Poly + LDR = our crazy whirlwind

[Homburg]

So I'm looking at the polyamory thread, and seeing useful stuff, but there's a lot that doesn't apply to our situation. And I'm looking at the Distance Domination Support thread and seeing lots of good ideas there too, but, again, not quite applicable. So I figured I would start a thread.

As has been mentioned here and there, I've begun a relationship with myinnerslut, while still happily engaged in a wonderful relationship with my wife and slave, viv (aka Millificent). Simply put, and as my sig says, I have two incredible gals that call me Master.

The problem is that these two incredible gals live quite a ways apart, leading to the LDR portion of the descriptor. This leads to a realisation that I posted in another thread:

No matter where I go, I'll be missing someone.
No matter where I am, someone is missing me.
No matter what I do, one of my gals will face an empty bed at the end of the night.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is harder for me to handle than that right there.

I am not used to this sort of thing at all, and am going through some interesting emotions in resolving this. My hope for this thread is two-fold. The first was to make an official, and clear announcement of the relationship, and to provide a little discussion place for those of us engaged in similar relationships.

Off the top of my head, EmpressFi, Malinborn, and Keeper of Fi are my first example, and they've been both a great role model and an incredible help, especially Fi. Sprinkles and Raven2 as well, and Sprinkles has been both a friend and a great help too. nh23, rida-chan, and a host of others as well. In retrospect, it is actually a little surprising to me how many of the folks I'm thinking of here are people that I became good friends with, and now find myself relating to their situations more and more.

So, here is our announcement: myself, viv, and myinnerslut have formed a polyfidelitous triad, which is a high-falutin way of saying that MIS has become part of our family and our hearts. And here is my thanks to those on here that have given all of us such great support and advice.

I hope that those of us involved can use this thread to discuss the specific foibles of our complex relationships.

 

[Netzach]

Um, yeah, it's really hard.

I'm lucky lucky lucky because H is really willing to think long-haul. I know he suffers for attention.

I've told him moving his ass out here soon is an order. It may become a hard deadline, but I'm not sure if that needs to happen. Bed full isn't really so much an issue, but I do know that the relationship is not something we can really "do" distance - I need to see him and be in the room with him for it to feel less theoretical, and man, I miss that.

 

[the captians wench]

My poly ldr is slightly different. I'm the third wheele on a tricicle here, and I am owned by one across the ocean. The problem I face is that no mater which relationship I look at, I'm going to be spending the night alone, and I'm going to be missing some one, and more often than not, it's both.

Skl and I have been talking a lot lately, and I remarked to her that I still really believe I'm just not a poly girl. I can do it, I am doing it, and for the most part I am happy, but what would make me happiest, if I'm truely honest with myself, is to have one master whom I serve and spend all my days with. If Jounar said I want you here now forever, I'd hop the next flight, and figure out the rest later.

I'm not saying that it wouldn't be hard to seperate myself from my triad, it would be just as emotional as any break up, but I don't need the triad, if that makes since.

Coping with this reality is hard, and it leaves me feeling like I'm nothing but a dreamer most of the time. Which is why I love that Jounar is so grounded, he has the same dreams that I do, but he also sees how they fit into reality where I most of the time can't see where the fuzzy lines end. My other sir I think is some what delutional with the ideas he comes up with, so he makes me feel like I'm the one with my feet on the ground.

I try hard not to think about the sad parts, and not dwell in the fact that I spend a great deal of my time feeling lonesome, and just know that I am in their hearts and on their minds always, just as they are in mine

 

[Netzach]

When I slept alone I *longed* to sleep with someone.

When I sleep with someone I *long* to sleep alone sometimes.

The only thing I miss sometimes from before M is my solitude.
It's an ok tradeoff, but I *do* miss it.

 

[the captians wench]

When I slept alone I *longed* to sleep with someone.

When I sleep with someone I *long* to sleep alone sometimes.

The only thing I miss sometimes from before M is my solitude.
It's an ok tradeoff, but I *do* miss it.

You know, I have been really considering this lately.

As I start to think about if I'm ready to live with some one again, and if I really even want that, I find myself saying things like "I just really don't want to have to clean up after some one else again", and "fighting ove the tv or computer is not my idea of date night".

Some things I miss, some things I don't. The trick is trying to decide which out weighs the other, and that's a scale that's hard to read some times.

 

[Netzach]

You know, I have been really considering this lately.

As I start to think about if I'm ready to live with some one again, and if I really even want that, I find myself saying things like "I just really don't want to have to clean up after some one else again", and "fighting ove the tv or computer is not my idea of date night".

Some things I miss, some things I don't. The trick is trying to decide which out weighs the other, and that's a scale that's hard to read some times.

My ideal is really to see someone once a week. I love being married, I really do - but maximum relationship excitement and health for me is once a week or every weekend. Marriage is being willing to go upstream from that reality.

 

[catalina_francisco]

When I slept alone I *longed* to sleep with someone.

When I sleep with someone I *long* to sleep alone sometimes.

