Question for bisexuals (women specifically)

[sexy-girl]

we've had discussions on this forum about how lesbians perceive bisexuals and some of the hang ups or issues lesbians have about having a relationship with bisexuals (don't worry it wasn't as bad as what i'm making it sound )


but i was curious to know how do bisexual women view lesbians ... please be brutally honest ... there must be some issues that you have with or about lesbians ?


if the guys are feeling left out you can answer the question from a male point of view of bisexuals and gay men

 

[John Doe]

I imagine it would be difficult to talk most gay men into a threesome with a woman. Other than that, I can't think of anything.

 

[snowy ciara]

I don't hold all lesbians accountable for the relatively few who can't deal with my bi-sexuality. It's not right. The way I see it, the few who can't deal with it are of no account to me personally, because I won't be spending a lot of time with them. I'm polite when we're in a crowd together, but who would choose to spend free time with someone who cannot accept them? I don't; I'm not that sort of masochist! Close minded people of any sexual identity, preference or gender are a major turn-off to me, so I avoid them.

The only other lesbian I avoid is hard to describe, please allow me to use a label that one of them uses to define herself. I know this person from one of my humanities classes back home. Well, two classes really, as we were in consecutive semesters of the same program. But anyway. She describes herself as a post-modern feminist, political lesbian. She is attracted to men but refuses to act on those attractions, refusing to consider a relationship with "the Man". She has a lot of anger towards the male gender, and expresses it an extreme feminist view. Her loathing of the male gender looms so large in her psyche that she is not planning on having children because she refuses to risk giving birth to a "baby man". Even adopting a "baby man" out is not an option, there will still be one more of them, regardless of who raises him. My mum tells me that this sort of radical feminism is rare in today's world, but she remembers it well from her youth. The things that make me avoid this woman are actually only loosely related to her lesbianism. Any sort of fanatic scares me, so I tend to avoid them. But also her dogged insistence that ALL men are bad just because SOME are bad smacks of discrimination in the worst ways. If it were not for the fact that she was up front and honest with herself about her motivations for becoming a lesbian, it would seem that even describing herself as a lesbian is dishonest. So I guess, lesbians who base their sexual preference on anger or hate rather than actual sexual attraction bother me a bit. But you know, if the situation was reversed, if I knew a gay man who was gay only based on some strange form of mysogyny, it'd probably annoy me just as much.

Anyway, I hope that made sense as it's early for me yet, and I'm really starting to wish I still drank caffeine!

 

[spread]

I don't feel as though I harbor any sort of hang-ups or issues toward lesbian women and politics are of no concern where my sexuality is concerned. I don't choose to have sex with both men and women as some sort of statement, I do it because I enjoy it and it's not anyone else's business.

I am attracted to people for various reasons and if those I wish to have sex with are willing to do the same with me, I'm not going to worry about what other people think of it. I am a hedonist, and my pleasure is paramount to an individual's or an entire group of individuals' dislike of my preferences. Those lesbians who have issues with that are not worth my time.

 

[sexy-girl]

thanks for the responses so far ... it does seem that lesbians are associated with being potentially fanatical or extreme


how would you feel if a lesbian you were entering into a relationship with questioned if you were serious about a long term relationship with only a woman?

does that count as the lesbian having a dislike for your preference?

 

[spread]

how would you feel if a lesbian you were entering into a relationship with questioned if you were serious about a long term relationship with only a woman?

I would take that as an insecurity on her part. It would feel as though she believed that my bisexuality precluded me from having a serious, long term relationship with a person of any gender. I would assure her that I, and perhaps most bisexual individuals, am capable of monogomy, and the fact that I'd even wanted to begin a relationship with her in the first place would indicate that I wished to do so. It would certainly be a very offputting question from someone that I assumed was on somewhat of the same wavelength as I.

 

[John Doe]

how would you feel if a lesbian you were entering into a relationship with questioned if you were serious about a long term relationship with only a woman?

I would tell her to go fuck herself, so I guess it's a good thing I'm not a bisexual woman anyway.

