Polyamory

[sexycaz22]

Thank you, NH, for this thread. Like BiBunny, I have a fantasy where I have two subs, and one Top, and I have different D/s relationships with them all. It's such a cool fantasy to have!

However, in reality, I don't think it will ever happen, but personally for myself, I don't think I could commit to one person only. I could see myself being in two separate relationships, but my guys would know about each other, and honesty and communication would be very important. Anyway, right now, I am just having fun, and enjoying exploring..and till I find that special guy(s) I am trying to not think too much about it.

This thread is a great one, and I will certainly come back and ask questions when and if I get involved with two guys or more!

 

[the captians wench]

Another issue I see becoming a problem for many in poly is time division...how is it managed and what are the ramifications, if any, of that management? For instance, Christmas or any other day such as birthdays when family and being together is often a part of celebrating...for us, it means being with those who are a significant part of our lives...how is that managed with a couple who may each have another SO, who may also have other SO's, and also children or parents who might be used to being included?

Catalina

even futher along those lines, conflicting schedules. When I'm working tons of overtime, which includes working every weekend, it's hard to find time with some one who only has weekends off, is putting in their own overtime, has other obligations/hobbies, not to mention family time.

I think that it's interesting that I'm sort of on the other side of things here. nh,subkikilee, and fi and malin are all married with partners out side where I am the outsider. Some times I think it must be easier when you have some one you can curl up with every night, then one of them will do something that reminds me they miss me as much as I miss them.

Reciently we had a new factor enter in, I had a date with some one else. I realized at that moment just how protective of me they are. *giggles* I think I was texting or on the phone every hour. While the date went fairly well, it did make me realize that it wouldn't nessisarrily be easier to have some one with me. Yes it was nice to have some one to curl up with that night and wake up to the next morning, but it didn't stop me from missing the other any less. That was an interesting realization for me, and I think the experience has once again brought us closer.

 

[unfoundiamond]

Great concept for this thread...

*is lurking and very interested in learning what you all have to share...*

Thanx to the posters.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I guess where my dificulties come in accepting this as a valid reality for me is that it does consist of one main relationship, with the other people having to accept a secondary and as a consequence, less involved role in my life and I in theirs. I don't know how I would even approach it if I had children as for me, if I am in a serious relationship as in more than sexual, I also want them to know and interact with that person because they are all an important part of my life.

For me, I explored all those aspects and various relationships when I was dating earlier in life, but once I found someone I wanted to commit to, that was it and I didn't feel a need for anyone else to fill any voids or cause more difficulties in my life than already exist in trying to survive in this space in history. Similarly, when I was divorced and a single parent for 16 years by choice, I once again had more male friends than female (most I didn't have sex with but I had the freedom to if I wished), and once I found someone who I felt I wanted and needed to commit to, there was no room or time for anyone else apart from friendship. I am flat out finding hours in the day to get done what I have to do now, I can't imagine how I would involve anyone else in the mix.

I also know as a Dominant, F is not about to play second to anyone hence if there was any poly involved where I was concerned, he would always have to be the primary relationship, and lol, for him I suspect, the only relationship as he is not about to wait around for me to make time for him to fit into....maybe that is why he keeps me so busy to make sure I don't begin to feel I could fit someone else in somewhere. I admire those who can do it, but for me apart from the time factor, I just could not place that much energy into a secondary relationship and not burn out and/or feel someone was missing out on something from me. And yes, I know this is not supposed to be a debate and I am not making it one, but it is a part of the discussion I know I am not alone in finding difficult to imagine possible on a personal level, but which many in D/s find themselves having to find a way of dealing with...hence discussion around the less than pleasant aspects anddifficulties adds further dimension, honesty and usefulness to an advisory and help thread.

Catalina

 

[nh23]

Thank you, NH, for this thread. Like BiBunny, I have a fantasy where I have two subs, and one Top, and I have different D/s relationships with them all. It's such a cool fantasy to have!

However, in reality, I don't think it will ever happen, but personally for myself, I don't think I could commit to one person only. I could see myself being in two separate relationships, but my guys would know about each other, and honesty and communication would be very important. Anyway, right now, I am just having fun, and enjoying exploring..and till I find that special guy(s) I am trying to not think too much about it.

