Quick question for sub

[Croctden]

The situation: your dom and you were only into BDSM in private.

The event: You're playing basketball with some friends and as you bring up the ball your dom spanks you rather hard to shock you into giving up the ball.

The question: would you view that a violation of your privacy agreement?

 

[lovetoread]

No.

But when I do the same to him, he should take it as play as well.

 

[slvjenn]

nah, cause I wouldn't think that most people would see that as anything to do with D/s more flirty and taking advantage of your more familiar relationship within the game

I can see it happening in a vanilla relationship as well.

 

[MissTaken]

No.

But when I do the same to him, he should take it as play as well.

I like that answer.

 

[bunny bondage]

it would depend on how well i knew the other people around. if it was a group of good friends, i wouldn't mind at all.

 

[LilDallas]

No

I don't think so. To me its part of the game. Sort of like blocking out and elbow jams.

 

[niteshade]

No, I don't think I would see it as a violation, based on what you have told us... however... what were the terms? And, it sounds as though she did take it that way.

 

[shysexkitten]

no not at all i wouldnt think that most people would take it offensive either. Its just a slap on the ass not like you put handcuffs on her while out with everyone.

 

[Croctden]

no not at all i wouldnt think that most people would take it offensive either. Its just a slap on the ass not like you put handcuffs on her while out with everyone.

She can't shoot from outside with cuffs on, duh.

 

[Croctden]

Re: No

I don't think so. To me its part of the game. Sort of like blocking out and elbow jams.

Friendly game- I'm fairly strong, I'm not throwing elbows in a coed game. Not how I Dom

 

[Croctden]

No.

But when I do the same to him, he should take it as play as well.

That's actually something I don't allow. If a sub thinks she can "play" spank you in mixed company she'll do it 24/7.

 

[niteshade]

That's actually something I don't allow. If a sub thinks she can "play" spank you in mixed company she'll do it 24/7.

But you didnt want her to take it in the context of your d/s relationship when you did it... so what is the differance?

 

[Croctden]

No, I don't think I would see it as a violation, based on what you have told us... however... what were the terms? And, it sounds as though she did take it that way.

This was not me, I was playing, but not my sub. Everyone there thought it was hilarous. My understand was she felt it was a hard slap and a vanilla couple would not do it. Some of us knew the situation, but others were more or less strangers to her. Maybe Bunny B was on the right track.

I was pissed because she was on my team and we lost by the way. Not that that really adds anything. And now I've stupidly posted four times in a row. I'm just too lazy to combine quotes sometimes.

 

[SexyChele]

The situation: your dom and you were only into BDSM in private.

The event: You're playing basketball with some friends and as you bring up the ball your dom spanks you rather hard to shock you into giving up the ball.

The question: would you view that a violation of your privacy agreement?

I would simply view it as some one who is taking advantage of a situation (perhaps playfully, perhaps as a possible sore loser) and using it.

But, as LTR stated, he had better not get upset if I smack his ass when he gets the ball and is about to shoot.

If the "BDSM contract" is only in private, than in public what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

[Quint]

Re: Re: Quick question for sub

I would simply view it as some one who is taking advantage of a situation (perhaps playfully, perhaps as a possible sore loser) and using it.

But, as LTR stated, he had better not get upset if I smack his ass when he gets the ball and is about to shoot.

If the "BDSM contract" is only in private, than in public what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Agreed wholeheartedly. I think in a situation like this, intent is important. If you MEANT for the smack to be taken by her in a BDSM-context, then I believe she certainly has the right to be upset--it's deliberate public BDSM when both parties have agreed to keep it private.

If you didn't mean for it to be taken in a BDSM manner, then I would think she shouldn't have to respond to you as your submissive. That's holding a double standard. Take your whacks goodnaturedly and get her back when you're alone. My opinion only, of course.

 

[s'lara]

When does BDSM permeate basketball?

If the smack was intended to disorient her and You (or Whoever the Dominant was) did not say "nadu now!", it should be taken with a grain of salt.

On the other hand, would You deliver the same smack to someone if You knew they weren't in the life?

lara

 

[Missconduct]

I was pissed because she was on my team and we lost by the way. Not that that really adds anything. And now I've stupidly posted four times in a row. I'm just too lazy to combine quotes sometimes.