 

[snowy ciara]

thanks for the responses so far ... it does seem that lesbians are associated with being potentially fanatical or extreme

Not to my mind. The question you asked was specifically about lesbians, so that's how I answered. Christian fanatics push my buttons; so do gay male ones, straight men and women, Muslim fundamentalists, vegetarians, PETA members, and the evangelical nudist on the USENET camping group. Fanaticism of any sort just irks me. But your question was specific to lesbians so that's how I answered.

how would you feel if a lesbian you were entering into a relationship with questioned if you were serious about a long term relationship with only a woman?

does that count as the lesbian having a dislike for your preference?

No, that counts as a lesbian who has commitment issues that she's not taking responsibility for so she's trying to pin it on you. I don't see this as just a lesbian issue. Anyone can be immature like that.

 

[Little Bird]

Ithink the question is quite the same, if you regard bisexual and gay men.

I think I DO understand heterosexuals. One is simply used to male-female relationships as one has most times never actually met anything different for many many years. I think there is no need to restrict oneself only to the opposite gender but it's hard to ged rid of things you where used to all your live.

Though I respect them as much as anyone else. I DON'T understand homosexuals in any way. Sure, everyone likes something diferent at a partner and some are more atracted to qualitys one finds more often in men than women and others like qualities one finds more often in women than men. But completly refusing the possibility of sexual contact with a member of the different gender...?
I think I understand why heterosexuals do it regarding the own gender, but I simply don't understand why homosexuals choose it that way... :confused;

But most men don't understand women all their lives and be happy with it. And since I would have no sex with anyone else but my partner, if he/she does not totaly aprove of it, I think it is not totaly neccesary, that I ever have to understand homosexuals...

 

[spread]

I think I DO understand heterosexuals.......
I DON'T understand homosexuals in any way.

I'm not sure that I understand how you think that you can understand one, but not the other.

 

[Ebola]

Discounting "experience level" I'm a bi female. The few lesbians I've known, have represented a small array of different personalities and viewpoints. This is what I base my next thoughts off of. Mind you it is not my intention to "stereotype" or be rude in ANY way... If I do come across that way, my apologies.

In general, I don't view lesbians in any specific way by title alone. I "view them" based on first impressions. The few dealings I have had with them have presented me with a picture of immaturity and high levels of soap-opera like drama. NOW, that being said... Experience #1 I speak of involves college aged freshmen - juniors, who were cliquish and...catty. Experience #2 I think of involves early 20-something females that also...suprise...seemed very cliquish and catty.

The few individual dealings I've had though, has left me with the opinion that I view a lesbian like I view any other woman. A WOMAN, with her own thoughts and motivations. Sure their tempers could be quick, their actions extreme, and their opinions rough...BUT, I'd expect that from anyone who has to fight the social-norm to present who they really are to the public.

And those, folks, are simply MY thoughts.

Thanks

 

[deezire1900]

thanks for the responses so far ... it does seem that lesbians are associated with being potentially fanatical or extreme


how would you feel if a lesbian you were entering into a relationship with questioned if you were serious about a long term relationship with only a woman?

does that count as the lesbian having a dislike for your preference?

Any one can be extreme, but I don't agree that lesbians are "Associated" with it. I think Women in general can be fanatical. Ever seen a straight woman coo over her perfect child and wonderful husband. I think fanatics are the way they are for two reasons...
A passion from the past, a past experience that draws it out of them
or
Lack of a life. As in get a fucking life and leave mine alone.

Don't judge me. Think about it.

 

[MintSoda]

People really seem to love labeling themselves with something and then clubbing people with it like it's a weapon. Generalized stereotypes of what makes this label work.

Lesbians are women who like women. Kinda simple really. The politics of a certain outspoken few seems to have attatched itself to the sum of the whole, which leads me to believe a lot of people are just missing the big picture and the simplicity of it.

Lesbians are all just people and being people they have the same stupid politics, logic and individuality that everyone else does. I think what you're really asking here is "what does the stereotypical lesbian think of the stereotypical bi girl?" To be perfectly honest I think generalization of bi women and lesbians is practically impossible. I've met quite a few and I don't think I have ever seen another group so completely diverse in lifestyle, thoughts, and personalities.