The only thing I miss sometimes from before M is my solitude.
It's an ok tradeoff, but I *do* miss it.

I can relate to this. It is something F is aware of, but doesn't fully understand in it's real context...sort of gets him feeling defewnsive when there is no need to. I have been a loner for most of my life, spent 16 years raising my children alone through my own choice, and first time round married a fellow loner which made it easier, even when we spent time together which was most of the time. Sometimes seems we continually hunger for what we don't have, even when it does a flip..sort of like the grass being greener on the other side when we know it isn't really, just a pleasant and soul reviving interlude.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

So, here is our announcement: myself, viv, and myinnerslut have formed a polyfidelitous triad, which is a high-falutin way of saying that MIS has become part of our family and our hearts. And here is my thanks to thos eon here that have given all of us such great support and advice.

I hoep that those of us involved can use this thread to discuss the specific foibles of our complex relationships.

I had noticed the changes, but time has been limited online so please accept my belated congratulations and well wishes for all involved. I have a lot of respect for all of you and do not envy you the difficulties and pain involved at times, but I am also sure you will work it out over time in a way which is best for all.

Catalina

 

[sexycaz22]

I wanted to second what Catalina said, and say congratulations to you three! It's really lovely to see new relationships being formed, but I also know that you will be going through difficulties and the pain of being apart from each other at times. I wanted to wish you three all the best, all of you deserve all the happiness, espically MIS, after what she have gone through in her previous relationship!

 

[Homburg]

I had noticed the changes, but time has been limited online so please accept my belated congratulations and well wishes for all involved. I have a lot of respect for all of you and do not envy you the difficulties and pain involved at times, but I am also sure you will work it out over time in a way which is best for all.

Catalina

I wanted to second what Catalina said, and say congratulations to you three! It's really lovely to see new relationships being formed, but I also know that you will be going through difficulties and the pain of being apart from each other at times. I wanted to wish you three all the best, all of you deserve all the happiness, espically MIS, after what she have gone through in her previous relationship!

Thank you both. It is well worth the struggle.

 

[sexycaz22]

Thank you both. It is well worth the struggle.

I am sure it will be worth it!

I hope to be in a loving relationship, whether it be with one person or multiple-persons; like you have with MIS and viv...you three are very lucky and truth be told, I am a little jealous! lol

Still, I am having fun just now....and hopefully, someday, I will be able to announce that I am in a deep and loving relationship!

 

[myinnerslut]

I had noticed the changes, but time has been limited online so please accept my belated congratulations and well wishes for all involved. I have a lot of respect for all of you and do not envy you the difficulties and pain involved at times, but I am also sure you will work it out over time in a way which is best for all.

Catalina

I wanted to second what Catalina said, and say congratulations to you three! It's really lovely to see new relationships being formed, but I also know that you will be going through difficulties and the pain of being apart from each other at times. I wanted to wish you three all the best, all of you deserve all the happiness, espically MIS, after what she have gone through in her previous relationship!

thanks

i have more to say but am on my way out the door to class. again. crazy hectic tuesdays *grumblegrumble*

 

[ecstaticsub]

First off--congrats to the three of you.

Long distance poly can be difficult. I can tell you what has helped most for me. Knowing and keeping in mind certain facts that will never ever change--I love my husband, My PYL loves his wife--those marriages are sacred and will never end My PYL and I love each other. Our families--children, grandchildren-come first. Those are unchangable truths.

Also Daddy and I respect each other's spouses and their privacy, and the privacy of that relationship.

We have been doing this for 3 yrs as of 2 weeks from now. We have had very few rough periods. Most of the time those difficulties have been because of additional stresses on our lives and not our relationship itself.

My relationship with my husband is totally different than what I have with my PYL. They fulfill different needs that I have. Yet, they stay intertwined.

One thing that I would recommend--take it for what it is worth, just my opinion---but something I have learned. I know all three of you are very active on this forum. However, remember sometimes it is better to keep somethings private.

 

[FurryFury]

Congrats you three! I hope you will have much joy together!

When I slept alone I *longed* to sleep with someone.

When I sleep with someone I *long* to sleep alone sometimes.

The only thing I miss sometimes from before M is my solitude.
It's an ok tradeoff, but I *do* miss it.

This to me is the basic human struggle. You want what you don't have. You don't want as much, what you do have.

My husband doesn't sleep with me part of the year due to his work schedule which is constantly revolving. I'm actually fine either way but I often miss him when he's not in bed with me. I often get irritated when he is and wish for solitude. LOL!

I do this with lots of things, parties, events, get togethers, just about everything. "Oh I so want to do X!" "Well, crap I have to go do X!"

I tell you it's the human condition for many of us!

 

[intothewoods]

Congratulations, and best wishes to all of you.

 

[Netzach]

I can relate to this. It is something F is aware of, but doesn't fully understand in it's real context...sort of gets him feeling defewnsive when there is no need to. I have been a loner for most of my life, spent 16 years raising my children alone through my own choice, and first time round married a fellow loner which made it easier, even when we spent time together which was most of the time. Sometimes seems we continually hunger for what we don't have, even when it does a flip..sort of like the grass being greener on the other side when we know it isn't really, just a pleasant and soul reviving interlude.