This thread is a great one, and I will certainly come back and ask questions when and if I get involved with two guys or more!

You're welcome Hope to see you back soon

 

[nh23]

even futher along those lines, conflicting schedules. When I'm working tons of overtime, which includes working every weekend, it's hard to find time with some one who only has weekends off, is putting in their own overtime, has other obligations/hobbies, not to mention family time.

I think that it's interesting that I'm sort of on the other side of things here. nh,subkikilee, and fi and malin are all married with partners out side where I am the outsider. Some times I think it must be easier when you have some one you can curl up with every night, then one of them will do something that reminds me they miss me as much as I miss them.

Reciently we had a new factor enter in, I had a date with some one else. I realized at that moment just how protective of me they are. *giggles* I think I was texting or on the phone every hour. While the date went fairly well, it did make me realize that it wouldn't nessisarrily be easier to have some one with me. Yes it was nice to have some one to curl up with that night and wake up to the next morning, but it didn't stop me from missing the other any less. That was an interesting realization for me, and I think the experience has once again brought us closer.

*nods* My husband works on the road and is rarely home, so I don't always have someone to curl up to every night. He's been home here recently for the holidays, and while it is so nice to have him here to hold, it doesn't make me miss D any less. It is very interesting how your heart opens, and being with one in no way makes your feelings any less for the other.

 

[EmpressFi]

Another issue I see becoming a problem for many in poly is time division...how is it managed and what are the ramifications, if any, of that management? For instance, Christmas or any other day such as birthdays when family and being together is often a part of celebrating...for us, it means being with those who are a significant part of our lives...how is that managed with a couple who may each have another SO, who may also have other SO's, and also children or parents who might be used to being included?

Catalina

That's a little easier for us because both of our OSO's are far from us. At first, we'd schedule visits whenever possible. That's not coming out right, what I mean it, I'd fly to Master, Malin would fly to one of his OSO's, but separate weekends, meaning one of us was at home alone. We werent jealous that the other was with their OSO, but that we werent. So now we've tried to plan visits at the same time. Sometimes Master comes here, sometimes Malin's Domme comes here and I travel to Master.

Malin comes first. He's my husband. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that because to be honest, I do forget, but then so does Malin sometimes. Being in a LDR we have to take what we can get. I'm lucky in that I"m pretty much in constant contact with my OSO via Yahoo IM. Malin and his OSO arrange "dates" in World of Warcraft or they'll pick a movie and watch it together (each puts in the DVD and then they call each other and talk on the phone while they watch it). Most nights, Master calls before I go to bed.

As far as the holidays go.. right now, they're with Malin. However, I'll be calling Master Christmas morning. We're hoping to get together mid february to cover my birthday, Valentine's day and his birthday all in one visit although last year, I flew to him for his birthday. Back in June, both of them came here for Malin's and his OSO's birthday.

again, I think it comes down to communication. If Malin feels I'm ignoring him and focusing too much on Master, then he needs to tell me. Same goes for me, if I have an issue with either of his OSO's, then I need to talk to Malin about it. For me, I also have to make sure Master doesnt feel left out either

 

[nh23]

I guess where my dificulties come in accepting this as a valid reality for me is that it does consist of one main relationship, with the other people having to accept a secondary and as a consequence, less involved role in my life and I in theirs. I don't know how I would even approach it if I had children as for me, if I am in a serious relationship as in more than sexual, I also want them to know and interact with that person because they are all an important part of my life.

My children are are six and two, at this point in their life they have no understanding of relationships. When they get older I will teach them about love, and dating, and that yes our hearts can allow us to love more than one person.

For me, I explored all those aspects and various relationships when I was dating earlier in life, but once I found someone I wanted to commit to, that was it and I didn't feel a need for anyone else to fill any voids or cause more difficulties in my life than already exist in trying to survive in this space in history. Similarly, when I was divorced and a single parent for 16 years by choice, I once again had more male friends than female (most I didn't have sex with but I had the freedom to if I wished), and once I found someone who I felt I wanted and needed to commit to, there was no room or time for anyone else apart from friendship. I am flat out finding hours in the day to get done what I have to do now, I can't imagine how I would involve anyone else in the mix.

