Orientation, experimentation and BDSM

[lark sparrow]

While reading the what is your orientation/gender thread a curiousity struck me. I have noticed a tendency for sexual orientation to expand, or to be redefined within BDSM play, although it seems it is a more common practice or fantasy with women of any sexual or D/s orientation, or submissive/switch men. I know people who prefer to Dom/me one sex, and submit to the other, or who consider themselves straight, but who enjoy bi scenes, "forced" or not, etc. The list is long and intriguing. I thought it would be interesting to see the permeations with individuals on this board, and how, or if, BDSM play influenced the expansion of your previously held sexual orientation and limits.

For myself, I have always identified as lesbian. However, a couple of years ago when I was more actively exploring both top and bottom roles, sex or gender was not an issue for me when topping. I think I would have difficulty sexually bottoming to a man and haven't had any curiousity, but I was shocked at how very little gender mattered to me in short-time topping. Attraction was/is very much redefined to include the D/s dynamic near the top of the list, along with all the other qualities one would want in any type of relationship. On a side note, although topping was fun and erotic, I didn't really bond with my partner as a Top, the erotic connection, although warm, was temporary for me... my heart is found in submission. So, as much as things change, perhaps they stay the same... but I was surprised, and not unpleasantly.

Any general or personal thoughts or experiences regarding BDSM and redefining sexual orientation or experimentation within it? If you personally are unchanged in this aspect, do you find that you enjoy the idea of expanding your partner's perceived boundaries or bringing their curiosities or fantasies to fruition?

btw... "hello", I am new face, but have been lurking and reading off and on for about a month. Your forum has some very interesting topics, as well as a refreshing variety of people and personailties.

 

[Guest]

Hello dyke.

 

[lark sparrow]

Hello dyke.

giggles... such a PC charmer, ChilledVodka. Thanks for the welcome. Now, make yourself useful, boy... vodka martini, extra dirty, no vermouth

 

[Justine de Loup]

Personally, I do more lurking and reading than posting. I'm continually learning everything I can about the lifestyle. I've never had a lesbian experience but won't say that I'm opposed to it. Admittedly, I've become more open to it as I have gotten deeper into knowledge.

I have begun getting to know a Dom who is willing to take me further into my journey. I will be working with Him in stages so as not to push too hard in the beginning. I bow to His knowledge and humbly respect His wishes.

Thank you for your time,

Justine

 

[NemoAlia]

Hey there, lark! Welcome to lit BDSM. If you're interested in reading scads and scads of ideas about bisexual experience (forced and otherwise) within the realm of BDSM, you might want to check out the threads listed under "Bisexual Experiences" in the BDSM Talk Library.

That being said, maybe sexual exploration of one kind tends to lead toward sexual exploration in general...?

I dunno -- not so much for me. I think I've stayed in the same rut that I started out in... sigh... Still, I'm happy here, so I won't worry too much.

 

[UCE]

The only change for me, gender-wise, is that when I do have a female partner who is dominant, it's OK if she's fem. It's not the turn-off that I imagined it would be.

Before actually practicing bdsm the only women who interested me were the short haired, husky voiced, no-makeup, casual dresser types.

The biggest change bdsm has wroght in me, however, isn't related to gender. My interests in weird sub-fetishes of all sorts(as long as they put me in the submissive role--but many of the are way outside the pale of traditional bdsm) has blossomed.

 

[lark sparrow]

Personally, I do more lurking and reading than posting. I'm continually learning everything I can about the lifestyle. I've never had a lesbian experience but won't say that I'm opposed to it. Admittedly, I've become more open to it as I have gotten deeper into knowledge.

I have begun getting to know a Dom who is willing to take me further into my journey. I will be working with Him in stages so as not to push too hard in the beginning. I bow to His knowledge and humbly respect His wishes.

Thank you for your time,

Justine

Hi Justine,

Loves to read and is more of a lurker on boards as well. Best wishes in your journey. I'm glad you are taking it slowly and have found someone to share it with that you respect. That's a very exciting time.

 

[lark sparrow]

Hey there, lark! Welcome to lit BDSM. If you're interested in reading scads and scads of ideas about bisexual experience (forced and otherwise) within the realm of BDSM, you might want to check out the threads listed under "Bisexual Experiences" in the BDSM Talk Library.

That being said, maybe sexual exploration of one kind tends to lead toward sexual exploration in general...?

I dunno -- not so much for me. I think I've stayed in the same rut that I started out in... sigh... Still, I'm happy here, so I won't worry too much.

Thank you, NemoAlia. I suppose I was more focused on the difference I have experienced between my more basic sexual/romantic orientation and my bdsm orientation., rather than being bisexual in general. I have spoken to others who considered themselves heterosexual or homosexual in their "personal" life, but bisexual in their "play" life, for lack of of better words at the moment. Perhaps it is rare (?). Thanks for your response and suggestions. I will follow up on that lead!

