Perhaps Lit is not for me

[KarenDee]

I swear, I must bite my tongue and sit on my hands at least 5 times per day when I read certain threads on this site. I think I've finally come to the realization that Literotica is not for me. I enjoy some of the things here, and have really met some wonderful people. I've learned a lot of new stuff as well and I thank everyone who has educated me in one form or another.

But threads like THIS ONE are just not my cup of tea. I know, I know, just don't read them, or just move on. I'm sorry, once they're read, it just eats away at me. I'm just way too monogamous. "Well, it's a sex site...what do you expect?" you say. Absolutely, and I'm not so dense to know that plenty of people are doing things like this (and more). My marriage broke up because of a cheating husband, and maybe I've just never been able to 100% deal with that.

No, it's more than that. Threads like the one above may be true stories in some cases, and I'm neither believing nor doubting this one. But for my money, a lot of them are pure bullshit, fantasies, usually made up by some Lit poster with a low post count, some lonely guy getting his jollies off by writing fiction. But whether it's true or not is immaterial. In fact if all those examples were fiction, I could deal with it. It's the nagging thoughts that a lot of them are true and I have to keep myself from screaming out, "What are you thinking! There is nothing good that can come from this situation!"

I guess I just need to concentrate on my own wonderful relationship, one that is moving in a very positive direction. And with that direction, I feel less inclined to visit Lit. It's almost like I'm telling myself, "OK, you're in a better place right now, things are going great, why traumatize yourself by reading all those stories (fabricated or otherwise) that upset you so much?"

Perhaps in the future I may find the answers to why I feel like this. I've tried the lighthearted approach, even visiting the General Board on occasion and acting feisty, but when it comes right down to it, I feel it's just not me. If I thought I could stick around and just chat with those I have a wonderful bond with, that would be one thing. But then I go an open a thread like the one above, and the rage just boils inside me. I can't go on doing that to myself. I love my partner, he loves me, and perhaps I'm just too paranoid of the past to want to repeat it in the future.

Thanks to everyone for being so nice. But this will be my final Lit post. I'm going to log off and then delete it from my favorites. I guess I'm just too sensitive a person that the threads like the one I referenced upset me so much.

Hope you all have a wonderful 2006...thanks so much.

Christine (aka: KarenDee)

 

[silverwhisper]

well, given what you've written, there's probably no point in saying (writing?) this, but i'll give it a shot anyway.

1. that's a very difficult thing to endure and i cannot imagine what that's been like. i'm sorry to hear that you've been hurt.
2. note that the specific thread you're talking about involves complete consent of all parties. it's a different sort of situation than what you went through.
3. i'll miss seeing you and your sense of humor.
4. lest this become too depressing...remember, always communicate. :>

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

I'm going to miss seeing you around. I enjoyed your posts.

I'm not sure if you are going to check back and read this, so I guess trying to convince you to stay probably would be silly. Plus, you've obviously come to a decision that feels like it's best for you.

I hope things go wonderfully for you in your life. And if at anytime you want to come back, we'll be here and waiting.

 

[M's girl]

Although it's not a reason for me to leave Lit, I understand you very well. Threads and subjects like this are disturbing to me too and scary as hell to people like us, who are 200% monogamists. I just cannot understand how people who love each other want to share that one thing that makes them so special together with someone else.... as if it was nothing.... not important...

Still.... shying away from Lit is not going to change the fact that there are people out there that think differently from us. You are going to come across people like that a lot more here at Lit than you would in RL. Also, remember, like SW said, that you should not always believe everything that's been said, especially in threads like the one you refer to... I'm not saying this is not a true story but hey, I could think up a story like this just for fun and then see where it takes me.

Sometimes I think, especially with threads like the one we are talking about (as an example!!) it's guys who just like to brag, get some dirty-talk out there and hope for encouragement and more dirty-talk in return in the replies. I also think sometimes these are the same guys that PM you with stupid requests like "hey, wanna talk (dirty)"? Again, I'm not saying it's the case with the guy in this case but you know what I mean?

Maybe we are too moral for our own good... I don't know. I know for certain we are not the only ones and people like us will always wonder why and how other people can share something that is so intimate with just about anyone just like that.

Maybe, dear KarenDee or Christine, you are not "listening" anymore.... but I will, for sure, miss you. But I understand you very well too.... because that thought had also crossed my mind.... to leave Lit for the same reason. It won't make the fact that it's out there go away though.... unfortunately, so I will stay...

 

[EJFan]

i, for one, hope you don't go karen. our paths haven't crossed a LOT but i can tell you're a valued poster here and whether your ideas conform to conventional thought or not, it's the different opinions that can really help people make up their minds.

for many questions there's no "right" answer. many threads are less than legitimate as they look for validation or brag or what have you. whatever the case, diverse opinions can really help to keep things fresh and well rounded.

one thing i try to keep in mind (i'm a lot like you in that some things really eat away at me too... for various reasons) is that i can't control or change people. it's not always easy but even the blatantly wrong have to be allowed to do what they're compelled to do and i can't expect to alter their thoughts or actions.

so... that's my two cents. please stay if you can but i wouldn't want you to do antyhing that hurts you... we all need to keep positivity and momentum around us so i can understand removing anything that causes stress.