Catalina

Totally - it's completely just humans always wanting what they ain't got at work.

 

[Homburg]

First off--congrats to the three of you.
*snip advice*

Thank you, and thank you for the advice.

One thing that I would recommend--take it for what it is worth, just my opinion---but something I have learned. I know all three of you are very active on this forum. However, remember sometimes it is better to keep somethings private.

This is particularly good advice.

----

Congrats you three! I hope you will have much joy together!

Thank you, FF.


----

Congratulations, and best wishes to all of you.

Thanks, hon.

 

[intothewoods]

Thanks, hon.

You're welcome, dear.

 

[EmpressFi]

*smiles*

You three already know... I couldnt be more thrilled for the three of you. Homburg, you humble me, really, by thinking of me as any kind of role model.

Thanks for opening this thread, Homburg. Maybe it'll bring Keeper in more. Who knows? *grin*

We're a little different in that because of Malin's relationship with his girlfriend, (and yeah..we're trying to get her here), we're not a triad. Our relationship is Malin and myself, then me and Keeper, and then Malin and his girlfriend. She and I are great friends, so there is another relationship there, although it's not sexual at all.

So far, this has been the easiest hard relationship I've had. Malin's my longest successful relationship, as we're approaching 13 years. It feels like I've known Master my entire life, but we've only been together for... *thinks*....18 months. It seems we fell into this and it was the most natural thing to do, almost like a, "ohh yes.. there you are, I've been waiting for you."

But the hard part is as Homburg said, no matter what we do, even if the 4 of us bought a house and moved in together, unless we created a puppy-pile every night, one of them would sleep alone some nights.

I'm in this for the long term (ecstaticsub, you give me hope). I really cant imagine living without either of them.

That's enough for now, I dont wanna get melancholy again. Today was tough when I realized that by the time of the next visit, it will have been 4 1/2 months since I last saw his face or kissed his lips. I just keep telling myself that after we move, he'll only be a 4 - 8 hour drive away.

 

[Homburg]

I just keep telling myself that after we move, he'll only be a 4 - 8 hour drive away.

That is one consoling fact. While she is far away, it's still a reasonable drive for me (admittedly, what I consider reasonable for a solo drive, and what normal people consider reasonable, differs). It's still long enough that I cannot do it casually

 

[HottieMama]

It's with a bit of a sad (for myself and myself alone) smile that I wish the three of you all the luck in the world. I really don't know of three people who deserve this joy more. I remember what it was like...and I want it again.

Treasure each other. Even through the hard times, and the loniliness, and the flat-out shit. That's all I can say.

 

[Homburg]

It's with a bit of a sad (for myself and myself alone) smile that I wish the three of you all the luck in the world. I really don't know of three people who deserve this joy more. I remember what it was like...and I want it again.

Treasure each other. Even through the hard times, and the loniliness, and the flat-out shit. That's all I can say.

Thank you, Nikki. Your advice to treasure each other is particularly hard-won, and I promise you that I will heed it.

Things will get better for you, darlin. *hugs*

 

[rida]

First of all: CONGRATULATIONS Homburg-sama, Viv-san and MIS-san

For as hard as it is to be missing each other now, there will be harder times ahead. When that happens, just remember what brought you together in the first place. Of all the things to work hard for, relationships are what really matters in life. Finding one person you truly connect with is considered lucky, finding more than one is hitting the jack-pot

And as a little note: right now I am not really in a Poly arrangement, let alone LDR ... only "casual" relationship(s) that hopefully might develop into something more ...

 

[myinnerslut]

i finally finished with my work for the day so here i am to add my two cents.

i want to start by saying i am happier now then i have been in a long time. at times i feel like im permanatly stuck in a LDR, but the situation now is drastically different. the most obvious difference is being in a triad as opposed to a traditional two person relationship. twice as many people to miss. twice as many people to want to be close to. twice as many people to want to hold or touch or curl up with.

but there are also twice as many people to make me luagh or cheer me up on a bad day. twice as many people to talk to on the phone and luagh with and smile with. and, as ive found, twice as many people to love.

i really feel like i have found my place, and it is with homburg and viv.

this past weekend i was collared as a slave. his slave. it was a first for me, and a very emotional time for all involved, but like everything else that has happened it felt so natural.

so our crazy whirlwind now includes LDR, poly, and a master with two slaves. good thing viv and i are so very close. in a situation that could have bred jelousy and resentment, i have only found support, friendship, and love.

as for myself, ive spent the past few weeks learning. learning how to be in a poly relationship. learning how to do LDR all over again. learning that an LDR is not an LDR is not an LDR. learning to fit into a family that accepted me so happily. learning to be a slave. learning how to make the whirlwind work.

and ill continue to learn and look foward to the future.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Congrats to ALL three of you.. YOU all deserve Happiness and Peace.....