Real life, as opposed to....?????

[Patryn]

I've never understood how people we know online compare the friends we make and the things we do while on the net to "real life". Do you post on this BBS by your own free choice, while concious and coherent, well, at least mostly concious? Do you have a bond to your online friends? Yes you say? Then how is that not "real"?

Lemme tell you, if none of this is real, then how did I just pass half an hour here? Can someone please explain the distinction?

 

[Merelan]

I have wondered the same thing. I think we need to use the terms online and offline instead.
I have made friends here, that are closer and know more about me then any of my offline friends. They have helped me grow and change in ways I never knew existed. I am a more confidant and secure person now.
Would I meet them offline? Yes, in a minute. Sometime soon I hope.
It was easier to talk to them and tell them my "secrets" then any of my offline friends for there was nothing to lose. I opened up to them, of course after getting to know them, and never regretted it. Since then I have talked to some of my offline friends about these things, due to the confidance I got from the people here. Yes, there are things in my offline I do not share openly on the web. That's common sense. Same as in offline life though.
So, to me, I use those terms.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

It's different for each person. For me there is a very definite distinction between real life and on-line life. I'm pretty much the same person in both places, but in real life I come with body language, voice nuance, a correct name, fashion choices, furniture, work habits, and a billion other things that also define who I am that are invisible here. Not to mention my FAMILY which absolutely defines me more than any diatribe I've ever spewed forth in a post. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't think you can "know" anyone on-line. You can learn facts about them and relate to them on certian levels, but you can't "know" them. Hell, I see people in real life every day who don't "know" me, and they can see and interact with me. How much harder is it going to be to "know" someone only by their typed opinions and grammar skills?

I do think the Internet is a good place to start, however, and if Xander and Angelique hadn't connected on-line they wouldn't be engaged today. Still, they did meet before agreeing to the marriage.

Here I can be free to say whatever I want with some impunity. That doesn't happen in real life, where they are myriad more repercussions for your actions. On-line is not real life because it behaves too much like a fantasy world where I create the paramaters and rules and can't be hurt if I don't want to be hurt -- kind of like a Star Trek Holodeck with the safeties turned on.

None of this is to say that I wouldn't like to get to know a few of you better, and I would never have felt that way with Internet interaction. So I see the value in the relationships formed on-line, I would just argue against their substantiability next to the more tangible associations we form in the "real" world.

 

[Merelan]

Once again I agree with you Dixon. I just found it easier to broach subjects here then in offline life.
Yes, you are right. No body language, eyes etc. to help with communication. I have improved my typing and, believe it or not, my vocabulary. It is harder to express yourself in just words. Often times you say one thing, with tongue in cheek. Unfortunately the reader doesn't see that. An impression is made and voila.
No, you don't know the whole me here, but quite a bit of it. As Billy Joel said, so much better then I in the Stranger.
..."parts we hide away forever"...
(I could be wrong on the lyrics, but you all know the tune I mean.)

 

[Isabella Thorne]

ummmm k ... i adore my on-line friends BUT i know there is a big difference between net life and real life ... in fact i think if you start to blur the two together, it can confuse you big time ..

for instance .. you can cyber with someone who is a virgin, right? ... in cyber life they are a hot sexually experienced partner .. in real life they have never experienced sex.

well, in my eyes anyway, that explains the distinction .. and that is just one example that comes to mind ... there are thousands more ...

 

[Paladm]

I love being online ... and I can tell the diffirence from real and cyber ... but can any of you honestly say ... that, even thought your "friends" on here are friends witout faces, they can't cheer you up when you're feeling down ... that the smallest little detail might just be the thing that you needed to lighten up your day ... I often come here to escape real life ... it sometimes just gets to much to handle ... but that's just me ...

 

[Whispersecret]

I've only used the term "real life" for lack of a more accurate phrase. I used it because everyone knew what I was talking about, even if I wasn't really trying to imply that anything here was a "fake life."

I love that you pointed out "offline" and "online." Thanks, Patryn! I'll be using that from now on.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Online bravado -

Online daring and bravado? It comes easy - it's much easier to open one's big trap here on line - although it comes to me naturally in both realities. Perception (right, wrong or in between) is reality. If that perception leads folks to believe that Sparky is an asshole - then that is their reality. It is right for them. Excepting what is right comes easy - easy for Sparky to accept that he is an asshole - within the reality of online and his audience. What's right is right - right?

PS - Anyone who is shy in the real online world has big problems in the real offline world. There's no excuse. Nobody knows who you are. Nobody knows me. I don't know any of you. Now that's reality.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Nobody thinks you're an asshole. Just really, really dull.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Hey Dix?

You a tranny? A gender bender? You from the south? They don't like that down there you know. Up here in NYC they live with it - hell Eddy Murphy buys it.

 

[Cheri]

I compare the people I interact with on here to those dreaded dinner parties I was forced to go to for work, there were some funny interesting people and some who were less so. But none of them would really know me or be counted as my friend unless they intereacted with me outside of that, as would the people on here. My friends come over for dinner, know my favorite antique store and meet for bitch sessions at the local coffee shop. They do understand my moods and nuances as Dixon said.
Some things I've been mulling over as of late are that the internet can allow a false sense of intimacy to develop quickly and but is this a good thing offline? As Merelan said, it is easier to talk on here, but do our offline relationships suffer as a result?
(in gravelly voice) "I'm feeling a little for clempt(sp?) ...discuss among yourself..I'll give you a topic....bulletin boards addicts, yesterday's pen pals or tomorrow's agoraphobia junkies?"