There are radicals and outspoken loonies in all groups, and usually these outspoken few represent the composition of their group very badly. I would imagine the percentage of lesbians that are militant, man hating, bull dykes is pretty small...they're just the ones you see and can easily identify.

I think a good part of both straight and gay communities view bisexuals as confused or at least approach them warily. Everyone likes labels and easy to understand categories that they can shove people into easily. Bisexuals just aren't that black and white.

As a bisexual woman I personally love lesbians. It takes a lot of strength to understand and accept. And once you do you're going to be immediately labeled and categorized by people that don't understand, you're going to be marginalized and liminalized by a populace that is just as confused about their own sexual identity. I respect "bi curious" women a whole lot less than I do lesbians.

 

[Guest]

we've had discussions on this forum about how lesbians perceive bisexuals and some of the hang ups or issues lesbians have about having a relationship with bisexuals (don't worry it wasn't as bad as what i'm making it sound )


but i was curious to know how do bisexual women view lesbians ... please be brutally honest ... there must be some issues that you have with or about lesbians ?


if the guys are feeling left out you can answer the question from a male point of view of bisexuals and gay men

Okay, I'm going to be brutally honest, since that's what you're asking for. But I know I'm going to get slammed for posting this.

I'm a bi woman, and I often feel intimidated by some lesbians. Note that I some, and not all. I hate resorting to stereotypes, but I am absolutely terrified of butch lesbians. I will not go near them. Basically, the way I feel about it is that I don't like any partners (male or female) who are dominating, macho, or who are highly aggressive. Other types of lesbians I have no problems with. Actually, it's usually the opposite: sometimes I take a partner home and then she finds out that I'm bi (i.e. not a lesbian) and that turns her off. Often, such people will tell me they don't like being with bi women because they feel that such women are not truly interested in being with other women--that they see it as some sort of a phase. I never really understood that, but that's what some people say. All I know is that if it's really a phase, then I've been in this phase since high school

So... I guess my perspective is that I like having lesbians as sexual partners, as long as they aren't "butch" (and by that I'm not referring to appearance so much as I am to personality and behavior). But sometimes, lesbians don't like me when they find out that I'm not a ladies only kind of a woman.

 

[DarkAurora]

Ithink the question is quite the same, if you regard bisexual and gay men.

I think I DO understand heterosexuals. One is simply used to male-female relationships as one has most times never actually met anything different for many many years. I think there is no need to restrict oneself only to the opposite gender but it's hard to ged rid of things you where used to all your live.

Though I respect them as much as anyone else. I DON'T understand homosexuals in any way. Sure, everyone likes something diferent at a partner and some are more atracted to qualitys one finds more often in men than women and others like qualities one finds more often in women than men. But completly refusing the possibility of sexual contact with a member of the different gender...?
I think I understand why heterosexuals do it regarding the own gender, but I simply don't understand why homosexuals choose it that way... :confused;

But most men don't understand women all their lives and be happy with it. And since I would have no sex with anyone else but my partner, if he/she does not totaly aprove of it, I think it is not totaly neccesary, that I ever have to understand homosexuals...

I think what you don't understand is that sexual orientation is NOT a preference. There are a lot of people out there who physically attracted to only one gender. It's not someone choosing to be with only one gender, it's that they have no sexual desire to be with one of the genders. I understand that this is hard for you to understand because you are attracted to both genders.

 

[Guest]

wow i was blown away by the posts here. I'm a dyke and i know all women are differnt but i have always wondered how the bi's see us

 

[Angel]

we've had discussions on this forum about how lesbians perceive bisexuals and some of the hang ups or issues lesbians have about having a relationship with bisexuals (don't worry it wasn't as bad as what i'm making it sound )


but i was curious to know how do bisexual women view lesbians ... please be brutally honest ... there must be some issues that you have with or about lesbians ?


if the guys are feeling left out you can answer the question from a male point of view of bisexuals and gay men

I didn't see this thread the first time around, damnit. Oh well, I'll answer anyway.

The one and only issue I have with lesbians - limited to my own personal experience of course, is that they tend to not take me as seriously because I am bi, and I find it offensive.

