Personal Info, Meeting and Safety?

[SweetErika]

Several threads and PMs got me thinking about divulging personal information or staying anonymous, meeting people from Lit and other sites, and overall safety.

How do you decide what info you'll give out on a site like this? What do you give out, and where do you draw the line? I'm assuming there are different levels of trust depending on how long you "know" someone and how much you correspond with them, but do you have guidelines for those levels?

Or, do you stay as anonymous as possible and/or give false information?

If you have met, or plan to meet, people you know from a site, what criteria do you use in deciding whether or not to meet them?

 

[FurryFury]

I never give out my real name or state, much less address and phone number.

I have met two people from online but not from lit.

It's kind of a funny story really. The first person I met online told me where they lived after some role play. It happened to be the same city and state as I'm in. I was shocked and a little paranoid.

This person also told me they had a table top game going on that their roommate ran and suggested we meet for a beer.

I was VERY hesitant. I figured it was a guy and he was looking for a fuck. I'm married so that ain't happening.

Later I was talking to this person's roommate online and he said something about having to go. He also said something about "that damned woman." I was like what damned woman? It turns out they weren't just roommates and the first person was a girl! LOL!

So we all met up with my husband. Since then we have all had a great time doing some rp together. They never did order beer but I did. *chuckles* She is a wonderful lovely lady friend. I'm really glad we did meet online and in person.

This week, tomorrow in fact, I am supposed to meet another lady I know from another site online. She came to in part to boff another guy I know online. He knows we are in the same city because a gf of mine recommended him to me as a photographer so, we will see how that goes. Course she could always cancel, ya never know.

Fury

 

[TBKahuna123]

Well, Having ran a couple of online communities I've met a number of people online. I've found that I can usually tell which people are psychos and which are cool before I start giving out any real info. It's very tough though to tell how much is safe and how much isn't. Now I've met a number of these people at conventions and such and I've found that most of those I'd label as psychos are in fact psychos, but relatively harmless. They don't get my personal info, even after we've met. I find that even after I've set up a meeting I'll usually only give out my first name, that way I still have an out if I need one.

Now Lit is a bit different. Being a sexually oriented board if I were going to make contact with anyone I would want to be very sure that there was a clear understanding of the circumstances and expectations of such a meeting. I'd also pick a neutral spot, if I felt I still needed some measure of annonymity. Not that only sexually oriented contacts could be made on a board like this, but that's where the clear intent part is so important.

 

[FurryFury]

I agree!

Meetings for the express purpose of having sex is where having a safe call comes in. Your safe call doesn't have to know you are meeting for possible sex either, that person only needs to know you are meeting someone off of the Internet that you don't know.

Naturally the initial meeting should be in public.

Not that I've ever met someone online for the purpose of having sex. I so wish I had though. Again, I'm already married so no.

Fury

 

[australwind]

Having met several people from this site and having set up a small gathering of local people, I can say that we (the aussie group) have never had a problem with any of the meets that have been organised.

Even though this is a site devoted to all things sex, my experience of meeting people from here has been that there has been no real expectation that there will be sex involved.

It has always been a case of neutral meeting place to see whether or not we actually click in RL as well as online. I guess I have been lucky there have been no "demented axe murderers" out there...only really nice people some of whom have become good friends.

With some I retained a degree of anonymity, others have my mobile number.......one only knows where I live. Its a matter of building a degree of trust and, after all, there's not a great deal of difference between meeting someone like this and meeting someone in a bar or a club.

At least here you have had a chance to talk to them for a while, find out a bit about them and your judgement isn't clouded by too much to drink.

 

[Eilan]

Lit's the only community that I'm active in at the moment, and a handful of people know my first name. Two people have my personal email addy, but that's because of an outside-of-Lit endeavor. I believe that these same two people know the names of my husband and kids because of conversations. I consider them extremely trustworthy individuals, but who knows--maybe they're psycho and I'm in denial.

I've probably given out too much info by some people's standards, but I think someone would be hard-pressed to identify me through my posts. While I've mentioned the state that I live in (and it's obvious from my av), I think most people wouldn't be able to figure out which part of that state I'm in, and that's something that I don't think I've been specific about. I don't seem to have any creepy stalker types following me from post to post. And, no, that's not an invitation to stalk me. For the past 27 years, my husband's had to qualify annually on the use of a firearm, and he CAN hit what he's aiming at.

