Question to Literoticans....

[Guest]

Do you think that you should change your porn habits just because your SO doesn't like them?

Can you make a compromise that will actually work?

Even if they threaten to destroy any pornography that you may have on DVDs VHS or delete any and all files on your computer that contain it?

 

[Nora]

If it means that much to them, you might wanna ask yourself which is more important. Your spouse or your porn collection.

 

[Guest]

*nods* I understand that...
but isn't it a bit demanding for them to say what you can watch and what you can't?

And to come outright and say 'If you bring this in or I find it... I will break it apart'?

 

[RawHumor]

I actually think it's part of a bigger issue - or issues.

I'd say it's a bit over the top to tell you that he or she will destroy your stuff. Can't we be adults here? Why do I have to like something in order for you to like it?

 

[Shadowann2]

This is a constant issue between my husband and I. When he spends so much time on the computer looking at all of these women who have bodies that I could never hope to have, it makes me feel horrible about myself. I t makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him and that my body can't satisfy him. I think that I have the right ot do what I have to in order to stop feeling like crap! If that means that I have to put my foot down and leave him, then so be it. If his porn is more important than me and my feelings, then it is his loss when I leave!

 

[Guest]

I have never felt inferior to porn or the hot chicks in them..
the way I see it...if ya don't like it... there is the door...don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out.

 

[HeavyStick]

Which is cheaper to maintain?

Porn or spouse.


Seriously though, I've had GF's that were super prudes about porn and were some of the hottest/nastiest lovers in every position. I've had GF's that looked at porn as a tool or enhancer in sexual gratification. But then again I don't know what kind of porn you have.

Porn in a relationship should be respectful of the relationship you want with that person. That's how the SO might view it.

 

[Guest]

thanks for the responses...
the person who needs to read them is getting a lot of info out of this.

 

[Shadowann2]

I enjoy watching porn movies with my SO, I just have a problem with the fact that he masturbates to porn everyday and doesn't have sex with me very often. I also wonder if he isn't thinking about the girls from online when we actualy do get around to having sex. I think porn becomes an issue in a relationship when one person in the relationship decided that it is.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

my honey loves watching Krista Allen. Now, I love watching her, too, cus she was Billie on Days of Our Lives, and I've had the hots for her since 8th grade. But often he watches without me. And it doesn't bother me. Why? Cus I flirt with a lot of people, and he knows that it's him I love and him I desire. He can jerk off to porn, or even amateur pics on here if he likes, but I know that he's coming home to me. And I know that he desires me... *grin*

I've never felt inferior to porn stars... because I can do what all of them can do, and because they're paid to look how they look, and most of them have fake or modified body parts. Me? I'm real. I can still do the same stuff. And I can do those things well. If anyone decided that porn was more important to them than I was, and it affected our life together, then yes, I'd make them choose... but in my current situation, I haven't got that to deal with.

 

[Guest]

my honey loves watching Krista Allen. Now, I love watching her, too, cus she was Billie on Days of Our Lives, and I've had the hots for her since 8th grade. But often he watches without me. And it doesn't bother me. Why? Cus I flirt with a lot of people, and he knows that it's him I love and him I desire. He can jerk off to porn, or even amateur pics on here if he likes, but I know that he's coming home to me. And I know that he desires me... *grin*

I've never felt inferior to porn stars... because I can do what all of them can do, and because they're paid to look how they look, and most of them have fake or modified body parts. Me? I'm real. I can still do the same stuff. And I can do those things well. If anyone decided that porn was more important to them than I was, and it affected our life together, then yes, I'd make them choose... but in my current situation, I haven't got that to deal with.

you are my new hero

 

[Shadowann2]

I think that porn isn't an issue as long as it isn't overdone and as long as both people feel secure about themselves. My husband has cheated on me more times than I can remember and so I don't have the self-confidence that Vixenshe does. Good for you!

 

[Guest]

Its all in the self esteem.

I don't care if anyone I am seeing watches porn...jerks off to pictures... or whatever. I see it rather simply. If they want them... then they can carry their ass to them. I am me... and if they don't want me... well then why would I want them?

It's all about the reality. Most of those women in porn, wouldn't give most of the guys I know the time of day to listen to them breathe. Why? Because they don't have cash flow and probably don't have big enough cocks to satisfy them now that they are all stretched out

 

[Guest]

I think that porn isn't an issue as long as it isn't overdone and as long as both people feel secure about themselves. My husband has cheated on me more times than I can remember and so I don't have the self-confidence that Vixenshe does. Good for you!

If he has cheated on you more times than you can remember...why are you still with him?

 

[Ms_Lilith]

If he has cheated on you more times than you can remember...why are you still with him?

yes, I echo that.

 

[Shadowann2]

Because I have two kids that I can't support alone and I'm afraid that I'll never find anyone any better anyway. There is a lot more too it and yes, I am going to start seeing a counciler about this.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Because I have two kids that I can't support alone and I'm afraid that I'll never find anyone any better anyway. There is a lot more too it and yes, I am going to start seeing a counciler about this.

*hugs you tight*

How bout setting an ultimatum? And you could separate, and get child support?

you deserve so much more. And it's only his terrible abuse of you (I'm not saying physical, but cheating repeatedly is mental abuse) that makes you think you'll never find anything better. Honey, you're beautiful, sweet, and obviously love your kids very much. You WILL find someone better. I promise.

 

[Guest]

Because I have two kids that I can't support alone
There are several programs and agencies that can help you support your kids until you can support them... plus the wonderful invention of child support

and I'm afraid that I'll never find anyone any better anyway.
There is that self esteem thing. Hon...you are very pretty and you would have no problem finding someone else who would treat you the way you deserve to be treated...

yes, I am going to start seeing a counciler about this.

I suggest both of you go to counselling. One going is good...but if the marriage is going to be saved... you both need to go.

 

[MissTaken]

Porn in perspective

If watching porn is taking away from your time with your SO or is otherwise interfering, it might be good to try to come to a compromise.

On a similar note, I dated someone once who would stay up til 2 a.m. playing video games. We had no time together because he was seemingly obsessed with the damn games. It didn't work, even with a bit of compromise offered.

All things in perspective.
All things in moderation.

Best wishes to all.

 

[Shadowann2]

Thank you, Vixenshe. We have seperated twice in our 3 years of marriage and several times before we got married. He never paid child support and I have a huge fear of being alone so I always came back. I hope that the counciling will help me get to a point where I know that I can make it by myself.

I'm sorry that I made such a big deal about this in your thread, Jaded. This is just a very big issue in my life right now and something that I feel very passionately about.

 

[Guest]

Tis perfectly ok..
I posted the question because I wanted to hear all the answers.

and I had that fear of being alone...but there comes this point where you have to face your fears or be misreable forever...
and life is too short to be unhappy for that long.

 

[Guest]

*bumping* for more opinions.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Sounds like it's about control to me. Give up the porn and you'll argue about sleeping with the window open or where you squeeze the toothpaste or who cleans out the cat box or why the fuck there isn't more money in the checkbook at the end of the month or what's for dinner or what color the sheets should be or why there's never any room for my stuff in there or who's turn it is to pick a TV show or where you'll eat dinner or something else.

Maybe. That's just me.

 

[Baresall]

Do you think that you should change your porn habits just because your SO doesn't like them?

Can you make a compromise that will actually work?

Even if they threaten to destroy any pornography that you may have on DVDs VHS or delete any and all files on your computer that contain it?

I just point out that my b/f's collection is much bigger than mine Its a classic case of "you first".

 

[BgMma]

All of this could be resolved if the couple were honest 100% with each other in the first place............