Real life, as opposed to....?????

[minx]

I believe myself to be more "real" online than off. There are many aspects of my personality I can not share with people I come into contact with offline.

i.e. I'm a very opinionated, in-your-face type of person. But I have to temper this trait at work in order to be professional and a team player.

I'm too honest. But I have to temper this with my friends, because when my best gal-pal asks "Does my butt look big in this?", she really doesn't want the truth.

I LOVE to write smut, but if any of my fellow commity members found out many of the volunteer positions I currently hold would have immediate vacancies.

I'm bi, but if my family ever suspected - well, my poor mother would have a heart attack.

These are several characteristics I feel make me the person I am. but I can't share them with most of the people I know offline. And I obviously have no trouble sharing any of this information online.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I mentioned Xander and Angelique earlier -- don't just read my above post, read the first one, it explains my point of view much better.

I don't really say much here that I don't express elsewhere, I just express it more often, because ben-wa balls and pussy farts don't often make for pleasant dinner conversation at home. I also reveal more of myself in my plays than I do here.

We all agree that ties are formed on-line. It's the measure and tangibility of those ties we're arguing. I suppose we're really debating the definition of the word "know". I'd say that maybe 10 people in my life "know" me. Another 30 or so "understand" me. The next group is merely "acquainted" with me, and so on...

As much as I like people here and would wish that they could "know" or "understand" me better (and vice versa, I do like so many of you), without the extreme benefit of actual extended physical contact I don't think we'll ever do better than "acquainted".

 

[Angelique]

Wow and double wow! Didn't notice this thread before today...come to find that both Xander and Angelique's names came up in it.

Lemme see if I can offer my take on the subject in the simplest of terms without boring any of you with the whole story about how we met and became engaged. (hehehe...you will have to wait for us to finish the story so Laurel can post that one.)

My opinion is actually quite simple. Online relationships are really great, but the drawback is that you only have the opportunity to know facts about the other person. The good thing is that you can learn so much more about a person online in a shorter period of time. Allow me to elaborate.

Suppose you meet someone in-person that you'd like to get to know better. You arrange for that first "date". Friday night arrives and you go to dinner. During dinner, you attempt to have a lively conversation, with hopes of learning more about the other person while trying your best not to chew with your mouth open, slop food down the front of you, or wonder if you have food stuck between your teeth, among many other things that distract you. A few "facts" are traded, and after dinner you shoot over to the theater to catch a flick.

During the two hour movie, you don't speak much, and enjoy that persons company. Movie ends and the female is taken home. (ok, gimme a break guys, this is JUST an example)

So during the last four hours, you've really not learned too much about each other. Take those same four hours and turn the situation to an online friendship that just might turn into something more. During a four hour conversation online, provided that both parties are being honest about themselves, you are forced to interact and converse. There is nothing else going on between the two of you to distract you from learning about each other. Under these circumstances, wouldn't it be fair to say that you discover more "facts" in a shorter period of time than you would have if you were out on a more traditional date?

Now, multiply that by a few weeks or months...and you can certainly see how an online relationship can evlove much quicker than one offline.

Xander and I began as online friends...and as time passed we found that we truly liked what we saw in each other. So the next logical step was to speak on the phone. At this level, we learned more about each others personalities...the voice fluctuations, the tone, the feeling behind the words that had been previously typed.

Still enjoying each other a whole bunch, the next step for us was to meet in-person. While both of us had a very good feeling that we'd hit it off as well in-person as we had online & on the phone, neither one of us could be 100% certain of it.

Of course, as you all know, we hit it off marvelously and spent an enormous amount of time together, both alone and with my children. To my complete surprise, both of my kids took to Xander like ducks to water. And we confirmed that everything we had felt prior to our meeting...we got to know the little quirks about one another, and had the opportunity to see what we'd be like in normal day to day scenarios.

Do I think that this particular situation is common? No, actually...not at all. There are a lot of really freaky people out there who are not at all honest.

Do I feel blessed that somehow fate brought us together? You bet your life I do! There was truly no other way for us to have met unless technology provided us with the means to communicate online...and a huge part of our meeting was due to Laurel and Manu because they provided us with the site to meet on.

I honestly don't know how often situations like ours have happened...but I can honestly tell you that I never in a million years expected it to happen to me. One, because I'm just NEVER that lucky, and two because I used to be very skeptical and cynical when it came to "online relationships".

I'm not advising that people go out there in search of their true love with reckless abandon. Certainly take precautions...but if you feel it in your heart that it's truly right for you, then I'll be the first one there to say congratulations.

On a final note, to answer the specific question of whether an online relationship can exist...certainly it can, but I don't consider it to be a "whole" relationship, only a partial one. In order to know a person completely, you must take the time to meet with them in-person...there are just too many facets to a person that can't be discovered online or on the phone.

Best wishes to any of you who have been bold enough to indulge in online relationships...with as much negative publicity there is out there regarding the "big bad internet", I think it takes courage to trust in it. Not patting myself on the back or anything, because Lord knows I'd hurt myself...just saying that it isn't an easy thing to do...and it's even harder when you're 15,000 miles apart, as Xander and I are. But in the end, I feel it'll be worth it.

 

[Ezzy]

I'd say that maybe 10 people in my life "know" me. Another 30 or so "understand" me. The next group is merely "acquainted" with me, and so on...

I don't think we'll ever do better than "acquainted".

I agree with DCL for the most part, with the addition of the following to the front of his Quote above:-
1 person "knows me" and that 1 person (me) still has dificulties "understanding" everything I do.
The other minor addition is the words "think they", to his other statements.

EZ http://smilecwm.tripod.com/cwm2/sleep.gif