Question for ladies - Those subtle things

[bholderman]

Greetings,

I realized today that after 12 years of marriage I didnt know my wife's favorite color. I asked her today.

But it got me to thinking, what are those subtle pieces of information we (the significant other) should know about you?

I could use the help to improve myself and to finally get to know my wife better.

Any help would be appreciated.

 

[intothewoods]

Silver/platinum or gold
coffee or tea
foods she hates
allergies
your anniversary
her birthday
her middle name
I have other things, but there about me - I suppose what's important to her covers it.

ETA: Ok, I suppose "what's important to her" isn't helpful, so in my case (just as an example) I'd add:

my favorite store, favorite scent, restaurant - any detail like that is very sweet (though not required)
favorite authors, genre, etc.
what makes her cry

 

[coy_one]

Favorite song and why

Favorite movie and why

what did she want to be when she was growing up?

Favorite book and why

Who does she consider her best friend?

Those are just some that come to my mind.

 

[Salsarita]

favorite quote

favorite flower...scent

her most cherished memory

what does she recall about your first date

notice how she responds to certain touches..not sexual

and no matter how old you get ..watch how her eyes light up like a child when something makes her feel alive

 

[malinborn]

Honestly, i would say just have a long talk and really listen
my wife's favorite movie changes from time to time... but i know Quiet Man is always in the top five as are My favorite wife and braveheart... her favorite color is periwinkle blue, and her favorite book of all time is the Pink Dress by Anne Alexander.

You can start the conversation in one of a million ways, or find one of those cheesy chain letters that ask all those little quirky questions, include her and a bunch of friends, and find the answers

i would say good ones to know:
flower
gold or silver
book
color
sound
smell
car
animal
clothes (skirts, jeans, dresses, flannel pj's)
movie
music
things that seem trivial but playing something she loves one night or playing a movie one night she really enjoys could go a long way

 

[EmpressFi]

Favorite movie

What she considers "your song"

Favorite perfume to wear daily

Favorite perfume to wear on special occasions

Favorite book as a little girl *smiles at Malin lovingly.... if anyone wants to know why I smile.. feel free to ask*

Favorite color

How much pressure and where to massage to ease the tension away

What each one of her different smiles mean

That's all I can think of for now... except

Know that when she's mad.. it doesnt mean she doesnt love you anymore. Know that when she asks you to give her some quiet time when she's mad.. it doesnt mean she doesnt love you anymore.

 

[bholderman]

The Quiet Man! Thats one of our together favorites. I commonly go about the house with that little "da-da-da-da-dun-dun-dadada" whistling out my lungs. Jenn knows exactly what its from.

Honestly, i would say just have a long talk and really listen
my wife's favorite movie changes from time to time... but i know Quiet Man is always in the top five as are My favorite wife and braveheart... her favorite color is periwinkle blue, and her favorite book of all time is the Pink Dress by Anne Alexander.

You can start the conversation in one of a million ways, or find one of those cheesy chain letters that ask all those little quirky questions, include her and a bunch of friends, and find the answers

i would say good ones to know:
flower
gold or silver
book
color
sound
smell
car
animal
clothes (skirts, jeans, dresses, flannel pj's)
movie
music
things that seem trivial but playing something she loves one night or playing a movie one night she really enjoys could go a long way

 

[EmpressFi]

The Quiet Man! Thats one of our together favorites. I commonly go about the house with that little "da-da-da-da-dun-dun-dadada" whistling out my lungs. Jenn knows exactly what its from.

Loved the book.. absolutely love the movie.. I could watch it every day

and Malin loves to shout, "Woman of the house.. where's me tea?!"

 

[callinectes]

I'm odd. I really don't care if he knows my favorite color or movie but I feel like he should be observant enough to have realized I never wear orange and Starship Troopers is not my idea of a must-see film. (I'm talking over the long-term here, not a year or so of dating) If you can recognize my "no-way" areas, it's all good, I'm not going to get hung up on favorites.

Along the same lines, but not..I find it far more touching and sweet if he takes my car for an oil change and detail "just because" as opposed to sending a dozen roses on Valentine's Day just because he is supposed to. I guess I am too practical sometimes. LOL

 

[BiBunny]

I'm odd. I really don't care if he knows my favorite color or movie but I feel like he should be observant enough to have realized I never wear orange and Starship Troopers is not my idea of a must-see film. (I'm talking over the long-term here, not a year or so of dating) If you can recognize my "no-way" areas, it's all good, I'm not going to get hung up on favorites.