While it's not something that I'm interested in doing right now, I have had sex with a tiny handful of people that I met online, but it hasn't been a random "Hey, are you free? Let's fuck!" affair. It's been a process of email, IM, and face-to-face "screening" meetings. Since I was "playing" with my husband, I was less concerned about safety than I would have been if I'd met someone on my own (which I won't do). I wasn't unconcerned, just less concerned. I did give those people my (now-defunct) cell phone number.

There are quite a few people from HT that I'd love to meet for dinner or drinks if it were geographically feasible.

 

[bobsgirl]

Three of my dearest friends I met through Lit. I think some people you can just tell are nuts, and some are exactly as they appear. I was very careful ar first though, especially with one of the friends who happens to be male simply because I don't have a lot of experience with flirting and fooling around online. He came with excellent references, though , so from very early on, I felt comfortable with him knowing my name and phone number.

But the unsolicited PMs? No way are they even getting an answer.

 

[Eilan]

But the unsolicited PMs? No way are they even getting an answer.

Oh, come on! With that av, you're just asking for it!

"Nice pussy. Wanna fuck?"

 

[midwestyankee]

<snip>

But the unsolicited PMs? No way are they even getting an answer.

Well, shucks...there goes that plan.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

I follow my gut instincts.

Honesty is important to me. I don't lie. And I don't tolerate lies from others.

 

[FurryFury]

I follow my gut instincts.

Honesty is important to me. I don't lie. And I don't tolerate lies from others.

That sounds very black and white there, everybody lies sometimes, in my experience.

Fury

 

[SweetErika]

I think providing information about the information I provide may violate my rules for providing information.

I actually thought of this when I posted the question. Someone posted they varied details about themselves and used false information, and I wondered if I'd admit that publicly if I were doing the same, and how comfortable people would be talking about what info they divulged.


From what I've seen, I'm pretty middle-of-the-road in terms of giving out personal information. I obviously use my first name and share a lot about my life here, but even if you add everything together, I think it'd be tough to identify me. The AVs are mine, but I've never shown my face (something I've been debating). I may mention I live in the Greater Seattle area, though I've only gotten more specific than that or given my home number to three Litsters (but I'd give it to a few more). I only share my husband's name and other details after posting and PMing with someone for awhile. I generally stick to giving out the same info, like I have a pot of safer details, and don't draw from outside of it often.

I would give misleading/false information if I felt threatened, but thankfully that hasn't happened here. I did have a scare in college when I got a phone call out of the blue from someone I'd chatted casually with. Apparently he tracked down my number through my IP address and the school's network. Luckily he responded well to a polite request to not contact me again.

I've met quite a few women online, but just two Litsters. I'd talked to them almost daily for months, had their info, and both proved they respected privacy and boundaries. I always meet in public, tell my husband, and leave all of the details of who they are and where I'm going on my desktop. I look forward to meeting more Lit members in the future, and wish some of them weren't so damn far away! I've only met one man online, and likely won't meet a lot of others alone, though there probably isn't a ton of logic to that.

 

[silverwhisper]

erika queried
how do you decide what info you'll give out on a site like this? what do you give out, and where do you draw the line? i'm assuming there are different levels of trust depending on how long you "know" someone and how much you correspond with them, but do you have guidelines for those levels? or, do you stay as anonymous as possible and/or give false information?

i've never met anyone from lit but have met upwards of half a dozen folks through another forum i frequent that is not sexually-oriented. each of those are people w/ whom i've interacted for at least a full year and that met some minimum standard of friendship. being male, i guess there's less of a concern on my part. i use my name when posting here (why not? there's tons of people who share it) but given the area in which i live, even that's far from an identifying characteristic. i do not however provide false information.

there's a few folks here who know my e-mail address, including my lit editor [waves at jacuzzigal] and a few regulars.

erika queried
if you have met, or plan to meet, people you know from a site, what criteria do you use in deciding whether or not to meet them?

as mentioned above, there needs to be some underlying sense of friendship. since i'm not here looking to hook up, that removes a considerable amount of anxiety i imagine. :> if that weren't the case however, i'd probably apply the same standards. i need to feel i know someone in some way before making the time to meet him/her.

nifty poll, erika! :>

ed

 

[wicked woman]

I've met a number of people from the internet...not just from this site. No I don't give false information but I always retain the right to not answer. I'm more hesitant to share personal information when posting than I am talking privately.

