Puns

[lakesailer_mi]

Slut jokes are just whoreable.

 

[done_got_old]

Bob: One of our pigs was sick so I gave him some sugar.

Doug: Sugar! What for?

Bob: Haven't you ever heard of sugar-cured ham?

 

[done_got_old]

Smoking will kill you!

Bacon will kill you!

But smoking bacon will cure it!

 

[done_got_old]

When Darth Vader turned his back on the dark side and joined a monastery he still wore black robes, out of force of habit.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When limbo dancing, you raise the bar by lowering the bar.

 

[done_got_old]

When he resigned, he had to sign, but he had to resign, as it was unclear whether he had signed to resign

 

[mnbreastluver]

If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

 

[done_got_old]

I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but I can't find the end.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

There are no divorce courts at the North Pole, so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.




They’re great for separating independent Clauses.

 

[done_got_old]

Grammar Police: Just here to ensure proper sentencing.

 

[londoner2]

Does anyone want any spare Haemorrhoid cream? I’ve got piles.

 

[done_got_old]

Does anyone want any spare Haemorrhoid cream? I’ve got piles.

I wonder how many people got it! My grandmother suffered with piles.


What jumps from cake to cake and smells of almonds? Tarzipan.

 

[done_got_old]

Yesterday my fridge thought it was a microwave, so we got into a heated fight. But we're cool now.

 

[done_got_old]

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

 

[done_got_old]

I like waiters: they bring a lot to the table.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The invention of the shovel must have been groundbreaking

 

[_valkyrie_]

https://i.imgur.com/LP0UKqA_d.webp?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium

 

[done_got_old]

The public safety officer came up to a large mob of people outside a department store and asked, “What’s happening?”

A mall officer replied, “These people are waiting to get the new Barbie doll.”
The public safety officer shook his head and muttered, “Who can resist a Barbie queue?”

 

[done_got_old]

When you buy at the second hand store you've reached the point of no returns.

 

[done_got_old]

The high cost of living has beaten many centsless.

 

[done_got_old]

I went to the dentist without lunch, and he gave me a plate.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

A couple were walking in St. Petersburg square, and the wife said "It's raining." The husband disagreed, "no, it's snowing."

The wife said, "how about we ask this communist officer here, he's always right!"

"Officer Rudolf, is it snowing or raining?"

"Definitely raining," the officer replied.

The woman turned to her husband, "You see, Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

 

[done_got_old]

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Without nipples Boobs would be pointless

 

[done_got_old]

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!