Along the same lines, but not..I find it far more touching and sweet if he takes my car for an oil change and detail "just because" as opposed to sending a dozen roses on Valentine's Day just because he is supposed to. I guess I am too practical sometimes. LOL

I'm that way, too. Romance, to me, is noticing things and doing them because you want to, not feeling like it's something you have to do. FWIW, I've only gotten flowers from someone other than my father once, and that was on my 18th birthday, from the guy I was dating at the time. I don't feel like I've really missed anything.

 

[bholderman]

Bibunny,

You are correct, but this aspect of a guys radar came up in another thread. If anything, its a courtesy thing to know. The romance certainly adds, but its not the personal awareness.

Im a guy, Im dense and I admit it.

I'm that way, too. Romance, to me, is noticing things and doing them because you want to, not feeling like it's something you have to do. FWIW, I've only gotten flowers from someone other than my father once, and that was on my 18th birthday, from the guy I was dating at the time. I don't feel like I've really missed anything.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[malinborn]

Hiya

I don't feel these are things one Must know, or do, but it is nice to know them i think. Like i said, just be observant. But if he wants to know some of the more common things, sweet things to know... those seem pretty good to know.. maybe? heh

I'm that way, too. Romance, to me, is noticing things and doing them because you want to, not feeling like it's something you have to do. FWIW, I've only gotten flowers from someone other than my father once, and that was on my 18th birthday, from the guy I was dating at the time. I don't feel like I've really missed anything.

 

[myinnerslut]

A and i go back and forth asking each other questions every now and then. stupid things of little things, but things that make me feel like i know him better.

stuff like

what is your favorite breakfast food?
when you were little what did you want to be when you grew up?
if you had to dye your hair any color that wasnt a normal haircolor, what would it be?
if you had any superpower, what would it be, and why?
if you could speak five languages, what would they be?
what was your first word?

its pretty much whatever question pops into my head at the time and i always feel like i learn more about him.

 

[EmpressFi]

I'm that way, too. Romance, to me, is noticing things and doing them because you want to, not feeling like it's something you have to do. FWIW, I've only gotten flowers from someone other than my father once, and that was on my 18th birthday, from the guy I was dating at the time. I don't feel like I've really missed anything.

Romance for me -

sitting with me in a bathtub of hot water and massaging my legs when they ached so badly I wanted to cry...

coming out Christmas morning and seeing a fedex package under the tree, opening it, and finding a hardback copy of "The Pink Dress" by Anne Alexander

picking up a bottle of lavender vanilla lotion from Bath and Body works because I might be out of it and he knows I love lavender

putting together a model car of a '67 Mustang - in the color of my dream car, with the interior of my dream car, hand painting the details on it

taking me to see Pride and Prejudice just because he knew I'd love the movie

listening to me telling the same stories over and over

offering to give up his family, his hometown to move to mine just so I wont be homesick anymore...

I could go on.. but you're right.. it IS the things they do just because.. and not for special occasions...

I am truly one of the most blessed women.. I am loved.. DEEPLY loved by two wonderful men

 

[h_i_s]

Do you know at least one way to lift her up and make her feel better when she's feeling at her worst?
Do you know what she stresses over most?
Do you know what she feels is her worst feature, habits, imperfections?
Do you know if she has any regrets in life and what they are?
Do you know what her happiest moment has been?
Do you know her worst?
Do you know her biggest fear?
Do you know how to sooth her when she is ill or in pain or depressed?
Do you know all of the medications that she is on? (It's amazing how many spouses aka 'partners' do not know this about each other).
Do you know if she is allergic to any foods?
Do you know if she is allergic to any medications?
Do you know her family health history?
Do you know her entire health history including past surgeries?
Do you know how to and when to lend a hand aka can you tell when she is overwhelmed?
Do you know how and can you do the million and one things that she does each day/week to keep that household/family/kids running smoothly?




One of my favorite things about IYM is that he is big on details such as these and many more and takes them seriously. It was clear to me from day one that knowing me better than anyone is something that He takes pride in ... it's important to Him. It's just one of many things that I love about Him.

This reminds me of a game that IYM started with our kids. We pick one family member and then everyone guesses how that person would answer, writing thier answers down on paper to be shared at the end of the game. Sample questions: Favorite food, movie, game, song, color, pet, season, holiday etc ect

 

[ecstaticsub]

For me it's more important for the men in my life to pay attention to things I don't like as much as things I do--

I hate red roses (but any other color or type of flower is fine)
I don't like going out to dinner for birthday/Valentines Day etc
I don't collect anything, so don't buy me useless stuff


Then the few things that I really like--

A romantic vacation or night away that I don't have to plan anything-not the hotel, or travel, or childcare--nothing.

It also important to me that he knows how I feel on certain political/social issues.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

Love that you know these things Malin.