I can understand why it's not for you. Like I said in the OP I know polyamory isn't for everyone. Some of us are wired for it, some are not. For me being poly isn't can't just be summed up to "filling a void" As far as love goes, If I hadn't met D and only had the love of my husband and I wouldn't feel unfulfilled as far as love goes. I love my husband very much. It's just amazing the capacity the human heart has to love more than one person. I know it's hard for those who are not polyamorous to wrap their minds around, but loving more than one person in no way lessens the love you feel for the other. Take children for example. I have two. When my second was born I in no way love one more than the other. They both also get equal attention from me. It can be a balancing act at times, but for someone committed it can be done.

I also know as a Dominant, F is not about to play second to anyone hence if there was any poly involved where I was concerned, he would always have to be the primary relationship, and lol, for him I suspect, the only relationship as he is not about to wait around for me to make time for him to fit into....maybe that is why he keeps me so busy to make sure I don't begin to feel I could fit someone else in somewhere. I admire those who can do it, but for me apart from the time factor, I just could not place that much energy into a secondary relationship and not burn out and/or feel someone was missing out on something from me. And yes, I know this is not supposed to be a debate and I am not making it one, but it is a part of the discussion I know I am not alone in finding difficult to imagine possible on a personal level, but which many in D/s find themselves having to find a way of dealing with...hence discussion around the less than pleasant aspects anddifficulties adds further dimension, honesty and usefulness to an advisory and help thread.

Catalina

Like I said. Some of us are wired for it, some are not. I understand how some can see it as impossible for them. For me it's my way of life. I live it every day. It's the same as everything else. There are difficult days, and joyful days. If it's not for you, I can understand that, knowing you wouldn't be able to do it is great self knowledge. I wouldn't recommend to anyone who feels they aren't made for it to try it. But, for those of us who are made that way it's a very joyful life. Not without it's problems just like everything else. Hence the thread to find help and understanding.

 

[nh23]

That's a little easier for us because both of our OSO's are far from us. At first, we'd schedule visits whenever possible. That's not coming out right, what I mean it, I'd fly to Master, Malin would fly to one of his OSO's, but separate weekends, meaning one of us was at home alone. We werent jealous that the other was with their OSO, but that we werent. So now we've tried to plan visits at the same time. Sometimes Master comes here, sometimes Malin's Domme comes here and I travel to Master.

Malin comes first. He's my husband. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that because to be honest, I do forget, but then so does Malin sometimes. Being in a LDR we have to take what we can get. I'm lucky in that I"m pretty much in constant contact with my OSO via Yahoo IM. Malin and his OSO arrange "dates" in World of Warcraft or they'll pick a movie and watch it together (each puts in the DVD and then they call each other and talk on the phone while they watch it). Most nights, Master calls before I go to bed.

As far as the holidays go.. right now, they're with Malin. However, I'll be calling Master Christmas morning. We're hoping to get together mid february to cover my birthday, Valentine's day and his birthday all in one visit although last year, I flew to him for his birthday. Back in June, both of them came here for Malin's and his OSO's birthday.

again, I think it comes down to communication. If Malin feels I'm ignoring him and focusing too much on Master, then he needs to tell me. Same goes for me, if I have an issue with either of his OSO's, then I need to talk to Malin about it. For me, I also have to make sure Master doesnt feel left out either

*nods* Very well said.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I don't know if I would necessarily define my marriage as poly. I explained my situation in my thread on Extramarital D/s relationships http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=521758&highlight=ecstaticsub.

In my case my husband has no desire to be poly himself. To be honest I would not be accepting of the idea if he did decide he wanted a g/f or go outside of our marriage. Before anyone attacks me on the "goose and gander" thing let me explain. I know and he knows that I have the ability to be in love with two people without one diminishing the other. I can also have sex for sex's sake, not for love. He on the other hand knows himself and he has said he can not be in love with more than one person at a time, nor can he have sex with someone when he is in love with another. So for him to be poly then that would mean he would no longer be in love with me.

