re-evaluating my relationship

[myinnerslut]

.......

 

[naxalite0906]

Good luck MIS.
I know how relationships can be when they are your first love etc. I wish you the best

 

[Alt]

Don't mind me, I just came in here to slap around Intothewoods. I think she's hawt!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<Major Snippage> Barbara Bush has only kissed one man in her life, for example.

Or is it that only one man has ever wanted to kiss her???

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Not nice.

Bad Sir W! Bad!

Thank you.

 

[the_pet]

a second big thing that happened to me tonight (much later and once we had reconciled) was i used my safeword for the first time. i wasn't expecting to as it was something we had done many times before with no problems. i was kind off disspointed in myself and felt like i failed him, but A said he was proud of me for using it when i had to. i suppose this isn't really a big thing compared to the re-evaluating my relationship, but as it was important to me and happened around the same time, i threw it in here.

MIS

I usually refrain from words like should, you, never, etc. so i'll try to tone it down.....

please dont be disappointed in yourself or feel like you failed him by using your safeword.... this is YOUR boundary and personal boundaries are important to have and important to RESPECT both by you and by him and he acted appropriately by honoring your decision to use it, now you respond appropriately by being proud of yourself too!

I know it felt huge and scary. I don't like it when i have to use it too but it's there to protect me, my partner, and the relationship.

Bigs Hugs
pet

 

[littleone77]

I think it is obvious to all your love and committment to A. Its been steadfast throughout it seems.

In almost every relationship there comes that make or break time. That crucial point where it could go either way.

Sometimes though it is important to know when to let go. As someone has previously stated, if it is meant to be it will. First loves are tricky, you never really get over them. Please do not try to force it. Just because you have weaved dreams of a lifetime together do not stick it out merely for that. The unknown can be scary but at the same time it is full of wonderful surprises.

Have you ever considered taking a break from each other and seeing what you both feel like after? I guess what I am asking is this, do you love A because he is A or do you love the idea of you two?

I hope you do not completly hate me because of my ramble.

 

[satindesire]

I, too, have had difficulty in my relationship with Sir. Ranging from feeling unappreciated because he didn't help me take care of things, from feeling taken advantage of when certain things were said behind my back that weren't appropriate. Ups and downs are a common thing in relationships, and as TERRIBLY cliche as this is gonna sound...you gotta take the good with the bad.

Nothing worth having is easy or free.

 

[intothewoods]

Don't mind me, I just came in here to slap around Intothewoods. I think she's hawt!

 

[SunshineLdy]

Some of your troubles sound so painfully familiar. I hope things work out for you. I know how many times the song "Unanswered Prayers" has applied in my life as I look back, but that still doesn't stop me from asking for what I want in the here and now. I understand the safe word use. When you're at a point where you're feeling vulnerable, and gone thru such emotional pain, physical pain just seems to feel magnified somehow. But you still crave that closeness with your partner.

I (me only, my 2cents) for one figure if you've had an argument, and not everything's perfectly settled but you want to reconnect...at the very least why deny yourself an orgasm and a hug! If you want to, do it for you...I don't think your partner will mind a bit of selfishness )) The release helps you sleep, feel safe, nice endorphins playing happily in your head. Forget have a coke and a smile, have a screw session it's good for ya! The world can fix itself, or end, the next day and you'll be better able to deal with it

Good luck!!!

 

[DomWharfsBitch]

Mis..I hope that things work out for you and A *hugs* to you!!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

:: Notes that the two-week orgasm denial punishment has ended ::


HAPPY ODAY!

 

[myinnerslut]

.......

 

[Sir_Winston54]

thank you muchly

yes, my punishment has ended and A and i celebrated in style, with not one but three orgasms after dinner.

as for the re-evaluating, we compared our answers to to twelve questions i sent him, and with the exception of one or two, our answers were fairly identical. this surprised both of us a bit, and i am already seeing positive effects from the increased communication. it seems that A really truly wants to make this work, as do i. he also told me today that he could se eour relationship lasting for years, so i am very hopeful at this point. it seems the only thing that could being this down would be for us to stop communcationg and for A to fall back into his habbit of making me feel underapprechiated. things are looking good at this point.

The highlighted part is exactly why I said the journaling and weekly "consultations" with one another need to continue for some period of time - I would suggest perhaps three to six months - then perhaps biweekly for about the same period, then maybe monthly. Of course, the two of you will have a better sense for how long each phase needs to last, but it will help make good direct communication a habit, and that's a good start to keeping things going.

