Exactly you don't have to choose 24/7
You can choose exactly what you want from it. To be who you both need to be.
It's important to be able to say how you feel and not go along with the stereotype.
Plus I'm way too mouthy

Nothing wrong with being mouthy. This is what gags and spankings are for.

 

[may_I_please]

Nothing wrong with being mouthy. This is what gags and spankings are for.

*chuckle*

 

[jason28053]

Nothing wrong with being mouthy. This is what gags and spankings are for.

indeed!

 

[All_4_Love]

It's important to be able to say how you feel and not go along with the stereotype.
Plus I'm way too mouthy

So, the stereotype is that a submissive is not allowed to say what she feels? I'm confused by this.

A woman in an abusive relationship is not allowed to say how she feels. She is not allowed to even have feelings.

A woman in a healthy D/s relationship, led by a gentleman Dom, since that is what we are discussing here, will always be allowed to say how she feels.

So, you're saying you want a Dom that allows you to be bratty, or disrespectful, maybe?

 

[SmileyGirl]

Nothing wrong with being mouthy. This is what gags and spankings are for.

Ohhhh yeahhhhh

 

[LusterMunky]

I'm confused by this.

As you should be.

 

[All_4_Love]

As you should be.

Hi Munky! I can't stay on topic when you come around. You're such a distraction. *hugs you tightly*

 

[LusterMunky]

Hi Munky! I can't stay on topic when you come around. You're such a distraction. *hugs you tightly*

You still want me? Sowwy about the whole standing-you-up-at-the-altar thingy.


I have a short attention span.