Puns

A fellow and his wife in Houston, Texas, where the people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of twins, two identical girls. These twins were born on the 4th of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his wife, "We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of allegiance."

His wife said, "Are you nuts? You can't have girls going through life with names like Liberty and Justice. We are going to name them regular girl's names like Mary or Jane".

Well, the argument went on for about a month, when a compromise was reached. They would each name one of the girls. The man chose Liberty and the wife picked Elizabeth.

As the girls grew, they were so identical, they kept pulling tricks on people who couldn't tell them apart.

Finally, when they were about 18, a young man took interest in them. He would take one out on a date but he was never sure which one he was with.

He decided he would marry at least one of them, but he wasn't sure which one he would marry.

He went to the girls father and explained his quandary.

"I love your daughters and want to marry one of them, but I can't tell them apart, so I will leave it up to you.

Give me Liberty or give me Beth."
 
I thought my sister knew everything because she's a member of mensa.
But after she told me she's gay, I realized doesn't know dick.
 
“In the 17th century people first began eating ice cream. It was also the century where people first heard the music of Handel and Bach. It was truly a suite time.”
 
WHO?

“In the 17th century people first began eating ice cream. It was also the century where people first heard the music of Handel and Bach. It was truly a suite time.”
I'm not sure I can Handel that right now, but I'll be Bach to find out if that changes.

Sorry if that sounds rather cold, but I'm not sure where you got the scoop on those days.

Posting a rope in a thread left me fit to be tied.

I'm not sure what the beef of that cow is, but she looks like she is udderly mad.

What do you call a very short district attorney?

Trial-size
There ought to be a law against that.

That certainly is the more difficult way to lay down and get laid...

...but sofa, so good...
 
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