I agree with what a lot of people seem to have said. Cautious about keeping my identity anonymous on the 'public' internet. There isn't enough info here to identify me. I don't post my first name but will my location, but it's a huge city. There isn't enough info public to any where near trace me.

But privately, whether it's PMs or chatting (I have emails that don't have my real name in it for internet friends) talking on the phone or meeting in person...I go with my gut plus a combination of 'tit for tat'. I've made some very good friends that I first met on the internet. They're real...some are no holds bar...they know everything and anything...but I know the same about them. I've others that have set up a limit (say not share their kids' names) in which case I'll have that same limit.

Meetings...yes definitely in public...though frankly, I've never been anything but pleasantly surprised at meeting people.

 

[KarenDee]

Well since I'm a relative beginner, both on Lit and on the internet, maybe I can give my perspective. I think for someone who is still a little wet behind the ears, it's easy to give out too much information. Luckily for me, I had been read the riot act by my kids before getting online. I had posted this in another thread, but I'll reinforce it here. I'm from the Northeast US, but it'd be hard to pin me down exactly. And if sometimes you think you see holes in my lifestyle or domestic situation, maybe there's a reason for that. I'm basically an honest person who likes to come across as your next door neighbor, but I also think it's a wise idea, especially for women, not to trust too much and to be careful what you say. I don't post specific information or phone numbers and email addresses, and I'd only give something like that to someone whom I'd spent a LOT of time with, building up a confidence level. In fact, I'd probably have to meet them face to face first.

Pictures in my avatar and profile may or may not be me. I've gotten plenty of private messages saying "Is that you in your avatar...delicious!" Hey if it floats your boat buddy, go for it. I say that here in public because those morons don't get a reply via PM.

Like Eilan said, there's several people here I'd love to have lunch with, just to meet them and chat, but it's not always possible, geographically speaking. But I keep the option open in case someone happens to be traveling in the area.

 

[FurryFury]

That reminds me I never give out the names of my kids or husband either or post a face pic on the board. (I posted my hand once.)

Fury

 

[bobsgirl]

Oh, come on! With that av, you're just asking for it!

"Nice pussy. Wanna fuck?"

That's one I haven't received. Yet.

My favorite is: "Is bob home? Wanna chat?" For some reason, it made me laugh.

 

[bobsgirl]

Well, shucks...there goes that plan.

Awww, not your PMs, Yank! Yours are always welcome!

 

[Eilan]

That's one I haven't received. Yet.

Lucky for you. I haven't received anything that, um, direct, either.

My favorite is: "Is bob home? Wanna chat?" For some reason, it made me laugh.

Heh.

 

[sweetsparkles]

.....

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

Not a problem

Several threads and PMs got me thinking about divulging personal information or staying anonymous, meeting people from Lit and other sites, and overall safety.

How do you decide what info you'll give out on a site like this? What do you give out, and where do you draw the line? I'm assuming there are different levels of trust depending on how long you "know" someone and how much you correspond with them, but do you have guidelines for those levels?

Or, do you stay as anonymous as possible and/or give false information?

If you have met, or plan to meet, people you know from a site, what criteria do you use in deciding whether or not to meet them?

I don't talk with anyone here short of what I post. Of course that comes with some information but I play it safe and kind of figure if someone wants something bad enough they will find a way to get it.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I'm usually a bit cautious. In most situations, giving a phone number or address usually requires the other person make the first move in giving me their info. Outside of that, the little things about myself that I share around here I dont feel is really enough for someone to figure out who I really am. I try to be descriptive and yet vague all at the same time. I find that it works somewhat well.

 

[Eilan]

I should have mentioned in my previous post that I met my hubby online through Yahoo! Personals back when everything was completely free. I was the one who made the first move, which I wouldn't have had the nerve to do IRL.

At first we exchanged messages through our Yahoo Personals accounts, then we moved on to our personal email accounts. He gave me his phone number long before I gave him mine. He even gave me his work number in case I wanted to call his coworkers for "references."

We exchanged emails for about three weeks before we decided to meet in person. We met at my workplace, because at the time it was a good halfway point for us. It was a brief meeting, because I had to give a final exam, but we got along really well.

Things progressed quickly, which was a little scary for me at first, but it just "felt" right.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I think it's easier, or at least safer, for a guy than for a woman. Not that there aren't a few pyscho-gals out there.