Politically incorrect jokes

[Guest]

What do you call a man w/half a brain?
"Gifted."

Why do men name their penises?
"Because they want to be on a first name basis w/the one who makes the decisions."

 

[Guest]

John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers.

The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."

John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"

Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."

John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"

Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."

John: "I Say, you ARE a good sport."

 

[Guest]

good sport

Loulou, that's AWFUL!!! and I laughed really loud.

Perdita

 

[Guest]

Glad it made you laugh, Perdita.

This is quite amusing, too...

How To Shower Like a Man

Short version:

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No.)

4. Turn on the water.

5. Check for pecs again. (Still no.)

6. Get in the shower.

7. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (You don't use one.)

8. Wash your face.

9. Wash your armpits.

10. Wash your penis and surrounding area.

11. Wash your ass.

12. Shampoo your hair. (Do not use conditioner.)

13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

14. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror.

15. Pee.

16. Rinse off and get out of the shower.

17. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.

Long version:

Replace #10 with: Masturbate using soap.

 

[Guest]

Very un-PC

Advice for office managers: If you keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer, when a woman goes to get one out you'll get a great view of her ass.

 

[Wildcard Ky]

What's the definition of a virgin in Indiana? An ugly 12 year old than can out run all of her brothers.


3 rednecks were sitting at a bar one night talking about how stupid their wives are.

The first guy says "My wife is so stupid. She bought a caller ID box and we don't even have a phone".

The second guy says "My wife is so stupid. She just bought a new washing machine and we don't even have running water."

The third guy says "That ain't nothin. Listen to how stupid my wife is. I was going through her purse the other day. She had a whole box full of rubbers and she ain't even got a pecker."

 

[gauchecritic]

An old girlfriend had a cunt bigger than a Kitkat.





















You only get four fingers in a Kitkat.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

What do you call a man w/half a brain?
"Gifted."

You don't call HIM anything, you call the news!

 

[Guest]

He said: Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?

She said: I would but you're never there.

 

[Guest]

 

[ABSTRUSE]

this is Lame but funny........

>
>A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
>each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
>and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said,
>"You are in charge of cooking
> around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just
>wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
>is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I
>can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New
>Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says....
>"HEBREWS" AMEN

"A"

!

 

[Boota]

What's the definition of a virgin in Indiana? An ugly 12 year old than can out run all of her brothers.

LOL! So you tell Indiana jokes in Kentucky! They tell Kentucky jokes up here. Fair is fair.

 

[Wildcard Ky]

LOL! So you tell Indiana jokes in Kentucky! They tell Kentucky jokes up here. Fair is fair.

We tell a lot of Tennessee jokes too. I can't imagine what kind of jokes anyone would tell about Ky though!

What do you call a good looking woman in Tennessee? A tourist.

What has 200,000 legs and 5 teeth? The crowd at a UT football game.

How do you get an Indiana cheerleader into your room? Put grease on her hips and push really hard.

 

[minsue]

He said: Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?

She said: I would but you're never there.

OMG, 'Dita! I'm so very glad I was not drinking anything at the moment I read this for the burst of laughter was unstoppable!

 

[Guest]

Minge, glad you enjoyed it without spitting up. See the word association thread for meaning of your new name. Please let me call you that, very lovingly of course.

Perdita

edited to add: p. 16

 

[snooper]

I remembered the other day a series of religious jokes. Definitely not PC.

How can you tell Jesus was Jewish?

Lots of ways:

He lived at home until he was 30;
He inherited the business from his father;
He thought his mother was a virgin;
She thought he was God.

 

[Guest]

 

[Wills]

How about the Irish gays:

Patrick FitzDonald
and
Donald FitzPatrick

 

[thebullet]

As a kid I used to like Helen Keller jokes:

Q. How many hands does Helen Keller use to masterbate?

A. Two. One hand to rub and one hand to moan.

___________________________________________________






thebullet's rantings

 

[thebullet]

Or how about:

Q. What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding?

A. There's one less drunk

 

[The_old_man]

Why is the birth rate in Ireland so low?

Irish men would rather drink than eat, and when drunk they'd rather fight.

 

[Guest]

Q. How many hands does Helen Keller use to masturbate?
A. Two. One hand to rub and one hand to moan.

That is so awful it's brilliant.

Perdita

(I had to correct your spelling, can't help it.)

 

[dirtylover]

YEAH WOT BOUTraeahding stoip sighns@?

or sumfuin?

keller helne

fhjnbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

 

[SeaCat]

Do Blonde Jokes Count?

Do Blonde Jokes count? If so I have a few. How about RedNeck Jokes?

How can you tell the bride at a French Wedding?
She's the one with her armpit hair in braids.

What's the shortest book in the world?
French Military Victories.

What do you call Hoop Earings on a Blonde?
Ankle Rests.

What do you do when a blonde is stuck in a split?
Tip her to break the suction.

Hitler was walking down the street when he saw a Jew. Pulling out his Lugar he commanded the Jew to drop to his knees. When the Jew did so Hitler was happy. Looking around he saw a pile of Horse droppings in the gutter. Popinting his handgun at the luckless Jew he commanded him to start eating, which the Jew promptly did. Seeing this Hitler started laughing so hard he dropped his Lugar, which the Jewish man scooped up and pointed at the leader of Nazi Germany.
"Now you get down on your knees he commanded." Hitler followed his coamand quickly.
"Start eating" the Jew commanded.
As he watched Hitler eating the Horse Shit he turned and ran until he reached his home. Bursting in he looked at his wife cooking.
"You won't believe who I had lunch with toay" he started telling her.

How are a prostitute and a politician alike?
They both want to screw you out of your money.

How are they different?
The prostitute is honest about it.

I have a ton of them. Shopuld I keep going?


SeaCat

 

[Boota]

We tell a lot of Tennessee jokes too. I can't imagine what kind of jokes anyone would tell about Ky though!

I have an aunt who is from Kentucky and she gets really mad if someone tells a Kentucky joke. I always substitute a general redneck for any joke of that type when she's around.

The last Kentucky joke I heard was:

Q: How do you circumcise a boy from Kentucky?

A: Kick his sister in the back of the head.