Catalina--Yes, you are right. In many ways I have a main relationship and then an additional one (I wouldn't call it secondary) My main relationship is my marriage. My relationship with my husband and my children come first. Christmas and holidays are spent with them, I go on vacation with them, if my children need me (like they wake up in the middle of the night puking, for example) while I am talking to my Dom I go to them. Family First, always.

However, my Dom also has a family that comes first. He has a wife, children and grandchildren. When he and I first became friends, then entered into our D/s relationship he is the one that brought up the Family First rule. It was part of our original negotiation going into the relationship. Really it was the only one.

In my previous "wifesharing" experiences, it was always with single men. I refused to be with a married man because I didn't want to interfer with his marriage in any way. I knew my marriage, I could control that, but not someone elses. When I met my Dom, I knew he was in a loving happy marriage. This mutual establishment that our marriages and children came first was in many ways freeing for me. It is our only really hard limit. Because I know I can't harm his marriage, I was able to totally open up and surrender to him. I could allow myself to fall in love with him, trust him completely and give myself to him. Because I know he will never ask me to do anything that will interfer with my children or marriage I can honestly say I will give him immediate total obedience.

My Dom has complete control of my sex life. My husband agreed to this also. My Dom allows me to have sex with my husband, but no anal. My husband is not allowed to share me with others anymore. My Dom also have control over other areas of my life but does not micromanage. My husband's main demand was that my Dom would never have any control over our children. With that it probably took me almost 2 yrs before I ever showed my Dom pictures of my children. My children wil never know he is in my life. There is no reason for that. Nor will my Dom's children know about me. Some of his friends do, as do a very few of mine. My point is that neither my marriage or my D/s is necessarily primary or secondary--they each have my primary focus in different areas. Balancing this and keeping both my men happy can be difficult. There have been times when what my Dom has demanded has ben opposite to what my husband wants. It has taken some work but I manage to work things out and never disappoint my Dom.

Sometimes I feel I am being pulled in many oppsing directions and it can cause stress. But the rewards are well worth it. There are some compromises from everyone, including my Dom. He has said that he has had submissives before who have been married, but never one who has been happily married. So I offered some new challenges to him. We have been together for almost three years now, so I would assume the challenges have been worth it to him.

As far as advise for others? I would say before going poly make sure your first relationship is rock solid. Having my Dom in my life and even the one previous long-term (6yrs) vanilla extramarital relationship I had has had positive effects on my marriage. But I can see if my marriage was troubled in any way it wouldn't have worked.

One other thing....In the two partners that I have had lasting more than a few months they have both been very different than my husband. I think for me this helps too.

I'm sorry that this post has jumped around a bit. Speaking of family--I need to go frost christmas cookies.


Thanks for the thread!

 

[EmpressFi]

I can understand why it's not for you. Like I said in the OP I know polyamory isn't for everyone. Some of us are wired for it, some are not. For me being poly isn't can't just be summed up to "filling a void" As far as love goes, If I hadn't met D and only had the love of my husband and I wouldn't feel unfulfilled as far as love goes. I love my husband very much. It's just amazing the capacity the human heart has to love more than one person. I know it's hard for those who are not polyamorous to wrap their minds around, but loving more than one person in no way lessens the love you feel for the other. Take children for example. I have two. When my second was born I in no way love one more than the other. They both also get equal attention from me. It can be a balancing act at times, but for someone committed it can be done.

I couldnt have said it better myself. I was talking about this the other day that Malin and I did not go poly because something was missing in our lives, or that our needs werent being fulfilled... I could have spent the rest of my life only being with Malin and have been more than fulfilled, more than happy, more than content. But as Nicole has said, the human heart has such a capacity for love. Why should my love for Malin diminish because I love Master deeply and completely. People outside of our relationship say that I cant, that I must swear off all others to show my love and devotion to Malin.

Yes, it's a balancing act. And while our relationships started out as "secondary", as they've grown deeper, we've changed them to be our "Other Significant Other" or OSO. Now I've lost what I was going to say....