I'm not sure I understand. You spanked her outside of your private BDSM relationship because you were pissed at her? If you did it because you were pissed, then, yes, I think you crossed a line.

Plus, in my experience this sort of thing sends a confusing message: hitting out of anger -- am I being punished? Are we in a consenting scene? Am I allowed to enjoy it? Or am I supposed to feel bad and correct my behavior?

But if it was flirty, no problem. As long as I'm not scowled at for enjoying it.

xx,

 

[Never]

Croctden:
"The question: would you view that a violation of your privacy agreement?"

If I were a sub and if I felt my Dom/me has violated our privacy agreement, my feelings would not be changed by any ruling of the LSC (Literotica Submissives' Committee.)

If I were a Domme and my sub felt I had violated our privacy agreement, I would inform her it wasn't intentional and then have a conversation about what actions she considered BDSMy in public as to avoid the same misunderstanding in the future.

Heck, if I was real ambitious I'd go over the contract again, just to make sure there's as little ambiguity as possible. After all, if I didn't know that before, what else could I have missed?

Then again, WTF do I know?

 

[Croctden]

But you didnt want her to take it in the context of your d/s relationship when you did it... so what is the differance?

How about because it's fucking annoying?

 

[Croctden]

I'm not sure I understand. You spanked her outside of your private BDSM relationship because you were pissed at her? If you did it because you were pissed, then, yes, I think you crossed a line.

Plus, in my experience this sort of thing sends a confusing message: hitting out of anger -- am I being punished? Are we in a consenting scene? Am I allowed to enjoy it? Or am I supposed to feel bad and correct my behavior?

But if it was flirty, no problem. As long as I'm not scowled at for enjoying it.

xx,

I didn't smack her, her dom did. He did it to get a steal. I'll admit I thought it was brilliant. Could be I'm a competitive person.

Beyond that I NEVER hit in anger.

 

[Never]

But you are her Dom, yes?
Are you saying you have a regular and Dom mode?

If that's the case then are you saying you deliberately switched to Dom mode to fuck with her head while you were in public so your team could do better in a basketball game?

 

[Croctden]

Not complex

NO! I did not spank anyone in the game. A human male (not me) spanked a human female (also not me) who was his sub. I witnessed it and learned about the reaction in private after the fact.

I'm not someone else when I Dom, I just have a paddle.

 

[Never]

Pardon me.

When someone said, "If he spanked her she could spank him back" and you replied "That's something I don't allow." I thought you and the smacked sub were involved.

That doesn't change most of my answers but it alters them slightly.

If he knew what he was doing when he was doing it then he needs to admit that he broke the contract. He might have thought it cute but an "I'll only follow the rules until it suits me to do otherwise," attitude is rarely endearing. Yes, it was just a little thing but if he feels okay discarding his promise over little things, what about big ones?

I don't want to sound judgmental. In the same situation, I'd do the same thing he did. I too am very competitive (wasn't I just saying yesterday how non-competitive I am?) and, especially when I'm already rough housing, a butt whacking to help my team out would be appealing.

Then again, I would never have a contract that said no public BDSMy things unless that meant we weren't going to interact in public at all. I'd find that totally unrealistic.

 

[Missconduct]

I didn't smack her, her dom did. He did it to get a steal. I'll admit I thought it was brilliant. Could be I'm a competitive person.

ok, cool. I couldn't figure out how you meant it when you said it wasn't you. Now the picture is much clearer

Beyond that I NEVER hit in anger.

I didn't think so. But then this thread got me all confused. I get it now. And I don't think it was a violation NOR was it a BDSM move. However, if she swatted him on the posterior to get the ball and he got mad, then I think that would be a double standard.

xx,

Proud member of the LSC since a couple of weeks ago.

 

[Missconduct]

Re: Not complex

NO! I did not spank anyone in the game. A human male (not me) spanked a human female (also not me) who was his sub. I witnessed it and learned about the reaction in private after the fact.

I'm not someone else when I Dom, I just have a paddle.

I like you, Croctden.

xx,