Puns

[done_got_old]

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

 

[done_got_old]

A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You can throw an envelope as far as you want, but it’ll still be stationery.

 

[done_got_old]

A man hit another on the head with a soda bottle, killing him. In court, he claimed he was influenced by the song "Let's Get Fizzy-Kill".

 

[mnbreastluver]

A croquette is a flirtatious female frog.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you lift your left leg up on December 31st at 11:59:59, at 12am you will be starting the New Year off on the right foot

 

[done_got_old]

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

 

[done_got_old]

Any lawyer will tell you that affidavit is better than none at all.

 

[HBergeron]

A car ran out of gas in Cairo, but a Bedouin hitched his camel up to pull the vehicle to a gas station. As usual, nobody could take their eyes off the camel tow.

 

[done_got_old]

What do you call a country where everyone drives a red car? A red carnation.

 

[done_got_old]

I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.

 

[badjanus]

After a football game where Caledonian thistle played Celtic off the park this was the headline...it is simply brilliant!

https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/02/nintchdbpict000001637271.jpg?strip=all&w=776

 

[done_got_old]

Going vegetarian is a missed steak.

 

[done_got_old]

I spent a summer working on a rabbit farm. It was a hare raising experience.

 

[done_got_old]

The Greek god Pan loved cooking utensils.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Wearing a condom is a misconception

 

[done_got_old]

It was an emotional wedding. The cake was in tiers.

 

[done_got_old]

If a man talks dirty to a woman, that's sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man, that'll be $6.50 a minute.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Kenny got locked out of his computer.
Too many bad Loggins

 

[done_got_old]

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box .

 

[done_got_old]

A man hit another on the head with a soda bottle, killing him. In court, he claimed he was influenced by the song "Let's Get Fizzy-Kill".

 

[mnbreastluver]

I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but I can't find the end

 

[done_got_old]

Ancient orators tended to Babylon.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When orders for acetone, benzene and methanol plummeted, the chemical plant became insolvent.

 

[done_got_old]

So what kind of wolf is always asking for directions?
A Where-Wolf!