Orgasm questions for the men
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Mercury_Maniac
imaginary
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it would make me feel like crap, like i didn't do something right
twister947
Childless Cat Dude
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If someone fakes an O, she has no room to complain about being unfulfilled. We, none of us, are mind readers...if I'm not meeting your needs, tell me, and teach me.
gregy70
Loving being owned
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I'm more then fine if I don't have a orgasm & actually believe she should have several to my one but her not getting lots of orgasm would feel a bit sad for me.
I don't need my ego looked after so she honestly dosn't need to fake anything. I'd rather be told what she prefers or needs.
I don't need my ego looked after so she honestly dosn't need to fake anything. I'd rather be told what she prefers or needs.
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rthnck
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Her orgasm(s) are a big part of my satisfaction so no "O" would mean a job not well done. A pretty big nonstarter for me and faking an "O" is the worst. Never assume I can read minds. I can't. Teach me. In the ways of sex, I am an eager pupil, always.
HoldYouDown
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This is going to sound "heartless" and "chauvinist" but I don't worry about it. There is so much propaganda out there about having to make sure she comes and I learned a long time ago that that kind of pressure ruins sex. When you're a man, the female orgasm is put on a huge pedestal from puberty on. Ironically, the less I "care," if you will, the greater the chance of an orgasm for her. In other words, with greater reckless abandon comes a bigger O. So it's not that I don't want her to have one, but that too much preoccupation with it is almost a guarantee she won't.
As for the fake O, again, I don't worry about it. How would I ever know? And if she told me, I'll never know if it's the truth anyway. I pity any woman that feels the need to be so dishonest about something so silly.
MatthewVett
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I'd feel worse if she faked it. I'd rather she just be honest and tell me if she doesn't have one so we can work together to give her one.
Kitschshaman
hanged man of the tarot
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Cheated and lied to. I would know she'd done it to spare my feelings, but really, intimacy is communication, the deepest nakedness there is, so it's no place or time for a lie.
cosmic_peach
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Doesn't - This has not occurred in my experience if I am able to do oral or manual stimulation. However, it has occurred (or rather her orgasm has not occurred) sometimes with penetrative only sex. Generally most of my sexual moments have been such that many activities can occur and my partner is brought to orgasm somehow. But I can answer this, I am concerned when my partner does not reach orgasm via penetration. I don't obsess about it outwardly or make the situation worse by droning on "what is wrong" "what did I do wrong" but yes, it bothers me. My next comment is probably a thread on its own but I remain very puzzled over the differences from one lover to the next. I have had sex with women who cum easily with penetration but I have also had sex with some women who find penetrative sex difficult to achieve orgasm. I have explored this from many aspects, physical, mental etc. and do not have an answer.
Fake - This is a nightmare. I think it happened once to me, I am pretty sure. No tell tale flush, breathing tip offs, momentary pause before the wave crests etc. I think my partner was enjoying it but wanted me to finish, perhaps she was uncomfortable, tired I am not sure. I did not say anything but it bothered me. She had cum previously in our session, this was round two or something and she also was one of the lovers that came easily with penetration as mentioned above. It was a million years ago but I have not forgotten it. My current lover just tells me when she is not going to make it, the rush comes, then goes, back and forth but never crests. She simply says it isn't going to happen and we move on. That is way better than faking for me at least.
HarleyRiderMI
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With intercorse, I suppose she could fake it and I would not know. But her not having one is a big problem either way. I know when I go down on a woman, her reaction is not fake ...
I agree with this. I've never had a real problem pleasing a woman, so if what I'm doing isn't working, it isn't for lack of effort on my part. So if something's not right, you'd better communicate.
If it's a one nighter, no biggie I suppose. If it's a relationship...it'll be a short one.
If she doesn't have an orgasm......I did not take enough time or did not do what she needed to have an orgasm....so I feel bad......
If she fakes an orgasm I'll be pissed off.......
Green_Knight
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Much the same as STRC.
Rather than fake an orgasm I'd far rather she told me what the problem was so that we can do something about it.
Mind you, I can speak. It's not been unknown for me to fake an orgasm for her benefit.
Rather than fake an orgasm I'd far rather she told me what the problem was so that we can do something about it.
Mind you, I can speak. It's not been unknown for me to fake an orgasm for her benefit.
blueandblack
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Wouldn't happen.
They have to ask permission to orgasm, permission that's not always granted. It is a reward, NOT something to be taken for granted.
They have to ask permission to orgasm, permission that's not always granted. It is a reward, NOT something to be taken for granted.
L
La damnee elle la licorne
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Kitschshaman
hanged man of the tarot
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I don't think 'it will be a short one' was about elusive climaxes as much as it would be about the lie. In years past I had one partner who had never climaxed, it was very difficult for her and it took a long time, a very long time, for her to get to that place where she did. I had no problem with taking the time, no matter how long it took, but we communicated, both of us knew what was going on and each aligned ourselves to the other to meld together emotionally as well as physically. She finally did, no question about it and it was most wonderful for us both. For her to have faked it would have been to keep her frustration and pain to herself, to not trust me with it and that would have hurt me deeply, to have not been trusted to be compassionate.
speakerfrank
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Faking
Not having an orgasm is disappointing because it gives me pleasure to pleasure her.
Faking would be hurtful to me because I would feel that I was not trusted to be able to accept the situation.
As a man I have gotten over the ideal that an orgasm is a gift that I and I alone can give my partner. My skills as a lover, my compassion as a partner, are part of creating that orgasm. That is true, but each orgasm is the property of it participant. And it is not always going to be perfect. Likewise no orgasm for her is not always a problem that I must solve. It is not a quest that must be fulfilled or else. Sometimes it isn't about me.