 

[lark sparrow]

The only change for me, gender-wise, is that when I do have a female partner who is dominant, it's OK if she's fem. It's not the turn-off that I imagined it would be.

Before actually practicing bdsm the only women who interested me were the short haired, husky voiced, no-makeup, casual dresser types.

The biggest change bdsm has wroght in me, however, isn't related to gender. My interests in weird sub-fetishes of all sorts(as long as they put me in the submissive role--but many of the are way outside the pale of traditional bdsm) has blossomed.

Thanks for the post UCE, that's an interesting change. The butch/fem dynamic is one I have never been drawn to personally. But there are always exceptions to the rule, and there has been for me as well. Smiles... I have enjoyed your eclectic pictures - what a collection you must have! Weird sub-fetishes... hmmm, that's intriguing.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Any general or personal thoughts or experiences regarding BDSM and redefining sexual orientation or experimentation within it? If you personally are unchanged in this aspect, do you find that you enjoy the idea of expanding your partner's perceived boundaries or bringing their curiosities or fantasies to fruition?

Welcome lark sparrow. I am pleased to see you & the other new posters.

I was a swinger, as well as a Domme. I can separate sexuality from D/s, and often do.

Most of my experimentation has been done over the course of 30 years. I am 52 years old now, and the only things I have not done are things that do not interest Me.

I have been basically hedonistic in the past, and personally, I am looking forward to fully exploring my relationship with my 24/7 slave whom I have searched for and found.

Ebony

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: Re: Orientation, experimentation and BDSM

Welcome lark sparrow. I am pleased to see you & the other new posters.

I was a swinger, as well as a Domme. I can separate sexuality from D/s, and often do.

Most of my experimentation has been done over the course of 30 years. I am 52 years old now, and the only things I have not done are things that do not interest Me.

I have been basically hedonistic in the past, and personally, I am looking forward to fully exploring my relationship with my 24/7 slave whom I have searched for and found.

Ebony

Thank you for the welcome, as well the post, Ebonyfire. I think this was closer to what had piqued my curiousity - at least one facet of the possible separation between D/s and sexuality.

Congratulations to you both, on finding and exploring your relationship with your 24/7 slave.

I have been in a LDR with Mistress for about 14 months. We also have intentions of 24/7, live-in M/s relationship, but with a few states between us presently, we are limited to visits, telephone calls and online time, though I do belong to Her 24/7.

She has little personal interest in reading and writing on boards so I doubt She will ever make an appearance, but I am allowed with a few limitations... smiles.

 

[Parklife]

I'll add my welcomes as well lark.. hope you enjoy your time here.

Not sure if this is what you are getting at or not. I personally, have always considered myself heterosexual with bi- possibilities (and a sub as well). Being with someone of the same gender (male) is something I would enjoy exploring but only within the confines of D/s relationship. I suppose that puts me in the 'forced' camp side of things. I do feel that BDSM allows me the opportunity to experiment in the sexual arena in ways that I otherwise would limit myself.

 

[lark sparrow]

I'll add my welcomes as well lark.. hope you enjoy your time here.

Being with someone of the same gender (male) is something I would enjoy exploring but only within the confines of D/s relationship. I do feel that BDSM allows me the opportunity to experiment in the sexual arena in ways that I otherwise would limit myself.

Hi Parklife, thank you. Yes, that's definitely what I was getting at, and feels very similarly actually. I appreciate your response and it's good to see someone else in the Bay Area posting. Out of curiousity for this perspective (and if it's too personal please just ignore me ) would it matter if it were a male Dominant, or rather with another male submissive under the direction of a Domme? Or some other configuration?

At the time I explored this, my position as top was the main thing that allowed the experimentation, even though with women it was natural for me to be sexually submissive. I enjoyed it, but it was just fleeting play and nothing necessary in my life.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Orientation, experimentation and BDSM

Thank you for the welcome, as well the post, Ebonyfire. I think this was closer to what had piqued my curiousity - at least one facet of the possible separation between D/s and sexuality.

Congratulations to you both, on finding and exploring your relationship with your 24/7 slave.

I have been in a LDR with Mistress for about 14 months. We also have intentions of 24/7, live-in M/s relationship, but with a few states between us presently, we are limited to visits, telephone calls and online time, though I do belong to Her 24/7.

She has little personal interest in reading and writing on boards so I doubt She will ever make an appearance, but I am allowed with a few limitations... smiles.

proud reads everything I post. My two part-time subs have no interest in posting in this venue, even though I have told them about it. They prefer other websites.

It is early days for us, but I am optimistic.

Eb