Puns

[done_got_old]

Obituaries of those hanged in the old west used to be posted in the noose paper.

 

[ashik09]

An exposé on fake health care professionals?

A doc on doctored doctors.

 

[done_got_old]

The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her.

 

[Eisranac]

The executioner was explaining why the hanging had gone wrong. He said, "I've got some very bad noose ..."

He probably tied one on last night while hanging out at the bar.

Obituaries of those hanged in the old west used to be posted in the noose paper.

True, but thanks to technology, they now get caught hanging from the Inter net.

(Darn good one, BTW! Aglet! Epic!)

Ha! I have you fooled! A) I'm going to stick around. B) I don't wear shoes, I wear boots and these boots are made for stalking, and that's just what they'll do!

You are willing and able to publicly commit a Sin...

...atra?

I recently hired a landscape gardener, but he said he couldn't help because my garden was portrait.

That depends on which way you look at it.

I saw a woman dump her boyfriend in the gym.

He didn't work out.

That can be considered an exercise in poor judgment.

An angry skunk will reek its vengeance.

That one stinks.

Do you always have to see things as black and white?

What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert? Cobbler.

That is a peachy ending to his favorite dinner:

Filet of sole.

In the egg-and-spoon race, I was always cracking up.

That is what happens when you use eating utensils to get laid.

An exposé on fake health care professionals?

A doc on doctored doctors.

That exposé was obviously in the form of a document.

I was also going to say that it happened on the dock by the bay, but pier pressure is preventing me from doing that.

The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her.

She foiled their efforts by playing the Reynolds wrap on her phone.

 

[ashik09]

You can't discuss your strategy in the courtyard. Too many plants.

 

[Eisranac]

You can't discuss your strategy in the courtyard. Too many plants.

That stems from the roots of a number of issues.

I would have to leave.

 

[BadAmy]

I told my friends about my diet, and they started grilling me. Really, I have no bones to pick, but just wanted to get to the meat of the matter.
I guess they had a beef with me.

 

[beachbaby179]

I asked for a reversible jacket for Christmas. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

 

[done_got_old]

The fashion woman clothing manufacturer moved to their operation to the country so they could sell outskirts.

 

[done_got_old]

My church has a well-respected bell choir. I started to audition for it but the long practice sessions did not appeal to me. I am sorry now I did not inquire more about it out because now my chance is gong forever

 

[mnbreastluver]

Military barbers shave their privates.

 

[done_got_old]

Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.

 

[done_got_old]

My sister fell in love with a circus trapeze artist. At first, we all thought she was attracted to his net worth, but she said it was his gravity-defying leaps of thought. They are both flying high now.

 

[Eisranac]

I told my friends about my diet, and they started grilling me. Really, I have no bones to pick, but just wanted to get to the meat of the matter.
I guess they had a beef with me.

That is not a lot of bull.

As for you being grilled, you are always on fire.

I asked for a reversible jacket for Christmas. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

That is one way to sugar coat this topic, if you are a sweet person.

Then again, with you, life's a beach.

The fashion woman clothing manufacturer moved to their operation to the country so they could sell outskirts.

And if the fashion woman clothing manufacturer moved their operation to the top of a mountain, would they be selling upskirts?

This is Literotica, after all.

My church has a well-respected bell choir. I started to audition for it but the long practice sessions did not appeal to me. I am sorry now I did not inquire more about it out because now my chance is gong forever

Are you sure you have not told this story before amongst the clappers in the audience?

It seems to ring a bell with me.

On that note...

Military barbers shave their privates.

That is a major statement to make, but a cut above the other general statements you have made.

That was very admiralable of you to share that.

Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.

I would believe you, but I will flat out say it: there are a few wrinkles to what you wrote.

My sister fell in love with a circus trapeze artist. At first, we all thought she was attracted to his net worth, but she said it was his gravity-defying leaps of thought. They are both flying high now.

Wire you telling us this?

 

[ashik09]

Nothing here.

 

[Eisranac]

Have you heard of the famous Irish dancer and noted stamp-collector? Michael Philately.

All right. You get my stamp of approval for that post.

 

[ashik09]

Nothing here.

 

[Eisranac]

Eh, it's a dead letter. Return to sender.

If it costs me money, would that be a fee mail instead of a male?

 

[fullservice65]

Went to a restaurant last night and the sign said, "Wait For Waitress To Be Seated."
She never sat down!

 

[Eisranac]

Went to a restaurant last night and the sign said, "Wait For Waitress To Be Seated."
She never sat down!

You get a standing ovation for that one.

 

[done_got_old]

A card shark loved donuts and always had his ace in the hole.

 

[twiddlw]

My neighbour recently made a sex tape........ obviously she doesn't know this yet.....

 

[Ask For More]

Russian dolls are so annoying. They're just full of themselves.

 

[Eisranac]

A card shark loved donuts and always had his ace in the hole.

When the crew on the ship saw that card shark lurking in the water, were all hands on deck?

My neighbour recently made a sex tape........ obviously she doesn't know this yet.....

I am not sure that that qualifies as a pun during the intercourse of this thread.

Russian dolls are so annoying. They're just full of themselves.

That is because they should slow down their pace and relax for a while instead of always Russian.

 

[done_got_old]

Johnny got his leg cut off in an accident. He's walking it off now.