 

[Bliss]

Veklempt. What's an agoraphobia junkie? A heroin addicted hording hermit?

I agree, the people on the Net are like the folks at work, and just like there, you get to know some much better than others and eventually they become real friends, or not.

That false intimacy thing, though, that's scary. People think they know you because they can take a few of your many attributes/shortcomings and define your entire person by placing those ideas into their preconceived notions and neat little boxes of "how the world works".

If pop psychology were really that easy, we'd all be rich and we'd all be completely sane.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Sparky, you care! Shine my kettle, or whatever your "dance to my tune with kitchenware" analogy is on the other thread.

I'm from NY. Not a tranny. And you're still dull.

 

[Carl East]

I think Merelan said it best, it is easier opening up to someone you like online, mainly because they are faceless, or at least friendly strangers. Once you've had those first few conversations, you start to get a feel as to wheather you like this person or not. All this doesn't normally happen offline, unless you meet the perfect partner of course, which is rare. As to the question of wheather this is RL or not, is really a matter of prospective.

If you treat your friends online the same way you treat your friends off, then I see no difference. Of course some of us behave totally different online, treating it more as a roll playing game than a serious relationship.

What I do know for sure is that you can make some very good friends online, as well as enemies. True to life really isn't it.

Carl.

 

[teresafannin]

I spend time on several different boards & enjoy talking to people on all of them. I have on-line & off line friends,some of my best off line friends started as internet buddies.I like the relative anonymity of the boards, coming here & talking to people has actually helped me get back into my off line life after taking a 6 month leave of absence from work. I didn't see many people while on my LOA, this has helped me get used to being back out there, so for that I say thank you.

 

[Cheri]

That false intimacy thing, though, that's scary. People think they know you because they can take a few of your many attributes/shortcomings and define your entire person by placing those ideas into their preconceived notions and neat little boxes of "how the world works".

Tell me about it. Before I went to authorization mode on icq, I had this nutball professing his undying love and devotion. Thank god for the ignore function. What I was really wondering about though, is if you tell all your deep hidden secrets to caring supportive people online, will you be as likely to share them with the people offline?
By the by, someone with agoraphobia is helpless in an embarrassing or unescapable situation that is characterized especially by the avoidance of open or public places.

 

[Siren]

RL versus NET.....

 

[Bliss]

By the by, someone with agoraphobia is helpless in an embarrassing or unescapable situation that is characterized especially by the avoidance of open or public places.

I know what an agoraphobic is. An agoraphobia junkie sounds like a hypochondriac agoraphobic - someone who anticipates and is excited by the fear induced by the crowd, a cowardly freak in need, if you will.

Stalkers tend to disappear rather quickly when you mention sites like http://www.cyberangels.org

 

[Cheri]

uh, damn wasn't thinking there. Anyone who uses the term sycophants in a sentence knows what an agoraphobe is...

 

[Aranian]

I don't think you can "know" anyone on-line. You can learn facts about them and relate to them on certian levels, but you can't "know" them.

I have to disagree here. In my opinion, to 'know' someone is to form an opinion of them which has shown to be consistant with their behavior. The face exhibited to the general public in "real life" is just the tip o' the iceberg of anyone's personality. The same holds true online.

 

[Never]

, as opposed to..

Real Death.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Yes, I said the same thing, that I interact with people every day who don't "know" me, and they have the beneift of my name, eye color, hand gestures, telephone answering machine message, eating habits and the zillion other things that telegraph "me". Now, if someone I see and work with every day doesn't "know" me, how can anyone who reads my smarmy little on-line posts?

 

[SimplySouthern]

Ever think, Dixon, that in some small ways you allow us more access to you and your personal thoughts than you do to people offline? I know it's a lot easier to interact here with people. I find myself saying things on this BB that I generally wouldn't fell comfortable telling people. Perhaps the people here are more open minded and I feel less judged? I have to say that this BB and the people who post on it make me think about myself and my "issues" and allow me to voice things which, in turn, promotes better understanding of myself. I suppose it's cheaper than therapy.

I'll be expecting your bills

 

[Slut_boy]

Dixon, I am not trying to be controversial, but if you are right (and I think that you may be) and if SS and Aranian also have a valid point (which I too believe) then it may be fair to say that in neither the real, nor in the virtual, will be ever get to see the whole person. But a combination is quite interesting - like Xander and Angelique - don't you think? Perhaps, with the benefit of both experiences, they know two dimensions of their partner that the rest of us don't necessarily.

Is that how you feel Xander? Angelique?

 

[Cheyenne]

...then it may be fair to say that in neither the real, nor in the virtual, will be ever get to see the whole person. But a combination is quite interesting - like Xander and Angelique - don't you think? Perhaps, with the benefit of both experiences, they know two dimensions of their partner that the rest of us don't necessarily.

I was trying to find a way to say exactly that, SB. I think an online relationship that then becomes an offline relationship is unique. Definitely two different worlds combined to make a more complete reality. For me, anyway.