Question regarding a woman's perspective on control.

[Vincent E]

In the interest of general research I need the perspective of some women on the message board.

What positions (sexual positions generally) give women a sense of control?

This need not necessarily be a bondage or even dominance position. Sure, anybody can be in control when her partner is tied spread-eagle to the bed with a ball-gag .

Rather what are the various positions during either intercourse or foreplay that make you feel like you are doing a little more than simply sharing equally in the moment? Or moments? Or half-hour? Or Sunday afternoon when it is raining outside and there is nothing else to do except screw until he begs for rest?

 

[SexyChele]

Well, of course the first position that pops into mind is anyone in which the female is on top - either fucking or giving/receiving head. Also, for me anyway, having him sit on the edge of the bed or on a kitchen chair, and then stand in front of him. I can direct his lips and hands as I want them.

And one some might disagree on - some forms of doggie style. If I'm in a position to be able to move, I can direct the action more, either by moving towards him or away from him. Of course, it depends on how much he is willing for that to happen.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I like the leash and collar method, myself.

Seriously though, any position where I have leverage and the ability to move my own or touch myself with my fingers is a position that gives me control. If I can put my feet flat on the bed/floor/whatever, the missionary position gives me plenty of control because my legs are strong enough for it.

Control comes from being able to move myself how I want to without relying on him to find the perfect angle to saw in and out of.

A nice slap upside the head always helps when he's not paying attention. Of course, I'd never smack the StudMuffin unless he asked me to. Everyone else is fair game.

 

[gauchecritic]

Yeah yeah yeah, I'm not a girlie but.

Don't women of the female persuasion dominate all sexual liaisons?

Or am I doing it wrong?

Gauche

 

[Guest]

it's all in our heads

Hi. This is a subject of great interest in academic programs all over the world, sometimes called feminist/gender/queer studies. I know the original query had to do with physical sexual positions, but control/power begins in the mind (that ultimate erogenous zone). And as many on the bdsm board know, submission has its own power and control. Then there's even the question of self-control/power. We're amazing creatures we humans, particularly because we are so mightily influenced by what's between our legs and what how our minds handle it. Regards, Perdita

 

[TheEarl]

Completely off-topic

Nice to see that someone is picking up the Red Dwarf sig line baton from me.

The Earl

 

[Vincent E]

Thank-you for the input, ladies. It has all been valuable.

The control I am considering here is less the physical manipulation of your partner, but rather the emotional aspect of control. I'm interested in what is going on behind the eyes and between the ears during intercourse whan you feel like you are the one calling the shots.

Perhaps I should have used the often overly used word "impowerment" instead.



As for the signature line Earl, I felt the need for a pithy Rimmer quote since you removed yours.

 

[Guest]

total control

I am sure that I will get grief for this, but here goes.

I feel most empowered when I am making him cum, especially if I am not cumming. Blow jobs and titty fucking are the best. He is totally reliant upon me to bring him to completion, while I can enjoy without the desperation to cum myself.

Titty fucking is better for me because I am bringing him to completion without my mouth being blocked. Having him sit on the edge of the bed and lean back while I hold my breasts tightly around his cock and milk it is very erotic.

His climax is an affirmation of my power in his life and my femininity.

Okay, all you arm chair analysts... do your worst.

b

 

[sirhugs]

Re: total control

I am sure that I will get grief for this, but here goes.

I feel most empowered when I am making him cum, especially if I am not cumming. Blow jobs and titty fucking are the best. He is totally reliant upon me to bring him to completion, while I can enjoy without the desperation to cum myself.

Titty fucking is better for me because I am bringing him to completion without my mouth being blocked. Having him sit on the edge of the bed and lean back while I hold my breasts tightly around his cock and milk it is very erotic.

His climax is an affirmation of my power in his life and my femininity.

Okay, all you arm chair analysts... do your worst.

b

worst?
you are da best
any man worth his salt is having a wet dream imagining that scene....

 

[Vincent E]

Bridget, your sentiment is actually the kind of thing that I am trying to explore here. Thanks for the description.

Now I have to wipe off my screen.