I guess what I wanted to say was yes.. it's not for everyone. But while nothing was missing, I feel complete.. maybe MORE complete. I feel like I'm luckiest woman alive to be deeply and completely loved by these two men.

Oh I remember now. As far as family not knowing. Malin and I cant have children, so that wont be an issue (our cats love their Uncle V and Auntie N).. Sometimes it bothers me that for right now, I cant share Master with my brothers. I think they'd really like him. Same goes for Malin's family.

There are a few D/s people where we work, one of whom we're very close friends with and she was so very excited when we told her we had "gone poly" and is someone I can go to to dish about Master and/or John and who understands. Same with my buddy, D, he knows and is another I can just talk with when I want to gush.

In our inner circle of friends, aka, our two best friends, T and J, they know. We told them right away. We told J because she was living with us when Master first came to visit and we didnt want anyone thinking I was cheating on Malin. T thought we were kidding at first. Then said, while it wasnt something she could do, as long as we were safe and happy.. it was cool with her. They are our two strongest supporters, even to the point that T has wanted to plan "family" vacations with us all together. Then there are some who know we're poly but dont know who our OSO's are because they know them as well but our OSO's would prefer they not know. Amongst our friends who have found out the support has ranged from indifferent to "Damn, wish my wife would let me do that".

 

[nh23]

I guess what I wanted to say was yes.. it's not for everyone. But while nothing was missing, I feel complete.. maybe MORE complete. I feel like I'm luckiest woman alive to be deeply and completely loved by these two men.

*nods* I know that feeling very well

 

[nh23]

Thank You ecstaticsub for your story I really appreciate you contributing to the thread.

 

[Homburg]

Oh, shit, now I totally feel like I said something that belongs in the Playground.

*points and laughs*



---------

Went poly for a bit there. My former pet was worth gving it a shot. I'm still kicking it around and trying to figure where I stand, and where "v" stands. I can say that my heart opened up and found more room. Not sure about "v".

Poly is tough. Godawful tough. I have nothing but respect for folks that make it work.

 

[nh23]

*points and laughs*



---------

Went poly for a bit there. My former pet was worth gving it a shot. I'm still kicking it around and trying to figure where I stand, and where "v" stands. I can say that my heart opened up and found more room. Not sure about "v".

Poly is tough. Godawful tough. I have nothing but respect for folks that make it work.

It can be tough..but anything worth having takes hard work. For me it is so worth what I put into it. I wouldn't trade the lifestyle we lead for anything.

 

[ecstaticsub]

For me in one very big way my other relationship does fill a void. My husband is not interested in BDSM at all. I would have been happy to be monogamous. I enjoy vanilla sex, especially with my husband. But since I have a husband is is open minded and is secure enough in his love for me and my love for him and he likes me being with other men, then why not explore a little further?

My husband does not want to be a Dom, and don't want to be submissive to him. We do so much better as a vanilla couple. But now I can "have my cake and eat it too" I can have this beautiful vanilla marriage with the 2 kids and 2 cats in the suburbs but also have this intense, loving, edgy D/s relationship too.

 

[Homburg]

For me in one very big way my other relationship does fill a void. My husband is not interested in BDSM at all. I would have been happy to be monogamous. I enjoy vanilla sex, especially with my husband. But since I have a husband is is open minded and is secure enough in his love for me and my love for him and he likes me being with other men, then why not explore a little further?

This is part of the problem "v" has. she worries that she is not filling some niche, and that she is failing me somehow if I display interest in some other woman.

I'm male. I'm looking at some "fine sexy hot piece of meat lookin gal" (to borrow a phrase from Fishbone), and thinking how I'd like to get a taste. She's wondering what said gal has that she doesn't. She then feels inadequate. Not sure how to handle that, honestly, especially as she tends towards feelings of inadequacy even without external impetus.

 

[EmpressFi]

I think.. if I remember.. I worried about this at first. More that Malin would find someone he loved more. Remember I was raised believing that one person was it. But then I developed a crush on someone and well I noticed that it didnt mean I loved john less .. and suddenly I just became more open to it.