Following the idea of your chain letter questionnaires, I use the printables on this site with hubby ever so often just to give us something fun to do together.

Brad you could start here. This page has quite a few interesting printables to get to know your wife better...and her you.

http://www.lovingyou.com/content/printables/

Honestly, i would say just have a long talk and really listen
my wife's favorite movie changes from time to time... but i know Quiet Man is always in the top five as are My favorite wife and braveheart... her favorite color is periwinkle blue, and her favorite book of all time is the Pink Dress by Anne Alexander.

You can start the conversation in one of a million ways, or find one of those cheesy chain letters that ask all those little quirky questions, include her and a bunch of friends, and find the answers

i would say good ones to know:
flower
gold or silver
book
color
sound
smell
car
animal
clothes (skirts, jeans, dresses, flannel pj's)
movie
music
things that seem trivial but playing something she loves one night or playing a movie one night she really enjoys could go a long way

 

[Puman]

Knowing my little quirks and favourite things is more of a 'nice-to-have' rather than a necessity... For those days when you want a little romance or when you are shopping for a surprise present, I think my taste in music, chocolate and perfume are probably the most important things to remember.

(And if he forgets my birthday, then he's a dead man)

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think this is one of those things which is particular to each person. Personally I am not concerned if he knows my favourite colour (have many so knowing I love colour is enough), or favourite movie (I'm never able to name one), favourite book (there are a few and they change as I read more, but basically I love books...it might be nice if he knows what type i prefer if he was going to buy one for me, but otherwise I'm not concerned), favourite song )once again there are many and knowing I love most music is enough, nor am I concerned whether he knows I absolutely love roses...he buys flowers for me often and I love them all...and clothes, well they serve a purpose, nothing more for me so even that is not something he needs to know about me....gold or silver? Nice if he knows, but not a biggee as jewellry is not a big part of our life...lol, didn't even get an engagement ring.

What does count is his knowing what hurts me emotionally, what has hurt me in the past, what my politics are, what issues I see as paramount to care about in the world and why, that I love nature and find it healing, that I love a bath more than a shower (but so does he), who I am and who I see myself as being, what has contributed to me being the person I am today, my ethics and values...basically taking the time to and knowing me.

Catalina

 

[intothewoods]

I think at some level, you can know all of the details, but it's not the same as having that amazing and intimate connection with another person. The kind where you just know each other. I think it's talking and sharing and learning each other's deepest fears and desires.

 

[FurryFury]

You should know it makes me sick to sleep with the windows open or air blowing on me. Please protect me from this sort of shit.

You should know that strong smells soon gack me out even if I like them at first.

You should know that I enjoy playing board games, reading, walking, taking chances such as bungee cord umping, the beach and cats.

You should know that I don't want to live without a love, a cat, a tube of lip gloss and some water.

Most loud noises are stressful to me, particularly if they go on and on. They also don't help my headaches.

You should know I don't want or need anything from you except love and emotional understand/support. I am totally cool with you doing just about anything you need to in order to be happy.

So when you think I'm pissed because you've done nothing but suck on the computer's dick all day. I'm not. Or when you think I want you to jump up and fix X, I don't. I'm much more laid back than your mother was. I say what I mean and mean what I say. There are no hidden messages there.

And that's just a start.

 

[doveofserenity]

One thing I haven't seen mentioned -

Do You remember what the first slow song was that You danced with her lovingly?

A lot of women hold that one song pretty dear to them. And if You would play it unexpectedly, it might put a smile upon her face. Because You remembered.

 

[Netzach]

I don't have specific ones, but I do like when the various people in my life remember detail from the courtship phase and know how to manipulate me a little bit, in healthy amounts, with those memories.

Basically those who know that though I drank chartreuse one week I'll want a Pimm's cup the next, because I like coffee with cream doesn't mean I won't ever drink it black, and basically that I'm a fan of new, changing, and weird things.

Also - I make stuff. You don't have to buy me anything, just develop an interest when I want to go to the shows and showrooms and buy very shiny stones.

In other words - I reject the notion of a master list. Know your woman.

 

[minx1]

Personally I don't care if a partner knows my favourite perfume or which school I went to. I guess its just a personal thing...that kinda thing wouldn't really matter to me. I doubt my Master would know if I take sugar in my tea and frankly I only remember he likes cheesecake because he said something funny about it!
I much prefer that my partner knows my values, what makes me laugh and sometimes cry, angry and passionate. In other words what makes me tick.
I prefer my partner to know that I like being cuddled and kissed, being called honey and told that I am loved. I like being asked about my day and him actually listening when I tell him. Those are the important things to me.