PSA: If you are attached to someone

[PacificBlue]

flirting with someone else, no matter how innocent, usually ends up hurting the person who didn't really need to be hurt to begin with. My opinion. I realize that in relationships, things tend to go down the crapper at times and to seek solace, people tend to seek out their needs elsewhere.

There is no problem when both parties agree on the details but how often does that really happen? It is like the theory of having "fuck buddies" more often then not, one person becomes emotionally involved and then the whole situation blows up.

Words have meaning. Some have deeper meaning than others. I fully realize we live in a world where we are supposed to think of ourselves first, over everything/everyone else but I also propose that's why some of the problems we have exist.

On the other hand, we are all responsible for ourselves and it should be easy to just say "no" when presented with a potentially no win situation. However, sometimes I think we convince ourselves that the pain when it ends it somehow worth the few moments of wonderful here and there, than being alone one more day.

What do you think?

 

[Cheyenne]

Are you talking about online at Lit where many people who are attached flirt all the time? Or are you referring to rl and someone you had reasonable expectations would be single based on his actions?

 

[PacificBlue]

Both. I've been watching a situation unfold with a friend of mine and I think the shit is about to hit the fan. One is attached, the other isn't. Nothing good can come out of it. The object of affection has been made "perfect" only in mind.

We've had several dicussions here about whether or not your relationships here are "real". I would propose that some are. Just because the computer is turned off, doesn't mean the heart is.

 

[Cheyenne]

Does the one who isn't attached here know the other one is attached? If so, then it is his or her own fault if he or she gets hurt. If the other person is purposely lying about being unattached, that's different. Not innocent flirting at all, but way past the line.

 

[PacificBlue]

Has nothing to do with anyone online. Yes, he knows she is attached and maybe he doesn't care. I listen to the way she talks about him, he is way up on a pedestal. "The Grass is Always Greener". I just listen...she's a grown woman and can make her own choices.

 

[Nogard]

Sort of a shame in a way. There are so many unattached people on the board that want a relationship and would do most anything to have one. So is life I suppose

 

[Guest]

 

[Cheyenne]

Has nothing to do with anyone online. Yes, he knows she is attached and maybe he doesn't care. I listen to the way she talks about him, he is way up on a pedestal. "The Grass is Always Greener". I just listen...she's a grown woman and can make her own choices.

Sounds like she won't remain attached for long.

I wouldn't put all the responsibility on him because he knows she is attached though. If she gets hurt, it is her own fault. Or are you worried about him getting hurt? Same deal- if he knew she was attached and fell for her anyway, it is his own fault.

Hmmm... I'm not in much of a mood for sympathy today, am I? Maybe I see it as personal responsibility. If we aren't being lied to, we deserve what we get when we go into a complicated mess with full knowledge of the facts.

 

[Guest]

Thread re-cycling day, eh?

 

[PacificBlue]

Sounds like she won't remain attached for long.

I wouldn't put all the responsibility on him because he knows she is attached though. If she gets hurt, it is her own fault. Or are you worried about him getting hurt? Same deal- if he knew she was attached and fell for her anyway, it is his own fault.

Hmmm... I'm not in much of a mood for sympathy today, am I? Maybe I see it as personal responsibility. If we aren't being lied to, we deserve what we get when we go into a complicated mess with full knowledge of the facts.

Sometimes don't you just want to shake the people you care about and say..."What the Hell are you thinking about?!?!?"

 

[Cheyenne]

Sometimes don't you just want to shake the people you care about and say..."What the Hell are you thinking about?!?!?"

Yup! And sometimes I'm glad there's a friend there to shake ME!

That's what friends are for.

 

[ksmybuttons]

Sometimes don't you just want to shake the people you care about and say..."What the Hell are you thinking about?!?!?"

Part of being in a relationship with a flirt is knowing it, and then, either accepting or finding a new relationship.

My husband and I are both flirts. He more so than I. I know the look in his eye when he looks at me and the look in his eye when he is looking at someone else. I am not jealous of it, because he comes home to me. It is fun for him and those he flirts with.

I guess it is in the spirit that it is given. Acceptance of the person you are with makes for a successful, long term relationship just as acceptance of your friends and their behavior makes for a successful friendship.

Also, in terms of friends, what you may perceive as a problem isn't always a problem for them or the people they are involved with and is really their decision.