I feel for "v". I know what those voices are telling her because I argue with them all the time..

 

[ecstaticsub]

This is part of the problem "v" has. she worries that she is not filling some niche, and that she is failing me somehow if I display interest in some other woman.

I'm male. I'm looking at some "fine sexy hot piece of meat lookin gal" (to borrow a phrase from Fishbone), and thinking how I'd like to get a taste. She's wondering what said gal has that she doesn't. She then feels inadequate. Not sure how to handle that, honestly, especially as she tends towards feelings of inadequacy even without external impetus.

It's sort of a strange thing. Like I said in my first post my husband has never been with another woman since we have been married and there is no way I could accept it because I know the way he is wired. If he wanted someone else, it would be because he no longer loved me.

Now, my Dom is a different story. First off he has a wife who he very much in love with so I had to wrap my head around that and then he told me from the beginning that I could not sleep with anyone else without his permission but he could do whatever he wanted. Accept that or leave. That took a little getting used to but I was ok with it. Then he decided to bring in another female to play with for first myself and then him. I expected this to be extremely difficult. I was very surprised that it wasn't. I had no problem with it at all. Even though she was 10 yrs younger than me, far more beautiful and thinner I knew that he loved me, not her. So I was actually excited to see them together. (not in a sexual way but a happy way) In the interest of full disclosure I will admit that one of the reasons I was not too bothered by it was that my Dom had brought another guy into our play who kept me busy in the bed next to them.

However, I really think the main reason it didn't bother me was that the woman was not submissive to him. This was not a D/s scene. It was more like a vanilla foursome. (though I had no say in how things would happen) I know I would have a much much harder time watching him dominate another woman either physically or mentally than watch him just have sex with her. Maybe it is because I know he is not dominant with his wife and that part of him is just mine that I am sort of ppossesive of it (if a submissive can be possesive of something) He has told me he does not want another submissive while he has me but he may Top someone else so for me to mentally prepare for it to happen eventually.

 

[nh23]

This is part of the problem "v" has. she worries that she is not filling some niche, and that she is failing me somehow if I display interest in some other woman.

I'm male. I'm looking at some "fine sexy hot piece of meat lookin gal" (to borrow a phrase from Fishbone), and thinking how I'd like to get a taste. She's wondering what said gal has that she doesn't. She then feels inadequate. Not sure how to handle that, honestly, especially as she tends towards feelings of inadequacy even without external impetus.

It's normal to feel that way at first. I think the best way to help her understand it would be to point out that EVERYONE has attractions to other people. Even the man with the hottest most perfect wife on earth still looks at other women. It's human nature. It doesn't mean she's lacking in any way. I think the best way to handle it when it comes up is Surprise..lol Communication. When she feels that way she needs to be able to talk to you without fear of judgment, anger, etc. I also think that she needs to be reassured often that she will always be the one you come home to, she's the mother of your children, your wife. Her needs, feelings, etc..are important to you. I would also say if she has any reservations at all they have to be worked out before attempting a poly relationship, and if it's not something she can live with, not to do it at all. All parties have to be comfortable in doing it, or it will lead to trouble and hurt feelings. If it's not in her to be poly that's ok, it's not for everyone. And no one should enter into a poly relationship just to make the other partner happy..it'll never work out in the long run.

 

[SubKekiLee]

It's normal to feel that way at first. I think the best way to help her understand it would be to point out that EVERYONE has attractions to other people. Even the man with the hottest most perfect wife on earth still looks at other women. It's human nature. It doesn't mean she's lacking in any way. I think the best way to handle it when it comes up is Surprise..lol Communication. When she feels that way she needs to be able to talk to you without fear of judgment, anger, etc. I also think that she needs to be reassured often that she will always be the one you come home to, she's the mother of your children, your wife. Her needs, feelings, etc..are important to you. I would also say if she has any reservations at all they have to be worked out before attempting a poly relationship, and if it's not something she can live with, not to do it at all. All parties have to be comfortable in doing it, or it will lead to trouble and hurt feelings. If it's not in her to be poly that's ok, it's not for everyone. And no one should enter into a poly relationship just to make the other partner happy..it'll never work out in the long run.[/QUOTE/]

