Prayers for Jazey.
- Thread starter MysteriousRomantic
- Start date
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
http://www.ecards-gallery.com/ecards/christmas/whatyoumeantomeatxmas08/friends-at-christmas.jpg
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year!
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas? Because they were originally made for children but Dad wants to play with them.
Why does Santa wear red underwear? Because he's a man - he did all his laundry in one load.
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden? Hoe, hoe, hoe!
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic!
What do you call a teenager who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus!
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!
__________________
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year!
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas? Because they were originally made for children but Dad wants to play with them.
Why does Santa wear red underwear? Because he's a man - he did all his laundry in one load.
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden? Hoe, hoe, hoe!
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic!
What do you call a teenager who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus!
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!
__________________
Last edited:
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
69forever said:Laughing my fanny off....thanks Oman. Too cute.
Merry Christmas {{{{{{{{ Jazey }}}}}}}}
Here's hoping you have the duty shift to work at the hospital next year!!!
We both know it's the best wish I can have for the New Year.
Glad you liked them!
Anything to help jazey smile!!
Hopefully these will help too!
If Santa rode a motorcycle, what kind would it be? A Holly Davidson.
What do you call one of santa's elves if he tells silly jokes??
A real Christmas card!
catsr2wild
Taking it easy
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2004
- Posts
- 40,268
Merry Christmas sweet lady....
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
Merry Christmas,jazey
Hope you are feeling great for the holidays.
I know some who arent!!
Psychiatric Christmas"
PARANOID: Santa Claus Is Coming to Get Me!
SCHIZOPHRENIA: Did you Hear What I Heard?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Queens Disoriented Are
DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas
NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing about Me
MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Tree and Fire Hydrants and...
PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, Or I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, and I May tell you Why.
DEPRESSION: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, JingleBell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, jingle Bell ,Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Jingle Bell Rock...Better start again.)
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas...If You feel like it, but if you don't then that's ok too because it doesn't matter how I feel its what ever makes you feel good that counts...
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire ( Now speaking as one who doesn't like cold, I don't think that is so crazy)
Hope you are feeling great for the holidays.
I know some who arent!!
Psychiatric Christmas"
PARANOID: Santa Claus Is Coming to Get Me!
SCHIZOPHRENIA: Did you Hear What I Heard?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Queens Disoriented Are
DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas
NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing about Me
MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Tree and Fire Hydrants and...
PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, Or I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, and I May tell you Why.
DEPRESSION: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, JingleBell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, jingle Bell ,Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Jingle Bell Rock...Better start again.)
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas...If You feel like it, but if you don't then that's ok too because it doesn't matter how I feel its what ever makes you feel good that counts...
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire ( Now speaking as one who doesn't like cold, I don't think that is so crazy)
69forever
Incorrigible
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2003
- Posts
- 28,777
Hey sweetie....thought you'd get a kick out of this.
Remember when you had to search for a store to be open on a Sunday? Then it was not find one open past 3 or 5pm? Heaven forbid a Holiday!!! Well this ONE day of the year....Sentry is closed. It's Christmas.
People are still pulling in the lot looking if they're open. Lots of them.....(I can see from my place)
Here's for those who have to work today. Nurses, firemen, etc.
Remember when you had to search for a store to be open on a Sunday? Then it was not find one open past 3 or 5pm? Heaven forbid a Holiday!!! Well this ONE day of the year....Sentry is closed. It's Christmas.
People are still pulling in the lot looking if they're open. Lots of them.....(I can see from my place)
Here's for those who have to work today. Nurses, firemen, etc.
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
hoping you are smiling
if not, well
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
A famous Norwegian explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census".
if not, well
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
A famous Norwegian explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census".
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
just in case you need a smile!
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.
The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!
"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a lamp.
He hands it to the bartender and says..."Here. Rub it."
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.
"I will grant you one wish. Just one wish...each person is allowed only one!"
The bartender gets really excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!"
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf...I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Tell me about it!!" says the man...
"Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.
The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!
"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a lamp.
He hands it to the bartender and says..."Here. Rub it."
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.
"I will grant you one wish. Just one wish...each person is allowed only one!"
The bartender gets really excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!"