Knowing that it isn't going to happen gives us options to either accept it, try something different or move to a place where I can enjoy my orgasm without guilt.
I faked a few times when I was not feeling well or had a few sips too many.That is just embarrassing and stupid for me. So I simply told her what was up and moved into giving her what she wanted at the time. Now I am on a medication that sometimes makes a orgasm impossible to achieve. I can't get there so I tell her and we move on.
Why should I let her struggle to achieve the un-achievable. I would rather allow her to focus on her pleasure and likewise if she is the one having trouble, I can do the same. In some cases we have both opted for some tender cuddling with a reschedule.
Some mornings when the mood is right and I am just going out of my mind, she is just not into it. So she tells me, Honey I am just not into it but I would be happy to take care of you. When this happens I am reluctant but happy to let this time be about me and enjoy her ministrations. And sometimes I say no thanks I will take care of it myself.
So really it is all about trusting each other and yourself. Be open and unafraid. Not every sex session needs to be perfectly balanced. Enjoy what you can when you can.
Not having an orgasm is disappointing because it gives me pleasure to pleasure her.
Faking would be hurtful to me because I would feel that I was not trusted to be able to accept the situation.
As a man I have gotten over the ideal that an orgasm is a gift that I and I alone can give my partner. My skills as a lover, my compassion as a partner, are part of creating that orgasm. That is true, but each orgasm is the property of it participant. And it is not always going to be perfect. Likewise no orgasm for her is not always a problem that I must solve. It is not a quest that must be fulfilled or else. Sometimes it isn't about me.
Knowing that it isn't going to happen gives us options to either accept it, try something different or move to a place where I can enjoy my orgasm without guilt.
I faked a few times when I was not feeling well or had a few sips too many.That is just embarrassing and stupid for me. So I simply told her what was up and moved into giving her what she wanted at the time. Now I am on a medication that sometimes makes a orgasm impossible to achieve. I can't get there so I tell her and we move on.
Why should I let her struggle to achieve the un-achievable. I would rather allow her to focus on her pleasure and likewise if she is the one having trouble, I can do the same. In some cases we have both opted for some tender cuddling with a reschedule.
Some mornings when the mood is right and I am just going out of my mind, she is just not into it. So she tells me, Honey I am just not into it but I would be happy to take care of you. When this happens I am reluctant but happy to let this time be about me and enjoy her ministrations. And sometimes I say no thanks I will take care of it myself.
So really it is all about trusting each other and yourself. Be open and unafraid. Not every sex session needs to be perfectly balanced. Enjoy what you can when you can.
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WonderPonder
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My wife has never faked orgasms in the 28 years I've know her. I can't make her cum during intercourse but have no problem getting her off orally or with my fingers.
vibes
scarred wanderer
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Very inadequate ... my sexual satisfaction is mostly about satisfying her
Uhm, assuming I found out (which apparently is not so simple), I guess I would feel stupid as I would imagine she'd do it not to embarass me
I'm not sure exactly what you're trying to say here, but my point is that if you expect to be in a relationship with me, honesty is key...and that includes if you're having trouble reaching a climax. If you're not being honest or if you're just flat out lying, then yeah...it is about me, and you'll be gone pretty quick. I'm not a mind reader and I don't have the patience to try and coax the truth out of someone.
jd_quiet_guy
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Always felt like I wasn't doing my fair share if she didn't have at least two...even if that means a lot more 'prep work' on my end. I enjoy that the most anyway...watching her toes curl and feeling her back arch as her breath gets shorter....mmmm yes please.
That being said, she's gotta have an interest beyond "I guess I'm supposed to". If not, it's unsatisfying regardless of the outcome.
That being said, she's gotta have an interest beyond "I guess I'm supposed to". If not, it's unsatisfying regardless of the outcome.
suckonsimon
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How do I feel if she doesn't?
Depends totally on the scenario:
If our intention has been a delicious build into explosive sexual fulfillment - and she doesn't, I feel I have let her down but I put that into the context of the great sex we have and the fabulous orgasms she has as a typical feature of our lovemaking; sometimes it just doesn't happen as we would wish.
If from the start or soon into a session together she indicates to me that she'd love me to have my pleasure just fucking her like crazy, then that's what I'll happily do with huge energy until my milky explosion and I know she adores giving her body to me that way. I enjoy that immensely, and I always feel, from that moment, a sense of expectation about the next time when my priority will be taking her into bliss.
Faking? I do believe that in the 39 years of our relationship she has never faked. While we were dating we read this article together about female orgasm and the pressures people can put themselves under and 'faking', and we made this bond with each other that we would never fake. I think we've kept that, and I know so much more about a woman's arousal and fulfillment as a result!
Depends totally on the scenario:
If our intention has been a delicious build into explosive sexual fulfillment - and she doesn't, I feel I have let her down but I put that into the context of the great sex we have and the fabulous orgasms she has as a typical feature of our lovemaking; sometimes it just doesn't happen as we would wish.
If from the start or soon into a session together she indicates to me that she'd love me to have my pleasure just fucking her like crazy, then that's what I'll happily do with huge energy until my milky explosion and I know she adores giving her body to me that way. I enjoy that immensely, and I always feel, from that moment, a sense of expectation about the next time when my priority will be taking her into bliss.
Faking? I do believe that in the 39 years of our relationship she has never faked. While we were dating we read this article together about female orgasm and the pressures people can put themselves under and 'faking', and we made this bond with each other that we would never fake. I think we've kept that, and I know so much more about a woman's arousal and fulfillment as a result!