This is what we are dealing with right now in our lives, I like Fi and Malin My OSO is 2900 miles away from me so we do not see one another daily, sometimes I wish we did... But as for My husband his only thing right now is he afraid of another not "liking" him or being into him, He says he enjoys that sir thinks I am beautiful... and that makes me feel good... Since opening our relationship we have communcated WAY more than we had in the past and we have been having way MORE vanilla sex then we have in the 4 years weve been together.. he says he intellectually gets this is good for us, but emotionaly it will take work, we will continue to talk and get this to where we both want it to be.. Thanks ES for your stories you and choice few are why I ended up becoming honest with my spouse and am feeling the blessings of two great men in my life....

 

[ecstaticsub]

SubkekiLee-You're welcome and I am so glad to hear that you were able to tell your husband and that things are working out for you.

I have found that I am much more attentive to my husband now than when there was not another man in my life also. Maybe it is out of guilt, or maybe just being re-energized about love and sex.

I know my husband loves it because my Dom orders me to have my nails done, keep up with pedicures, generally take better care of myself. My sex drive has also shot through the roof.. How could it not? Knowing that there are two men who think I am sexy and desirable and want to fuck me--how could I not feel great and want sex?

 

[Netzach]

Another issue I see becoming a problem for many in poly is time division...how is it managed and what are the ramifications, if any, of that management? For instance, Christmas or any other day such as birthdays when family and being together is often a part of celebrating...for us, it means being with those who are a significant part of our lives...how is that managed with a couple who may each have another SO, who may also have other SO's, and also children or parents who might be used to being included?

Catalina

In my case the prior blood family that H has is appropriate for his holiday and M for mine. No one expects to have as much of my attention as M does, and it's up to them to fill their time or not as they see fit, they also have the latitude to do the same. But I've never been a huge holiday birthday person. It's more about the fact that all of us have found our ways to one another's hospital beds in those times when that was mandated, from hip replacements to ovarian surgeries. Perhaps not as much as we all might like, but enough to matter.

 

[Netzach]

SubkekiLee-You're welcome and I am so glad to hear that you were able to tell your husband and that things are working out for you.

I have found that I am much more attentive to my husband now than when there was not another man in my life also. Maybe it is out of guilt, or maybe just being re-energized about love and sex.

I know my husband loves it because my Dom orders me to have my nails done, keep up with pedicures, generally take better care of myself. My sex drive has also shot through the roof.. How could it not? Knowing that there are two men who think I am sexy and desirable and want to fuck me--how could I not feel great and want sex?

I find this works this way for me, it just creates a really charged atmosphere. It also ups the ante that the men I'm with are sexually attracted and have sexual tensions among themselves!

 

[rida]

Hubby & I are not in a real poly situation at the moment, but have opened our marriage. Or better, we have officially opened it, since we had always said we were fine with the other having sex outside the marriage. The reality is that I am always being wired for poly, I just didn't know how it was called, and had to overcome the usual catholic guilt society drilled in my head (a watered down version, since I was ok sleeping around while having a bf, as far as everyone involved knew the situation, but still thought that once married, that sort of behaviour was not acceptable)

.....
Since opening our relationship we have communcated WAY more than we had in the past and we have been having way MORE vanilla sex then we have in the 4 years weve been together..

Same. After I starting considering dating out of my marriage and than doing it, we have talked so much, opened so much to each other, and as a consequence grown even closer (and we are now back to where my sex-drive is more that his ... after years of him complaining that I never had any interest ... LOL) .

It's sort of a strange thing. Like I said in my first post my husband has never been with another woman since we have been married and there is no way I could accept it because I know the way he is wired. If he wanted someone else, it would be because he no longer loved me.

Interestingly, my Hubby says has lost interest in being with other women since I started going outside of our marriage.
How would I feel if he did? Sex for sex would not bother me, although it would make me feel a bit bad that it is not giving it to me. If he had emotions for another woman, I think it would be hard at first. Funny thing is I have never been a jealous person ... until accepting my submissive side.


Thank you for this thread! And all the people sharing their stories