 

[Chicklet]

Hands On

Okay, now, the obvious answers are when we (the women) are on top, but I think a woman (and I feel this way) can take control simply by putting her hands on her man and directing his thrusts. If you know you're directing the situation, then you're in control, and usually the man is willing to submit when the female knows what she wants. This works in D/s and vanilla sex both. Just let your male character know that he's giving her the dominant role.

 

[Guest]

oh so close

Vincent-

Been thinking some more about this (Not only am I a control freak, but I am also obsessive).

I love to bring him to the brink and then pull back. Having him on his back and telling him "no touching" is perfect. Tantalizing, kissing, licking and nibbling are all essential. Watching and feeling for signs of him approaching the edge and then drawing back or distracting gives me immense rushes of power. His moan of frustration/excitement is heady.

OR

Knowing that he wants to savor and be slow and pushing him so that he cums in an out of control manner is another rush. Sometimes I do this just by contracting around his cock and not allowing him to slow down.

I am sure that I need therapy.

b

 

[Guest]

Re: oh so close

I am sure that I need therapy.

No, Bridget, you need to write it down and post it. Love your writing, Perdita

 

[Vincent E]

Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

Chicklet and Bridget are tapping into just the sort of thing that I was wondering about.

If I am reading this right being able to control the pace of a liason is as important as being able to dictate things like position itself. If the woman is controlling the pace of the action with the man, even if the pace is contrary to what he feels he wants at that particular moment, she has the sense of control over the totality of the action. The important thing is that she has to actually understand the man and his desires.

Please correct me if I am wandering off course. I am developing female characters and this stuff is becoming important for an upcoming scene.

 

[redrider4u]

I'm curious.......

I mean, does it really matter where you hold your hand?

 

[Guest]

Re: I'm curious.......

I mean, does it really matter where you hold your hand?

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

yes

unless you are able to be articulate and your partner takes direction well.

 

[sirhugs]

Re: I'm curious.......

I mean, does it really matter where you hold your hand?

every detail matters in intense real sexual experiences...so why not in fiction?

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: I'm curious.......

every detail matters in intense real sexual experiences...so why not in fiction?

Ditto.
What the fingertips can do is limitless. Perdita

 

[Vincent E]

Once again, thank-you to all the ladies who have given me some valuable input on a woman's perspective on control. I am sure it will help.

Now I have to pose the converse question; this is actually important for something I started writing this weekend and which has disctracted me from the central story I was writing.

What is it that a man does that makes you feel like you have surrendered control? In fact, what makes you feel helpless? Moreover, why would you want to surrender to him?

Once again, I'm not talking about sailor's knots and leather restraints. Is there some playful command that he gives you that makes you react a certain way? Does he kiss you in public on a main street and not let you pull away? I am actually trying to explore some of the simpler things that a man does that generates a feeling of, "Go ahead, do what you want to me."

Once again, all input is appreciated.

 

[Guest]

letting a man take charge

What is it that a man does that makes you feel like you have surrendered control? In fact, what makes you feel helpless? Moreover, why would you want to surrender to him?

Man, you ask good and real questions. As I read this last one I actually became aroused thinking of specific experiences and I have to say, off the top of my head (or some other erogenous zone), it's the way a man 'says' something or 'touches' me that makes it nearly necessary to *choose* to surrender myself. The voice can become the most commanding instrument, but I'm not talking about loud or authoritative. My best lover knew just how to speak to me in bed, and sometimes he sang (swoon). As for touch, some guys have it, too many don't. Sorry this is brief but I may come back to it; I'm sure you'll get some good feedback.

Regards again, Perdita

 

[TheEarl]

Vincent: You ask damn good questions. This thread's one of the most interesting things I've read on this board in a while. Especially bridget's answers.

I find that women quite like it if you pin their hands above their head. It's something of a control thing. Works for vice versa too.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

It's just a matter of trust....

*blushing* thanks, Earl.

Vincent,

For me it has always been a matter of trust- either trusting someone, or wishing that I could trust someone so much that I have made myself vulnerable, even though I knew better.

