Puns

[Ask For More]

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

But elevator puns work on many different levels....

 

[Pantyboy74]

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.

 

[bone251]

You do know why Raggedy Ann got kicked out of the toy box?
She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and saying "Lie to me!"

 

[Pantyboy74]

I like to meet my girlfriend at 12:59.
She really likes one to one time.

 

[done_got_old]

Definition of Polaroids:
What Eskimos get if they sit on ice too long....

 

[done_got_old]

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

 

[latecomer91364]

A customer sued his tailor, claiming that he wanted a suit made of Cashmere, but was delivered one made of wool. The defendant's attorney did not want the suit to be entered into evidence, claiming it was immaterial.

 

[bone251]

Happy Halloween.

Can I put my weeny in your hollow?

 

[mnbreastluver]

My paper got ripped earlier and I'm still torn up about it.

 

[Pantyboy74]

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it’s probably shit

 

[done_got_old]

Lost my watch at a pub and saw a guy was standing on it. He started abusing his girlfriend so naturally I stepped in. No man does that to a woman. Not on my watch.

 

[mnbreastluver]

My friend wants to dress like the Queen of Hearts for Halloween. I think I'll follow suit.

 

[Pantyboy74]

I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years

 

[mnbreastluver]

When the head of the consulting team suggested that the canal around the castle be filled up with cement, he was demoted.

 

[Pantyboy74]

My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms

 

[mnbreastluver]

Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.

 

[Pantyboy74]

I bought myself some glasses. My observational comedy improved

 

[done_got_old]

Costume party

Host: What are you?
Me: A harp.
Host: Your costume’s too small to be a harp.
Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

 

[Ask For More]

Albert Einstein was a genius but his brother Frank was a mad man.

 

[done_got_old]

If you put a picture of yourself in a locket, you could say you are …independent!

 

[done_got_old]

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

 

[done_got_old]

Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse.

 

[done_got_old]

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger... and then it hit me.

 

[done_got_old]

The calligrapher kept every writing instrument he could, because a pen he saved is a pen he earned.

 

[done_got_old]

A man wanted to send a telegram as to why his wife, Anna couldn't get to the dinner party, but wanted to use as few words as possible to keep the cost down. These are the words he chose:

Anacin
Hospital
Adamant
Bitter
Assinine
Places​