Puns

[done_got_old]

The Irish government is wealthy because its capital is always Dublin.

 

[done_got_old]

What you seize is what you get.

 

[Ask For More]

I laughed so hard I almost pi-d myself

https://68.media.tumblr.com/30f4bcd8b58e6880a2b06aea89db8a76/tumblr_omt55mWAXK1rkfzwto1_540.png

 

[done_got_old]

A farmer was quoted in the Town Gazette as having "2,008 pigs." He showed up the next morning to declare to the editor,

"That's a misprint! I didn't say I have 2,008 pigs. I told your reporter that I have 2 sows and 8 pigs."

 

[Ask For More]

https://68.media.tumblr.com/86b3261831dffb7ffec596cef87f9d35/tumblr_n2l8ouZgdN1rl5zlpo1_500.jpg

 

[done_got_old]

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 

[Ask For More]

What's the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle, and a well-dressed man on a tricycle?

A tire.

 

[done_got_old]

When the cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

 

[Ask For More]

https://68.media.tumblr.com/8ecf4da175ea23ea0e3635e1434ee5ec/tumblr_oryjmbZTc91rkfzwto1_1280.png

 

[done_got_old]

A dentist married a manicurist, but they fought tooth and nail.

 

[Ask For More]

How do trees feel in spring?

Releaved.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Broken pencils are pointless

 

[done_got_old]

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Three men walked into a bar. You'd think the third one would have seen it.

 

[done_got_old]

Three men walked into a bar. You'd think the third one would have seen it.

That took a minute.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 

[done_got_old]

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

 

[done_got_old]

Why did the little fella sleep on the chandelier? Because he was a light sleeper.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

you can tell the difference between a chemist and plumber by how they pronounce unionized.

 

[done_got_old]

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

 

[done_got_old]

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

 

[done_got_old]

Don't you just hate it when folks that get hit in the head, jump to concussions?

 

[calculated_risks761]

How to spot a blind man on a nudist beach?

Well, it's not hard, really...

 

[done_got_old]

When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.