Puns

[mnbreastluver]

Nowadays, the best way to not leave a paper trail, is to do everything on paper.

 

[done_got_old]

Chronic illegal parkers suffer from parking zones disease.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When the pint overflowed for a second time, it was subpoenaed for a quart date.

 

[DarkSimian]

Don't know if this qualifies as a pun...

As seen on a bumper sticker:

"I don't have to die to donate my organ."

 

[Pantyboy74]

The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe. Wouldn’t it just be easier to talk to a woman?

 

[done_got_old]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him, a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Taxidermy is a job for stuffy people.

 

[done_got_old]

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Why did the blind man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.

 

[done_got_old]

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

 

[done_got_old]

Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?

Someone told him to get a long little doggy.

 

[done_got_old]

He was buried yesterday, and was deeply moved by the experience.

 

[DarkSimian]

Well, that's a deep subject

 

[done_got_old]

What did the toy store sign say? Don't feed the animals. They are already stuffed.

 

[Ask For More]

How was the T-Rex feeling after his workout?

Dino-sore

 

[done_got_old]

My sister bought this driving app recently, it kept on crashing.

 

[done_got_old]

The flip side of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile.

 

[Pantyboy74]

I found a new feature on my blowup doll. If you give her a lovebite, she'll go down on you.

 

[done_got_old]

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

 

[done_got_old]

I would tell you a joke about squirrels, but you would go nuts.

 

[londoner2]

I'd pass on the rumour about the librarian's legs - but you know how they spread...

 

[done_got_old]

If there was someone selling drugs in this place, weed know.

 

[done_got_old]

When my daughter's gecko died, she ask me to go online and order another one from a place that specializes in reptiles only. When I tried to go to the site, it was down. Another case of E-reptile dysfunction.

 

[mnbreastluver]

I would tell you a joke about squirrels, but you would go nuts.

 

[done_got_old]

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Uhm… how do you drive this thing?”