Puns

[done_got_old]

I seriously doubt I'm the only one to think of this:
They had ENOUGH!
They saw too many of their own SLAUGHTERED for others' meals!
It was time to get EVEN!
They ATTACKED their captors, DECAPITATED them, COOKED them in their own juices!
It was...
"REVENGE of the TURKEYS"
Starring Clark Gobble, Walter Pigeon and Lauren Ba-CAWK!
(Baste on a true story)

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you’re drinking to get drunk, the drink that you’re drinking is getting drunk as well.

 

[done_got_old]

My origami business just folded.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/100866128_2930286557092357_1805127149091291136_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_sid=8024bb&_nc_ohc=oqeIK75qCbcAX9vV76Q&_nc_ht=scontent-lga3-1.xx&oh=67f34adde042607c5bff5006c67818e2&oe=5EFCD9DB

 

[Ask For More]

Why was there usually only one market in Roman cities?

Because one was enough forum

 

[done_got_old]

If desperate times breed desperate wordplay, we need to prepare for a pundemic.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If Dwayne Johnson stole a diamond and was sent to Alcatraz, the newspapers could read The Rock is sent to The Rock for stealing a rock.

 

[done_got_old]

As I walked through a hotel lobby, I saw a group of chess enthusiasts playing in a tournament, each one bragging on how good they were. I guess you'd call it chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

 

[done_got_old]

With everyone in my house tired of the usual pastimes, we're playing bored games.

 

[Eisranac]

You have a sharp, quick wit!!!

You really ought to add to your profile. You can add information where the signature goes. Why? Because I asked.

Thank you so much for making my day, done_got_old!

What exactly should I add to my profile?

If Dwayne Johnson stole a diamond and was sent to Alcatraz, the newspapers could read The Rock is sent to The Rock for stealing a rock.

Why stop there?

If Dwayne Johnson stole a diamond in a certain country in the Middle East and was sent to Alcatraz, the newspapers could read:

The Rock is sent to The Rock for stealing a rock in Iraq

 

[RacyRedLips]

I seriously doubt I'm the only one to think of this:
They had ENOUGH!
They saw too many of their own SLAUGHTERED for others' meals!
It was time to get EVEN!
They ATTACKED their captors, DECAPITATED them, COOKED them in their own juices!
It was...
"REVENGE of the TURKEYS"
Starring Clark Gobble, Walter Pigeon and Lauren Ba-CAWK!
(Baste on a true story)

Apologies for interrupting the thread. But. This made me smile. Wild turkeys are pretty aggressive where I live. Run into them in my back yard.. Have no doubt it is revenge.

 

[done_got_old]

Apologies for interrupting the thread. But. This made me smile. Wild turkeys are pretty aggressive where I live. Run into them in my back yard.. Have no doubt it is revenge.

I think wild turkeys can smell the remnants of Thanksgiving dinners on people and that's what makes them seek revenge.

 

[done_got_old]

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory," commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".

 

[done_got_old]

Everyone told Sam not to sing.

But Samsung anyway.

 

[done_got_old]

I’m so considerate I always
knock on the refrigerator door,
in case there’s a
salad dressing.​

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/102877532_10215418564248250_9056268086867398602_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&_nc_sid=ca434c&_nc_ohc=dXcN2tKGlfoAX8XgDwF&_nc_ht=scontent-lax3-1.xx&oh=a080d37b874a6ed9e63f9911fa9b5efd&oe=5F03C68E

 

[done_got_old]

When the Army barracks bathroom is in use, it's usually by the loo tenant.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/102279738_2947565342031145_3901058490802691408_n.png?_nc_cat=103&_nc_sid=8024bb&_nc_ohc=Jo-jOEeGzxgAX9OV1yr&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=6a85dbea18003177472c61b71e5c46ca&oe=5F040FBE

 

[Eisranac]

Following that logic, does that mean that peas listen to Pod-casts of the secrets, carrots get to the root of the secrets, lettuce gets a head of the secrets, and that no one can beet revealing that secret?

I know it sounds seedy, but it's better to just veg out and face the reality that because of all that has cropped up, someone will eventually squash those secrets — and it would take paying a whole lot of cabbage to ever stop that from happening. If I can dig it, so can you.

Trying to stop that motion would be like Ryan Secrets being the host of American Idle...

 

[done_got_old]

Following that logic, does that mean that peas listen to Pod-casts of the secrets, carrots get to the root of the secrets, lettuce gets a head of the secrets, and that no one can beet revealing that secret?

I know it sounds seedy, but it's better to just veg out and face the reality that because of all that has cropped up, someone will eventually squash those secrets — and it would take paying a whole lot of cabbage to ever stop that from happening. If I can dig it, so can you.

Trying to stop that motion would be like Ryan Secrets being the host of American Idle...

Very good!
How long did it take you to write it?

 

[Eisranac]

Very good!
How long did it take you to write it?

Thank you, done_got_old.

Maybe five minutes at the most. It's the way my brain works.

There are a number of Literoticans who have spoken to me either via audio or video or in person and can vouch for the ludicrousness of the operation my brain, which can be a curse at times.

 

[done_got_old]

Thank you, done_got_old.

Maybe five minutes at the most. It's the way my brain works.

There are a number of Literoticans who have spoken to me either via audio or video or in person and can vouch for the ludicrousness of the operation my brain, which can be a curse at times.

So you're saying you have a quick wit? I believe you're probably close to genius.


Here's a joke for all you mind readers out there...

 

[Booboobear84]

As I walked through a hotel lobby, I saw a group of chess enthusiasts playing in a tournament, each one bragging on how good they were. I guess you'd call it chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Benighted chess nuts may simply be pawns, but we don't appreciate being rooked of our humor.

 

[Eisranac]

So you're saying you have a quick wit? I believe you're probably close to genius.


Here's a joke for all you mind readers out there...

That is what people say, although if I enjoyed crocheting, I would be more of a knit wit.

By the way, that joke for mind readers was a real yarn. Thanks for sharing it!

 

[done_got_old]

Do you know what 50 Cent did when he got hungry?

58.