Naked is just that- naked. Undressing in front of someone is very vulnerable. Spreading myself open and allowing them to touch me and arouse me takes it a step further. Surrendering to my pleasure at the loss of my control and direction is the ultimate in vulnerability. While I have brought many (probably too many) others to climax, I have reserved my orgasms for very few. Naked orgasms to just one.

Even while having vaginal intercourse, I have held out against orgasm because of a lack of feeling safe- the whole trust thing.

And it isn't only orgasm. I can clearly remember withdrawing from a boyfriend whose breath on my neck was driving me bananas because I felt like I wasn't "in control" and I didn't like it. With another guy, it was just as wonderful, but I felt free to enjoy it because I trusted him.

Why would I want to be out of control? It is like flying. What does a man do to make me out of control? He makes me feel safe enough to surrender to the arousal I am designed to enjoy.

*phew that was profound and vulnerable*

Specifically, receiving oral sex while he pinches my nipples makes me feel totally out of control. I am incredibly aroused and open to him while he is totally focused on my pleasure. I can say that the time I felt most vulnerable during this was when I was totally nude and he was still fully dressed. He hadn't even taken his tie off.

b

V-

You better be writing one helluva a story!

 

[Chicklet]

What is it that a man does that makes you feel like you have surrendered control? In fact, what makes you feel helpless? Moreover, why would you want to surrender to him?

Okay this might be dumb but when I'm at the point where I can't control my orgasm...when it's going to come whether I try to hold back or not, that's when I think he has the most control. I can't will myself to hold back, but he could pull out and leave me gasping for more. It makes me feel helpless, but in a good way, because I *know* that I am dependant on him.

Why would I want to surrender to him?

I think that a lot of people are willing to surrender to another to take all responsibility away from themselves. With me, I trust him, and there's nothing bigger to me than the thrill of losing control. It's like when you're just dipping over the huge hill on a rollercoaster - you haven't lifted out of your seat yet but you're about to and there's nothing you can do to stop it! YIPPPEEEEE

 

[sirhugs]

Re: It's just a matter of trust....

*blushing* thanks, Earl.

Vincent,

For me it has always been a matter of trust- either trusting someone, or wishing that I could trust someone so much that I have made myself vulnerable, even though I knew better.

Naked is just that- naked. Undressing in front of someone is very vulnerable. Spreading myself open and allowing them to touch me and arouse me takes it a step further. Surrendering to my pleasure at the loss of my control and direction is the ultimate in vulnerability. While I have brought many (probably too many) others to climax, I have reserved my orgasms for very few. Naked orgasms to just one.

Even while having vaginal intercourse, I have held out against orgasm because of a lack of feeling safe- the whole trust thing.

And it isn't only orgasm. I can clearly remember withdrawing from a boyfriend whose breath on my neck was driving me bananas because I felt like I wasn't "in control" and I didn't like it. With another guy, it was just as wonderful, but I felt free to enjoy it because I trusted him.

Why would I want to be out of control? It is like flying. What does a man do to make me out of control? He makes me feel safe enough to surrender to the arousal I am designed to enjoy.

*phew that was profound and vulnerable*

Specifically, receiving oral sex while he pinches my nipples makes me feel totally out of control. I am incredibly aroused and open to him while he is totally focused on my pleasure. I can say that the time I felt most vulnerable during this was when I was totally nude and he was still fully dressed. He hadn't even taken his tie off.

b

V-

You better be writing one helluva a story!

is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?

 

[Vincent E]

Re: It's just a matter of trust....

V-

You better be writing one helluva a story!

Bridget, I am actually writing two stories simultaneously.

The question I asked regarding a woman feeling in control relates to the sixth chapter of a series I started last year. The protagonist is venturing forth into uncharted waters at the hands of a more exper... Wait a minute, the link is below. Go read the story.

The latter question regarding a woman surrendering relates to the second story which has been rattling around in my head for a long time. I have about seven pages fully written, but I'm still developing these two people because I want readers to like them and relate to them. It isn't going to be a suck and fuck stroke-a-rama. Hopefully I'm succeeding.

I want everyone to know that I'm taking in all this advice and considering it carefully.



"It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes."
"I am so hot in here, I'm gonna take my clothes off."
-Nelly