 

[myinnerslut]

The highlighted part is exactly why I said the journaling and weekly "consultations" with one another need to continue for some period of time - I would suggest perhaps three to six months - then perhaps biweekly for about the same period, then maybe monthly. Of course, the two of you will have a better sense for how long each phase needs to last, but it will help make good direct communication a habit, and that's a good start to keeping things going.

i think i am going to suggest that on sunday when we talk about where this is going to go. at this point i am almost postive that our relationship wil continue and be stronger. the "probation week" has been an overwhelming success, and i feel more sure of our relationship now then i have in a while.

no one said this relationship thing would be easy. that goes double when D/s is thrown in the mix.

 

[catalina_francisco]

i think i am going to suggest that on sunday when we talk about where this is going to go. at this point i am almost postive that our relationship wil continue and be stronger. the "probation week" has been an overwhelming success, and i feel more sure of our relationship now then i have in a while.

no one said this relationship thing would be easy. that goes double when D/s is thrown in the mix.

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1245/662627685_6e6b846337_t.jpg I am so happy to hear it is all looking good...and you are right in that relationships are not easy, but they are worth the work required when you have the right person for you.

Catalina

 

[Softouch911]

Since I don't know you, I'm going to spare you everything except another dose of well wishes ....


.... and the technique we use to keep our relationship perking: The "assessment" period is continual ... she is required to journal at least three times a week, and I do it almost daily by habit; until we became "permanent," we revised our "agreement" every three months; now we do it every six months.

Best wishes in finding the way that works for you!

Respectfully, ST

 

[myinnerslut]

Since I don't know you, I'm going to spare you everything except another dose of well wishes ....


.... and the technique we use to keep our relationship perking: The "assessment" period is continual ... she is required to journal at least three times a week, and I do it almost daily by habit; until we became "permanent," we revised our "agreement" every three months; now we do it every six months.

Best wishes in finding the way that works for you!

Respectfully, ST

yet another idea that i'll have to suggest.

last summer, i did in fact keep a journal for him. i wrote in it every time i had a concern or idea or fantasy (not to replace face to face communication, but as a reminder and to get my thoughts out) and then he read it and we talked about it. this stopped when our relation went back to being LDR. i couldnt write something down and then hand it to him, so we stopped using the journal. for a while we used liveournal, set to private s only he and i could see it, but he didnt like reading it online becuase of security issues, so we stopped that as well.

 

[myinnerslut]

sorry to bump this again for those of you who dont care, but im giving this thread some closure


unless something major happens to change my mind in the next day or so, it is pretty clear in my mind that staying together is the right thing to do. we have come out of this low stronger then before, and i love him very much.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

sorry to bump this again for those of you who dont care, but im giving this thread some closure


unless something major happens to change my mind in the next day or so, it is pretty clear in my mind that staying together is the right thing to do. we have come out of this low stronger then before, and i love him very much.

: smilesssss :

 

[BiBunny]

sorry to bump this again for those of you who dont care, but im giving this thread some closure


unless something major happens to change my mind in the next day or so, it is pretty clear in my mind that staying together is the right thing to do. we have come out of this low stronger then before, and i love him very much.

I'm very happy for both of you, mis.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

sorry to bump this again for those of you who dont care, but im giving this thread some closure


unless something major happens to change my mind in the next day or so, it is pretty clear in my mind that staying together is the right thing to do. we have come out of this low stronger then before, and i love him very much.

That's great to hear, mis

Should things get a tad rocky at any time, though, remember that *every* road has its dips and bumps, no matter how good it is. Should one of those bumps discombobulate you, there's someone here just about all the time - to talk to, to offer hugs, to offer suggestions... but we hope you don't need us to do any of that, unless the hugs are happy ones.

 

[Marquis]

I've learned to say "maybe we do need a divorce, but we can't get one now, and if we still need one tomorrow after you eat something and get a nights' sleep then we can go about getting it." It's a quantuum leap of a smart growth move on my part to have developed this response because being overtired and worn to the bone is always a bad time for any serious discussion.

Ha ha, I really must be ahead of my time, I'm all about this move.

 

[Marquis]

A and i re-evaluted our relationship today. for those of you who dont know, A is both my dom and my boyfriend. we are not 24/7, but our D/s does extend to certain things outside the bedroom. we had been having a lot of issues lately. i was feeling ignored and like A didnt want me around. i felt under appreciated, like i was giving and giving and giving, but wasnt getting anything in return. i just didnt have anything left to give him, didnt have any more of myself to pour into this relationship.

Sounds like what you need to be giving is less, not more.

I've been on both sides of this, but sometimes the relationship is just more important to one person than the other. That doesn't mean it's unimportant to either party, but one person just might not be able to ante up at that time.

I think the best thing you can do if you really want to make this work is take some of that energy and use it elsewhere. Sometimes the best way you can serve someone is by being a self-reliant and self-satisfied person, low maintenance essentially.