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf...I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Tell me about it!!" says the man...
"Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
jazey_43
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2002
- Posts
- 8,127
omahaman2 said:
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMSAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oman, you DEFINATELY bring a smile to this tired, old face!! Thank you luv!!
(damn, I'm STILL laffin!)
Hey Cats!!!!!..*hugs ya senseless!!* It's great to see you, dollface..as well as your better half! Hope you both had a great Christmas this year. Did you get to spend some time with the baby?? I wish you both a Blessed New Year, honey...*smooches ya both*
Good Morning Darling Mary!! Was thinking about you over Christmas and hoping everything was well with you. I keep you in my prayers as well, sweet lady!! Thank you!!
Morning Doc!!!!!!...*grabs ya up and snuzzles ya silly*
*smooches 69 and Kayte* Hope you two have a great lunch today!!!! Will my ears be burning??..*ggls*
Ya'all be safe out there this week. I don't know about any of you but I think I have come across every STUPID driver in the world, this past week!! Please, be safe out there!!!
hey Cats, and PV...Kayte or 69...if one of ya bumps into Woodmeister please wish him and Mrs Woodmeister a Happy Holiday from me, will ya? I never seem to get online when he's around.
Take care all!!
Last edited:
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
jazey_43 said:
Good morning {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jazey}}}}}}}}}}
Hope you are having a good one!!Well your ears won't be burning today due to 69 and I as he isn't feeling well and so we are postponing getting together. Maybe tomorrow. We will have to see how he is doing.
And as for you, will your ears be burning... Well, umm.... perhaps you should remove your hat or earmuffs tomorrow cutie; we don't want anything to catch on fire....
Love ya Toots!
Scooting out fast too..................................
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
glad I could bring some smiles and laughs into your world!
Even if I m not smiling after the day I had!! Almost got arrested!!
I have been told that during this time of the year you are supposed
to kick old habits. Nobody told me you were supposed to wait until the
nuns were out of them!
Even if I m not smiling after the day I had!! Almost got arrested!!
I have been told that during this time of the year you are supposed
to kick old habits. Nobody told me you were supposed to wait until the
nuns were out of them!
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
omahaman2 said:glad I could bring some smiles and laughs into your world!
Even if I m not smiling after the day I had!! Almost got arrested!!
I have been told that during this time of the year you are supposed
to kick old habits. Nobody told me you were supposed to wait until the
nuns were out of them!
{{{{{{{{{{Oman}}}}}}} You have me LMAO!!
I am sure Jazey is going to love it!!!
jazey_43
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2002
- Posts
- 8,127
kayte said:Good morning {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jazey}}}}}}}}}}
Well your ears won't be burning today due to 69 and I as he isn't feeling well and so we are postponing getting together. Maybe tomorrow. We will have to see how he is doing.
And as for you, will your ears be burning... Well, umm.... perhaps you should remove your hat or earmuffs tomorrow cutie; we don't want anything to catch on fire....
Love ya Toots!
Scooting out fast too..................................
*swats her cute lil hiney as she passes by me*
Gotcha girly!!! *grins* I'm sorry you had to postpone lunch again. You 2 just can't seem to catch a break lately, can ya?? Maybe todays the day hon...and if so, off cum the earmuffs!!!...lol~~
Oman, yes my friend, you do bring MANY smiles to my face...and I seriously can't thank you enuff!! I love ya my friend!!
*snuzzles 69* I sure hope your post means you are feeling better....wouldn't know tho, cuz ya DIDN'T WRITE me like you were 'sposed to do...20 lashes for you, bud!!!....*ggls* Thank you for the sweet post, my luv! I appreciate it...especially seeing that you were pretty under the weather yourself!!! I hope today brings you a healthy one, sweetness...now...go sleep!! ( i sooowish i could..*heavy sigh*)
69forever
Incorrigible
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2003
- Posts
- 28,777
jazey_43 said:
Ooooo, can I have some more?
LOL! I didn't figure you'd be back online in the madness. And I slept all afternoon. At least it wasn't as bad as the time I left that Subway seafood sit in the cab of the tractor for 4 hrs. before eating it.
Need a back-rub?
Similar threads