 

[Cathleen]

Christine, I understand your thoughts and have many times read threads that make me cringe. I'll start a reply and then click out because it/the thread really isn't 'worthy' of my time. (Not exactly the right word there but I'll trust you get it.)

I have seen many people get too wrapped up in the crap here, it becomes too personal - I've done it many times. When it happens I take some time to get my perspective. I use a sort of scale or measurement tool to check in with myself about what I see and read here... when I'm off kilter I'll seek out a friend to bounce things off, to regain my balance so to speak.

There are so many super people here, true and real. The HT board, in my opinion, is the best place for real and fun conversations about issues pertinent to our lives now. I've learned and listened to a lot here, I've made changes in my opinions and behaviors too.

I can see a small pattern with being a Litster - we might test the waters with a toe in the pool, then the foot goes in. We then join in fun and games, flirty banter etc. Then we see threads similar to your reference, and so many others that make the blood boil - that's when the crap hits the fan. We can become insulted and shocked, and hurt too. We need a break, we need to regain perspective or just shake off those early layers of our Lit experience.

Then we can come back with a new set of eyes perhaps, our focus changes and we make our Lit experience the way we truly want, you lose that need to open a thread sometimes. Things do get better.

I will miss you, even though I haven't been thoughtful enough to welcome you and let you know I enjoy your posts. I will miss what you can bring to the board, most especially about your new partner, your experiences. I'll definitely miss the 'what might have been' of you sharing with us. (But I'm not trying to guilt you. )

All the best to you, Christine.

 

[bobsgirl]

I can only add my voice to what's already been said.

There are a lot of idiots here, granted, but I've learned so much and grown so much here. I've made a few good friends here, and that alone is worth wading through the bullshit zones.

I understand what you say about certain threads being disturbing, I do. For a long time I avoided a whole forum because I just wasn't comfortable interacting that way. I felt naive and inhibited.

I left Lit for most of last year for various reasons. By doing that, I missed getting to know Eilan, and Scalywag and TBK and ed and his damn fish , and many others who are equally special. They all showed up after I left, and they make me glad I came back. Very glad.

So I guess, I'm feeling disappointed that I won't get the chance to know you better. I urge you to stay and work through this. My PM box is open any time. I hope your absence is a temporary one. I wish you the very best.

 

[TBKahuna123]

KD, we'll miss your sense of humor. Plus what are we going to do without your weekly hot Av rotation?

What ever you decide, where ever life takes you, good luck and love to you. Be well.

TBK

 

[LadyJeanne]

I'd hate to see you go, Karen, and hope that you might at least come back for a visit every now and then. There are a lot of good people here who would miss you!

I can see how the How To board can be very disturbing - I find it so myself, especially with the kind of thread you linked. The way I see it, though, we have an opportunity to provide a dose of reality to people who are out there in their thinking, so I like to at least try to make a difference even though it can be depressing.

I usually spend most of my time on Lit in the Author's Hangout. It's not all authors in there, by the way. Discussions are far ranging, and the AH crowd is pretty down to earth and very supportive of each other. It's a fun place without the harshness that can be found on the GB, and is nice counter point to the How To board.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best!

 

[Quoll]

You're one of the good guys, the kind we need here.
I can't say more than has already being said, you are fun, intelligent, articulate and just the sort of person whose opinon matters.

It would be great if you stay, but if not, I hope life continues on the way it has been for you and your man.

 

[SweetErika]

<snip>
2. note that the specific thread you're talking about involves complete consent of all parties. it's a different sort of situation than what you went through.

I'm glad you mentioned this, Ed. I find it a little odd how so many here are quick to condemn making assumptions, the 'my kink is superior to your kink' attitude, and say, "It might not be MY thing, but whatever is fully consensual and works for you and/or your partner is fine for YOU," but then come out with a ton of generalizations and judgements of some behaviors and lifestyles. Hopefully those who have done this will carefully consider the value in practicing what they preach. I'll certainly assess and (at least make a big effort to) ensure I'm doing so in the future.

Christine, I'm glad you've had some positive experiences here, and wish you the best in love and life.

 

[covariant]

Christine, I'll miss you so much! I hope you will reconsider, we need you. But either way, I hope you have a wonderful life.

(covariant starts to tear up)

 

[Eilan]

Christine, I doubt if you'll see this, but it's been a pleasure to "talk" to you on these boards. A couple of months ago, I took a break from Lit, in part because I let something on one of the threads get to me. The time away helped me regain my perspective.

Maybe you'll feel differently in a few days. If not, I wish you the best.

 

[Ezzy]

Have a nice life what ever you choose to do!

You have as much right to be here or not be here as every other member, and if things here upset you, not being here is an obvious option to remove this stress from your life.

I have taken several breaks from Lit over the 5+ years I have been a member, never for long before I came back, but that too is a choice you can make.

Have a good life and don't let the door knob hit you on the ass on the way out.