If I were single, there would be an equal chance of me possibly entering into a long-term relationship with a female as well as a male, and most of the lesbian women I know IRL don't believe this. This is obviously no longer a problem, as I am about to marry a man, but it still annoys the shit out of me.

how would you feel if a lesbian you were entering into a relationship with questioned if you were serious about a long term relationship with only a woman?

does that count as the lesbian having a dislike for your preference?

If she questioned me, and it was a new relationship, we'd have to take it as it came and build trust. Just like any other relationship. If she kept questioning it as time went on and we became serious - well - I can't be in a long term relationship with someone who doesn't trust me.

It's not, IMO dislike for my preference, but a desire to not be played or hurt. Which is understandable.

 

[Never]

Most every lesbian I know is emotional unstable. In all honesty, I sometimes wonder if lesbianism isn't genetically linked to neurological problems.

 

[Never]

sexy-girl:
"how would you feel if a lesbian you were entering into a relationship with questioned if you were serious about a long term relationship with only a woman?"

I'm surprised at the hostility this question generated. I've met bisexual women who've told me that they enjoy dating women but only want long term relationships with men or who enjoy being sexual with women but don't get the same emotional high that men provide them.

It's a perfectly valid question and reveals no self-confidence issues or hidden prejudices in the asker.

 

[smallstyler]

Ok, so I read the first few posts, and honestly was annoyed....
But I have a few words to say on the subject as posted. I'm Bi, female, beautiful, sometimes sexy, always honest if I can be. I'm sorry to those that I didn't read... But the first few, wow... get off the high horse, maybe I read the meaning wrong, but be open to everyone. We all have our opinions, but I simply do not understand how anyone of our sexual preference bi/gay can be judgemental. We should embrace each other as indinviduals that have chosen to be ourselves. We should stand together as a group and live our sexual lives as we see fit to enjoy.

That said. Myself, as a bi-female, I do not in any way think a lesbian is more or less than the person she is. Be who you are and if you happen to turn my head, well, so be it. I was once attracted to a lesbian, she was the one that made me realise I was bi. I thank her and worship her from afar. Haven't seen or heard from her in years. But if I did, well my husband would have a run for his money. I love that anyone can be open about who they are. God bless the diversity. I think any woman is beautiful.... I have my personal type, but don't we all....

 

[sexy-girl]

i remember this thread ... it led on from discussion about how lesbians viewed bisexuals

sexy-girl:
"how would you feel if a lesbian you were entering into a relationship with questioned if you were serious about a long term relationship with only a woman?"

I'm surprised at the hostility this question generated. I've met bisexual women who've told me that they enjoy dating women but only want long term relationships with men or who enjoy being sexual with women but don't get the same emotional high that men provide them.

It's a perfectly valid question and reveals no self-confidence issues or hidden prejudices in the asker.

thank you

i think i could of phrased it in a nicer way but i suppose i wanted to see what people would think with me stating it plainly ... i was keeping in mind some of the responses from another "old" thread i started around the same time where a percentage of bisexuals (on here at least) said they wouldn't have a "forever" term exclusive relationship with someone of the same sex and another percentage said they could

so i do agree it's perhaps a valid discussion that i think would/should perhaps come up in a relationship between a lesbian and a bisexual ... it also doesn't mean i would end the relationship if it was only ever going to be short term thing either ... i maybe would enjoy that ... but i would want to know if it was a likely outcome

I didn't see this thread the first time around, damnit. Oh well, I'll answer anyway.

The one and only issue I have with lesbians - limited to my own personal experience of course, is that they tend to not take me as seriously because I am bi, and I find it offensive.

it's ok i seemed to forget about this thread first time around as well judging by the way i stopped replying on it

that seems to be the catch 22 ... we want to know if you're serious or not and yet there is a history or a prejudice against bisexuals as being seen as incapable of having serious same sex relationships ... so i can understand why some bisexuals would be offended about having that discussion

If she questioned me, and it was a new relationship, we'd have to take it as it came and build trust. Just like any other relationship. If she kept questioning it as time went on and we became serious - well - I can't be in a long term relationship with someone who doesn't trust me.

