Parents

[ms.read]

In my opinion, your parents need to wake up (and grow up). Your 21 and can legally do everything they can. In other words, your an adult and not a child that needs "rules" to conform to. Setting rules such as they have will only serve to potentially alienate you or your boyfriend. Not to mention that it is silly. Clearly they know you will sleep with him at some point. It sounds like they are still hung up with being in control.
However, talking with them might help. At the very least you would really know where they stand but the not being willing to drive an hour and a half makes a pretty strong statement as to how much they care.

see tere is a little problem with that logic... Its Her parent's house, so yes the parents making the rules. they actually could say after daughter states " I can do whatever I want."

Parent's will say, do whatever you want... somewhere else.

 

[Nightbird]

Seriously what is the big deal with him sleeping on the couch? Quite frankly I think he needs to show a little respect, and if he does care about you at all it wouldn't be a problem.

Maybe you should consider the fact the only thing he is interested in is you for sex. Because if he really cared about anyhing else it wouldn't matter if he had to sleep on the couch.

When I was young I used to sleep on a floor.

 

[Tyr51]

I turn 30 in a few days....
My parents know I've been sexually active for almost 12 years. I've even lived with a man for several years (though my Father politely never scolded me for it, and I politely never brought it up.... and all of my visits were to their house, which they conveniently paid for, because Dad did not want to stay in a home where I was sleeping with someone lol).

I remember moving back home after college when I was 21. I had completed my degree and had lived overseas for 2 years. If anything can prove you are able and independant, it's something like that. I moved back in.... same rules went into place. Sure, I could go out with friends, but I should call if I was going to be later than 2am. No, I couldn't walk down the street to the bar late at night.... Dad didn't feel it was safe. No, I could not have a boy sleep over in my bed.

At 30, I *still* can't unless I am married (though they are welcome to take a seperate bedroom). And you know what? I understand why. I completely understand why, but I didn't until I was older. At 21, I was just REALLY annoyed. I was so annoyed I moved out within 6 weeks of moving back in. lol As I became even older, my understanding changed greatly. And now I am fully on board with it.

It's not so much an issue of them trying to control you, or not trusting you, if your situation is like mine. Though I know it feels that way when you're facing it. It's really an issue of respecting and acknowledging that *they* also have feelings. And that's really what changed for me.... suddenly it just wasn't about how their actions were impacting my life. It was about how my actions actually impacted theirs.

I, personally, do not like the idea of thinking of my parents having sex. Even if you don't plan on having sex in their home, your parents, in seeing you go to bed with a man, have to face the image of this guy banging their little girl. They don't like that image. And you wern't a little girl too long ago... it takes time for them to make the transition. They know what the activity involves... they're clearly not ready to have it shoved in their face.

Again, I'd get an airmattress and have him sleep elsewhere, or else tell Mom and Dad that you're staying at a friends for a few days, or even that you respect their rules and will be staying at a hotel.

There are ways to make the transition that both get you what you need, and give them what they need as well. And the boy? He's going to need to be flexible and respect that you love your parents enough to try and find some middle ground while they watch their baby grow up.

 

[Moist_Mary]

I turn 30 in a few days....
My parents know I've been sexually active for almost 12 years. I've even lived with a man for several years (though my Father politely never scolded me for it, and I politely never brought it up.... and all of my visits were to their house, which they conveniently paid for, because Dad did not want to stay in a home where I was sleeping with someone lol).

I remember moving back home after college when I was 21. I had completed my degree and had lived overseas for 2 years. If anything can prove you are able and independant, it's something like that. I moved back in.... same rules went into place. Sure, I could go out with friends, but I should call if I was going to be later than 2am. No, I couldn't walk down the street to the bar late at night.... Dad didn't feel it was safe. No, I could not have a boy sleep over in my bed.

At 30, I *still* can't unless I am married (though they are welcome to take a seperate bedroom). And you know what? I understand why. I completely understand why, but I didn't until I was older. At 21, I was just REALLY annoyed. I was so annoyed I moved out within 6 weeks of moving back in. lol As I became even older, my understanding changed greatly. And now I am fully on board with it.

It's not so much an issue of them trying to control you, or not trusting you, if your situation is like mine. Though I know it feels that way when you're facing it. It's really an issue of respecting and acknowledging that *they* also have feelings. And that's really what changed for me.... suddenly it just wasn't about how their actions were impacting my life. It was about how my actions actually impacted theirs.

I, personally, do not like the idea of thinking of my parents having sex. Even if you don't plan on having sex in their home, your parents, in seeing you go to bed with a man, have to face the image of this guy banging their little girl. They don't like that image. And you wern't a little girl too long ago... it takes time for them to make the transition. They know what the activity involves... they're clearly not ready to have it shoved in their face.

Again, I'd get an airmattress and have him sleep elsewhere, or else tell Mom and Dad that you're staying at a friends for a few days, or even that you respect their rules and will be staying at a hotel.

There are ways to make the transition that both get you what you need, and give them what they need as well. And the boy? He's going to need to be flexible and respect that you love your parents enough to try and find some middle ground while they watch their baby grow up.

Great post.

I have been eyeing this thread for a few days now and struggled with whether to toss in my 2 cents or not. I have a feeling much of what I am about to say will not sit well with you or the many posters here. But much of what was said above is spot on. What I read was about selfish feelings. On your part and that of your BF. You are staying with your parents. They are providing you free room and board. This is NOT insignificant. Sure the room is there and the heat and phone are already paid for but that is not the point.

It's an issue of respect. My husband and I lived together for 6 months before we got married. His mother was very cool. She told him she didn't like it and didn't approve but that she would not quit loving him because of it. She made her point and then moved on. We were living together. But when we visited her house, we slept in separate rooms. Why? Out of respect for her. Her house, she deserved a little consideration. As soon as we were married, she had a room all fixed up for us when we came to stay over. She was totally cool with it then.

The boy refuses to sleep on our couch downstairs, while my family sleeps upstairs in beds. I don't blame him.

This is the most asinine and immature, selfish thing I have ever read. What does that say about hiim? Or you for that matter? I will tell you what this sounds like to me. He likes drinking with you and fucking you when he can. But he doesn't have enough respect for you to even consider sleeping in another room for one night if he can't fuck you when he wants, where he wants. And what about you? You agree with him? You are saying the same thing aren't you. It's ok that he has no respect for you or your parents. You are willing to let him treat you like a whore and you think that is ok?

You say your parents WANT to meet him. And they have even agreed on a compromise that would allow him to sleep over at their house. Just not in your bed. Where is YOUR compromise? With you and your BF, it has to be all or nothing? If you are being honest when you say you never intend to have sex in their house, then where does it matter where he sleeps? Excuse me, but when I am sleeping (really asleep), I have no awareness of where I am or what is going on around me. So why should you or he. If you miss the intimacy, there are ways to address this too. You can still sit and huddle/cuddle together on the couch while watching tv. You can spend quality time together when you are awake. When you are asleep, a little respect for your mother.

And trust me, everyone backing off of their selfishness will pay huge dividends in the long run. You want your BF to make a good impression? Have him be a respectful young man for a change. Want your parents to respect you? Show them you respect them too and that you can chose a nice your man. Till then, all your parents see is a spoiled a little brat that wants things her way while offering no compromise in return.