It's not, IMO dislike for my preference, but a desire to not be played or hurt. Which is understandable.

yay it's a nice feeling when someone gets where you're coming from

for me i would think there's often issues in every relationship that crop up to do with trust ... and i wouldn't see this one as being any different ... except it maybe has some baggage from prejudices

Ok, so I read the first few posts, and honestly was annoyed....
But I have a few words to say on the subject as posted. I'm Bi, female, beautiful, sometimes sexy, always honest if I can be. I'm sorry to those that I didn't read... But the first few, wow... get off the high horse, maybe I read the meaning wrong, but be open to everyone. We all have our opinions, but I simply do not understand how anyone of our sexual preference bi/gay can be judgemental. We should embrace each other as indinviduals that have chosen to be ourselves. We should stand together as a group and live our sexual lives as we see fit to enjoy.

we can be just as judgmental as anyone else ... that's the beauty of it just because we have a different sexual orientation doesn't mean we're any different from heterosexuals

........

has gone guest ?

 

[Queersetti]

has gone guest ?

Owera asked that her Lit membership be locked in October.

 

[Wyldfire]

we've had discussions on this forum about how lesbians perceive bisexuals and some of the hang ups or issues lesbians have about having a relationship with bisexuals (don't worry it wasn't as bad as what i'm making it sound )


but i was curious to know how do bisexual women view lesbians ... please be brutally honest ... there must be some issues that you have with or about lesbians ?


if the guys are feeling left out you can answer the question from a male point of view of bisexuals and gay men

How do I feel bout Lesbians? Brutally honest? I pity them as much as I do straight folk or purely gay folk. Ta limit yerself tha way is ta limit how much sexual love ya c'n have.

 

[revolution724]

How do I feel bout Lesbians? Brutally honest? I pity them as much as I do straight folk or purely gay folk. Ta limit yerself tha way is ta limit how much sexual love ya c'n have.

Though I respect them as much as anyone else. I DON'T understand homosexuals in any way. Sure, everyone likes something diferent at a partner and some are more atracted to qualitys one finds more often in men than women and others like qualities one finds more often in women than men. But completly refusing the possibility of sexual contact with a member of the different gender...?

I don't like mushrooms. At all. I dislike them strongly enough that if I smell, see, or taste them in a dish, it completely interferes with any other flavors that I might otherwise enjoy that are also present. I've eaten them a few times in my life, found it entirely unpleasant every single time, and have no wish to do it again.

I dislike penises also. I dislike the smell of male bodies. This is a much stronger feeling than my dislike for slimy little fungi.

The other commentary here - fine. Certainly it's subjective, but that's fine, and we're all entitled to our own opinions about what turns ourselves on or off.

But I am deeply offended by the implications in the above statements. How dare you assume what is and is not pleasurable for another person? How dare you assume what underlies someone's sexual behavior with or attraction to people of one gender or the other? That is every bit as bigoted as any person rejecting or criticizing you for your attraction to people of both genders.

 

[Wyldfire]

I don't like mushrooms. At all. I dislike them strongly enough that if I smell, see, or taste them in a dish, it completely interferes with any other flavors that I might otherwise enjoy that are also present. I've eaten them a few times in my life, found it entirely unpleasant every single time, and have no wish to do it again.

I dislike penises also. I dislike the smell of male bodies. This is a much stronger feeling than my dislike for slimy little fungi.

The other commentary here - fine. Certainly it's subjective, but that's fine, and we're all entitled to our own opinions about what turns ourselves on or off.

But I am deeply offended by the implications in the above statements. How dare you assume what is and is not pleasurable for another person? How dare you assume what underlies someone's sexual behavior with or attraction to people of one gender or the other? That is every bit as bigoted as any person rejecting or criticizing you for your attraction to people of both genders.

I was asked my honest opinion an I gave it........... I din't think this thread was about bein politically correct or tryin ta take others' feelins inta account. I'm sorry if my answerin this thread's question pissed ya off.......... Maybe jus maybe ya oughta take th time ta look at th subject of a thread b'fore ya go off on people.......